by Calia Read
“Ah, hell,” Max muttered.
Her parents stood in front of us. We all stood there, poised like chess pieces, waiting to see who would make the next move.
Lana’s dad smiled. He stretched his hand out to Max. “It’s good to see you.”
And then her dad looked in my direction. “Naomi.”
I forced myself to say hi. He didn’t know I knew and I reminded myself that, for now, it needed to stay that way. So I played the role of a guest having a great time. Smiled at this and nodding at that. It didn’t mean it was easy though. My fingers were so tightly laced behind my back my circulation was close to being cut off.
I pictured a parallel universe where I could just leave my body. I would move throughout the crowd and no one would notice me. When I was a safe distance from Lana’s dad, I’d watch as he pretended to be the perfect husband. And in this parallel universe, I would raise my hand. Index finger pointed, thumb lifted. Here was my gun.
I’d aim at his onyx heart.
Pull the trigger.
Bang.
Wouldn’t it be lovely if everything in our imagination were real?
Lana’s dad would disappear off the face of the Earth. Her pain would evaporate and a fresh new start would be before her. We’d all live happily ever after.
I kept picturing that parallel universe. Until Max looked down at me.
Whoosh.
Slam.
I was pushed back into reality.
“Dance with me,” Max said, and before I could answer him he put his hands on my shoulder, gently guiding me to the dance floor.
“I know what you’re doing,” I said out of the corner of my mouth.
“Then just go along with me.”
He wrapped his arm around my waist, guiding me closer, until we were only a hair’s breadth apart. I moved at the right time, and smiled at the people around us, but my heart wasn’t in it. I could feel Lana’s dad’s cold eyes following us around the room. Max squeezed my hip. I looked up.
“Don’t let him ruin tonight,” he said.
“It’s kind of hard not to.”
“Where’s the Naomi from earlier? The one with the sparkle in her eye?”
“Hiding,” I mumbled. “Like any sane person.”
Max bent close and said for my ears only, “Fuck him. Pretend he’s not here.”
That was impossible to do. Just then I heard Lana’s dad laugh. My shoulders tensed. Anger started to build inside of me. The song finished. The drunk man was back at Max’s side, starting up a whole new conversation. Max’s hand curved around my waist. As they talked, I looked over my shoulder. I spotted Lana’s dad instantly. He had a drink in his hand, taking small sips as another guest talked to him. But then that guest patted Lana’s dad on the shoulder and walked away. Her dad was alone.
Here was my chance. Max was distracted enough that I could slip away.
“I’m gonna go get a drink real quick.”
Max nodded and I walked toward the bar before I made a beeline for Lana’s dad. His wife’s back was turned. She was talking to a group of ladies, waving her hands dramatically as she told a story.
I walked right past her and moved closer to Lana’s dad. I saw nothing but red. My anger overpowered common sense and I went in for the kill.
I stopped next to him. He turned as if in slow motion. His lips curved up into a smile and the longer I stood there, staring into his eyes the angrier I became. I had so much I wanted to say. So much pent-up rage inside of me that I didn’t know where to start.
The longer I stood there, saying nothing to him, the quicker his smile faded. I opened my mouth, and took a deep breath, ready to tell Lana’s dad everything I really thought about him. I wanted him to know that I knew. That I saw it all and that I would never let it happen again.
“Naomi,” Max laid his hand on my shoulder, stealing my one chance to tell Lana’s dad off. “It’s getting late. We should be going.”
My throat was closing. Lungs were constricting. Max tugged on my arm. I wanted to push him away. I wanted to say so much, but I didn’t. It felt like I was seconds away from passing out. It was almost as if my anger for Lana’s dad was so powerful and all consuming, my body couldn’t handle it.
Max smoothly maneuvered us through the crowd, all the while saying good-bye to a few guests. I remained tight lipped the entire time. I looked over my shoulder. Lana’s dad was staring at us with calculating eyes. Something was brewing inside that fucked up head of his. A plan was sliding into place, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared.
Okay, a lot scared.
When we exited the room, I jerked my arm out of his grasp. Max breathed through his nose and made no attempt to hold me again. We said nothing on the way to his car. And when I did get into the car, I slammed the door behind me.
He started the car and the radio blasted. It was some upbeat song and it was the last thing I wanted to hear. Max instantly turned off the radio, as if he could read my mind. I stared out the window, watching the many silhouettes coming from the ballroom windows. I had been so, so close.
Max turned in his seat. I knew he was staring at me, waiting for me to speak. But I could wait him out. I could wait all fucking night if I had to. Finally he gave up and pulled out of the parking space.
There was pent-up anger in both of us. It swirled around us. Made the air thick and heavy. We should have said something, anything, to release it. I couldn’t, though. I had too many thoughts ricocheting in my head. My mind refused to hold onto a single one.
Max’s eyes remained on the road. He took one hand away from the wheel and loosened his tie with impatient jerks. Streetlights were lined along the road, slanting dull yellow light across his face, letting me see his grim expression. His grip tightened on the steering wheel.
He broke the silence first.
“When I saw him, I had to control myself from wrapping my hands around his neck and choking him,” he confessed. Max looked over at me. “I didn’t think I’d have to worry about you.”
I stared straight ahead. The road seemed to go on forever. Headlights illuminated our faces for a millisecond before we were washed in darkness. I looked out of the window and saw nothing but a black landscape.
Neither one of us said a word the rest of the ride.
He pulled into his driveway and parked. The engine ticked slowly. “So this is how we’re going to end tonight?” he said.
I didn’t want tonight to end like this. This was the time where people relaxed and settled in for the evening. But the two of us were anything but relaxed. We were two ticking time bombs, only seconds away from exploding. I had to get out.
I grabbed the door handle, took one good look at Max before I slammed the door. My heels clicked against the ground. Not even a second later, another door slammed and I heard footsteps behind me. I walked up the porch steps.
Max gripped my arm. “Wait.”
I stopped in my tracks. He let go of my arm.
I paced the length of the porch, just listening to the sound of cicadas in the distance. I finally stopped and rested my palms on the railing. “I just can’t do it,” I said, “I can’t be around him.”
“Then don’t.”
“You make it sound so simple!” I whirled around, my anger finally getting the best of me. Max stared at me. In the depths of his eyes, I saw just how much this ate him up. “Tell me how to deal with this,” I said quietly.
I crossed my arms, rubbing my goose bumps away. Max was silent. He stared at me thoughtfully and walked up the steps.
“I’ve talked to him,” he said.
I slowly straightened. Before he spoke, my heart had finally slowed down. But now it had picked back up, pounding wildly.
“What?” I asked.
He leaned against the railing and crossed his arms, staring at the floor. “He came to my office today and I told him that I knew everything.”
“What?” That seemed to be the only word I could say.
My fingertips dug into my skin as I stared at him.
“It makes me fucking sick to know this and not do anything about it. So I reacted,” Max explained. “He had an appointment with me this morning. He talked about stocks and money and the whole time I pictured myself reaching across the desk and choking the fucking life out of him.”
I swallowed. I’d had the same kind of thoughts. More than I’d like to admit.
“What did he say?” I finally asked.
His lips thinned. “He denied the whole thing.”
“He’s lying!” I shouted.
“You don’t think I know that?”
“Did he say anything else?”
Max stared at me, an inscrutable look on his face.
“I have to know,” I said slowly.
“He said nothing happened. Told me that he would never touch his daughter,” Max’s eyes darkened. “He smiled and told me he hoped these accusations wouldn’t affect our business relationship.”
My heart sank at his words. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
He cleared his throat and looked away. When he glanced back at me, his eyes had softened. “I didn’t want to ruin tonight.”
“You think he’s going to do anything to you?” I asked.
“No,” he said confidently, “I don’t. And I don’t want you to worry about him.”
“How can I not, though?”
Max pushed himself away from the railing and stood in the middle of the porch. “I don’t want him to ruin our night.” He moved in. I walked toward him. “Please, ignore him.”
I sighed and gave him a blunt nod.
“We were having fun before they arrived, right?” he said coaxingly.
It was the deep timbre of his voice and the intense look in his eyes that made my aggression break apart. What took its place was hunger. Blood roared underneath my skin. My hands started to shake from the urgency building up inside me.
He lifted a single brow and moved closer.
My body tensed with physical awareness. It was a slow tingle that spread through my body and had my breath coming out shaky and unsteady.
The last word that came out of my mouth was, “Yes.”
And then he took a step forward, gripped my face, and kissed me.
There was no meeting of the lips softly. It was a kiss meant to steal the breath away from me. A kiss that stole my fate within seconds.
Everything around us became hazy. Sounds became muted. We were locked in our own world. I couldn’t escape. And I didn’t want to escape.
I stood on my tiptoes, wrapped my hands around his neck. My fingers curled into his hair. We stumbled backwards. He pressed me into the door. His hands outlined my curves, thumbs pressing into my flesh. As his fingers moved up, he gripped my neck, holding me in place. Our lips and hands worked in tandem.
I tilted my head to the side, opened my mouth further, and I felt his tongue move against mine.
I took his jacket off. It fell to his feet. He hiked up my skirt until it was bunched around my waist. He lifted me and instinctively my legs locked around his waist.
I was working on the buttons of his shirt when he opened the front door. He pushed us inside. I held onto him tight and made sure my feet didn’t touch the floor.
The door slammed shut.
I lifted my head away from his for a quick second. A lamp was on in his office, casting us in a soft warm glow. The two of us were panting and I jerked his tie up and over his head and tossed it on the ground.
I grabbed his jaw with my palm, my fingers curling over his bottom lip. He looked at me. The hunger I had for him was like an addiction. It controlled me. It took away the power I thought I had and controlled every single action I made. I pressed my lips against his open mouth, still gripping his jaw with my fingers. He was caught off guard and I loved that. I licked the seam of his soft lips before I sunk my teeth into the lower one.
He hummed his response and walked forward. I pushed his shirt down his arms. My hands were frantic. Touching his shoulders. Gliding down his back. We bumped into a table. I heard a vase shatter. That didn’t stop us.
He walked us up the stairs as we were still grabbing, still touching each other everywhere. This all-consuming need was thrilling. There were no reservations. No boundaries. Nothing was stopping us from fucking each other right here.
My fingers blindly reached for his belt buckle. It jangled loudly as I jerked the strap free. I moved onto his zipper, slipped a hand inside his boxers and touched his cock. And in the middle of the stairs, Max dropped to his knees.
I was perched on the step above him. This new position didn’t stop me from reaching further into his pants and touching him with feather light touches. He started to breathe heavily. So I wrapped my hand around it. The soft skin was so warm, silky. I increased the pressure and moved my hand from base to tip. A dazed expression crossed his face within seconds.
One of his arms wrapped beneath my back. His hand cupped my ass, pressing me closer to him. The other hand curved around my thigh before it slipped underneath my dress. His palms touched my thighs. Fingertips drifted upward. My breath came out in shallow gasps. He looked up at me. Air crackled around us. His eyes stayed on mine as he slowly pulled my underwear down. The material grazed my skin. It moved over my knees. Trailed down my legs and caught on my heels.
Cool air touched my skin. I should’ve covered myself but I didn’t. Because in front of me I had a man who stared at me like he lived to do anything and everything for me.
I felt powerful and I never wanted the feeling to leave.
“I want to touch you right here.” His finger brushed against my clit.
My legs jerked.
He grabbed a condom from his wallet and put it on quickly.
“But I want to be in you even more.” His hands settled on the step above me and suddenly we were eye level. My thighs started to shake. “So I’m going to fuck you. And I’m going to watch your face as you scream my name.” His voice was so steady and deep, I could’ve come right then and there.
One pause. One look into my eyes. One moment to brace myself. I wrapped my fingers around one of the stairway rails.
He bent closer and said against my lips, “And you’re going to scream, Love.”
Then, with one quick thrust, he completely filled me. I closed my eyes and saw nothing but fragments of blinding white light. Sex with Max was just like his kisses, fast and all-consuming. Do or die. Now or never.
We found a rhythm that had me closing my eyes and groaning. I wanted more, though. So I lifted my hips obediently, meeting his thrusts. But, this time, I pressed my heels into his ass, holding him so tightly in me my eyes rolled in the back of my head. I watched as Max’s eyes closed. His mouth opened. Not a sound came out.
His hand covered mine over the railing. With every surge he squeezed his hold around me.
He started to gain speed. Each thrust became stronger and more powerful than the last.
My toes curled. My feet lifted. High heels fell off and tumbled down the stairs.
My orgasm was right there. It brewed in my body. It formed enough power for my back to arch and my hips to lift. I felt like I was moving higher and higher until I was levitating. I was weightless. No bones. Nothing holding me to the ground.
It was peace. It was mind blowing. All too quickly though, I was falling back to Earth.
My hands dropped heavily to my sides. My heart was close to beating out of my chest.
Max’s release followed right behind mine. I touched his back as his body strained. His chest heaved. Fingertips dug into my skin. Muscles flexed. He shuddered; an anguished groan tore from his throat.
His movements slowed before he collapsed onto me breathing heavily.
A moment later he lifted his head.
Neither of us said a word.
I stop talking.
&nb
sp; The memory becomes distant. I’m standing still, but it’s moving away slowly. Further, further, further. It becomes a small speck in my mind before it disappears altogether.
A shaky breath escapes me and I meet Dr. Rutledge’s gaze. Every time I tell her more of my story, I’m sucked back to those moments. It’s painful to come back to reality. I want to stay in my past where Max was waiting, where I still had Lana with me.
Dr. Rutledge looks at me with understanding before she looks down at her watch. “It’s already 5 p.m. We’ll resume tomorrow.”
God, yes. I can’t take much more. I need to get out of her office and make sure all my memories of Lachlan, Max and Lana stay here. I picture myself locking the door and tossing the key behind me and running far away.
I stand and walk to the door.
“Naomi?”
I wince and turn. Don’t tell me there is more.
“You did well today,” Dr. Rutledge says gently, with a hint of pride.
I shouldn’t bask in her words, but I do. She’s listening to me. She’s giving me a chance, and that shows me that maybe not every doctor in Fairfax is a total dumb ass.
Mary is waiting for me in the hallway. We walk toward the dining room for dinner. Neither of us says a word. I’m trying to leave behind Max and Lana in Dr. Rutledge’s office, but it’s impossible. They follow me everywhere.
I can’t escape them.
We stop outside of the dining room. “I’ll pick you back up in forty-five minutes,” Mary says before she walks away.
I’m twenty going on six. Hell, everyone here is. Everything I do here requires supervision. It was annoying the first time, but now I’m used to it.
The irony of this room is the layout. It looks like a classy restaurant. White pillars, a fireplace is between two sets of French doors. Dark blue carpet. Pale yellow walls, and of course, two large paintings of flowers hanging on the wall. I make sure to look at them once during every meal. I consider it my art therapy for the day.
I grab my food that consists of runny mac and cheese, a generous scoop of green beans and one slice of dry, chocolate cake. Plastic utensils and water.
There are tables scattered throughout the room. Some people sit together and talk. Some don’t. Some are like me and sit with no one. My only habit is sitting close to Pretend Mommy. She’s at her usual table, with her baby cradled in her arms.