Level Up

by Craig Anderson

  Carlos leans forwards. “I hear you’re the man to talk to around here about gambling.”

  The dwarf eyes us both suspiciously. “You guards?”

  Carlos looks deeply offended. “No sir, just weary adventurers looking for a way to make some easy gold.”

  “How do I know you aint guards?”

  Carlos sighs. “We don’t have time for this.” He draws an arrow and shoots the nearest innocent bystander. The poor guy hobbles off screaming for the guards, an arrow sticking out his arse. Several of the other patrons draw their weapons, but the dwarf waves at them to sit down. He says, “What are you going to do when the guards get here?”

  There is a muffled thump from the other room and Carlos says, “Arrow dipped in sleeping potion. He’ll be fine by morning. So are you the guy to talk to, or should we carry on to the next tavern?”

  The dwarf grins. He taps on the ground three times with the handle of his hammer and a trapdoor opens just to the left of us. It looks very dark down there and smells like wet socks. Who knows what is waiting for us at the bottom. If I wasn’t packing several sharp objects and two firearms I would definitely be aborting this mission right about now.

  I gingerly climb down the ladder and find myself facing another door. Carlos doesn’t bother with the ladder, he leaps down and lands without a sound.

  He bangs on the door three times and a slot opens, “Password.”

  “Your bearded mate sent us down here.”

  “Password!”

  Carlos reaches for his bow, but I place my hand on it. I take a out a gold coin and hold it up to the slot. A small hand snatches it. After a few seconds the door creaks open to reveal a full sized casino. There are scantily clad women everywhere and several large bouncers with swords on their backs. This looks like the kind of place that sees its fair share of casual murders.

  A wizened old man squints at us and says, “Leave your weapons on the table please.”

  He gestures to the large mound of random weapons heaped onto a rickety metal table. I hand my bo staff and pistols over and Carlos reluctantly places his bow and quiver down. He squints at the old man. “I’ve counted my arrows, so I suggest none of them go missing.”

  Carlos heads straight for the card table. He pats the seat next to him and I sit down. I’m not much of a card player, but I at least understand the basics. He says, “Gubbins is the fastest way to earn the money that we need for our base.”

  “Gubbins?”

  “Yep. Don’t worry, we’ll pick it up as we go. Pay the gentleman.”

  I take a single gold piece out my coin purse and hand it to the dealer. He bites it and places it on the betting square. He says, “Draw your cards.” I stare at him blankly. Carlos reaches into his pocket and pulls out a deck, so I check my own inventory and find a flashing submenu called Gubbins. I flip through my deck. The cards depict all manner of colourful creatures, along with a raft of stats. I lean over to Carlos and mumble under my breath. “What the heck is this?”

  Carlos says, “You know how it is with games these days, always have to have an opportunity for spin offs.”

  “Wait, do you actually know how to play Gubbins?”

  “Not exactly. I found the casino when I played, but I didn’t want to waste time on a silly side game. How hard can it be?”

  The dealer says, “Don’t worry, it is very easy to get the hang of. You’ll be winning in no time.”

  My bullshit detector goes into overdrive. That’s not exactly reassuring.

  I reply. “Any chance you can refresh us on the rules?”

  If his grin was any wider he would turn into a cat and disappear. “Of course. You start with four heroes, each with their own lane, which are defended by their minions, which have a health indicated by the blue circle, an attack stat shown in red and a defence stat shown in yellow. You can then equip weapons and spells, which have a compound effect on the overall board and can be used to buff stats or affect the oppositions minions. When attacking, the targets defence number is subtracted from the attackers attack stat and the difference is removed from their health points. Heroes have special abilities which charge with activity points, which are earned by defeating the enemy minions, but spent when you utilize deflect abilities. The goal is simple, kill all your opponents heroes. I kill yours, I keep your money. You kill mine, I double your money. Would you like me to go over that again?”

  I blink a few times. Perhaps it is one of those games that will make more sense when we have played a few hands.

  Nope.

  Now we are down ten gold coins and I still have no idea what is going on. The dealers cards feel a lot more powerful than ours. He has mounted cavalry and archers with much better stats than our foot soldiers and donkeys. After a few more hands Carlos says, “I think I know the problem here.”

  “Yeah, we don’t know what we are doing, the rules make no sense and the dealer is openly cheating.”

  “No, that’s not the problem. The issue is that we’re playing with a default deck.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “These games are always the same. Give me a moment, I’m sure it will be in here somewhere.”

  He blanks out and I am left to make small talk with the dealer. “How’s your day going?”

  “Not bad, only been one fight so far this shift and even that was a small one. There were only three bodies to clean up. Managed to snag myself these new boots.” He hefts his foot up onto the table to show me.

  “Lovely!”

  I nudge Carlos and he says, “Hold on, almost got it. Do you know how hard it is to enter a credit card number with your mind?”

  “Credit card?”

  “Yep. Ok, I’ll just get us a couple of booster packs… wait, that didn’t quite do it. I’ll just grab another couple…ok, give me a minute here.”

  He stares off for what feels like a long time, while making increasingly angry noises. Eventually he says, “Finally! Ok, let’s do this. Check your deck again. I’ve bought us a few upgrades.”

  I take a peek and see some new cards. I have dragons, wizards, a couple of giants, all with much larger numbers than the previous ones. Some of them are shiny. “These must have cost a fortune!”

  “Yeah, wouldn’t you know it, most of the packs I bought were full of crap. Damn loot crates. I had to buy a few more than I anticipated.”

  “How many more?”

  He mumbles a number that sounds suspiciously like five hundred and thirteen.

  “I don’t want to know how much that cost.”

  “You certainly don’t. I’ll send you the bill if we manage to survive this.” He leans closer to me and whispers, “We have to capitalize on the dealer thinking we are total idiots.”

  That won’t be hard. I’m about to formulate a slow and steady plan to recoup our losses when Carlos grabs the coin purse and empties it onto the table. “We’re all in.”

  “But…”

  The dealer deftly scoops it all over to his side. “Bets are now closed.”

  Bugger.

  I needn’t have panicked. Our new decks steamroll his cavalry and eat his cannons for breakfast. He nods as we slaughter his heroes and he pulls out a stack of gold coins. I reach out for them but Carlos says, “leave it. We’ll go again.”

  Several rounds later, the pile of gold coins is starting to get peoples attention. I say, “Ok, this has to be the last time. That should cover the cost of our base.” The dealer looks over at the pit master, who nods ever so slightly. With a crooked grin the dealer turns over his cards, and wouldn’t you know it he suddenly has a kraken and several greek gods. Some of his cards have triple digit stats.

  We get absolutely pounded. Entire rows of the board are decimated with a single attack. One by one our heroes fall, until only one remains. I’m all out of cards, and Carlos only has three left.

  It’s not looking good, until Carlos plays his next card. It is black and it seems to be emitting its own dark mist. He places it on
the table and the onlookers gasp. I read the card and see why.

  Death. Kills every card on the board instantly. Single use only.

  The dealer chuckles. “Nice try, but that also kills your last hero. In the event of a tie the house wins.” He reaches out to grab our coins but Carlos says, “Not so fast.” He plays another card.

  Extra turn. The player may use this at the end of their turn to gain an additional turn.

  The crowd around us starts to chatter. What could Carlos possibly do to an entire board of dead characters?

  With a cheeky grin he plays his last card.

  Zombie. Bring one hero back from the dead.

  Carlos smirks at the dealer as the crowd erupts in cheers. “Would you look at that, our hero is feeling much better. Now pay up.”

  I optimistically wait for the dealer to bring a wheelbarrow full of gold to us. Instead four very large gentlemen appear behind us. The widest one says, “May we have a word with you gents in the back room?”

  I sink into my chair, but Carlos is having none of it. He says, “Unless the word is ‘congratulations’ we aren’t interested. We won fair and square. Now pay us what you owe us, or else.”

  I straighten up in my seat and add, “Yeah. What he said!”

  I need to work on my smack talk.

  Two of the guys reach out and grab us, lifting us up out of our seats. They aren’t exactly going for gentle. It’s hard to get words out when your ribcage is being slowly crushed. “We haven’t done anything wrong!”

  The dealer smiles. “Sure you did, you won. These gentlemen will escort you out back and make sure that you don’t make the same mistake again.”

  He eyes my outfit and says to one of his goons, “Those are nice shoes. Bring those back to me when you’re done.”

  It’s not a promising sign that we won’t be needing shoes after our little chat. Now would be a really great time to have our weapons. If only they weren’t sitting on that stupid table across the other side of the room.

  Wait a minute. Table!

  My left hand twitches. I can feel the table right at the edge of my reach. I concentrate and there’s a squeal as the metal legs drag across the floor, and then just like that it is airborne. There is a loud crash as it smashes into the back of the guard holding me, which might not have been so bad for him if it weren’t loaded up with sharp instruments. There’s a nasty squishing sound and his grip loosens. I capitalize, wriggling free and dropping to the ground. There are weapons scattered everywhere so I scoop up a dagger and jam it in the foot of the guard holding Carlos, who screams and drops him.

  Carlos has barely hit the ground when he rolls, picking up his bow and quiver in one swift motion. He stands and fires an arrow into the foot of the guard standing next to us, pinning him to the ground. The next arrow hits a guard in the shoulder and he slumps to the ground immediately. Must have been a sleeping arrow. Then he turns to the dealer, an arrow quivering in his bow, and says, “We’d like to cash out please.”

  I pick up my guns and keep them drawn, ready for anything. Two more guys appear from a back room, but unfortunately for them they are running into a room full of very large, very heavy tables. With the flick of my hand two roulette tables sandwich them with a crunch. I’m busy smiling to myself when the pit master pulls a throwing dagger from under his jacket and tosses it at Carlos. I don’t have time to think, I just react. I shoot it out of the air with Waterfall.

  We both wait a moment for more guards, but none appear. I start scooping our winnings into my pockets, watching the counter ticking up. That’s when Carlos says, “might as well keep going. Where’s the safe?”

  I glare at him. “We can’t rob the place!”

  “You think they are going to kill us less because we only took our money?”

  He has a point. The dealer gingerly points towards the back room that the large guards charged out of. My bullshit detector goes off again and I point Waterfall at him. He doesn’t need to know it’s going to be a couple of minutes before I can shoot him. “Would you like to rethink your answer?”

  He reluctantly swings his arm across to point to a rickety wooden door that looks like a cupboard.

  Carlos says, “I’ll hold the fort here, you go see what you can get.”

  I slowly work my way across the room, several patrons cowering as I pass them. I reach the door and open it slowly. It squeaks on its hinges. I am coiled up, ready to strike anyone daft enough to try and get the jump on me, but there’s nobody inside. There is however a very large safe door with an electronic keypad that has space for an 8 digit code. Next to it is a small keyhole.

  I get out my trusty lock picks and pop them in the keyhole. I twist once, and they immediately snap in half. I guess it was a tad optimistic to think I could break into a safe using twigs. I’m not exactly a safe cracker.

  Hold on though, perhaps I could be?

  I hop into my skills menu. There’s a dexterity skill branch which I have barely looked at. The first upgrade is picking advanced locks. I’m going to have to spend some of my hard earned skill points to unlock it, but there must be something good inside or they wouldn’t have this bloody big safe. On the other hand, what if I need those points for something else? Who knows what we are going to go up against.

  Choices, choices.

  Carlos shouts at me from the other room. “Whatever you are doing in there can you speed it up, the guards in here are getting a little twitchy.”

  That settles it. I cash in 5 of my skill points and get a notification that I am now a master locksmith. I step towards the lock and the electronic screen changes into something else. I squint at it and smile. It’s a match 3 puzzle game. Spread across the board are three key tiles, which I guess I am trying to get together.

  It takes me a couple of tries to match up the keys, but the moment I do there is a loud rumble as the locks disengage. I drag the door open with a grunt and the shimmer of expensive metal catches my eye.

  I stare into the vault and my mouth falls open.

  LEVEL 18: TOTALLY NUTS

  The pile of gold stretches to the ceiling, but that is not what catches my eye. The long, sleek, shiny blade of a sword sticks out of the pile of treasure. It is simple yet elegant, built for combat, not decoration. That is a legendary sword if ever I saw one. I want it.

  I reach out to take it and a voice behind me says, “That’s not yours.”

  I turn around to find a small pointy-eared creature staring back at me. An elf perhaps. Definitely a game character. I give him my most innocent smile. “I’m just going to borrow it. I’ll bring it back as soon as I am done.”

  “I can’t let you take that. My employer would not be happy, and it’s bad news for everyone if he’s unhappy.” The elf shudders at the thought. I hope I never run into his boss.

  “I need it to save the world, so I’m afraid your employer is just going to have to suck it up.” I reach out to touch the sword and a whip wraps around my wrist with a snap. I try pulling on it to topple the little guy, but he stands resolute, immovable. Then he gives it a tug and it feels like my arm is being ripped out of the socket. I fall over hard and the whip untangles itself. I hear a sound and roll at the last moment, which is a good thing as the whip cracks the spot where I was just laying, sending coins flying.

  The elf’s health bar appears. Level 30 High elf. He doesn’t look like any high elf I have ever seen. He looks more like a Christmas elf.

  He pulls out a large joint and takes a drag. He blows a smoke ring and then suddenly cracks the whip again, catching my cheek. It immediately starts to sting.

  “You little bastard!”

  I run at him, ready to punch him right in his tiny face. He dodges and the whip wraps around my feet, tying them together. I wipeout into a pile of very sharp crowns and lose more health. I hear Carlos shouting from the other room, “What’s taking so long?”

  “Nothing, just a small hitch. I’ll need a minute.”

  “A minute? May I remind y
ou there are several very large and angry guys in here. This is supposed to be a robbery, not a tea party. Get a move on.”

  I hop back to my feet and equip my bo staff. I start swinging it at him. One moment he is there, the next he is not. He flips around like a tiny acrobat, cartwheeling and somersaulting over the piles of coins. He swings from a light fixture using his whip, spinning around me like an angry piñata. I flail at him several times, but he’s always just out of reach. He lands back on the ground and I thrust my bo staff at him, but he dodges my attack and runs right up the staff. He punches me in the face before flipping over me and whipping me in the back.

  I’m being slow and predictable, and he’s kicking my arse because of it. I’m going to have to mix things up.

  I break off my attacks and run straight for the sword. I reach out to grab it, but then I feel a tug on my belt. I look down just in time to see the whip pulling Agile right out of its holster.

  Disarmed

  It flies straight into the elf’s hand and he grins. Good thing it’s all out of bullets.

  He reaches into a nearby box and pulls out an extra long golden clip. He slams it into my pistol and cocks it.

  Bugger.

  He’s smart enough to burst fire, so he doesn’t blow through the entire clip in one go. I dive left as bullets fill the air around me. I slide as I hit the ground, ending up behind a mound of gold coins. He fires again and coins rain down around me.

  Getting shot with my own gun is not high on my list of things to do today. There’s a brief pause while he reloads and I seize my opportunity. I flip on my turbo shoes and close the distance between us in an instant. I’m still going very fast when I drop kick him. He is a lot lighter than I was expecting and the sheer velocity launches him out the door and into the next room. There’s a loud crash as Carlos shouts, “Bloody hell. What was that?”