She smiles. “Noted.”
We stare at each other for a long moment, and I’m again haunted by that unspoken – thing – I see in her eyes. I don’t know what it is, and it’s driving me crazy.
“Is everything okay, Berlin?” I ask tentatively. “Is there something going on?”
She shakes her head. “No – well, nothing I haven’t told you tonight.”
I nod, but still feel unsettled – and more certain that she’s still holding out on me. I have no idea what she’s holding back, but I know it’s there. And I know it’s something big.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Berlin
“So you took the job, right?” Gabby asks.
“I’m – thinking about it.”
“What is there to think about, babe?” she gapes at me. “You need a job; he’s offering you a job. And with full bennies and double the pay? What are you waiting for?”
“It’s complicated.”
I sit back and take a drink of my soda as Gabby continues to stare at me like I’ve suddenly sprouted a second head. I know from her standpoint, it’s the perfect set up – money and benefits. But there’s more to it than that. A lot more.
“Is it because you’d be working with Sawyer?” she asks.
I shrug. “That’s part of it,” I tell her. “I mean, working with somebody I’m sort of seeing could be problematic.”
“Only if you let it be,” she presses. “You’re two grown adults – surely you can separate work from personal, can’t you?”
I laugh softly. “In theory.”
I sigh and look around the small vegan café Gabby chose to meet in. It’s around the corner from her office and is full of the lunchtime crowd; people in power suits stuffing their faces before they have to get back to their respective offices. Waitresses scurry about, dropping off plates of food amid the buzz of conversation.
I take a bite of my spinach wrap and chew thoughtfully as Sawyer’s words bounce around in my head. On paper, taking the position with his company makes sense. It would be a good stopgap until I find the job I want – for a number of reasons. Being able to survive, feed myself and my father, and take care of his medical needs chief among them.
At the same time though, there are a number of obstacles that I’m having trouble seeing my way around. There is, of course, the fact that we’re seeing each other. That provides plenty of complications, all on its own. There is also the fact that his company stands diametrically opposed to everything I believe in. I’ve spent my entire career fighting companies like Compass who trample over people in the name of profit.
“Not to sound overly dramatic or anything, but if I agree to work for Sawyer, I’m going to be getting into bed with the sort of company I abhor,” I tell her. “I fight companies like Compass – I don’t work for them.”
Gabby purses her lips. “And while I admire your convictions and your passion for the cause, at some point, you have to worry about your own survival.”
“Convictions are convictions precisely because they can’t be violated,” I reply.
“Honey, I have a feeling all those people you go to bat for would understand if you took a job that allows you to remain fed and housed if it means you’re able to continue fighting for them.”
“At the very least, it’s a conflict of interest,” I argue.
“Only if you are in a court fight with Compass,” she corrects me. “Which, given that Sawyer delayed the Atwell project, there isn’t going to be one. Right?”
“This time,” I point out. “But he continues to develop projects all around the city.”
“I would be willing to bet a large sum of money if you and Sawyer talked about this, he would avoid developing projects that would put the two of you into conflict.”
“There are a lot of if’s and maybe’s in that statement,” I note. “I mean, he did tell me he’s not going to stop developing properties, and that the bottom line is his most important line.”
Gabby takes a bite of her sandwich and chews, never taking her eyes off me. I know she’s just buying herself time before delivering some zinger she thinks will knock me off balance and agree with her. It’s one of the things that makes her a brilliant lawyer – she’s able to find the soft spots in an argument and then eviscerate them. It’s one reason I was surprised she went corporate rather than criminal.
But when she frowns and washes her sandwich down with some of her tea, I know she hasn’t come up with that zinger. She does have one solid counter argument, though. One that’s not as easy for me to dismiss.
“With the money you’d make working for Sawyer, you wouldn’t have to stress as much about your dad’s meds,” she says. “Life wouldn’t be such a struggle for you, Berlin.”
I nod and sigh. “That’s why I didn’t reject it out of hand.”
“And if that’s not enough, consider this – with you in his ear 24/7, you might just be able to help change the way he does business,” she offers. “You might be able to get him on board with your cause.”
“Maybe,” I say. “But there isn’t a lot of money in charitable causes. And Sawyer likes making money.”
She shrugs. “Maybe you can find a way to do both. Let him make money and also put him on a more – compassionate path.”
A small smile touches my lips. All of those are terrific arguments for taking the job – being able to pay for my dad’s meds being the most obvious. But I haven’t told her everything yet. Hell, I’m still trying to wrap my own brain around it and figure out how it all fits into my life. It complicates things even more.
“What’s wrong?”
I give my head a small shake as Gabby’s voice pulls me out of my head and back to the present.
“Berlin, what’s going on with you?” she prods.
I look at her and feel my stomach roiling. My eyes sting as they well with tears. Gabby takes my hand, stroking it gently as she looks at me with genuine concern etched into her features. Frustrated and embarrassed, I wipe away the tears and sniff, doing everything I can to keep from breaking down right here in front of a full restaurant.
“Honey, talk to me,” Gabby urges me softly. “What’s happened?”
“I’m pregnant, Gabs,” I whisper.
Her mouth falls open, and her eyes grow comically wide with shock. I would probably laugh if I weren’t on the verge of sobbing uncontrollably.
“W – h – how?” she stammers.
I arch my eyebrow at her. “Really? You need me to explain how these things happen?”
I do my best to keep things light – and keep myself from crying – but my joke comes out flat and wooden.
“Shut up,” she says with a courtesy chuckle. “When did you find out?”
“A couple of days ago.”
“Have you told Sawyer yet?”
I shake my head. “I meant to tell him. We had coffee, and I was going to,” I respond. “But I chickened out.”
“Oh my God, Berlin,” she whispers. “As if you needed any other problems.”
My snort of laughter is sharp and brittle. “Tell me about it.”
“Well, you have to tell him,” she says simply. “If nothing else, he is going to owe you child support.”
“Yeah. But do you see now why going to work for him might be problematic?” I ask. “I mean, if he wants nothing to do with me when he finds out – or with our child – things could get awkward real fast.”
“Yeah, I see that.”
Gabby whistles low and leans back in her seat, an expression of stunned disbelief on her face. It’s an expression I know well since it’s been plastered on my own face the last few days.
“Oh my God, Berlin,” she gasps. “I – I don’t even know what to say.”
“That makes two of us.”
When Gabby looks at me, her expression of shock melts away and becomes one of steely resolve. She holds me with her gaze as if trying to transfer that to me through the sheer force of her will. She takes my hand again
and grips it tight – the physical manifestation of the fervent light in her eyes.
“No matter what happens, we’ll get through this,” she tells me. “We’ll figure it out, Berlin.”
“Yeah,” I say, sniffing back tears.
“If nothing else, I’ll wrangle you an interview down at my firm,” she presses. “I know it’s not what you want to do, but at least it would be a job. And if you’re going to be a mother – on top of everything else on your plate – you’re going to need money, babe.”
“I know. And I’ll definitely think about it,” I tell her. “There’s just so much going on in my head right now that I don’t know up from down.”
She nods. “I get it. You just let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll get you an interview.”
“Thanks, Gabs. I really appreciate it.”
“Anything for you, Berlin. You know that.”
I wipe my eyes with my napkin and blow out a long breath. I feel better for having told Berlin about the baby. Hauling around a secret like that on your own can be suffocating. But Gabby sharing this burden with me takes some of the weight off my shoulders. I feel a bit better than I have since I found out I was pregnant.
Gabby tightens her grip on my hand again and grins mischievously. “I just want to know what you were thinking,” she says. “I mean, don’t you know that having sex in the back seat of a car pretty much guarantees you’re going to get pregnant?”
I bury my face in my hands and groan, then lift my head and laugh as I shake my head. Being as devoted to the trashy tabloids as she is, I should have known Gabby would have seen my picture in the Ledger. But I hadn’t received a mocking phone call or text from her, so it hadn’t even entered my mind – I’ve had a lot more to think about lately.
“You’ve been sitting on that all day, haven’t you?” I grin.
“All day? I’ve been sitting on that for a couple of weeks now. I figured it’d be a line best delivered in person,” she cackles. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“Tell you what, I had sex in a car?”
“No, that you are becoming such a wanton sexual deviant,” she teases. “Frankly, I’m shocked.”
I laugh. “Yeah well, I’m only taking your advice and enjoying myself a bit.”
“And I’m so proud of you, babe.”
We laugh together for a minute before our conversation shifts to more mundane matters. All the while though, her words continue to echo through my head. And as a mother-to-be, I will need a job for as long as I can manage it until I have to go out on maternity leave. I am going to need to sock away some cash to make it through once the baby is born. Hell, I’m going to need a decent pile of money even before the baby is born to get ready for his or her arrival.
And although it terrifies me to even contemplate the idea, the best opportunity I have to put together a decent nest egg is probably going to be working for Sawyer. It’s a path forward fraught with plenty of thorns and pitfalls – I have no idea what he even thinks about having a child.
But at this point, what Sawyer thinks doesn’t matter. I’m going to have and keep this child. It’s not even a question in my mind. He can either be in our child’s life or not. That’s up to him, and I have no plans to pressure him one way or the other. It won’t be easy – in fact, it’ll be downright brutal – but I can raise a child on my own if needs be.
I’m not going to lie though – having some help would be nice.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sawyer
“I wasn’t aware you knew where I lived.”
“You’re not the only one who’s resourceful.”
I grin. “Clearly not.”
I step aside and let Berlin into my place, my eyes unconsciously sliding up and down her body as she passes me. She’s wearing a long, flowing skirt that’s dark blue with white polka dots and hugs her hips enticingly. She’s also wearing a white blouse with a dark blue sweater and has her hair tied back into a ponytail with a white tie. I’ve never seen her dressed down in casual attire before, and she’s got this whole 1950’s retro vibe going on. I have to say; it’s appealing as hell.
I lead her into the living room and offer her a seat on the couch. She looks around my condo like it’s the most luxurious place she’s ever seen.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
She nods. “Yeah, I was just hoping we could talk.”
“Yeah, absolutely. Can I offer you a glass of wine?”
“Ummm… do you have some hot tea actually?”
“On the wagon?”
A strange expression crosses her face, and she won’t meet my eyes. “Something like that,” she responds. “It’s just kind of cold out there.”
“Fair enough. Let me just go grab some.”
“Thank you.”
I head into the kitchen and try to decipher Berlin’s behavior. The fact that she put in the effort to find out where I live is one thing. But I can see the tension in her body and that inexplicable glint in her eye. I have no idea of what’s happening, but I’m glad she’s here, and we’ll figure out whatever is going on with her. Suffice it to say; I’m curious as hell.
After getting a tray set up with some hot tea, cream, and sugar, I carry it all into the living room and set it down on the coffee table.
“Well aren’t you just Little Suzie Homemaker,” she grins at me.
“My mother taught me that every civilized household has tea service at the ready.”
“I think I’d like your mom.”
“I’m sure she’d have liked you.”
She lets that hang in the air between us for a long moment and looks distinctly uncomfortable. I suppose things are too new with us to even be joking about meeting parents. And given that the only surviving parent either of us have is suffering from Alzheimer’s, I’m sure that adds another layer of baggage for her.
I pour out the tea and leave her to fix it how she wants it, then walk over to the faux fireplace that is mounted in the wall below the large flat-screen television. The fireplace is seven feet long and two feet high, and when I turn on the gas and hit the ignition button, it springs to life, running along the burner pipe in sequential order until they’re all lit. It’s sleek, modern, and doesn’t put out much heat, but I always thought it looked pretty cool.
That done, I grab the remote, turn off the TV, and push the button that turns on the stereo. Soft jazz floats out through the hidden speakers.
“You can leave the TV on,” she offers.
“Nah, it’s fine,” I tell her. “I can catch the highlights show later.”
I fix a cup of tea for myself and drop down onto the couch across from her. She sips her tea, looking everywhere except at me, which makes me even more curious.
“You have a beautiful place,” she remarks.
“Thanks,” I reply. “I actually just bought the one next door, and I’m planning on knocking down the wall over there and enlarging this place.”
She looks to the wall in the dining room I’m pointing to and nods. “That’s going to be a lot of room for one person.”
“I like to spread out.”
She giggles and sips her tea. I watch her for a moment, and about the only word I can use to describe her in the moment is – awkward. And not the sort of awkwardness that sometimes exists between us. This is different. It’s like she has something to say but is afraid to say it. It’s apparently going to take some prodding to get it out of her.
“I’m glad you came by,” I start. “But what’s the occasion?”
She takes another sip of her tea and sets the cup down on the coffee table in front of her, then leans back and crosses her legs and folds her hands in her lap. Berlin chews on her bottom lip and seems to be pondering what to say.
“I – I guess I’ve been doing some thinking,” she starts. “I mean, I had a talk with my best friend the other day, and she gave me some food for thought.”
“Yeah? And what did you think about?”
&nb
sp; “I think – I think I want to accept your offer,” she says tentatively. “If it’s still on the table.”
“Of course it’s on the table,” I respond. “And I’m really happy to have you coming on board, Berlin.”
She holds a finger up. “Before we spit on our palms and shake on it –”
“I haven’t closed a deal like that since I was twelve years old,” I laugh.
“Regardless, before we close this deal, so to speak, I have a couple of conditions.”
I arch my eyebrow. “Conditions, huh?”
She cocks her head and grimaces. “More like – a couple of suggestions, perhaps.”
“I’m listening.”
I sit back and take a drink of my tea, waiting for her to elaborate on her – suggestions. I’ll make a show of it just to make her sweat, but I don’t think there’s anything she can ask of me that I won’t give her.
“Well – this thing between us – I mean, it’s more than obvious that I like you, Sawyer. And I don’t think I’m out of line to think there’s something between us, right?”
“You’re not out of line at all,” I assure her. “And I would hope that given how hard I’ve been chasing you, that you know I care about you as well.”
She gives me a small smile. “Even knowing that, it can’t happen –”
“Berlin, let’s not rush into anything –”
“Hear me out before you say anything.”
I nod. “Apologies. Please, continue.”
“What I was going to say was I don’t want to give up what we have between us,” she goes on. “Not until we explore it and figure out what it is. I really think we have the chance to build something special.”
I open my mouth to tell her I want and believe the same thing, but then close it again, not wanting to interrupt her again.
“But we can’t be that way at work. I don’t want any special privileges, I don’t want special treatment,” she tells me. “I want to earn anything I get. I don’t want to be known as the girl who’s only here because she’s sleeping with the boss. In fact, I don’t want anybody to even know we’re dating.”
Boss I Love To Hate Page 19