by B. C. Falls
“I’m content in your arms.” I tighten my hold on her. “Right here with you. It’s like I’m finally who I’m supposed to be. All my worries fade when you hold me, Dane.”
“Do you worry a lot?”
She sighs. “I was diagnosed with depression a year or so ago, after I ended things with Jeff. After Kady came into my life things got better.” I know she is trying to feed me small bits of it but it’s not enough. I need all of it.
“Royce, please just talk to me.” Her turquoise painted nails move over my chest running through the bit of hair I have there.
I wait for what seems like forever. “Jeff beat me,” my hold on her tightens again, but this time I tighten my arm so much she’s practically on top of me. She throws her leg over mine and moves her arm so it’s wrapped around my chest. “In the beginning it was fine, you know? Honeymoon phase. I thought he was just possessive, which I thought was hot. Well, it quickly turned into jealousy that got me hurt. Classic abusive relationship. He’d call me during class, I couldn’t answer, I’d get home and he’d bruise me somewhere unseen. I met Kady and he was always so good with her that it made me think he was changing.”
“Did he hurt Kady?”
“He’d met her a couple times. Made kind of an impact on her but he never touched her. I made sure it was always me. His anger was always when he was drunk or when we were at home.”
“How long?”
“Three years,” I cringe at the thought of her going through that. I hate that she went through that at all. I need to hurt him. Fucking kill him. The rage in my veins is all consuming but I keep on breathing because she needs this. “After I left him, which was ridiculously hard to do since he would beat me so I couldn’t leave, I got a therapist. She said I had abandonment issues cause of my mom, which was true. She also told me it was why I stayed with him for so long. Prone to abuse or some shit. I hated that. It made me feel weak. Incredibly weak. I went into a fit of depression. Drinking and doing wrong all over the place.”
“What kind of wrong?” I don’t care. I honestly don’t care at all if she slept around.
I wait again. Wait until she finds the courage to tell me. “Thirteen guys. All random. I almost failed out of school. I barely saw Kady in those first couple months.”
“It doesn’t matter to me, Royce.”
She takes a deep breath like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. “When Kady called me one night a week after she’d been left by her parents, I was drunk. I wasn’t wasted or out of it, but I was drunk. I hadn’t seen Kady in a couple weeks but had kind of texted her through out. She never said anything to me about her parents leaving though. The guy I was with kept trying to get me to stay, but I knew I had to go so I kept saying no.” This sends my boiling blood to new heights. “Even though I said no, I didn’t fight him when he…” the feel of her tears against my chest tells me what I need to know.
“Fuck Royce!”
She tightens her hold on me this time but I don’t give a shit about the pain. Her pain is what I’m worried about. “I got to Kady the next morning. She was on the floor of the kitchen in the fetal position with her hands clutching a note her parents had left her. It basically said how they couldn’t help care for her anymore, but in a really shitty way. They didn’t say they loved her. They didn’t even say goodbye. That was worse than anything I had been through because they were her parents. They had an amazing daughter and they just walked away from her like she was nothing! I took her back to my place, got social services to let me be her temporary guardian and put into motion the adoption. My therapist gave me pills and I stopped drinking all the time. She told me it was just a phase of the depression, that I wasn’t an alcoholic, and then Kayden came up.”
The rage moving through me is all too much. All consuming. I can’t act on any of it. I need to be here, give her my strength as much as I can. I’ll call Dallas though. He’ll take care of it. He knows people.
“I told Kayden enough. Dane you can’t tell anyone else.”
“You can’t make me promise that!” She tenses and slightly pulls away.
“You can’t, Dane!” the pleading in her eyes makes me want to promise. But…I can’t. I won’t. “Dane,” she pushes on my chest but I don’t budge.
“I’m not promising that, if I get the chance, I won’t kill Jeff or that other fucker.” She sits up and pulls her legs up to her chest. The tears running down her cheeks kill me. “Royce, what they did to you is unforgivable,” I reach up and move my thumb over her cheek catching her tears. “As your man, I can’t just not do anything about it.”
“What about you? You’ll get hurt or go to jail.”
“I won’t. I promise you that.”
“Dane please,” she moves, leaning over and putting her hands on either side of my cheeks. “I’m begging you to let it go. I have. I have moved on from that part of my life. I’ve gotten my strength back. Kady gave me a reason to live. I might still have moments that make me feel small or unimportant, but I know that I have so much to live for now. That part of my life is over.”
“Yes it is. It’ll stay that way, baby. I won’t let anyone ever hurt you again.” I pull her face down to mine, sinking my fingers into her perfect dirty blonde hair and holding it in my fist. “I’ll always protect you,” I say against her lips, “But I can’t promise you that I won’t do something given the chance.” She moves away from me quickly. “Royce,” I reach for her but she gets out of my grasp. The pain shoots down my back when I try to get up to catch her before she goes into the bathroom. Boxer follows her and she only closes the door when he gets inside. “Royce,” I groan.
“No,” she yells back.
“Come back here. Please,” I beg. My voice is so low and begging I feel like my balls shriveled up. “Royce!” When she doesn’t make a move to come out I slowly get up from the bed. The pain shoots to my toes first and I can barely make it around the bed. It literally takes me five minutes to go from my side around to the other. I take a couple deep breaths at the door before I move forward. Because she thought I couldn’t move she didn’t lock it. “Royce,” I turn the knob and it opens wide. She gasps when I come in. I take whatever I have left and pick her up quickly.
“Dane, your back!” she tries to push herself away from me but I don’t let her go. I throw us down on the bed pinning her half way under me so she can’t get away this time.
“Fuck,” I lean my head down on hers trying to slow my breathing down and conquer the pain coursing through me.
“I would’ve come out,” she says, her fingers running through my hair. Her touch eases my pain just enough for me to calm down.
“Don’t do that again and I won’t have to come get you,” I lean down putting my mouth against her neck. “I’m sorry.”
“I know you well, Dane. Well enough to know better than to ask you to not do anything if given the chance. Just promise me you won’t do anything to increase the chance of something happening. Don’t ask Dallas for help.”
I nod my head. “I won’t, but if I ever see Jeff, I’m going to kick his fucking ass. Jesus will have to come down off the cross to help that mother fucker.” She starts to laugh hard which only sends waves of pain through me. I roll over with a huge groan until I’m on my back again. “Fuck.”
“Shit! I’m sorry,” she’s still laughing. “Cheezus, that was so funny.” I look over at her and smile. Royce has always been incredibly beautiful to me, but when she laughs or smiles it’s like a whole new wave of emotions comes over me. “Where did you get that one?” I grunt. She rolls over onto her side and runs her hand over my beard then up into my hair, soothing me again. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.”
“That’s my word,” I grunt again. “Sleep?” more grunting. She laughs as she leans over giving me a small kiss before settling into my side. Like the man I am I ignore the pain and wrap my arm around her waist to pull her closer to me. “There’s more,” she whispers.
“More?�
� I ask confused. “Oh. To your story,” I sigh because I’m tired as hell and my body hurts.
“We can talk about it later though. I’m really tired and can’t have sex with my boyfriend, and I just revealed a huge part of my life to you so let’s just sit on it.”
“Okay baby.”
“How do you do that?” I look down at her confused. “Just let shit go? I’ve asked you to wait so many times for me to tell you everything and every time you are just okay with it.”
“I want to know everything, Royce, I do. But I’m not going to sit here and beg for it. I’ll wait patiently just like you waited patiently those first two months until I let you have sex with me.”
She laughs. “Let me have sex with you?”
“Yeah baby. I know you couldn’t resist me and it was fun watching you get all worked up every time we made out.”
“Wow, your ego is huge!” she laughs at me again.
“Just like my dick,” I say, sort of jokingly. When she rolls her eyes I move my lips to hers giving her a small weakening kiss before pulling away. “Night baby.”
“Night,” she smiles at me before settling herself into my side.
CHAPTER TEN
Royce
Dane woke up four hours after the last time we woke up the first night. He’s in pain and it’s way too much for me to handle. Every time he groans or moves I quickly try to gather as much strength as I can. He’s been there for me, even though my wounds aren’t physical and his are.
“You okay?” Kady asks Dane from the back seat. Boxer is next to her.
We’re on our way to the beach where his parents house is and I’m currently trying to avoid getting mad at my ridiculously good looking man. I’ve been a hot mess for the last week. We have not been having sex at all, which is hard for me because he’s been on me every night and day since we first had sex. I was so used to it all the time up until this point and now it’s like… nothing! I’m always fucking wet, especially since he’s been shirtless lately and barely keeps his freaking pants on when we’re at the house. We’ve done nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“Fine Princess,” he tells her, but I see it in his features. Of course he insisted on driving. We fought for ten minutes about it. Stupid, big, stubborn, hot man. “Here we are!”
“I’m driving home,” I tell him. Dane doesn’t roll his eyes often at me but he’s doing it now, and damn if rolling eyes isn’t hotter than hell when he does it. “Seriously. I’m driving.”
“Royce is driving,” Kady tells us making me laugh.
“Is this how it’s going to be, you two ganging up on me?” Dane asks.
I look back at Kady. “Oh, you bet it is,” Kady says with a wicked smile. Love that girl.
Dane stops his truck near the front of a beach house. “Come on, ladies,” he starts to get out too fast but quickly stops when he realizes he can’t move that fast yet.
When Kady and Boxer get out, I reach over taking his hand. “Baby please,” I sound so pathetic but I don’t care one bit. The man is overexerting himself.
“I’m fine, Royce,” his words tell me he his, but I know that look. I’ve seen it way too much the last week.
“Why do you keep saying that? You aren’t!” He pulls his hand away from me. “Dane, this is bullshit.”
“I’m a man, Royce and I’m fine.”
“Oh, the fucking man card, huh?” I get out quickly and make my way to Kady.
“Royce!” Kady yells from the side of the house, she’s got a huge smile on her face by the time I reach her. Boxer is jumping around our legs like he’s a little puppy, which I love. He’s not used to being out like this. We do go out but it’s nothing like this lately. Being able to enjoy something new is something he really enjoys.
When we first moved back here, the first place we went was the beach. Kady had never seen it before and it had been years since I had. It’s one of the reasons Dane brought us here today. He said he wanted Kady to have a little piece of his childhood, which was usually always spent at the beach. I love that he wants to include her in everything. I love that he wants both of us. “Come on, Royce!” I laugh as Kady takes my hand and pulls me towards the beach. The side of the house is amazing and I know that we should be meeting his parents, but I can’t help but want to do this with her. I just wish he was by our side.
“Is Dane coming?” Kady asks. We’re all but running towards the water, Boxer on our heels.
“I don’t know, babe. I think he’s talking to his parents,” I tug on her hand slowing her down. “Kady, we don’t live far away now. We don’t have to run,” I say with a laugh.
“I know,” she slows down next to me, Boxer doesn’t. We follow him to the water and get our feet wet. Kady’s smile is so bright, definitely not a fake smile like I’ve seen from her so many other times. Seeing her like this makes my whole life come together.
After a while we take a seat in the sand. I wrap my arm around Kady’s shoulders and bring her into my side. Boxer lays his head on my lap, his wet tongue slightly touching my bare legs gives me a bit of a chill. “Do you miss Kentucky?”
“No,” I’ve known her long enough to know that she’s not done. There is a certain no she uses that means just no, and this isn’t that. “I miss them.”
“It’s okay to miss them,” I tell her. “I miss my mom sometimes.”
“That lady that came to the house last week?” Kady looks up at me, hope in her eyes.
“Yeah, that was my mom. She isn’t healthy. Like your parents,” she leans her head down on my shoulder again. “Her drug is meth. Most of my life was like what you’ve been through. Probably a little less though. She never wanted to leave me, she just wasn’t always around.”
“Why’d they leave me?” I can hear the pain in her voice. “Was I not enough?”
“You are enough,” Both of us turn to find Dane standing behind us. He quickly sits down behind me, getting as close to me as possible before wrapping his arm around Kady. I let go of her so he can bring her closer to him. “Your parents aren’t right for leaving you, Kady. It is their loss. They’ll never know the amazing girl you are or the amazing woman you’ll be.”
“I just miss them sometimes and I hate it.”
“I’m sure they miss you,” I say, “I would miss you if you were gone.” Kady smiles. “Are you happy, Kady? Here with me.”
“Us,” Dane corrects. I lean back against him so he knows that I didn’t mean anything by it.
“I am. You saved me, Royce.” I reach for her hand lacing our fingers together. “I might be naive sometimes or not know all that much about the world, but I know enough to understand what you’ve done for me. Understand what you’ve given up.”
“I would do it again, Kady. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Dane leans down kissing the top of her head.
All four of us turn around at the sound of a picture being taken. Maddie is there in a red bikini top and a pair of shorts holding her phone up. “That is going to be an amazing picture for the mantle,” she says staring at it. “Hey ladies!” I stand first walking to her. “How’s the blood?” she says with a laugh.
“Very funny,” I hug her. “Kady, this is Maddie, Dane’s sister and my doctor,” Kady walks up to us. She shyly takes Maddie’s hand.
“Nice to meet you, Kady.”
“You’re a doctor?” Kady asks.
“I am.” Kady smiles wide. “And what are you?”
Kady laughs, “I go to high school.”
“Well, I heard you swim, don’t ya?” Kady nods. “Well, how about a race?”
“In the ocean?” Kady asks a huge smile on her face. “Are you sure you want to lose?”
Dane chuckles deep. He’s now standing next to me with his arm around my waist. “Oh, you think you can beat me?” Maddie asks.
“No,” Kady starts taking her shirt off. Of course she has her bathing suit underneath. “I know I can!”
“You’re on!” Maddie starts taking her
shorts off. “You see that buoy out there?” Maddie points out and Kady looks. “Around the buoy and back. First one to the beach wins.”
“I’m so gonna win,” Kady says. “Come on!” she takes off running before Maddie is ready.
Maddie looks at me with a smirk. “Sneaky little one,” she says before she takes off after Kady.
I turn around watching them jump into the water. “Royce,” Dane whispers in my ear. His arms wrap around me, holding me to him. “I’m sorry.”
I take a deep breath letting my anger from earlier slowly dissipate. I lean back against him, letting his soul consume mine. “I just don’t want you to hide from me.”
“I’m in pain baby, but it’s not that bad. Mostly discomfort that I can handle. So please don’t worry about me.”
“I care about you, Dane. It’s why I worry. If you hurt, I hurt.”
“Same baby,” he slowly turns me in his arms bringing his hands up to my face. He’s about to say it. I can see it in his eyes, but he doesn’t get a chance.
“Is this Royce?” We both turn around.
She’s beautiful. Perfectly curly, dark brown hair hangs just over her light brown slender shoulders. It’s longer than mine and ridiculously perfect, like I want her hair dresser’s phone number immediately. Her smile is soft but her eyes, deep brown, are looking at me in amazement.
“Mom,” Dane says letting me go. He steps up to the older woman, maybe sixty or so. He wraps his arm around her. I notice then that it’s for support and not because he’s greeting her. Though she is beautiful, she looks fragile. “You should’ve waited inside,” he tells her. “I wouldn’t have kept her all to myself.”
“Shh,” she slaps his chest looking up at him like he’s everything to her. Her little hand touches his cheek, running over his beard like I’ve done so many times. “I wanted to meet the girl you’re going to marry. I didn’t want to wait for you to bring her to me. Lord knows I’ve waited forever already,” she tries to keep her voice low so I can’t hear her but I’m not far away.
It doesn’t shock me though. Not at all, actually. I’m not afraid of the what if’s with Dane because I know he cares about me. I know he wants that forever, with me. We might not have said the three words everyone wants to hear from their significant other, but I know we both feel it. It’s just a matter of time before we do and I’m sure he’s not saying it because he thinks that I’ll run.