Toby was drawn to Bill’s sincerity, and wondered if maybe, against all odds, this man was what he was looking for after all. Bill’s earnest gaze from behind those geeky, sexy glasses said more than his words had. “I guess it can’t hurt to give it a shot and see how it goes.” Bill’s eyes lit up and his lips curved into a slight smile. Toby had a few more things say and needed to get everything out in the open before he accepted Bill’s assurances at face value. “There are a couple of more things.” Bill’s smile faded at his serious tone, and he gave Toby a somber nod. “I think we can figure out how to make this work. I hope so. But, Bill, just don’t try to deceive me or lie to me. That is one thing I just can’t handle. Tell me the truth, and I promise, I’ll try to accept it.” Bill’s face clouded for a moment and Toby nudged him with his shoulder. “Hey, it’s not like you’re a nut case or a mass murderer! In comparison to those options, everything else is a piece of cake to work through.” He gave him a goofy grin, trying to lighten the mood.
John Brown was suddenly very uncomfortable as he tried to interpret the silly, trusting expression on Toby’s face. He knew he was supposed to react, so he nudged Toby back. “Yeah. A piece of cake.” He forced a smile on his face, and then stood and went to the window, looking out to the green, lush woods.
“Are you okay, Bill?”
John Brown wasn’t sure, but turned back to reassure him. “Yes. I’m just thinking about what you said.” He looked back outside, and asked, “What about the sex part? What do you want?”
“Well, I like sex, a lot.”
John Brown was relieved. Maybe this was going to be okay. “That’s good!” He was encouraged by Toby’s smile, and went back to the bed. “What do you like?”
“Well, I like a lot of things, but to cut to the chase, I like sex with a partner who both gives and takes in bed.” Bill’s looked at him quizzically, so Toby asked, “Do you understand what I mean?”
John Brown thought back to some of the things he’d seen and heard and thought he had a pretty good idea. But until now, he hadn’t thought of much beyond kissing Toby and hoping Toby would eventually go down on him. “Yes, or at least, I think so. You’re telling me you’re versatile and you want a partner who is as well. Is that what you want between us?”
“Well, yeah! But don’t get me wrong, If I thought you were just a one night stand or a casual fuck buddy who wanted to exchange blow jobs, or were looking to top or to bottom exclusively, I might be cool with it. Is that what you want us to be? Fuck buddies? I’d like to know before we progress too much further, so I know how I should set my expectations. I probably should have asked before I came up here, but I didn’t.”
John Brown was thinking furiously, trying to figure out how he should react and how he wanted to react. This was all so far outside his experience he didn’t even know how to begin to answer. All he knew was he wanted a chance, and he’d hate to lose it just because he couldn’t get his mind around the sex part. “I think I understand what you’re asking, and I don’t think I want to just be a casual roll in the hay. But the part about giving and taking? Well, I think I know the basic mechanics involved, but I don’t know how I’d feel if I was….doing some of those things.” He stood from the bed and stretched, trying to calm his mind. “Let’s go outside. I can think better out there.”
“I have a friend who thinks I think better outside too, but only when I’m not wearing clothes.”
John Brown smiled at his memory of seeing Toby and his friend on the terrace, and fetched the bottle of wine. “We better take this with us. This might be a long conversation.”
The two men carried their wine outside and took a seat in the deck chairs. For a long time they just set quietly. “Tell me what it’s like, Toby. The good and bad parts about sex between men.”
“I don’t know if I can, because I don’t think anything’s bad. It’s more a question of what someone does or doesn’t like, and that can change depending on the circumstance, or who they’re with. I personally think the only really bad thing is when someone is forced to do something they don’t want to do, or when someone hurts another person just because they enjoy seeing someone else’s pain.”
John Brown didn’t say a word, but he did think of the times he had caused other people pain. He decided he really hadn’t enjoyed it – it was just a job. He figured he could adjust his behavior to fit Toby’s thinking, at least regarding Toby himself, and maybe as it concerned any potential sex acts they engaged in. “Okay, I understand all of that, but tell me about the sex part. Like I said I have a basic idea, but tell me how it all works.”
And Toby did.
After he finished, John Brown was astonished and spent a couple of minutes wrestling with his thoughts. Some of the things Toby described sounded pretty damn good, but a few – which didn’t sound exactly bad – sounded uncertain to him. He closed his eyes to see if he could get a picture of himself doing the things Toby had described, and finally decided there was only one way to know for sure. He wondered if enjoying some of those things would mean he was gay. If it did, and he found it really bothered him, well, nobody needed to know about this little experiment. Only he and Toby would know, and Toby could be taken care of. After all, Toby was here alone with him, and there weren’t any people for miles around. He could be killed very easily and no one would be the wiser. John Brown already had the big tarp pulled out to wrap him up with, and digging the grave wouldn’t be hard to accomplish. It would be a shame to kill him, but it was a reasonable solution to the dilemma. Upon reaching this satisfactory conclusion, John Brown stood from his chair. “Let’s go get some food and then we can try out the hot tub. We can talk about this more when we’re in the hot water. I think it’ll be relaxing for us both.”
The two men had dinner and cleaned up and put away the leftovers. John Brown opened another bottle of wine and carried it out to the hot tub. He tested the water and went in and got a couple of towels. “Water’s just right, Toby. Come on.”
Toby followed him out the door and soon they had both stripped and were immersed in the hot, bubbling water. The stars were starting to come out, and the moon was bright. Toby laid his head back against the rim of the hot tub relaxed, enjoying the soothing warmth.
“So, I’ve been thinking about the things we talked about,” John Brown said matter-of-factly after they’d been in the water for a while. “I really like you a lot, and might even have some feelings stronger than that, but I’m not sure. Like I told you, I’ve never experienced them before. But I don’t know what I think about the physical part yet.” He fortified himself with a swallow of wine and considered the stars for a minute. “I’m willing to try it all, as long as we take it slow and I can figure out what you like, and what I like. But, I need to be able to stop if we’re getting to something I can’t handle. I don’t want to have to….I don’t want things to turnout in a way that hurts you. If we discover we both can’t get what we need, then I’ll tell you and call it quits. That’s the best I can do.
Toby was surprised at the usually shy man’s straightforward pronouncement. Although it wasn’t as heartfelt as he’d have liked, he understood that maybe Bill just couldn’t bring himself to say it any other way. At least it was clear, and didn’t leave any room for misunderstanding. “He’s probably been thinking about how to say this since before dinner,” Toby decided. “And, his position is more than fair. How can I expect him to know if he can do what he’s never tried?” Toby splashed a handful of water at him, and laughed at the surprised look on his face. “Way to get right to the root of things, Bill! So what do you want to do? Make a list and rank the things on it from the things you do think you’ll like, down to the things you don’t think you like?”
John Brown actually liked that idea, because maybe they could find some way to stop before he had to kill Toby. However, he got the feeling Toby wouldn’t like that approach. He did want Toby to enjoy things, at least until he had to die. “I guess we can just fool around and see where
things lead. As long as you take it slow, and stop if I get uncomfortable, I think we can figure this out without anyone getting hurt.”
“I like that better than checking off a list and I think we have the fooling around part down pat.”
John Brown lifted his body out of the water and sat on the edge of the tub. “Me too, and I know I like it. So, why don’t you come over here by me? You’re too far away.”
Toby stood and walked toward him and when he got within a foot, Bill reached out and placed his hands on Toby’s hips. He stood and leaned in for a kiss, and concentrated on the feel and taste of Toby’s mouth and lips, since they were already familiar to him. Their skin was slick and steaming from the hot water and he could feel Toby’s arousal. He stepped back and sat back down on the hot tub ledge then pulled Toby toward him and explored Toby’s cock and balls. He marveled at how different, but alike, Toby’s flesh was to his own. Very slowly and deliberately, he leaned down and took Toby into his mouth. He tasted the flesh and investigated the feel of it in his mouth and decided it wasn’t bad at all. He felt Toby swell and extend further, and enjoyed the way the texture of the skin changed. He circled his tongue around the head and then took it deeper, and felt a sense of proud satisfaction when Toby gave a gasp and placed his hands on Bill’s head. John Brown liked the idea his actions were causing those results. He reached between his own legs and checked things out, needing to see how his own body was responding. Everything was satisfactory and, in fact, the guy down there seemed to be very happy. John Brown tried a few more things he thought Toby would like, because, after all, John Brown had been on the recipient’s end of this sort of activity many times. He pulled his mouth away, and looked up to see Toby’s face. What he saw was encouraging, so he went back to work. After a while, Toby’s hands tangled in his hair, and after a few minutes more, Toby told him to stop. He shook his head, having decided to see this through. If he couldn’t accept and enjoy what came next, he might as well just kill Toby now and clean things up before heading home. Otherwise, the whole weekend was wasted.
“I’m getting really close.” Toby’s voice was now almost pleading, and his breath was heavy. “You need to stop.”
John Brown tightened his hold on Toby’s hip to keep him from moving away, and used his other hand to work the base of Toby’s cock. Soon, he heard Toby’s increasingly urgent and appreciative noises and felt the man’s body tense. He worked his mouth and hand faster, until Toby was past the point where he could hold back. John Brown grabbed Toby’s ass and felt the muscles clench and tighten. With a few more tense, throbbing thrusts, he spent himself and John Brown took it all, and waited until Toby’s tremors had slowed before pulling away. He looked into Toby’s eyes, which were glazed with pleasure. His pupils looked huge.
Toby gave him an incredibly sexy, lazy smile. “Wow.”
Although John Brown hadn’t minded any of it too much, and from the state of his own throbbing cock had liked some of it a lot, the best part was what he saw on Toby’s face as the man pushed him down onto the edge of the tub and went down on his own knees in the hot water. The wanton smile on Toby’s lips right at the moment they encircled him was like nothing John Brown had seen before, and he moaned involuntarily and felt his balls tighten. A few minutes later, Toby succeeded in his mission, and John Brown leaned back to catch his breath and gazed up at the bright stars, dazed by the experience. He’d been brought off by a willing and talented mouth before, but it had never felt like this, or affected him the way Toby did. As Toby’s arms encircled him and brought their mouths together in a lingering kiss, John Brown experienced their mingled tastes for the first time, and decided no one was going to get hurt tonight, at least from engaging in this activity. He had a thing or two to learn so he could rock Toby’s world the way his had been rocked, and found himself anxiously anticipating the opportunity to get some more practice.
He stepped out of the water, and held out his hand. “Let’s go on inside, Toby. It’s starting to get chilly and we’ll be more comfortable where it’s warm.”
John Brown started a fire in the fireplace and then turned off the rest of the lights. He gazed into the flickering flames, and felt the heat within himself rise to the surface as he anticipated the rest of the night. Toby kissed him gently, running his hands across his chest. Toby teased his nipples with hands and mouth and John Brown felt his world began to spin as he lost himself in the sensations. When he was aching with need, Toby went into the bathroom and came out with a few items in his hand.
Later that night, he lost himself deep inside the man beneath him. John Brown called out Toby’s name as he spent himself. He then watched in spellbound wonder as Toby cried out to Bill, and found his own release. For a moment, John Brown felt himself fill with intense, jealous rage, until he remembered. Bill Jones and John Brown were one and the same.
Content, John Brown laid down beside his man, and fell asleep as Toby gently ran his fingers through his hair. He never knew or felt the moment when Toby kissed his tattooed shoulder, curious again about why the inked mark looked so familiar.
The next morning John Brown woke early, and over his first cup of coffee, thought about the last night and how Toby had guided him into his body. He’d loved it, but today it would be his turn to try. He knew Toby would never push the issue, and probably had no expectations, but John Brown wanted it over so he’d know what he had to do. He walked deep into the woods and dug a grave, making the ground ready in case he needed a place to put Toby’s body. It was always good planning to have things ready in advance of a need. When he came back into the cabin, Toby was up, having showered and shaved, and was now building up the fire.
“If you’d put come clothes on you’d be much warmer,” John Brown chided him gently, wishing they never had to put on a single item of clothing ever again.
“I’ll be fine with the fire, and besides, I can think of better ways of keeping warm. Those involve getting you out of those dirty clothes. Where were you anyway?”
“I was in the woods, just… doing a few things,” John Brown answered with a shrug. “I’ll go clean up, and when I get back I think a walk in the woods would be nice. You need to put on some clothes for that.”
In the shower, John Brown scrubbed the soil from his hands and from beneath his nails. He dried himself off and combed his hair. “Today might be the day I have to say goodbye to Toby Bailey,” he regretfully reminded himself as he walked to the bed. “But first, I’m going to practice everything I learned last night. That way, the weekend won’t be wasted. I’m going to try to give Toby as much pleasure as possible. At least if I have to kill him, I’ll know he was happy with me.”
They made lunch and explored the woods. John Brown led them far from the site he’d prepared that morning, and practiced a few of the new skills he’d learned. He thought he was showing improvement, if Toby’s sounds of intense pleasure were any indication. They walked back hand in hand and showered again, and started preparing things for dinner. After steaks on the grill and a few mason jars of brandy, they spent some time looking at the stars. Then John Brown led Toby back to the bed. “Show me, Toby. Do to me what I did to you last night.”
So Toby did.
The next morning, John Brown worked in the cool country air, steadily shoveling dirt into the grave.
On the way back to the city, he thought about the weekend and the things he’d experienced for the first time, and the man with whom he’d experience them. He tried not to feel so sad that it was over.
“Cheer up, Bill. We’ll have other weekends like this, although, this one will always be special to me.”
John Brown turned to the man beside him and reached over and took his hand. “It’s was a very special weekend for me, Toby – more than you’ll ever know. I’m disappointed it’s over, but you’re right, we’ll do it again. I’m just glad I didn’t…”
“Didn’t what?”
John Brown thought about the grave under the t
rees and what he’d been prepared to do. “I’m just glad I didn’t hurt you, Toby.”
“You were okay with everything?”
John Brown squeezed Toby’s hand. “Yes, Toby. You would’ve known if I wasn’t.”
Toby had been amazed at Bill’s insatiable curiosity and eagerness. He’d made it clear he wanted to try everything Toby could think of, and insisted he wouldn’t let Toby leave until they had tried it all. He’d told Toby he wanted to be sure, and had even suggested a few things Toby had never done before. There were a few moments of hesitancy, but Bill certainly gave it his best shot – and in fact, had pretty much worn Toby out. All-in-all, Toby was surprised how compatible they were turning out to be, both in bed and out of it. Toby realized Bill was committed to proving he could be what Toby was searching for. He thought Bill might just be the one. Toby gave a hopeful smile as he squeezed the hand that was holding tightly on to his own. “Really? I wasn’t sure you enjoyed some of it.”
“Really. If there had been something I couldn’t accept and didn’t think I could grow to enjoy, and even desire, there was no way you could have missed it. I would have made sure of that.”
Another week went by. Reightman enjoyed the visit with her daughter and granddaughters, and regretted she didn’t see them any more than she did. She resolved to spend more highway time traveling the mere hour and a half to the upstate, so she could be more active and present in her family’s life.
Hard Job: Reightman & Bailey Book Two Page 27