Even though Aiden hadn’t performed with Violet Obsession in years, many people in town still saw him as a celebrity and it was time for that to change. If he was staying, he needed to make friends outside of me. It would give us each a chance to spend time with other people.
Who am I kidding?
I needed to spend time with other people. Aiden didn’t need my emotional mess on top of his own. Each day it got a little harder on me to pretend that everything was fine. At some point I wouldn’t be able to do that. I never imagined this when I told him I was making him get out of the house every week. The idea that I still loved Aiden seemed so remote. It had been a teenage crush, or at least I thought it had.
Aiden pulled out the stool and I climbed up onto it. He took the one beside me and flagged down the bartender, whose eyes practically popped out of his head when he realized who was sitting across from him.
“Hi…uh…what can I get you to drink tonight?”
“I’ll take a Vodka tonic.”
The bartender turned his attention to Aiden. “And for you?”
“Sam Adams, please.”
“You got it.”
The bartender left to get our drinks. Aiden leaned over to whisper in my ear, “A lot of these faces look familiar, but why are they all staring? It’s not like I haven’t been back for close to a year.”
“We went to high school with a lot of these people, but they haven’t really seen you. Not out where you’re part of the crowd.”
“We’ve been out before.”
“To dinner and the movies where we usually keep to ourselves. And now they’re a little starstruck.”
Aiden’s brow arched. “Starstruck?”
I giggled and rolled my eyes. Of course he would have no concept about the way the people in this town saw him. “You may not play anymore, but you and Jackson are celebrity gods round here. You should see the way people act when Jackson comes into town.”
His face fell for a moment. “He probably hasn’t been here in a while. At least not since I threw him out of my house.”
“Well, no. But you’re the only one who can fix that. Call him. See what he has to say.”
“I know.” His eyes searched the room. “Jackson remembers everyone’s names?”
“Almost. He also has come home a lot more over the years.”
The bartender set our drinks down in front of me. Aiden picked his up and lifted it to his lips, taking a long swig. He set it back down and turned to me. “Then I guess it’s up to you to reintroduce me.”
“I guess it is.” I picked up my own drink and took a sip, scanning the crowd trying to figure out where to start.
AJ Grant.
He sat on the other side of the bar near the corner. He had been part of Aiden and Jackson’s band when they were in high school. It didn’t surprise me that Aiden hadn’t recognized him. AJ had changed dramatically over the years. Still tall, the long, dark locks he’d sported in high school were now closely cropped and styled to perfection. As if on cue, he turned, catching my gaze, his dark chocolate eyes zeroed in on me. I winked and waved at him.
Bumping my shoulder into Aiden’s, I tilted my head in AJ’s direction. “I think there is definitely at least one person in this room you need to meet again.”
Aiden’s brows drew together. “Who?”
I grabbed my drink and hopped down from the stool. “Come on.”
He shrugged, but weaved through the crowd behind me. I honestly expected someone to stop him on the way. Nobody did.
AJ had swung around in his seat to face me.
“Lex.” He smiled. “I haven’t seen you out in a while.”
He wrapped me in an embrace. “I know. Been a little busy.” I stepped back and gestured to Aiden. “Aiden, you remember AJ Grant.”
Aiden’s eyes widened. “Holy shit, man, I didn’t even recognize you.” Aiden held his hand out. “How have you been?”
AJ took his hand. “Pretty good. I knew you were back, but I never seem to run into you.”
“Let’s just say I spent a lot of time home until the last few months.”
“Well, I’m glad to see you out. I heard you’re working at your dad’s office.”
Aiden moved closer the bar, turning to the side and resting is elbow on it. “Yeah. I started working there about six months ago. What about you? What have you been up to?”
“I’m a lawyer at Wells & Young.”
Aiden nodded. “My dad uses them for contracts.”
“I know. I’ve worked on a few.”
As their conversation dissolved into more talk of business, I slowly backed away, giving them the opportunity to catch up. And take a breather for myself. I found an empty seat a few spots down and ordered another drink.
AJ introduced Aiden to a few more people we went to high school with. I did my best to focus on the conversations I’d gotten sucked into with friends. But I found my eyes straying to Aiden, the easygoing smile that had been missing when I first found him in that bar now firmly back in place.
He worked the room like someone who never left. My stomach dropped every time he talked to another girl, at least until I noticed his eyes searching me out every once in a while. Almost like he wanted to make sure I hadn’t left.
I was in the middle of a conversation with Kate Berman, when a hand landed on my back. I glanced over my shoulder and met Aiden’s gray eyes.
“Hey. Having fun?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t realize how many people I knew in here. Everyone is so different.”
“They’d say the same thing about you if they hadn’t seen your face everywhere over the last few years.”
Aiden took the seat next to me. “I’m not that much different.”
I set my glass down and shook my head at the bartender when he offered me another one. “We all are. Whether we realize it or not.”
He twisted the empty bottle in his hands. “You’re not different. Still taking care of my ass when I need it.”
My heart stuttered in my chest. I opened my mouth to say something else when Aiden’s name was called and he turned his attention away from me.
I could argue that I’d changed dramatically since we were younger, but it would all be a lie.
Nothing had changed for me except age.
I still wanted Aiden and he didn’t even notice I was there.
21
Aiden
It had been over four months since Jackson and I last spoke. The dream I had about Lexi the night before weighing heavily on my mind. The time had come for me to fix what I broke. Chloe sat on the floor, playing with her alphabet blocks. Now or never. I didn’t know how long they would keep her attention before she got into something else, but I had to take advantage of the peace while I still had it.
I twisted my phone around in my hand, completely unsure what I should say to him. I knew I needed to apologize, but there was so much more I needed to say. The right words mattered.
Stop procrastinating.
Jackson and I had been friends for years. He had to know that everything that came out of my mouth was from the grief. Without its fog hanging over my head, I could finally see clearly. Clear enough to know that Jackson deserved an apology.
I stopped the phone mid rotation and chose his number from my contacts. It rang once. Twice. Three times. I wouldn’t blame him if he completely ignored my call.
“Hello.” There was a cautious tone to his voice I didn’t often hear from Jackson.
“Hey.”
Now I sounded like an idiot, but the moment he answered I forgot all the carefully planned speeches I had prepared in my head. I wasn’t the best at apologizing.
“Aiden. Still there?”
I didn’t know how long I sat there without saying a word. “Yeah, I’m here. I…uh…I…I called to apologize.” The last few falling out of my mouth in a tumble of words.
Silence.
Complete and total silence.
It was the only thing c
oming from the other end of the line. I almost checked to make sure the call hadn’t be disconnected. The sound of music reached my ears and I knew he was still there.
“Jackson, are you busy?” My fingers tapped out a rhythm on my leg.
“Um…what did you say?”
“I asked if you were busy.”
“No, no. Before that.”
I leaned back into the plush cushions of the couch. “I said, I called to apologize. You didn’t deserve the things I said when you were home last.”
“That’s what I thought you said. I just wasn’t sure. You never apologize.”
I scoffed. “I always apologize when I’m wrong.”
“Hold on for a sec.” A muffled, scratchy sound reached my ears. A few moments later Jackson came back on. “Sorry, we were listening to tracks we recorded last week. I wanted to find a quiet place to talk.”
“I didn’t know you guys were heading back to the studio.”
“I wonder why that is.” I could imagine the way he would cross his arms over his chest and regard me with a raised brow.
“I know. I know.” Shame clogged my throat as I tried to speak the words I knew he deserved to hear. “I was a shitty friend. You were only trying to help and I shoved it in your face. I don’t have any excuse for my behavior except that I couldn’t see past the grief.”
Jackson sighed. “You’re not a shitty friend. I knew you still grieved for Christine, but I also knew I couldn’t watch you throw away your life anymore.”
“It took me some time to realize that was exactly what I was doing.”
“What changed?”
I watched Chloe smile as she knocked the blocks over after stacking them. Then, I thought about Lexi. The way she pushed me to face the things I’d feared. How she didn’t let me hide my feelings behind a bottle of alcohol.
“Lexi.”
“Lexi Watson? What about her?”
I told him about the week after he’d been here the last time, the night I went out to the bar and drank enough for ten men.
“You’re lucky you didn’t give yourself alcohol poisoning. Hell, you’re lucky she ended up at the same place as you did.” His tone was gruff, annoyed.
“I know. I can’t imagine where I would have ended up that night. She’s amazing. She pushed me to get out of the house. Now we go out at least once a week while my mom watches Chloe.”
“So…” he drew out the word. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Lexi then.”
“Yeah, feels like nothing has changed. Well, expect that you aren’t here.”
“And that’s it, just hanging out with Lexi has made you do a complete one eighty.”
I looked over at the guitar still sitting alone in the corner. “Not exactly. I still can’t pick up my guitar. No matter how many times I try the only thing I think about is Christine. Almost all of the music surrounds her.”
“Not even something new?”
“No.” I sighed. “I tried, but I still end up in a panic attack. Maybe someday Lexi will convince me to pick it up again, but I don’t think I’ll be able to risk playing live again. What if I end up having a panic attack on stage?”
“Have you talked to Lexi about it?” There was an odd tone to his voice.
Or maybe I was imagining it. I pushed it to the back of my mind. “A little bit. She knows I freak out every time I put the damn thing in my hands. I’m starting to wonder why I even keep it.”
“Don’t get rid of it. No matter what you decide in the future, I think you’ll regret getting rid of it.”
“I know I will, which is why it’s still sitting in the corner of my living room.”
“I gotta tell you, man, you even sound different. There’s a tone to your voice that I haven’t heard in a long time.”
“I know. It’s been a while, but I’m finally finding my happy again. I can remember what it’s like to look outside and actually see the clouds in the sky.”
He laughed. “Now you’re sounding all kinds of philosophical. Maybe I need some lessons from Lexi on how to be happy.”
My chest tightened and my eyes narrowed. “I don’t think so. Find your own way to be happy.”
“That’s what I thought.” He mumbled thinking I couldn’t hear him.
The memory of her lips on mine in the dream hit me full force. We’d been standing in my kitchen, same as the night she brought dinner. Except this time I didn’t pull back when we got caught in each other’s gaze. The soft feel of her lips taunted me as Chloe’s shouts tugged me from a deep slumber. I pushed the memories aside.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Just thinking about how much has changed over the last few months. I’m thrilled to hear how happy you are. I wish I could’ve helped you get there.”
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and finger. Jackson didn’t deserve the guilt of not being able to help me. “That’s not your fault. I didn’t give you the chance.”
“I should’ve pushed harder.”
I thought about that for a second. Would Jackson pushing harder have helped? Deep down I didn’t think it would have. It all had to do with Lexi.
“I would’ve put up more walls. You know Lexi’s always had a way of getting under my skin.”
“She did and apparently she still does.” I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant, but he spoke up again before I got a chance. “We got the invite for Chloe’s birthday party. We’ll be there.”
“Good. I’ll need all the friends and family I have there.”
Jackson sighed. “Having it the week before is smart.”
My chest tightened, not nearly as bad as it would have four or five months ago. “I have Lexi to thank for that.” And so much more. “It was her idea.”
“She really does have you seeing things a new way.”
“She showed me it’s okay to remember Christine and miss her. It’s better than trying to bury her memory, leaving it to chase me at night while I try and sleep. This way I can remember her in my own way.”
“Lexi’s always been the smart one.”
“Yeah, she has.” Chloe’s squeal hit my ears I glanced up to see her chasing Zeus. “I gotta go. Chloe’s trying to ride Zeus.” A chuckle came through the phone. I stood, already on my way to grab her. “But I’ll see you guys next week, right?”
“We wouldn’t miss it.”
Jackson and I said our goodbyes and I pushed my phone into my pocket just as I reached Chloe.
“No, no, no, princess. We can’t ride Zeus.”
I lifted her up and carried her back over to her toys, while Zeus bolted up the stairs, most likely to my bed.
“I just talked to Uncle Jackson. He’ll be at your birthday party.”
She smiled and clapped her hands. I knew she didn’t know who Uncle Jackson was, but I’d make sure that changed. I refused to push away my friends again. Especially when I needed them the most.
I was about to go and grab her a snack when I heard my mom’s voice already in the kitchen.
“Where are you two?”
I walked in with Chloe in my arms. “Right here. We were just about to get a snack.”
Mom took her from my grasp. “Well, hello, my little princess. Are you ready to hear all the things I got done for your birthday party next week?”
“You’re going to spoil her,” I called over my shoulder as I looked inside the fridge for a snack.
“That’s what grandmas do.”
I rolled my eyes and grabbed a sippy cup with water and a banana. I broke the banana up into pieces and handed it to Chloe. “We’ll have two more next weekend.”
Mom picked up her phone, scrolling through the list. I knew it was my job to plan Chloe’s first birthday. And I’d started, picking the week before her actual birthday and a princess theme. Then I called my mom and off to the races she went. Probably a good thing. As the time passed I knew handing everything over to Mom had been the right choice. I didn’t wan
t the stress I’d started to feel over the anniversary of Christine’s death to overshadow or ruin the day.
I knew I could’ve asked Lexi, but she’d already done so much for me. Plus, with the extra hours she’d been spending at her office, I didn’t want to add more to her plate. She would have said yes, even if it meant making herself crazy. I couldn’t do that to her. I just wished she’d talk to me about whatever bothered her. I wanted to see the smiling Lexi from my dream again. A dream I couldn’t figure out.
Every time she was here or we were out I could see it all over her face. The way I’d catch her gazing off into the distance, or the frown on her face when she thought I wasn’t looking.
Mom’s question pulled me out of my thoughts. “I don’t have anyone on the list who hadn’t already RSVP’d.”
“It’s Jackson and Megan.”
Mom stared at me. “But…I didn’t. I didn’t think…”
“I sent it to them.”
She lunged out of the chair and wrapped her arms around my waist. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She leaned back to glance up at me. “When did he call?”
“I actually called him a little bit ago. It was time to apologize for the way I threw him out all those months ago.”
She patted me on the cheek. “There’s such a change in you lately. I honestly was worried I’d never get my son back.”
I looked down and told her the one thing I knew, even if it might hurt her. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be the same person I was before. Christine took a piece of me with her, but I know she left the rest to take care of Chloe.”
“I wouldn’t expect any less. You loved Christine for so long, I’m sure a part of you will always love her. Doesn’t mean you and Chloe have to be alone forever. Your heart is big enough to love Christine and love another.”
“Are you trying to tell me something?” I lifted a brow at her.
“Just that no one would judge you if you fell in love again.”
A shuddering breath left my lips and the back of my throat burned. Could I really put myself out there like that again? “I don’t know that I’m ready for that yet. I honestly hadn’t thought about that. Just trying to get through each day and figure out how to be a good dad.”
Last and Forever (The Forever Duet Book 2) Page 14