“It’s not funny!” Elizabella was staring.
“I can’t look at it!” Huck was in fits of giggles now. “But I can’t look away!”
Elizabella put her hands over Huck’s eyes.
“Neither of us should look at it. It’s not safe. Like staring at the sun!”
And with her hands still blocking his vision, she marched herself and Huck all the way home, not once looking back.
Martin was sitting down with Elizabella on the couch in the lounge room. She’d come home a mess of emotions, and he’d made her an epic hot chocolate – a family favourite, consisting of hot chocolate adorned with anything delicious they could find in the cupboard. Today it was almond slivers, fairy floss and a big glob of peanut butter.
“What’s wrong, monkey?” he asked.
“Everything!” she exclaimed. “Dad! Minnie is moving to New York.”
“Oh, love,” said Martin. “That truly is a blow. I’m so sorry.”
“Well, what are we going to do about it?” Elizabella exclaimed.
“Darling,” Martin said, “we can’t change it. If her parents need to move to New York, that’s that.”
“There must be something we can do!” Elizabella was incredulous. “Why doesn’t anyone want to help me stop this?”
Martin gave her a big hug. “I know what will cheer you up: your cousin Isabeth’s visit is right round the corner.”
“How will that cheer me up? She lives in Melbourne and we never see her. In fact, we hardly know each other. This just proves that long-distance friendships don’t work!”
“But remember, the last time she visited, when you were six, you two became inseparable almost immediately. Maybe you can rekindle the friendship now? Who knows, you might just find you have loads in common with Isabeth.”
Elizabella sighed.
“I know it’s sad. But when a friendship is as strong as yours and Minnie’s, it wouldn’t matter if she moved to Mars, you’d still remain the best of friends. And when you’re older, you can go visit her in New York. Or you two could meet up in Copenhagen or Kolkata and travel the world together!”
“Well of course I want to travel the world with Minnie when we’re older. But what good is that to me now?”
Elizabella was frustrated. But she wasn’t ready to give up.
There must be some way of stopping this . . .
That evening, Elizabella, Martin and Larry sat around the dining room table looking at Toddberry. He was in the kitchen preparing dinner, beaming. He’d got home forty-five minutes after Elizabella – or forty-five earth minutes of disgusting teenager pashing as Elizabella had described it in her own head before getting her mental toothbrush and trying to scrub her mind clean. When Toddberry had arrived home, he’d flung the front door open and announced that he was making dinner for everyone.
Toddberry had been known to be nice occasionally, but Elizabella thought he was looking and acting completely different. He’d even stolen one of Elizabella’s hair elastics and tied back his hair curtains so you could actually see his face without him having to swish them to one side.
He’d pulled two pizza bases out of the freezer. He started by slapping down tomato paste on one of them, then layering it with cheese, which he scattered with the confidence of a real chef. Then he added fistfuls of chopped ham and a smattering of pineapple chunks from a can. Finally he sprinkled the entire thing with oregano and put it in the oven.
“You have to really put love into a pizza,” he said as though he was hosting a cooking show. Elizabella giggled.
Toddberry went into the pantry and came out with chocolate spread, sprinkles and marshmallows. And using a similar technique, he lavishly spread the ingredients on the other pizza base. At the end he scattered coconut flakes over his creation.
“And voila,” he said. “Dessert pizza.”
Thirty minutes later and they were all seated at the table which Toddberry had set perfectly. He’d even put some roses from the garden in an old milk bottle, giving their dining room the feel of a romantic restaurant.
“So,” he asked, “how was everyone’s day?” Elizabella and Martin stared at each other. Toddberry never asked how everyone’s day was. Except for that time when Martin had pointed out he’d turned into a stroppy teenager who should engage more in dinner conversations and he’d asked the question extremely sarcastically.
“I threw out all the dead begonias and re-potted fresh ones,” Martin said. “If you didn’t know any better, you’d think I was an excellent gardener.”
“And what about you, little sis?”
“Umm . . . fine?” Elizabella replied.
“Oh, come on!” Toddberry replied. “A two-word answer? I thought I was the teenager around here.”
“Well, if you must know, it was the best and the worst. I’ve convinced Mr Gobblefrump to let us put on a play. But I don’t even care about that anymore because Minnie is moving to New York and we’ll never see each other again.”
“Oh man.” Toddberry looked genuinely sad for her.
“That sucks.”
“I know!”
“Yeah,” Toddberry continued, an evil smirk coming across his face. “Plays are for losers. I’m so sorry you have to put one on.”
Ugh. I knew his nice streak wouldn’t last! Elizabella thought to herself.
“And what about you, Todd?” Elizabella asked. “Get up to anything interesting today?”
“No! Just a regular day,” Toddberry replied.
“Really?” Elizabella pushed. “You didn’t do anything interesting after school?”
“Elizabella,” Martin said, “what on earth are you getting at?”
“I have no idea.” Toddberry began to blush.
Elizabella opened her mouth – she was about to blurt out what she had seen – but then paused. She took a big bite of pizza.
Maybe it’s better to keep Toddberry’s secret for the time being, she thought.
“Nothing,” she replied, grinning and taking another bite. “I was just wondering about your day.”
Toddberry looked at her quizzically and gave a little embarrassed smile.
That night Elizabella sat in her room with her dad’s laptop open on her desk and a massive jar of marshmallows to help her through all the work she had to do. She popped a handful of the powdery pink and white globs into her mouth and started reading about flags on the internet. She quickly began to discover interesting facts. She learned that flags have been around for thousands of years and are sometimes used to communicate important messages. A white flag, for example, means to surrender and a red flag symbolises danger. She also learned that the design of a flag might tell you all sorts of things about a place. Like the wars they’ve been involved in or the animals and plants that belong there. She learned that some national flags had been chosen via public competitions.
Maybe we could have a competition to redesign the school flag? she thought. Actually . . . that would definitely make Mr Gobblefrump even madder . . . maybe save that idea for Year Five. She put the report to one side for a minute to ponder her other problem. How can you put on a theatrical production without spending a single dollar?
At least you don’t have to pay the actors in a school play, she thought, we’ll save some money there. Then she started making a list.
Set and Props Use broken things from around the school? Or stuff parents are throwing out? Recycling!
Costumes Actors bring their own? Or sew from pillow cases and old towels?
CON: Don’t know how to sew.
Music Get kids to play soundtrack on recorders?
She thought about that one for a moment, recalling the sound of her whole class playing the recorder at once. She shuddered. Scrap that – too screechy.
Music No music required.
She kept going with her list
Actual script Elizabella to write!
This one she was very excited to do for free.
Special Effects . . .
She racked her brain. She really wanted the play to have special effects but how could you do special effects for free?
She suddenly remembered back to term one when Minnie had made it snow for her using a leaf blower and beanbag beans. She was clearly the person to be in charge of special effects.
I have to convince Minnie to help me! She started another list.
Elizabella was in such a rush the next morning, she practically dragged Huck along the grassy path to school. She was desperate to talk to Mr Gobblefrump and show him her plan for the play.
As soon as they got to the gates she spotted him in the playground and went straight for him.
“Elizabella!” he bellowed. “No running!”
“I’m not running! I’m speed-walking! And I’m sorry for yesterday, Mr Gobblefrump,” she said, handing him the report she’d written on flags and also a Sorry Poem. Elizabella was in the habit of writing Sorry Poems when she’d accidentally upset someone. She really wanted to make sure she was in Mr Gobblefrump’s good books, to give the play the best possible chance, so after writing the flag report and coming up with the plan for an entirely free play, she’d written a Sorry Poem for him. He read it to himself.
Sometimes you might do a burp
After you’ve had an almighty slurp
I’m like that with pranks you see
They just come tumbling out of me
Even when I tell them not to
They gurgle right on out like prank spew
I didn’t mean to be disrespectful
For that I truly am regretful.
“Hmmm,” he said. “Good rhyming.”
“One more thing,” she said. “I’ve figured out how to put on a play for no money.” She thrust the list she had written the previous night into his hand.
He looked at her, doubtingly. Then he opened it and began to read it slowly. When he had finished he folded it up and placed it in his breast pocket.
“Okay, off you go now, Elizabella,” he said.
“Well, what do you think? Can we do it?”
“I said off you go!” he repeated, before turning heel and walking away from her.
“Special assembly! Special assembly!” The morning bell had gone and Mr Gobblefrump was marching up and down marshalling people into lines.
Minnie turned to Elizabella, as they walked towards their class group. “Do you remember what happened last time there was a special assembly?”
“How could I forget?” Elizabella replied. It had been in term two, and led to the evil corporation Nutriicorp taking over the tuckshop. They looked at the harried acting principal still booming into his megaphone as they sat down on the ground. “Maybe you’ll be glad to be going to New York after this announcement.”
“Item number one,” Mr Gobblefrump said. “From now on the last person at lunch to use the school hula hoop is responsible for returning it to the special hula hoop hook I have put up on the wall next to the tuckshop. Okay, everyone is dismissed to their classes . . . Except Year Four.” Elizabella and Minnie looked at each other, curiously.
Elizabella gulped. This can’t be good.
As all the other grades shuffled towards their classrooms, Year Four reamined seated on the bitumen wondering what they were in trouble for this time.
“Now I know we have all been very distracted by our new love of the theatre,” he began. “Distracted from your lessons even, I hear!”
Yikes, Elizabella thought. I hope I haven’t driven him to ban theatre!
“So, theatre must happen!” Mr Gobblefrump cried out. Excited and confused whispers began to circulate through Year Four.
“You may not know this about your acting principal, but I was once a fine actor myself. In fact, I was a member of the Bilby Creek Amateur Players when I was a young man. Much like I can see in all of you, I too have been infected with the theatre bug. And once it has you in its grip there is very little that can be done to get rid of it. It is an itch that must be scratched! And scratch it we will! At the end of this term, Year Four will put on a play!”
Shrieks of joy and laughter erupted.
“What will the play be, you ask? Well, that is up to our resident Year Four playwright, Elizabella.”
Mr Gobblefrump smiled at her.
“That is, of course, unless she gets into any trouble whatsoever, in which case the entire thing will be cancelled before I can say ‘No Running’. Capiche?”
Elizabella nodded.
“Now I’m sure given Elizabella has volunteered to write the play that her brain is brimful of ideas. Three-dimensional characters, surprising plot twists and lessons for learning. So we all look forward to seeing them in script form.”
Elizabella nodded vigorously but as she did a little seed of doubt took root in her head. She’d thought long and hard about how to put on the play, but she actually hadn’t considered what that play might be about. This did not, however, diminish her excitement.
This is really happening! she thought. Now all I have to do is convince Minnie to get involved . . . And think of interesting characters . . . and an amazing plot . . . and lessons to learn . . .
“One thing I know for certain, I really want the main characters to be dogs.” Elizabella was workshopping ideas for the play as she walked home from school with Huck and Minnie.
“What if there was a talking bucket?” Huck suggested.
“Interesting . . .” said Elizabella. “Maybe the dogs find a talking bucket in the park and it tells their fortune?”
“I like it!” said Huck excitedly.
Elizabella looked at Minnie, “What do you think?” Minnie was going to Elizabella’s after school, but she’d been quiet most of the walk.
“I don’t know,” Minnie replied. “I’m not getting involved in the play.”
“Why not? It will be so much fun!” Huck asked.
“That’s exactly why,” Minnie said. “No more fun. Fun is banned.”
“Oh Minnie, this is so sad!” Elizabella had barely finished her thought before Minnie, unable to help herself, burst out laughing.
“Elizabella, is that your brother? I think his mouth is stuck to that girl’s mouth!” Elizabella and Huck looked over. Sure enough, just like yesterday, Toddberry and a girl with two plaits in her hair were kissing behind the bilby statue.
“Don’t make me look at it!” Elizabella groaned.
“My eyes!” Huck cried, spinning in circles. “They burn!” Huck and Minnie laughed.
“I thought you didn’t want to have fun anymore Minnie!” Elizabella covered her face with her hands.
“Oh, this isn’t fun! This is gross beyond belief!” said Minnie.
“Then why are you laughing?” Elizabella asked.
“I don’t know!” Now all three of them were beside themselves in fits of giggles.
“Hey!” A voice cried from behind the statue. “What’s your problem?”
Huck and Minnie stopped laughing. The girl jumped over the bilby’s foot and made a beeline for Elizabella and her friends. She looked angry.
“What are you guys staring at? You know, it’s rude to gawk.”
As the girl got closer, Elizabella realised that she recognised her.
“You’re Angeliki, right?” she said. “Your family runs the GoodTime Supermarket.”
“And what is so funny about that exactly?”
“Nothing, I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re kissing my brother. And my brother kissing anybody is funny.” Angeliki did not look impressed.
“You should seriously mind your own business,” Angeliki snapped.
“Oh, I want to,” Elizabella continued. “Believe me, I’d rather smell six types of animal poo at once than see my brother kiss anybody.”
Toddberry was walking over now.
“Ignore her,” he said to Angeliki. “That’s just my dumb little sister and her friends. They don’t know anything about anything.”
“I’m sorry, Toddberry–”
“IT’S
TODD!” Toddberry screamed back at her. Then stormed off back to the statue.
Angeliki squinted at her. “You’re a nasty girl,” she said, and turned her heel and followed Toddberry.
Elizabella was horrified. “No, I’m not!” she protested. “I’m a nice person! A nice person who has been repulsed. Against her will!”
Then she looked at Huck and Minnie. “I’m not nasty,” she said more quietly.
“No, you’re not.” Minnie agreed. “Fourteen-year-olds kissing is gross. Full stop.”
Later that evening, Minnie and Elizabella were sitting in Elizabella’s room eating hotdogs. They’d decided it was safer to eat in there than to endure the wrath of Toddberry who was still angry at being sprung.
Larry the Lizard had sensed the tension in the house, and had also taken shelter in Elizabella’s room. He wasn’t taking sides with her; but she always gave him the most off her dinner plate.
“What if we steal your parents’ passports and set them on fire?” said Elizabella.
“Hmm . . . I think that’s illegal,” Minnie replied.
“What if we take your parents to visit every cool place in Bilby Creek so they fall in love with it and can’t leave? What’s so good about New York, anyway?”
“It’s pointless. Nothing will convince them.”
Elizabella sighed.
“Minnie,” Elizabella said. “I’ve made a list of reasons I think you should help me with the play.”
“Elizabella . . .” Minnie said, warningly.
“Please, just listen?” Elizabella found the list she’d written and read it to Minnie.
“Number one: I’ll be doing it after school and at lunchtime, and if you’re not involved I’ll never see you. Number two: After you leave Bilby Creek we may never see each other again, so we shouldn’t waste a moment. Number three: It will be extremely fun, and just like you have to eat and breathe, you can’t avoid having fun until the end of the year! Number four: Your pranking skills are so good they’re possibly even better than mine, so you have to be in charge of special effects.”
Elizabella Breaks a Leg Page 4