Zhou Li stood from her seat and walked over to him, and placed one tiny hand on his shoulder. “Toby, you need to make some choices, and make them soon. You can choose to remain in that hard-backed wooden chair with your hands crossed over your chest forever, or you can change, and free yourself. You may no longer be that child, and indeed, it is most probably time for you to move beyond what he represents. But don’t stay in your wooden chair too long, or you will find your entire world is nothing but shades of gray. It can be powerful, and beautiful, in a photograph. However, it is seldom beautiful as a life.”
“My life is nothing but gray.”
Zhou Li heard the despair in his voice, but knew better than to let him wallow. “That too, is a choice, Toby. And even if it were true, there is no reason it has to stay that way.”
“But I killed a man!”
“Yes, you did,” she agreed. “You killed a man who was trying to kill you. You killed a man who had killed others. You killed a man who had seriously harmed your friend, Officer Mitchell, and who was also intending harm to Detective Reightman. Would you rather he had killed you, and them?”
“But…I loved him.”
His heartbroken anguish was hard for her to bear, but inwardly she rejoiced at the words. “And isn’t it remarkable you did, Toby? It is in itself a kind of redemption: You loved him, and he was, therefore, loved. That is the only redeeming thing I can find in Detective Jones’s life. Don’t let his life, and the end of it, poison yours. Find your way out of that chair.”
Toby sat in the chair as she went out the door. He knew that she’d made several good points, but didn’t know how to find his way out of the darkness he found himself in. As he started to descend into self-pity, he hurriedly stood from the chair and grabbed his keys from the counter. He hollered out to let SarahJune know he was leaving and then headed over to visit Moon.
When he entered the door to Passed Around, he looked around for her, but she was nowhere to be seen. The drapes separating the big front window from the rest of the shop were open and he could see the stripped mannequins in the window. One or two were missing their arms, and all of them were minus their wigs. There was a torn piece of netting on the floor. He reached down to pick it up and heard the door at the back of the shop open.
“I am so distressed to have left you waiting here alone without my presence,” Moon announced as she came through the door with her arms full of boxes. When she saw who was in the shop, she gave a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness it was only you, Toby. It was terribly remiss of me to leave the shop vacant and unattended, but I felt the immediate need to take all of those fluffy and annoying prom dresses out of the window. They were almost all gone, and the display was no longer serving its cleverly intended purpose.” She placed the boxes down on the counter and then glided toward him. “How are you doing, Toby? Have you recovered from your terrifying ordeal?”
“I’m fine Moon, but I don’t think I’m recovered yet.”
“I suppose that is not too shocking of a surprise. Horrible events take the toll on us all as life wings past. The best we poor, unworthy mortals can do is to hope that fortune favors us again with moments of peace and tranquility so that we are prepared for the next great and taxing test the mysterious universe presents us.”
It took a minute for Toby to process her words and when he’d finally succeeded in untangling them, he discovered he didn’t have much of a response. “I guess you’re right.”
“Of course I am. I have had a lot of experience with the capricious nature of the gods, and have more than once been a victim to their whims. Perhaps if you share what is troubling you, I might be of some small, insignificant assistance.”
“Thanks, Moon, but I didn’t come down here to cry on your shoulder. At least – not exactly. I just needed to get out of the spa for a few minutes. SarahJune is with the man who will be buying the fixtures and I was finding myself at a loss.”
“It is such a shame you have to close, Toby. The Time Out Spa will always hold a special place in the glorious history of Capital Street. What are your plans for the future?”
“I really haven’t decided yet. So much has happened that I just…I just need time to think.”
“Hmmm.” Moon tapped her long fingernail – painted a rich berry color today – against her matching lips. “Forgive me if this seems to be uncharacteristically intrusive of me, but during the long, dark nights when you were saturated with sadness and despair did you stop to consider that you might be allowing yourself to think too much?”
Once again, Toby had to decode her words. “I don’t know. I just can’t seem to help it. Everything bad that has happened has been my fault.”
To his surprise, Moon broke out into throaty laughter. “Oh, Toby! That is hubris speaking. I know it is very tempting and pleasing to place all the blame on one’s self – that is what misguided heroes do! If they weren’t allowed to take all the blame when things went wrong, they wouldn’t have to rage against the fates and set off on amazing perilous quests to make amends. Without the flawed and misguided desire to accept blame and atone for imagined wrongs, we’d be left with very few great works of literature – to say nothing of the beautiful and alluring tragic poetry which I so enjoy! However, although you have been exceedingly brave, I don’t see you cast in the mold of the typical, predictable hero. You’re much smarter than that and capable of finding another way to deal with misfortune. You have too much to offer to the world to force yourself to tilt futilely against the windmills of life. It doesn’t do much good anyway.”
“But Moon, you don’t understand.”
“You are wrong about that, my friend. I understand better than you think.” Moon stroked his arm comfortingly for a moment and then made her way behind the counter to open boxes. She hummed under her breath as she worked. Just when Toby had decided to head back down to the spa, she looked up at him. He noticed her eyes were very sad. “I have had my own moments of hubris, Toby. I have accepted all the blame for too many things in my life. Sometimes I was right to do so, but many, many times I wasn’t. That was a hard lesson for me to learn.”
She held up the wig in her hand and gave it a little shake, and then dropped it on the counter. She reached in the box and pulled out another. “In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to be somewhat dramatic.” She looked up and winked and then went back to her task. “But the difference is I’ve created this fabulous person you know as Moon in order to confront my own reality – not hide from the things I don’t want to accept. And there have been many things that have been hard for me to accept, Toby. I also know myself well enough to realize that I’m perfectly happy when there is a lot of drama. I could drown myself in drama if I allowed myself to do so. I could rejoice in the darkness of my thoughts and circumstances. But I made the choice not to. Instead, I created a new reality – one full of fashion, and glamor and fancy clothes. I learned that a new shade of lipstick could turn my day around.” She fluffed out another wig and frowned. “I think this one has reached the end of its sorry life.” She tossed it into the trash underneath the counter and pulled out another.
Toby stood silently as he watched her finish the first box and then she opened another. She pulled out yards of carefully folded black fabric and laid it on the counter. She considered it for a moment and then put it back into the box. “I had thought I might drape the window in black to mourn the passing of summer, but I’ve changed my mind.” She picked the box up and began to carry it to the back door of the shop. “I’ve decided that instead, I’ll embrace all of the colors of fall.” She turned and gave him a wistful smile. “There’s more than enough black to go around already. Don’t you agree?”
Without waiting for his response, she turned and went through the door.
It wasn’t until he was back at the spa that he realized the last few minutes of their conversation had been very unlike Moon. Her normal verbosity had been severely curtailed. She’d been letting him see a side of herself that she’d
never offered before. He didn’t understand what it meant, but he appreciated it, and knew it was significant.
He took a seat back on the sofa and looked up at the huge photo again. “I think I’ll keep it,” he decided. “There is still a lot to learn from that boy in the chair. Besides, I need to see if he ever gets up from there and goes on a new adventure. Maybe he’ll teach me how to do the same.”
The next morning Toby drove back to his childhood home and spent the next several days helping Grams. He worked without complaint or sass, which worried her, but not as much as his drawn face and hollow eyes. She knew something terrible had hurt her boy, but withheld her questions for the first few days.
Toby finished her list much sooner than he’d expected or hoped. He’d catch her worried glances from time to time, but did his best to ignore them. He wasn’t yet ready for the discussion he knew he had to have with her. He was still exhausted and plagued by his internal demons. He still hadn’t found the rest he wanted and needed and was on the verge of breaking down. He’d often find himself alone at the big kitchen table in the middle of the night, caught in a loop of anguish and guilt, unable to sleep but not wholly awake either. On one such night, at the beginning of the second week of his visit, Grams joined him at the table, wrapped up in her robe against the fall chill. She took a seat next to him, without saying a word.
After they’d sat together for a while, maybe as long as an hour, he knew it was time.
“Grams, I have something to tell you. Something that’s going to be hard for you to hear.”
She waited, silent in her chair, for him to find the words. When he eventually spoke, she thought her heart would break.
“Grams, I killed a man.”
She listened for the next two hours as he told her everything that had happened after he found the photographs and records Geri had left for him. He told her about the things he’d done to catch Geri’s killers and he told her about the other deaths; Helliman, Christina Dameron, and Sam Jackson. He told her how he’d met and fallen in love with Bill Jones, and how their relationship had evolved into everything he thought he wanted or needed. He didn’t spare her much once he started, and she let him talk, uninterrupted, as tears ran down both their faces. He explained how he’d discovered Bill Jones’ true identity, and how Melba Reightman had done the same, and come with Mitchell to rescue him from danger. Finally, he told her why and how he shot the man he’d loved between the eyes.
When he finished, he looked into her face, afraid of what he might see. The dam inside him broke when he found only sadness, acceptance, and love.
She opened her arms and wrapped him in comfort and compassion, stroking his head and crying with him. “My poor boy,” she said as she brushed the hair from his eyes. “My poor, hurt boy.”
Later, she sat by his bed as he slept, and she wept again, for Toby, for Geri, and for all the others who had been caught up in the lies and deception, and had lost their lives. And then, she prayed for forgiveness. Not for Toby – she knew the Good Lord had already done his part regarding Toby. After all, he’d brought him home to her. No, that night she prayed for forgiveness because all she cared about now was her boy was alive and that man was dead. Mostly she prayed, because if Bill Jones hadn’t been dead, she would’ve done everything possible to kill him herself.
Toby slept straight through for ten hours. When he woke, Grams fixed him something to eat, and then he went for a run and did a few chores. After dinner, he helped clean the kitchen and then showered, letting the hot water wash over his skin. Suddenly exhausted, he went to sleep again. On that second night, he dreamed.
The cemetery was quiet and dark, except for the areas around each grave. Maybe the glow of the headstones was comforting, because Toby wasn’t afraid. Instead, he felt welcomed and at peace, but he was chilled to the bone.
He walked through the rows of graves and found his Gramps, who said hello and told him to always be prepared, and his mother, who didn’t speak, but laughed and snapped a photo of him. The minute the camera flashed, she held out the print in her hand, and Toby saw it wasn’t her usual black and white, but was in full, vibrant color. The picture was of him. She held it out in offering, but he shook his head. “You keep it,” he told her. “I’m not ready to appreciate it, yet.”
She blew him a kiss and he caught it in one hand, letting it melt into his palm and warm him all over.
He walked a few more feet down the family row, and stopped at the site which was Geri’s.
“Heya, Toby!”
“Hey, Geri. You’re looking good.” And he was. He bloomed with all of the beauty Toby remembered from their first summer together; bare chested, strong and tan, and his eyes glowed until they were the brightest thing around. There were no signs of the violence which had claimed his life.
Toby looked into his green, green eyes and when he blinked, they were both standing near the big pond at the park, and they each had a handful of small stones and pebbles.
Geri tossed one in and watched the ripples move across the pond. “I was hoping you’d stop by, Toby. I wanted to thank you.”
“For what, Geri?” Toby skipped his own stone, and it skimmed the water until it disappeared out of sight.
“Why, for bringing me home, Toby. It meant a lot. Tell Grams thanks, for the chicken and cobbler she brought the day of my funeral.” Geri tossed in two small stones and smiled at the sound they made when they hit the water. His teeth were very white.
Toby remembered the foil covered plate which Grams had carried to the cemetery that day. “You got that, did ya?” This time his pebble hung in the air a moment before it splashed down with a ‘plonk’.
“Sure did. The birds brought it to me. I had to share, but still, it was about the best thing ever.” Ripple, plonk, went the two stones as they left Geri’s hand.
“I’ll tell her, Geri.”
“Toby….”
“Yeah, Geri?”
“Well, I…I wanted to say I’m sorry – for the way things worked out. I’ve been learning some things since I died, and I know I went about everything all wrong.” He flung out his hand, and the single stone skipped four times before it disappeared.
Toby thought about all the days he’d spent with Geri, and shook his head. “Not everything went wrong… Some of it you got exactly right. It was just there at the end things got pretty rough.” His pebble followed the path Geri’s had taken, although it only skipped twice.
“Yeah, I know. But thanks for telling me I got some things right. It was all I wanted. I’m going to move on from here real soon, but I have a couple of things to tell you, if you’ve got another minute or two.” Geri looked at the pebbles remaining in his hand, and motioned for Toby to throw one of his, instead.
Toby tossed in two, one for each of them. “Sure. I don’t have much going on right now. I’m sleeping and I don’t think Grams will wake me up anytime soon. She’s worried and wants me to rest. She says it’ll help me heal.”
“It will, Toby. Grams is usually right. Haven’t you learned that yet?”
They both laughed at all the times Grams had proved how right she was, and in Geri’s laughter, Toby heard an echo of the boys they had been. After a minute, Geri flashed his toothpaste smile, and then skipped another one of his stones. “The first thing I have to tell you is more of a message, really. The other day I met a new guy. Well, I guess I just saw him wandering around, all alone. He didn’t have anyone here, waiting on him, so I thought I’d do the right thing and introduce myself. The strangest thing was, he knew me. After a couple of minutes, I recognized him, too.”
“Who was it Geri?”
Geri hesitated before answering. “His name is Bill Jones.” Toby felt his heart jump up in his chest, but realized it didn’t hurt as much as he’d expected it to. After what seemed like a long time, Geri held out his hand to show Toby he only had one stone left, and then spoke again. “Anyway, he told me that if I
should see you around, I should tell you two things. The first thing I’m supposed to let you know is that his tattoo is gone. Bill said he didn’t need an alias anymore. He thinks he’s finally figured out who he is.” Toby nodded and Geri continued. “I didn’t understand the other thing he told me to tell you. I know what the word means, but I don’t know why he wanted to me to pass it along.”
“What was the word, Geri?”
“Thanks.” Geri shrugged his shoulders and tossed in his stone. “You have any idea why he wanted me to tell you ‘thanks’? Seems kind of strange to me, given all that happened.”
Toby threw in his last pebble and thought about it while he waited for the ripples to die. He decided he probably did know, but the only answer he gave was, “Maybe.”
After he spoke, a small chime sounded in the distance. Geri looked over his shoulder and then back at Toby. “That’s the warning bell, so I just have a second or two more. Listen up, ‘cause I have two more things to say. The first is I did love you, Toby, and the second is, you’ll find the real thing one day soon. In fact, I think you’ll…”
The chime sounded again and Geri mouthed, “Sorry,” as he faded away. The glow from the headstones slowly died away, and then there was another bright flash. He was no longer standing by the big pond, but was now seated in a high backed wooden chair. Everything around him was black and white, and his knew he was in his mother’s picture. Toby saw her high above him, snapping away from different heights and angles. She let the camera hang from the strap around her neck, and held another print in her hands. She handed it to him, and this time, she spoke. “This is him, Toby, the one you’ll love, and be loved by, for all of your life…. You want to see who it is?”
Hard Job: Reightman & Bailey Book Two Page 35