Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
About the Author
About the Illustrator
Elizabella stood in the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror. She had a giant knot that sat high atop her head – the result of a sustained effort to never brush her hair. In fact, the only time a hairbrush had been pulled through her matted locks this calendar year was back in term two when she had lice and her dad insisted. On that occasion, the knot had just about disappeared but had quickly come back, with even greater intensity than before, like a plant that thrives after a good pruning.
But now, as she considered her reflection in the mirror, she began to feel a little concerned about it. She was about to make a trip to see her first-ever proper play, and she suddenly realised that the person sitting behind her might not be able to see over her towering knot. She picked up a ruler that had “Minnie + Elizabella 4 eva” written on it in white-out and measured the knot. Twenty-two centimetres. It had grown three centimetres in a month. She had no desire to brush it out and waste all that progress, so she opened the cupboard underneath the bathroom sink and pulled out a tube of Cool Dude Hair Slick. She’d never put product in her hair before, but she’d seen her older brother Toddberry do it plenty of times.
And he’s a numbat, so how hard can it be? she thought as she squeezed out a palmful of the sticky, clear gel and smooshed it through her hair, paying particular attention to the knot.
She examined herself in the mirror. Her hair was wet and slimy like a frog and so shiny she could almost see her face reflected in it. The knot had gone down a bit, but was still very much there. She picked up her ruler to check it. Twelve centimetres. It would have to do.
It was the final term of Year Four for Elizabella. Next year she would be a senior, and this excursion felt like the beginning of that transition. A night-time excursion to the Olde Bilby Creek Theatre was more of a senior thing, after all.
Elizabella was particularly looking forward to it because it was a production of a fairytale. Elizabella loved tweaking fairytales to improve them; it was an activity she used to do with her mum before she died. They had a special book called Fixytales which was full of them. Some of them were finished, others half completed and others just a jot of an idea on a page. Even though her mother could no longer physically write them with her, Elizabella and the Fixytales project continued on. And needless to say, she was bursting with anticipation to see what the Bilby Creek Amateur Players had done to modernise Rapunzel. Maybe they will have made Rapunzel a boy? Or a Jack Russell puppy? Maybe her castle will be a giant robot?
From inside the bathroom, Elizabella heard a knock at the front door. It was Huck and his mum Leanne, coming to drive her to the play.
“Can you get it, Dad?” Elizabella shouted from the bathroom. She needed to hide the evidence of using her brother’s hair product before she left the house.
Martin was already dancing down the hallway. He’d been dating Huck’s mum Leanne since the end of term one and was excited to see her.
“Leanne, you look great!” he said.
“You haven’t opened the door yet!” came Leanne’s chuckle from outside.
“Well, I’m sure you do!” Martin opened the door. “Fancy that, I was right.” He embraced Leanne in a big, warm hug. Huck stood there not entirely sure how to feel. He was pleased that his mum and Martin were happy but it was still all a bit weird.
“Do you have time for a coffee before you go?” Martin asked.
“Well . . .” Just as Leanne was responding, Elizabella came out of the bathroom. Toddberry was in the hallway.
“I know that smell,” he said suspiciously.
“Let’s go!” said Elizabella. “We can’t be late!”
“I think you have plenty of time.” Martin was rather hoping for a chat with his girlfriend.
“No!” said Elizabella. “We need to get there early to go to the candy bar and read the program and–”
Toddberry stopped dead in his tracks and crinkled his nose as he took a big sniff.
“That’s Cool Dude Hair Slick!” he exclaimed. With a sharp turn of the head, he clocked his sister’s extra shiny hair.
“Elizabella!” He started running towards her.
“We have to go!” she said to Huck and Leanne. “We’ll miss the umm . . . previews!”
“There aren’t previews in a play,” said Leanne, confused, as Elizabella pushed her out the door.
“You owe me a tube of Cool Dude Hair Slick!” Toddberry yelled out the front door as Elizabella shut the gate behind her.
“Sorry, Toddberry! Bye!” she called back sweetly.
“It’s TODD!”
Moments later Elizabella and Huck were buckling up in the back seat of Leanne’s car.
“Toddberry doesn’t want to be called Toddberry anymore?” Huck asked.
“Yeah, this term he’s decided ‘Todd’ is cooler.”
“Click clack?” asked Leanne, looking at the kids in the rear-vision mirror.
“Yep,” they replied in unison, their seatbelts clicking into place.
“Your dad was looking good, Elizabella!” Leanne said. Elizabella and Huck looked at each other.
“Umm . . .” Elizabella replied awkwardly.
“Really good,” she said, then took a big sigh.
Huck stuck a finger in his mouth, pretending to vomit. Elizabella shuddered. Just like Huck, she wanted the adults to be happy. She even wanted them to find love. In theory. In practice it was, frankly, gross.
Mr Gobblefrump was about to leave his own house. He and Miss Carrol were chaperoning the Year Fours to the theatre. He was very jazzed up about it. In his younger days, he had actually been a member of the Bilby Creek Amateur Players himself and much like Elizabella he couldn’t wait to see what twist this group of young theatre makers had put on the old fairytale Rapunzel, a favourite of his.
Perhaps they will have written the script in verse rather than prose, he thought. Or fused Rapunzel with another one of the fairytales collected by the Brothers Grimm! He adjusted his special-occasion toupee and sparkly tie and went into the kitchen. He opened the pantry and pulled out a can of cat food. The moment he cracked it open, his cat Pemberley appeared out of nowhere and raised herself up on her hind legs, clawing her front paws into his trousers.
“Pemberley,” Mr Gobblefrump said as he tried to decant the food into her bowl while she meowed at him and lapped her tongue in the direction of the can.
“One could be forgiven for thinking you’d not eaten for a week!”
He looked at his watch.
“I have to race! Now be a good kitty for me,” he said, patting the cat, who was now deeply engrossed in her bowl of food.
“Here are some treats for later,” he said, dropping some little mouse-shaped biscuits into another bowl. As he did, the cat immediately abandoned her dinner and went straight for them.
“I said for later!” He laughed then he shook his head. “I don’t know why I try to reason with a cat.”
He checked himself in the mirror, then he grabbed his bicycle helmet from the hatstand, and headed for the door. Suddenly he snapped his fingers as he remembered something.
“My megaphone!” he said as he headed back in and grabbed it from his bedside table. He almost never went anywhere without it, particularly wh
en corralling children was involved. He stepped outside and wheeled his bicycle from the front porch onto the street. He mounted it and began to peddle. As he rode through the streets towards the theatre he continued to hypothesise what might be in store.
I wonder if they will have changed the setting. Perhaps the story will have migrated from its original setting of the Black Forest in Germany to Australia! Bilby Creek even!
“All right, you kids have a great night!” said Leanne as she parked right out the front of the Olde Bilby Creek Theatre.
Elizabella and Huck got out of the car.
“Thanks for the lift!” Elizabella said, closing the door. She looked around. She could see some of her classmates milling about excitedly on the street along with other theatre patrons all dressed up.
Elizabella looked at the big gold-plated revolving door outside the theatre and then up above that to where RAPUNZEL was emblazoned across the top of the building in bright lights.
Elizabella thought she might add Bilby Creek Amateur Player to the list of jobs she wanted to have when she grew up. Or better still, Hollywood actress.
“Come on, Huck!” she said with glee. “Let’s go!” She grabbed his hand and together they ran up to the entrance and spun through the revolving door.
Inside, the smells of ice-cream and popcorn swirled in their noses mingling with the hubbub of the patrons and the jaunty piano music tinkling through the air. Elizabella looked over and saw a woman with a big mop of blonde curls bouncing wildly atop her head, sitting at a grand piano tapping furiously at the keys.
“Elizabella, Huck!” Minnie was walking over, holding a cupcake and a creaming soda.
“Hey Minnie!” Elizabella waved to her friend.
“Elizabella, I need to tell you something,” Minnie said, a little uneasily. But Elizabella was distracted.
“Guys, check out Mr Gobblefrump!”
Minnie and Huck looked to where Elizabella was pointing, having just spotted the acting principal looking very excited in his special-occasion toupee and sparkly tie. He was talking to one of the ushers, a teenage boy about Toddberry’s age.
“Did you know the Bilby Creek Amateur Players have been around for over one hundred years?” he asked the usher.
“Um, nope,” the usher replied.
“Well, you must know the history of this auspicious company! Allow me to fill you in! The Bilby Creek Amateur Players first trod the boards in 1908 – ‘treading the boards’ is an expression which means to put on a play . . .”
“Elizabella,” Minnie urged, but Elizabella wasn’t listening.
“Poor guy,” said Elizabella, watching the usher fix a fake smile to his face as Mr Gobblefrump continued his lecture.
“I wouldn’t like to work in customer service,” she continued. “You have to be nice to everyone, even really boring adults. I don’t think I could pretend to be interested.”
“When I turn fifteen, I want to work the early shifts at a cafe,” said Huck. “First thing in the morning, adults don’t want to talk to anyone. They just want to get their coffee and run.”
“Elizabella,” Minnie tried again, but now Elizabella was wandering over to a wall of photographs she had spotted. They were black-and-white pictures of people’s heads arranged in a pyramid. Minnie and Huck followed.
“The cast and crew,” Huck said, looking at all the pictures. “What does the ‘tech operator’ do?” he asked.
Elizabella shrugged.
“They’re responsible for the lights and sound,” Minnie explained.
“Sorry, Minnie, were you trying to tell me something?” Elizabella remembered.
“Yes,” said Minnie. “I–”
“Bilby Creek Primary!” A voice boomed through a megaphone. It was unmistakably Mr Gobblefrump’s. “Assemble by the grand piano!”
Minnie’s face crumpled. I’m never going to get to tell Elizabella my news! she thought.
Mr Gobblefrump was bellowing into his megaphone and motioning for everyone to come towards him. “File into two straight lines!”
Elizabella saw Miss Carrol now, making her way through the crowd, locating everyone dressed in school uniform and directing them towards the assembly point.
“Hey guys!” Anaya had spotted Elizabella and Minnie on her way to the piano. “Can’t believe I have to see Rapunzel again.” She rolled her eyes dramatically.
“You’ve already seen it?” Huck asked.
“Yeah, we went on an excursion to see Rapunzel at my old school.”
Anaya had enrolled at Bilby Creek Primary last term – on the first day of school camp, in fact. She’d caused quite a stir, telling lots of wild stories about her life which led many people to believe she was a liar. But, having proven some of her bigger claims, like the fact that her mum was on TV and that her dad had bought the Bilby Creek Swimming Pool, she’d not only shown them that she was telling the truth, but also impressed everyone greatly in the process. She’d even helped Elizabella and Minnie solve the mystery of what was haunting Lizard Lake.
“How was the production?” Elizabella asked.
“Meh,” Anaya shrugged her shoulders, “fairytales are kind of boring.”
“They don’t have to be,” said Elizabella. “You can do anything to a fairytale, and they’re all out of copyright so you don’t even get in trouble!”
“Well, somebody should have told that to the Echidna Beach Theatrical Society,” Anaya replied. “I fell asleep before the end!”
“Come on, everyone!” Mr Gobblefrump boomed. Elizabella and her friends joined the gathering of Year Four students. Ava and Evie, the twins, were already there. Ava wore a long blonde wig that went down to the back of her knees.
“Nice Rapunzel wig, Ava,” Elizabella said.
“It’s actually my Rapunzel wig,” Evie said and folded her arms.
“Is not!” Ava hissed. Who-owned-what was a common source of argument for the twins.
“Okay, are we all assembled?” Mr Gobblefrump asked. Miss Carrol was making her way up the line of students holding a clipboard and checking off names.
“Remarkably, we are!” she replied.
“Excellent! Now let me explain the rules of the theatre,” Mr Gobblefrump began, with much excitement. He was passionate about a lot of things. His cat Pemberley, poetry, the history of his beloved Bilby Creek . . . but most of all, he was head over heels for The Rules. Making them up, telling people about them, and of course, enforcing them.
“Rule number one! No speaking during the performance. However, if the scenes playing out before you cause you to experience emotions, I implore you let them out with a laugh or a cry or a gasp! The theatre is supposed to make you feel things!
“Rule number two! If you have snacks with audible packaging, be sure to open them before you go inside, and, should said snacks have a particular crunch or crackle, eat them mindfully!
“Rule number three! Allow yourself to be transported to the magical land of theatre!
“Rule number four! After the show, be sure to debrief – share your feelings with your fellow theatre patrons!”
A loud ding dong was heard through the sound system as the lights flashed on and off.
“Ah,” said Mr Gobblefrump, “that most familiar sound: the show is about to begin! Come children, come!” Mr Gobblefrump mounted his tippy toes, swung his sparkly tie over his shoulder and began to walk daintily into the theatre, leading the procession of children.
They sat in the front two rows. Elizabella was right in the middle. She looked way, way up above to the theatre ceiling; it was high and ornately decorated with gold sculptures of little humans engaged in different activities. Some of them laughing, others crying, others sword fighting, picking berries or casting spells with wands.
These must be characters from famous plays, Elizabella thought.
Over the next few minutes, the remaining audience members all shuffled in and took their seats. Then the lights went dim and a man pranced onto the stage. He wore gre
en tights and pointed shoes with gold tips. His white shirt had an enormous gold frill to match, giving him the impression of a very fancy lizard. If only Larry could see this fancy lizard man, thought Elizabella.
The man on stage cleared his throat.
“Before we do commence our play
I have a thing or two to say
Through these back doors you’ll find the loos
The fire exit and the place to schmooze
Please feel free to laugh and guffaw
But prod your neighbour if you hear a snore
And I don’t wish to nag and moan
But please turn off your mobile phone!”
The audience laughed and clapped, as the man took a bow and danced off the stage. Then the lights went down and the sound of heavy fabric on a squeaky pulley system filled the cavernous theatre as the plush red curtains drew back. With a pop, the lights came on.
Elizabella took a deep breath. The play had begun.
“Ah yes, well, we very much look forward to it!” Martin was sitting on the couch with his feet up, chatting on the phone. Toddberry turned up the volume on the TV. His dad had been on the phone for ages, and every sentence sounded like it was supposed to be the last one, but somehow the conversation just kept going. Which would have been fine, if Toddberry wasn’t trying to concentrate on the TV. He was watching a documentary examining conspiracy theories about the moon landing. He had recently become obsessed with conspiracy theories.
“All right, well, it’s getting late,” Martin said down the line.
Toddberry looked at his dad. This must be the end, surely?
“And we look forward to seeing you too.”
Toddberry turned back to the TV and tried to concentrate.
“Okay, bye.”
Finally, thought Toddberry.
“Bye.”
“You already said bye!” Toddberry groaned.
There was a pause.
“Did they really? That’s astonishing!” Martin said as Toddberry let out an enormous sigh. Martin looked at him, and motioned with his hand for Toddberry to lower the volume on the TV. Toddberry picked up the remote, turned the sound down exactly one notch.
Elizabella Breaks a Leg Page 1