I Need A Gangsta: Book Two (Gucci Gang Saga 2)

by B. Love

  Christian chuckled as she asked, “Why he gotta be fucked up? Weren’t you in love with him?”

  “I was, but I was fucked up for loving his fucked up ass! I let a lot of shit slide that if I would have paid attention to would have spared me, but because I loved him, I didn’t want to know the truth. But eventually, I had to think about the fact that I was raising three girls, and I had to set a better example for y’all. So as hard as it was, I had to listen to my intuition and seek the truth. For y’all, I had to release him and be alone even though Lord knows I didn’t want to be.”

  “Was he ever good? Ever consistent? Ever faithful? Or had it always been shit? I know he was a good father when he was around, but was he at least trying to be a good man to you?”

  Sitting back in her seat, Porsha crossed her arms over her chest as she thought over Christian’s question. Her eyes went to the lit candle on the edge of their table.

  “He was good in the beginning, that’s how he got me. Ricky was everything I wanted and needed. When I told him I loved him and accepted his lie of one day marrying me, things started to change. By the time we had you, I began to see the real him.”

  “Why did you stay?”

  “At that point, I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to raise you alone, and even though he wasn’t the best man, he was a man. A man that I loved. So I stayed. I was… naïve and hopeful that one day he would become the man he used to be. I had so much faith in your father, and I suffered waiting for him to treat me the way I knew he was capable of treating me. But the truth of the matter was, he didn’t have to because I settled for less than I deserved.”

  Christian let a few beats of silence pass before saying, “Well, at least you got three beautiful daughters out of it.”

  Porsha smiled as she nodded in agreement. “I most certainly did.”

  Their conversation shifted to work because Christian didn’t want her to have to go immediately into talking about Derrick after having such a heavy conversation about her father. Every so often, her mind would take her back to Ricky. To the last time she saw him. How he gave each of them a small bear, hug, and kiss, and told them that he loved them no matter what. Leigh still had her bear, and Christian threw hers away when she realized he was never coming back. Maria’s was still in her old room at Porsha’s place – holding no sentimental value to her at all.

  Midway into her meal, Christian couldn’t resist texting Leigh, You talked to mama about your daddy?

  Leigh: He yo daddy too!

  Christian: Bruh. Did she tell you about him?

  Leigh: She told me she needed to talk to me about him but I hadn’t stopped by to see what was up yet.

  Christian: We’re at J. Alexanders. Pull up.

  Leigh: Order me some chicken tenders or save me some of yours.

  Christian: How you know that’s even what I got?

  Leigh: Gucci!

  With a chuckle, Christian put her phone back in her purse. She had gotten her usual chicken tenders, fries, and mac and cheese while Porsha had salmon and smashed potatoes.

  “So what happened between you and Derrick to have you looking all sad?” Christian pried. She couldn’t wait any longer.

  “I’ll need a shot from the bar to talk about that.”

  With a chuckle, Christian agreed. “Okay, let’s order. I’m buying anyway. And Leigh is on her way up here demanding chicken tenders.”

  She looked around the restaurant for their waitress, and when they locked eyes she came over to their table. Christian ordered three shots of Jack Daniels and an order of chicken tenders for Leigh. They decided to wait until Leigh arrived to take their shots, plus, Porsha wanted to tell this story as few times as possible.

  It took Leigh about seven minutes to make it to the restaurant, and when she arrived her food was just coming out. After they took their shots, she began to eat, and Porsha filled them in on why her relationship had ended. Christian couldn’t help but notice Leigh hadn’t taken her shot, but she wouldn’t question her about it yet.

  “He basically got tired of waiting,” she started, avoiding both sets of their eyes. “Derrick wants marriage and kids of his own, and I understand that, but I’m not ready or willing to give him either.”

  “Why not?” Leigh asked, covering her full mouth. “Don’t tell me it’s because of Ricky.”

  Rolling her eyes, Christian chuckled.

  “Yes and no. Yes because no matter how different they are or how good Derrick is, I always wonder in the back of my mind if he’s hiding something. No because I feel as if I can trust myself enough now to not choose another man who could be capable of doing something like that to me again.”

  “So why don’t you want to marry him then?” Christian asked.

  “I just don’t put much stock into that kind of stuff anymore. It used to be my biggest dream to get married and start my family. I have you all, so I’m content.”

  “Did you tell him you don’t want any more kids?”

  “I told him that I would think about it, but I don’t.”

  “So he was right to break up with you then?”

  “Yea, I guess. He wants his own children and I can’t fault him for that. If the roles were reversed, I probably would have left too. I just wish he would have been content with just me.”

  “But that’s not fair. We all need and receive different kinds of love from different people in our lives,” Christian said to her mother, though she was looking at her sister. “The love you get from God you can’t get from anyone else. You can’t get the love you give yourself from anyone else. Same thing with your spouse. And kids. That love and joy is different for each one

  “The joy you get from your relationship with him isn’t the same joy you get when you’re with your kids. He may be one hundred percent content with his relationship with you, but he will never be able to get from you what he needs to get from becoming a father.”

  Porsha didn’t reply right away as she smiled. “When did you get to be so wise?”

  Shrugging, Christian glanced over at Leigh as she chugged her water.

  “I read a lot of books and the bible and have deep conversations with Nash now. So I guess I’m starting to see things differently.”

  “That’s good, and I’m really, really proud of you.” Porsha looked over at Leigh as she added, “Both of you.”

  Leigh’s mouth remained open as she looked from one to the other before slowly putting the honey mustard covered piece of chicken in her hand into her mouth.

  “Have you not eaten all day,” Christian checked.

  “Not since breakfast. You know my stomach was messed up a while ago. I’m just now getting to a place where what I eat doesn’t bother me as much. I’m making up for lost time.”

  “Umhm. Let me find out.”

  “Let you find out what?”

  Smirking, Christian returned her attention to her mother. “I’m sorry to hear that you two parted ways. He was really good for you, and you were good for him.”

  Porsha sighed as she pushed her almost empty plate to the right of her. “Yea. I wish I could have held on to him, but I can’t be selfish. If he wants children, I have to honor that.”

  “Will you ever consider it one day?”

  “I’m forty-eight years old.”

  “And? Evelyn had her last child when she was fifty,” Christian countered.

  “That pussy got two more years left. At least,” Leigh added.

  “Watch your mouth,” Porsha scolded after laughing. “I’m not talking about my pussy with you youngin’s.”

  “Why not? We had to talk about ours with you!”

  “Leigh!” Christian almost yelled, pushing her in the shoulder gently. “Leave her alone.”

  Sucking her teeth, Leigh returned her attention to her food. “What you summon me for since we ain’t being real in this bitch?”

  “I’m still trying to figure out how the hell I got stuck with your crazy ass,” Porsha wondered with a
serious expression on her face. “Did I drink too much?”

  “Ma!” Leigh yelled, dropping her half eaten chicken tender back into her plate.

  “Alright, alright. You are my special baby though.” Porsha chuckled as Leigh’s pout turned into a smile. “Your father would like to speak with you, if you’re willing.”

  Leigh’s smile fell. She scratched her ear – proof that she was in deep thought. Christian slid her shot more in her direction, but Leigh shook her head.

  “Why you not drinking?”

  “I got a job after I leave here.”

  That may have been true, but there was something else going on, and Christian was determined to figure it out. She didn’t know if her sister was pregnant or sick. If she were pregnant, she felt as if Leigh would have told her by now, but if she was sick, that was something she’d keep to herself.

  “Umhm. So are you going to give him your number or call him?”

  With a shrug, Leigh lowered her head as it shook. “I don’t know. Are you?”

  “Nah, but that shouldn’t sway you. If you need to, you need to.”

  Leigh sighed as she scratched her ear again. “I don’t want him to have my number. You can airdrop me his, but I don’t know if I will use it yet.”

  “That’s more than okay. Whatever you decide,” Porsha assured.

  Nodding, Leigh returned her attention to her food. She ate pretty much in silence while Porsha and Christian continued to chat. By the time she was done, she’d gotten a call from someone that put a small smile on her face. After Christian paid, they all headed out for their cars. They said goodbye to Porsha first, then Christian walked Leigh to her car.

  “You good,” she checked, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “Yea. Just hate he had to come with this bullshit now. I got enough on my plate to think about without adding him to the equation.”

  “Well, you know I’m here – whenever you need to talk and release that shit.”

  Leigh smiled and nodded before hugging Christian. Christian smiled as her eyes watered. She tried to release as much love and peace into their hug as she possibly could before releasing her sister.

  Once they headed their separate ways, Christian texted Nash to see what time he planned to be home so she could head that way. Before she could send her text to him, she received a call from Tyrell. For a few seconds, she just stared at his name on her phone. Eventually she answered and returned her attention to the road.

  “You good?”

  “Hey. Yea. No. Can I meet you real quick?”

  The dis-ease in his tone alarmed Christian something serious. He didn’t even sound this bad when she broke up with him. Something horrible must have happened.

  “Uh, yes. Yea. I’m on my way home now. Is Trent okay?”

  “…I’ll meet you there.”

  Tyrell disconnected the call without answering her question about Trent, worrying her even more. She drove to her home as safely and quickly as she could. When she arrived, Trent wasn’t there yet, so she called Nash to avoid overthinking and worrying more.

  “Gucci,” he answered, getting an immediate smile out of her.

  “Boo, I’m so distraught,” she said calmly, knowing if she sounded scared or angry, he’d pull up on her with no hesitation.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “First, the lunch I had with Mommy and Leigh was full of highs and lows. My dad is trying to get back in the picture, Ma and Derrick aren’t together anymore, and something is definitely off with Leigh, but I can’t figure out what. And on my way home, Tyrell called me sounding all depressed asking if he could stop by. When I asked him was Trent okay, he basically rushed me off the phone. Now I’m worried that something has happened to my little brother.”

  “Close your eyes and take some deep breaths for me.” Doing as she was told, Christian closed her eyes and inhaled three deep breaths. “The only thing that has anything to do with you is your father. Everything else is problems that belong to other people. I need you to care but release that for me, aight?” Christian nodded. “Carrying their problems won’t help them solve them. Porsha gon’ be good and Leigh will too. If they need you, they’ll call.”

  “You’re right.”

  “With Trent, I don’t know, but there’s no point in you getting worked up. You will find out what it is when he comes over. Just focus on something else to get your mind off of it until he arrives.”

  “You’re right,” she sighed, resting her head on the headrest. “I love you.”

  “You gon love me more when you come over and I let you sit on my face.”

  Opening her eyes, a wide grin covered her face. “I will smother your ass, Nash.”

  “And? I’ll go to glory with a smile on my face and your pussy on my lips.”

  “Nash!”

  “You smiling?”

  It grew wider than she thought was possible. “Yes.”

  “Good.”

  Christian watched as Tyrell pulled into her driveway next to her car. “Alright, boo. He’s here. I’ll call you once he leaves. Or just text me and let me know what time you want to me come over tonight.”

  “That’s why your ass need a key so you can already be there waiting for me. But aight, sweetheart.”

  After disconnecting the call, Christian got out of her car and leaned against the door. Tyrell walked over to her, and as hard as she tried, she couldn’t read his expression. He didn’t look super sad, so she knew it wasn’t anything too, too bad, but he definitely looked disturbed.

  “Hey,” he greeted, pulling her into his arms for a hug.

  Christian hugged him back, figuring he needed the comfort. “What’s wrong, Tyrell?”

  After releasing her, Tyrell leaned against the car next to her. “I’ve been struggling with telling Trent he was my son ever since we broke up. Something about losing you made me realize how important it was for me to tell him the truth. I feel like you will always be my one that got away, and even though we probably wouldn’t have worked forever, I really did love you. Knowing that me not telling you the truth was the reason we broke up fucked with me.

  “I don’t think I can have a solid relationship with any woman if our foundation is built on a lie. Not even Fallon.”

  “So y’all trying to do the family thing now?”

  He nodded slowly. “For the moment. Truthfully, we never really worked because we were young and dumb. Then when I got out, we couldn’t be together because she was leaving for college. And when she came back, being parents to TJ was our priority. There’s never really been a moment where we felt like it was our time, but I’ve always loved her.”

  “That’s understandable. She’s the mother of your children and your young lover. Those are always the strongest.”

  He smiled. “Hell yea.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  Tyrell ran his hand down his face as he sighed. “I talked to her about it and we agreed to tell Trent the truth now. Eventually, we want him to move in with me. And of course if things work out with me and Fallon romantically her and TJ will too. So I told him earlier and he hates me.” Tyrell’s head hung. “He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.” His head shook. “I think I broke him.”

  And his voice broke.

  And the sight of him fighting back tears was enough to break her heart.

  Turning, she took Tyrell into her arms. “I’m so sorry, Tyrell,” she whispered, rubbing his back. “He has a right to be angry now, and I’m sure he’s confused too, but he won’t always hate you. And even if you did break him, now he has the opportunity to love you with a different kind of love because his heart is open. Broken. But capable of still letting love in.”

  Tyrell didn’t reply. He only cried harder. And Christian held him longer.

  When he had calmed down, Tyrell released her. Before she could see his tear stained face, he turned his back to her and wiped his tears away.

  “Would you like to come in for a drink or something?”
she offered, unsure of what else to say.

  He nodded and followed behind her like a sad puppy. Heading straight for her liquor collection, Christian fixed herself a lemon drop and poured him a glass of Hennessy. After handing it to him, they got comfortable in her living room.

  “Have you considered counseling?” she asked. “If he doesn’t want to talk to you, a family counselor may be the best, safest place for him to express how he feels. He definitely doesn’t need to bottle it up or he won’t heal, and he’ll end up triggered as fuck as an adult.”

  “I know. No offense, but you and your sisters were my motivation to tell him too. Even though my father wasn’t in my life, I had an uncle who damn near raised me. But I saw through y’all just how fucked up you can be as an adult without your father around. Even TJ seems different having me around. Trent is a good kid, but he seems… lost in a sense. Like he’s searching for ways to please and fit in. And I can’t help but wonder if it’s because he’s a teenager or because he’s been missing out on a father.”

  “It could be a mixture of both. He is at that age where his friends are his life and he’s very impressionable. I think y’all will get through this though.”

  Tyrell nodded as he took a sip of his drink. “I was wondering if you could talk to him? He really looks up to you. I’ll look into the family counseling thing too, but until then, if you could try to get into his head for me, I’d appreciate it.”

  “Of course. I got you.”

  Tyrell took her hand into his but quickly dropped it. “I appreciate you more than you know. And I really am sor–”

  “Don’t. I’ve healed and moved on. It’s not necessary.”

  This time when Tyrell took her hand into his, he didn’t release it. “You seem… different. Now that you’re with him.”

  Unable to hold her smile in, Christian nodded. “How so?”

  “You seem happier of course. More at peace. I don’t know another word other than lighter. Just some about you that’s… easier.”