by Katia Rose
No one has ever made me feel like this. I’ve never let anyone make me feel like this, but I don’t want him to stop. He has me so far gone there’s a part of me that thinks I’d die if he stopped.
I need him. I need him. I need him.
I start feeling a pressure building in me, one that gets stronger with every stroke of his thumb and thrust of his fingers. He’s going to have me tipping over the edge any second now, but I want more of him first.
“Youssef,” I gasp as he makes my back arch again. I push myself up so I’m sitting and crush his mouth to mine.
My fingers fumble for the buttons of his shirt, and we break from kissing just long enough for him to whip his tie off and help me with the rest of the buttons. I run my hand up the bare strip of his chest that’s revealed, and he groans.
“Shirt,” I mutter as I start tugging it down his shoulders. “Off. Now.”
He lets out a breathless laugh and nods at my chest. “Dress. Off. Now.”
He flings his shirt across the room, and I turn so my back is to him. “I need help with the zipper.”
He leans in close and brushes my hair to the side. I can feel his breath on my neck, and I can tell he’s trying to be all seductive about it, but I really just want us to be naked as soon as possible. He zips the fastener down a few inches, and I jump to my feet before he can stop me, unzipping it all the way and letting the dress fall to the floor.
His jaw drops as I step out of it and glance down at his pants. “Those too.”
I can already see how hard he is, and I feel a twitch between my legs as I trace the outline of his cock with my eyes. He gets to his feet on the other side of the bed, and I hold my breath as he slides his belt off and then steps out of his pants. It’s just me in my bra and thong and him in some tight boxer briefs now.
His chest is solid and smooth, rising and falling with his heavy breaths. I want my tongue all over his skin. Still, we hesitate. I’ve had sex with a handful of guys, but it was never like this. All that shit about ‘giving yourself’ to someone or being ‘joined in the closest way possible’ never seemed anywhere close to what I was doing before. This is different. There’s no hiding here. He has all of me laid out in front of him, and he’s handing himself over too.
I won’t hurt you.
I close my eyes and listen to him say it again in my head a few times. When I open them, he’s come around to my side of the bed. He puts his hands on the bare skin of my waist, and I shiver.
“Come here.” He pulls me closer so we’re chest to chest and folds me into a hug. I curl my head under his chin and let his body warm me as our breathing syncs up.
He breathes out. I breathe in.
“I’m sorry it took us so long to get here,” he murmurs into my hair, “but you were worth every second of the wait.”
I understand; this moment should have been ours a long time ago, but in a way, it means so much more now. We wouldn’t be who we are without that wait.
“So were you,” I say. I can feel his heartbeat against my cheek. “I would have waited even longer. I didn’t even realize I was waiting until I saw you again.”
He tightens his grip on me. “I feel the same.”
I lean back enough to kiss him again. It starts off slow and sweet, but it doesn’t take us long to remember we’re almost naked. He’s still hard, and I can feel the length of him pressing against my thigh. I start grinding against him, and he moans into my mouth.
“Mmm,” I mumble when we break apart again. I’m drunk on the taste of him. “Could you take my bra off? Arm, you know.”
He gives me a hazy smile and spins me around so he can undo the clasp.
“When I cut that shirt off you before you got in the shower...” he mutters into my ear. “You have no idea what that did to me.”
My bra slides forward after he snaps the clasp open, and he tugs it down my arms for me. Once it hits the floor, he pulls my back to his chest and starts kneading my breasts with his hands. I sigh and lean into him, whimpering when he starts to flick my nipples with his thumbs.
“I need to taste you,” he says before nipping my neck.
I gasp at the surge of pain, but all I want is more. His teeth graze my collarbone, and this time my knees really do give out. He catches me just in time to lower me onto the bed.
I wait for him to climb on top of me, but instead he walks to the end of the mattress and tugs my body lower before getting to his knees on the floor. I swear my heart stops beating when he places his hands on my shins to spread my legs.
“I said I needed to taste you.” His voice is so low it’s almost threatening, and I can feel myself getting even wetter as he starts trailing his lips up the inside of my thighs.
He reaches the edge of my thong and licks along the seam.
“Youssef. Oh my god.”
“You okay?” he murmurs against my skin.
I nod and then remember he probably can’t see me. “Yeah.”
I’m not sure ‘okay’ is the word I would use to describe the way he’s making me feel. ‘Transcendent’ might be a little closer. I need him to keep going. I feel like I’m going to split into a million pieces if he doesn’t.
He licks up the middle of my thong, and even through the fabric, his tongue is the best thing I’ve ever felt.
“Fuck. The way you taste...” he mutters before licking me again. I’m dripping for him now. I need the heat of his mouth on me. Just when I’m about to tell him I can’t take waiting anymore, he pulls back enough to tug my thong down my legs and toss it into the floor.
I’m totally bared to him now, and he goes still as he looks at me. I fight the urge to snap my legs closed or say something stupid. I just keep my eyes fixed on his face as he scans my body like I’m some treasure he’s been searching for his whole life. When his gaze finally makes its way up to mine, there’s more than just desire there. It almost looks like he’s a couple seconds away from crying.
“I just can’t believe I found you again,” he rasps. “I just can’t believe it.”
All I can do is nod as my eyes get blurry too.
We stay frozen like that for another few seconds, and then he bows his head again. He kisses across my stomach, darting his tongue out every now and then to taste my skin and make me gasp. He trails his lips lower and lower until I’m shaking with impatience.
The whole room spins when he finally makes one long, firm stroke of his tongue between my legs, licking up the length of me and circling my clit before moving back down.
I moan his name and fist the sheets when he starts fucking me with his tongue. Every nerve in my body is on overdrive. He replaces his tongue with two fingers after a moment and starts licking my clit instead. He finds a steady rhythm with both, and my toes curl as my hips buck up to meet his mouth.
“So good,” he gets out between strokes. “You taste so fucking good.”
“You’re gonna—Oh—Oh.”
“Mhmm?” he prompts, burying his whole face in my pussy as he works me even faster.
“You’re gonna make me come,” I gasp.
He growls at that and starts thrusting harder with his fingers, hitting just the right angle to make my eyes roll back in my head as the pressure builds and builds.
I thread my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer. I’m too far gone to worry about being greedy. I need this. I need him.
I need him. I need him.
That’s the last thing I think before he presses his tongue even harder against my clit and sends me past the point of holding back.
I give him everything. I come for what feels like forever, my back arching and my body thrashing as he keeps at me with his tongue. I can’t see or hear or do anything except feel him. In that moment, I’m totally his.
I crash back to reality and find him panting and staring at me in complete awe. I struggle to catch my breath, but I’m not finished.
“Youssef,” I say with as much force as I can muster. “I need you inside me.
Now.”
He bites his lip. “You sure?”
I sit up a little and nod. “Please. Now.”
A few seconds later, he’s got his boxers off and a condom on. His cock is gorgeous and so hard for me that just the sight of it has my body tensing with the need to come again. I want to put him on his back and tease him as much as he teased me, but we’ll get to that later.
Right now I need what I asked for: him inside me, as fast as possible.
He climbs on top of me, and the tip of his cock brushes my still-soaked pussy. Both of us moan.
“Your shoulder.” He stares at the headboard above me like he’s praying for self-control. “Is it okay like this?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “Yeah, it should be fine.”
And if it isn’t, we’re doing it anyway. I need this too bad.
He looks back down at me and gets himself lined up between my legs. He goes still once he’s ready, and I don’t take my eyes off his as he starts to slide inside me. I don’t even blink. I watch him as he fills me inch by inch, and when he’s finally all the way inside, I feel like crying.
I’ve never felt this close to another person before.
“Youssef.”
“Paige.”
He lowers his forehead to mine, and I wrap my legs around his waist. We both gasp at the new intensity of the angle.
He starts thrusting, slow at first, but neither of us can hold back for long. Soon he’s pounding into me with a steady rhythm, and the nails of my good hand are digging into his back. The flex of his muscles is hypnotic, and his cock feels so good filling me up, over and over again.
The taste of him, the smell of his skin and his sweat, the feel of his breath in my ear: he’s everywhere. He’s everything.
“Paige. Paige. I—I—”
I feel his whole body tense, and he throws his head back, his face a canvas splashed with agony and ecstasy as he comes apart inside me. I clench around him, and he groans and thrusts a few final times before collapsing against my chest.
I hold him there, my hand still pressed to his back, and we just breathe together for a moment before he lifts his head to look at me.
“That was...” He lets out an exhilarated laugh instead of finishing his sentence, and I nod.
“Yeah. That.”
He drops his head back onto my chest and sighs. I close my eyes and try to fight back the tears, but I can feel them gathering behind my eyelids. I don’t know what’s happening to me. What he does to me, what I feel when I’m with him—it makes me into someone totally new, and I don’t know if I’ve got what it takes to be that person. I don’t know where I’m supposed to look.
So I hold him. I hold him, and for now, for tonight, I just let it be.
Twenty
Youssef
DISTORTION: A music production technique used to create a more full or aggressive sound
I wake up lying on my side, blinking at the light streaming in through the gap between the curtains. It takes a second for me to remember where I am.
Paige.
I roll over and find the other side of the bed empty. She was here when we finally called it quits at two in the morning, after a few rounds of sex so incredible I feel like my head is still spinning. I remember tucking her under my arm just before I fell asleep. She pretended to hate it, but she didn’t make any effort to move. In fact, she snuggled right into me.
I snuggled with Paige.
I chuckle as I think of all the ways I’m going to tease her about it. We didn’t get to the whole ‘making it official’ talk, but I’m not worried. After last night, there’s no doubt in my mind that we’re meant to be together, and I can’t wait to tell her just that.
I crane my neck around to see if the bathroom door is closed, but a voice from the end of the bed makes me yelp with surprise.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” Paige straightens up from doing something on the floor and laughs at my shriek. “Wow, I didn’t know you could make that noise.”
“Why are you creeping around on the floor like that?” I demand.
She stands all the way up, and I notice she’s fully dressed and freshly showered. The makeup is gone, and she’s wearing leggings and a baggy long sleeve shirt.
“And how long have you been awake?” I add.
“A while. You sleep through everything, apparently. I got up and went to my room like an hour ago, but I came back because...”
She looks down in embarrassment.
“Because what?”
“I, uh, lost my bra in here.”
I smirk. She looks back up and gives me the finger.
“Don’t be a smartass about it.”
I stretch and settle my hands behind my head. “Well, well, well. The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.”
“I said don’t be a smartass about it.”
She gives me her signature death glare and goes back to searching the room. I watch her putter around and realize what the twinge in my chest is: a mildly painful combination of confusion and disappointment.
She left. She got up and left me here without saying anything, and she only came back to get her bra.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
She looks over her shoulder at me. “Aside from the fact that my bra is MIA, yeah.”
Her tone isn’t convincing. She’s trying to play it cool, but I can hear how edged with nerves her voice is.
“Paige.” I shift myself up until I’m sitting. “Could you come sit here for a second?”
“Uh, okay.”
She sits on the very edge of the mattress, too far for me to touch her. Apprehension tugs at my stomach again.
“I know last night was a lot,” I begin, hoping we can get to the bottom of this quickly. “It was...It was fucking amazing, but I know it was a big step. If there’s anything you want to talk about—”
“Nope,” she cuts me off. “You’re right. It was a lot, and it was amazing. I’m just, uh, processing, I guess.”
I sit there watching her, begging for a sign, some indication that last night meant to her what it did to me. I’m not even sure how to put it into words yet, but something clicked into place. As I drifted off to sleep with my body curved around hers, it was like every worry just slid off my shoulders and floated away. I felt stronger. I felt ready.
Until she sat so far away from me and refused to meet my eyes. It’s like I’ve entered an alternate reality from where I was two minutes ago. I was ready to roll over in bed and ask her to be my girlfriend, and now all I want is just to hear her say we’re all right. I don’t want to go back to this version of her. I want the real Paige.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” I ask. “If there’s anything you want to know, or...maybe we could just hang out? Did you still want to do the brunch thing with my family?”
I know the answer before she even says it.
“I’m not sure. I’m pretty tired. I think I might just need some time to myself this morning.”
I blow out a breath. “Paige, I get that. I really do, and it’s totally fine, just...don’t shut me out, okay? After what we shared, after what I felt, after what I hope you felt too, I just can’t...I can’t...”
My throat starts getting thick. She moves close enough to grab my hand where it’s resting on top of the blanket.
“Of course I felt it. That’s why I need a little time. It’s a lot for me. I know it’s you, but I still...You know what happened in the past, and...”
“Yeah.” I squeeze her hand back as the urge to track down every asshole who’s ever done her wrong makes my blood boil. “Of course.”
“I think I just need to let my brain catch up with my body, or my body catch up with my brain? I’m not even sure which at this point.”
She lets out a weak laugh. I chuckle too, but it sounds forced.
“I get that. I do.”
She raises our joined hands to her lips and kisses one of my knuckles. I close my eyes and savour the f
eeling, the warmth of her breath and softness of her mouth. I turn the moment into something to hold onto.
“Oh look, it’s my bra!”
She drops my hand and gets up to snatch the black fabric from under the plain hotel room desk before balling it up in her hand.
“So you’ll, um, text me when you’re ready to leave?” she asks as she heads for the door.
We’re driving back to Montreal together this afternoon.
“Sounds good.”
And then she’s gone. The door clicks shut behind her, and the sound hits me like a blow, leaving a bruise somewhere deep inside me.
I go through the motions of showering, getting dressed, and joining my family and the wedding party for brunch. Everyone is so busy slinging back coffee and reliving last night through funny anecdotes for my lack of participation to put a damper on anything. My mom’s parental instincts make her zone in and give me a concerned glance from across the table when she sees me picking a piece of toast apart instead of eating, but I just mouth ‘not hungry,’ and it seems to satisfy her.
I can’t get over the whiplash of this morning. When I woke up, I still had that crazy ‘this is the first day of my new life’ feeling I did when I held her as we fell asleep. I keep telling myself it makes sense for her to want a little time on her own, but I felt like the whole world got pulled out from under my feet when she wouldn’t come near me.
After the meal, waving Aaliyah and her husband off for their honeymoon distracts me enough to remember to be a good brother. I pull her in for a tight hug, and she squeezes me back.
“You were a beautiful bride, ukhti,” I say as we break apart. “You’re always beautiful.”
She smacks my arm, but I can see her tearing up a little. “So cheesy.”
“But true. Be good in Greece, okay?”
“Oh, I won’t be!”
She waves me off and hugs a few more people before getting into the car. Our little crowd starts dispersing after we’ve waved them out of the driveway, and my dad finds his way over to me.