Carlos sighs. “Sarah, we really need to talk about your game. I’m starting to worry that you’ve just chucked anything and everything in there. Where’s the thematic consistency?”
She shrugs, “Who cares as long as people are enjoying themselves?”
Something is bugging me. “3rd person in VR? How does that even work?”
I’ve no sooner asked the question than my vision starts to slide backwards. At first I think I am falling and I take a step back, but then I see something black and furry appearing in my vision. I move my head instinctively and the furry object moves in perfect tandem, until I realize I am looking at the back of my own head. I immediately feel sick and lean forward to throw up, but instead of my view tilting I watch as my body bends over and heaves onto the ground. I wave my hand in front of my face, but I don’t see fingers, instead I watch my body wave at thin air as it gets smaller. When I am several feet in the air I stop moving. I’m definitely going to puke again.
I see Sarah and Carlos twirling sporadically and call out to them, “did your viewpoint just get messed up too?”
Carlos says, “Yep. This is weird.”
After a few moments Sarah says, “Is my arse really this big?”
That earns a chuckle out of Carlos. I am smart enough to keep my mouth shut. My brain is having a hard time reconciling this out of body experience.
At least from up here it is easier to judge the distance to the platform. My body jumps up and grabs hold of the ledge, pulling itself up with little effort. Sarah does the same and Carlos somersaults up with a smile. We all huddle together, trying not to nudge each other into oblivion below. I can’t see the next platform in the darkness. “Any chance we can get a bit more light?”
Sarah casts another fireball, but this one drops into the nothingness below. After a few seconds there is a loud whoosh and the whole room goes bright red as a blast of heat knocks us off our feet. I peer over the edge of the platform at the raging inferno below. Apparently sewer gas is flammable. We now have our very own fire level.
At least now we can see through the darkness. Unfortunately it is not all good news. The next platform is several feet above us. “I don’t see how we can get up there.”
“If only you had some points in agility” says Carlos with a smirk.
“Shut up.”
“Maybe you should re-spec?” He runs straight up the wall and back flips onto the platform above us.
“Wait, can I do that?”
Sarah nods. “Yeah, we left it open as a last resort, but there is a penalty of 25% of your skill points. We didn’t want players reassigning their skill points every five minutes. It is supposed to be for emergencies only.”
I don’t want to lose my health upgrades and lose 25% of my skill points in the process for one stupid platforming section. There must be another way. I turn to Sarah. “What’s your plan?”
She smiles and blinks out of existence, appearing above.
Hmmm. It’s fine, I can figure this out, I just need a little bit of time.
There’s a loud creak and a crack appears in the platform I am standing on. Sarah shouts down, “In some levels the platforms don’t last very long. We wanted to keep it exciting.”
Exciting! That’s the wrong word for it. A chunk of the platform crumbles off and falls into the raging inferno below. I shout back up, “How am I going to get up there?”
I’m going to have to re-spec, I don’t see any other choice. I pan around frantically from above the action, looking for any other solution. That’s when I see the frayed rope sitting on the corner of the platform that Sarah and Carlos are now on. “Hey! Toss that rope down to me.”
Carlos runs over and grabs it. There’s nothing to attach it to, so he braces himself and throws it over the edge. It misses me by several feet and dangles in thin air.
“What was that throw?”
“Sorry, it’s hard to aim when you can’t see your own hands!”
He’s right. I try to steer my body towards the rope, but it’s not entirely clear if I am pointing in the right direction. It’s going to need a leap of faith. I back up until I am out of platform and as I start to run the ground gives way beneath me. I’m suddenly airborne, my arms flapping like a newborn chick trying to fly. There’s a scratch on my hand as it brushes against the rope and I grab onto it with all my strength.
Carlos grunts as the rope slips through his hands. “I’m really regretting taking you to all those drive thrus.”
“Should have put your skill points in strength Mr. Twinkle toes.”
With help from Sarah he manages to haul me up onto the platform, just as the first cracks appear. I say, “Well this is bloody ridiculous. Is it going to be like this all the way up?”
The axe lands at my feet with a thunk, sticking in the ground and making me jump. I spin my detached viewpoint around to find where it came from and see the dwarves coming out of holes all the way up the tower. They are clutching bags of small throwing axes.
“Carlos!”
“Yep, I see them too. I’m on it.”
He starts firing arrows. The first few clang off the walls, but once he gets the hang of aiming dwarves tumble from their perches into the flames below. He doesn’t stop shooting as he leaps on thin air, double jumping his way up to the next platform. There is no way I am going to make it.
Sarah says, “I’ve got it.”
She blinks up to the platform. There’s an electrical panel on the far wall, which she zaps with electricity. A platform above starts to descend with a groan, closing the distance. Just as I am about to jump, it stops and starts heading back up. I’m going to have to time it perfectly.
There’s a thud in my back and I reach around and pull out an axe. “You missed one Carlos.”
“Kind of got my hands full here. Feel free to help out.”
“Yeah, I’ve got my own problems.” I watch as the platform turns and heads back down towards me. Three….Two….One….
I jump up. My fingers wrap around the ledge as it starts to ascend. I’m about to pull myself up when an axe sticks into the ground between my hands. “Seriously!”
“Don’t get your legendary knickers in a twist.” There’s a scream as a dwarf falls from his perch. He lands on the platform I am currently dangling from with a crash and hops to his feet. I scramble up as quick as I can before he can kick me into the inferno below. He shakes his head, his helmet rattling with the effort, and then he takes a swing at me with his axe. There’s no room to dodge so I block at the last second, and with a ching it parries. Now it’s my turn. I take a heavy swing of Showstopper. He blocks, but the double damage is enough to nudge him off the edge. He teeters precariously, before falling with a scream. It’s not much, but it is enough to earn me a new skill point.
I’ve learned my lesson. I pull up the menu and put my new point into agility. The first skill unlocks with a chime. Wall run. That’s going to be handy. At least I will get to try it right away. I look at the wall and run straight up it, leaping off it at the pinnacle and grabbing the platform that Carlos and Sarah are standing on.
“Any more dwarves?” I ask.
“No, I think we got them all for now.”
That’s a relief.
I wall run up to the next platform and find a large wooden gate blocking the way. I try hacking at it with Showstopper, but nothing happens. I mean like actually nothing, not even a scratch. I would ask Sarah to burn it down, but I already know it won’t help. It is one of those gates that is impervious to damage. On the floor several feet away is a pressure pad that glimmers yellow. I step on it and the gate trundles open just enough for them to duck under it. Sarah and Carlos squeeze through, but the moment I take my foot off the pad the gate comes crashing down with enough force to shake the platform.
I try again, this time with my turbo shoes on, but the gate is too far away and closes too quickly. I crash into it with a thud.
Sarah appears back next to me in a puff of smoke, making m
e jump.
“Don’t do that!”
She says, “I’ll stand on the button and once you’re through I’ll just blink back through the gate.”
“Good idea!”
I take my foot off and am about to stroll through when the gate comes crashing back down. I turn to find Sarah jumping up and down on the pressure pad, which is stubbornly refusing to budge. “Damn button won’t let me push it.”
“You’re not heavy enough.” I scan the room looking for dwarf bodies, but we’ve chucked them all into the inferno. There has to be another solution. “What if I give you all my gear?”
“It doesn’t affect your overall weight.”
“What about a spell? Could you cast an ice tower on it? Or zap it with electricity?”
She tries both of them with no effect. She squints at the pressure pad, “I think yellow means it isn’t affected by magic. We need a different solution.”
I could try rolling through, but it’s a high risk strategy that is likely to get me cut in half.
I jump on the plate again and the gate opens. The moment I lift my foot it crashes back down. It definitely isn’t a timing issue. “Carlos, be a gent and stand under the gate for me.”
“No chance! Have you seen the spikes on that thing?”
“I just need you to slow it down for a moment so I can roll under it.”
“So then there can be two dead bodies crushed under it instead of one?”
“Wait, that gives me an idea! Raise the gate.” Sarah waves frantically and I comply. She runs back to the other side of the gate and casts her ice spell, forming a tower under the gate. I can see where she is going with this. I say, “We should test it to make sure it holds the weight.”
I take my foot off and the gate crashes into the ice tower. It only stays open a couple of seconds longer before it carves through the tower, scattering ice chunks everywhere. It’s not a lot of time, but it’s the best we’ve found.
I re-raise the gate and Sarah rebuilds the ice tower. I crank my turbo shoes, run at the gate and roll forward with my eyes closed, half expecting a wooden spike to land on my face. Instead there’s a loud crunch and I get a sprinkle of ice on my face. I open my eyes to find Sarah smiling back at me. “Nice work!”
Something is wrong. It takes me a moment to realize what has changed. I can see my hands again! I wave them around. It feels good to be back in my body.
I stare around the room. I can barely make out the walls. They really need to pay their electricity bill around here. The only light is from the frosted glass case in the centre of the room. That must be where the helm is. I start walking towards it, but Sarah grabs me. “This is too easy. I don’t like it.”
“Too easy? I almost got guillotined by a gate not even twenty seconds ago.”
A stone doorway opens with a rumble opposite us, the light briefly casting a short silhouette, brandishing an axe bigger than the person. Then the door shuts and we are plunged into darkness even worse than before, because now my darn eyes won’t adjust.
I fumble around in the darkness. “Are you guys still there?”
Carlos replies, “Yep. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
There is the sound of running and then without warning I get head-butted in the face and lose a third of my health. I don’t even have a chance to retaliate. Blood pours out of my nose and a female voice echoes around the room with a thick Scottish accent. “You’ve come to the wrong place if you think you’re taking my helm without a fight.”
“We just need to borrow it. I promise we’ll bring it back.” Why does no-one even believe me when I say that?
More running, and then Carlos says, “What the bloody heck is that?” This is followed by a sound best described as oomph, followed by whimpering. I hear Carlos mumble, “She head-butt me in the nuts! Someone kill her please.”
“Kill her? I can’t even see her!”
Sarah throws a fireball, and for the briefest moment I catch a glimpse of her. At least I think it’s a her. There’s a rather thick red beard, but also long hair in ponytails. It’s not entirely clear. Before I have a chance to attack, she disappears into the darkness again.
“Sarah, can you throw a few more fireballs so we can see what’s going on?”
“Sure, just let me drink this potion. Hey!” There’s the sound of smashing glass and Sarah says, “She just knocked my last potion out of my hand! I’ve got enough MP for maybe one or two more fireballs, and then that’s it.”
“Carlos, are you back in action yet?”
“Yep, but that is going to hurt tomorrow. I may have to get some frozen peas.”
“We need a plan, some way that we can work together to solve this problem. It must exist, the game wouldn’t put us in this situation if there wasn’t a solution. Carlos, do you have any more fire arrows?”
“Fraid not, I used them all up.”
There’s a long silence, punctuated by a cackling laughter. Something says, “boo” behind me and as I spin around I catch an axe to the chest, knocking me to the ground. It doesn’t do much damage, but if we can’t hit her then it is just a matter of time before she picks us off.
“I’ve got it!” exclaims Carlos.
I’ve got a good feeling about this. Perhaps he’s secretly a strategic genius.
“Set me on fire!”
Perhaps not.
“What are you talking about? How does that help?”
“I have an entire quiver of wooden arrows. If I’m on fire they should all be instant fire arrows. You guys can stand next to me and we’ll be able to see her coming.”
“But you’ll be on fire!”
“It’s not a big deal, just revive me if I run out of health.”
I can’t believe that our best option is to set a member of our own team alight. Still, I don’t have any better plans. “Ok fine, let’s do it. Sarah, can you find Carlos?”
A small fireball appears in her hand and sweeps until she finds him, “Are you sure about this?”
“Do it.”
The fireball arcs through the air and lands right on Carlos’ head, setting his hood on fire. He says, “that’s not too bad…” Then his whole torso bursts into flame. He runs around screaming, “Bad idea! This was a bad idea!”
“Focus! Use your arrows, we don’t have much time.”
He stops circling and says, “Sorry about that, just a bit of a shock, what with all the burning pain. Let’s turn on the lights.” He starts firing arrows, which arc through the air and stick into walls, the floor, pillars, anything at all. He slowly turns until we are standing in a circle of fire. There’s a cackle and a shadow appears, running towards me. I have just enough time to step aside and take a swing with Showstopper. It does some damage and the dwarf roars, “You top-siders will never have what is rightfully mine. I am unstoppable!”
That is when the flaming arrow lands in her beard. She lights up like a vodka soaked Guy Fawkes, running around patting at her face. At least now she is easy to see. I run over and take a few more swipes, even Sarah gets in on the action with her very last fireball. It is enough to whittle down her health and with a final scream she collapses. An icon is left showing a picture of a helmet. I’m studying it when Carlos says, “Guys, little help here?”
I spin back and Carlos is still very much on fire. I rush over and help to roll him around on the floor until the flames go out. His health bar is red and flashing. “I can’t believe that worked!”
“The next Sun Tzu you most certainly are not.”
“Meh, strategy is overrated.” He gets up and brushes ash off his jacket. “So what upgrade did we get?”
“Check it out for yourself. You earned it.”
He ambles over and says, “Cool! Hard head, do triple damage with head-butts. I’m not sure it makes the most sense for me to have this one, if I am head butting someone I am a pretty crappy sneaky archer.”
“All the more reason for you to have it. If someone gets the jump on you it will help y
ou to defend yourself.”
“Works for me!” He picks it up and smiles. “Now I want to go test this out.”
“Not so fast. We have to get our prize.” I walk over to the glass case and squint inside. I am not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t what I find.
“A traffic cone? Are you kidding me? Are you sure this is right?”
Sarah scans the cone. “Yep. Says it is the legendary helm of Bakrus. + 50 defense, but -10 reaction speed for some reason. Try it on.”
I pick it up and place it carefully on my head. It fits perfectly. I say, “how does it look?” Both Carlos and Sarah stifle sniggers before telling me how great it looks. The message flashes up:
Quest complete: Completed a legendary armour set. +1000 EXP.
Nice!
I finally have everything I need to face the final boss.
LEVEL 23: THE LUKTO HOTEL
“We’re running out of time. We need to get levelled up as fast as we can.” Carlos taps an imaginary watch.
“Do we absolutely have to be at max level?” I ask.
Sarah says, “The final boss in the game is designed to test you to the very limits of your abilities. If we go in there with anything other than maxed out stats we’ll be dead within 30 seconds. We have QA guys that have never beaten him even with a fully levelled character, and these guys play the game for a living.”
“Yes, well we already established your QA guys suck.” Carlos sees the look on Sarah’s face and says, “Ok fine, I get it, the big bad is a big bad. So is there a way to speed this up or not? I don’t think we have time to go rescue someone’s garden gnome or fetch their poodle from the groomers.”
Sarah thinks for a moment. “There may be a better way. It’s risky, but it will be the fastest way to get us all to max.”
Carlos’ ears perk up at the word risky. I take a deep breath. “Just how risky are we talking here?”
“Very. There’s a heroes fight club where you can fight one on one and bet levels. The more levels you bet, the tougher your opponent. If you win you get all those levels at once.”
Level Up Page 20