She was taken into the basement, laid on a small cot with a mattress, bed sheets, and a pillow – what a wonderful soft pillow – and covered with a warm blanket. Ursula returned and held a cup of chicken broth to her lips, making her swallow the hot liquid in tiny sips. Warmth seeped into her bones, and Lotte closed her eyes, letting sleep claim her battered body. The last sound she heard was the crackle of the fire in the stove.
I’m in a safe place.
***
The next morning, Lotte woke with a start, glaring at the unfamiliar room. She scratched her itching scalp.
Ursula peeked through the doorway. “Hey, sleepyhead. You’re awake.”
“Where are we?” Lotte pushed herself to a sitting position.
“At a friend’s house. Are you hungry?”
Lotte nodded and then burst into tears. “I am. I want…can I wash up someplace? It’s been so long.”
“Of course, you can. Come on, I’ll help you.” Ursula helped her off the cot and led her to the bathroom, equipped with a tall tub and a sink with running water. Ursula filled the tub, laid a bar of soap on the edge, and then helped Lotte take her nightgown off.
Lotte glanced at the soft, white material. She didn’t remember having put it on. All she remembered was the woolen cape Ursula had handed her before she mounted the bicycle. It didn’t matter. Her modesty had long since fled, and she allowed Ursula to help her sink into the hot water.
“You have no idea how good this feels,” Lotte murmured as she leaned back against the tub and then closed her eyes as the hot water began to work wonders on her sore body.
“No, I probably don’t. And I don’t want to trade places with you for one second.” Ursula chuckled, but the sound was full of sympathy. “Lean up, and I’ll wash your hair for you. Remember I used to do this when you were in kindergarten?”
“It’s all falling out.” Lotte glanced at a tuft of her hair swimming on the surface.
“Don’t worry. It will grow back. You just need to eat the right food and get enough rest. It will come back, more beautiful than before.”
“It’s turning gray, too,” Lotte murmured, wondering how many other seventeen-year olds had gray hair.
Again, Ursula chuckled. “No, Lotte. Not turning gray, just dirty and full of ash from the crematorium. It will wash out, you’ll see.”
Ursula gently washed her hair, using a special soap designed to kill lice, and then gave her the privacy to wash her body unobserved for the first time in almost four months. After a few minutes, Ursula returned, bringing some of her own clothes with her. She helped Lotte from the tub and handed her a clean towel with which to dry herself. Lotte made quick work of that task and then stepped into the underwear Ursula handed her.
She’d not worn any since arriving at the camp, and recovering that little bit of privacy was overwhelming. Her tears threatened to flow again. Since when had she become such a crybaby? Lotte pulled herself together and allowed her sister to help her get dressed. Despite her being a good three inches taller than Ursula, her sister’s dress bagged on her.
“Look at the scarecrow I am. I’ve lost so much weight,” Lotte mumbled as she looked at her reflection in the mirror.
Ursula stood beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “You’ll gain it back. You’re alive and free, that’s what matters.”
Lotte’s sigh was interrupted by a growl coming from her stomach. “You mentioned food?”
Ursula laughed. “Yes, but I don’t want you to eat too much to start with. You’ll get sick if you do.”
The older woman had already set the table for Lotte. The hearty smell of chicken broth hung in the air and made Lotte’s mouth water.
“Did I die last night and go to heaven?” Lotte licked her lips and reverently dunked the spoon into the broth with generous drops of grease swimming on top. “Hmmmmm…this is delicious.”
She forced herself not to pick up the bowl and consume it in one swallow. By the time she emptied her bowl and carefully chewed the pieces of potato and chicken inside, her stomach was so full it almost hurt. Lotte eyed the slice of bread and butter and sniffed to take in the aroma of freshly baked bread. Fresh bread. Real butter. Just like at Aunt Lydia’s.
Tears sprang to her eyes, and she touched the bread to feel the soft and flexible texture, held it to her nose to smell the distinctive aroma, and finally took a tiny bite, savoring the salty butter melting on her tongue. Then she chewed the soft fluffy bread several times until the yeasty, slightly bitter flavor turned sweet.
She leaned back and looked at her sister. “I’m full.”
“You can finish the rest later. There’s plenty where that came from.”
Lotte reached for Ursula’s hand. “Thanks for everything.”
“That’s what sisters are there for, right?” Ursula gazed at her with love in her eyes.
She was filled with questions, and now that her belly was full, she had the strength to ask them. “How did you even find me?”
“Aunt Lydia called Mutter to let us know you had disappeared. It was quite a shock.” Ursula pushed a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. While she shared the same color as Anna and Richard, she had soft waves in contrast to Anna’s straight hair.
Lotte was the only sibling who’d inherited their grandmother’s strawberry-blonde mane of curls. Well, it had been curls. Now it looked more like grayish-red plucked plumage.
There was a certain nostalgia in Ursula’s glance as she remembered the phone call from her aunt. Lotte sensed that there was something more, something she hadn’t told, but for once she let it go. If Ursula wanted her to know, she’d tell her in due time.
“Aunt Lydia saw how you were pushed into the police car–”
“So it was her standing behind the window. Is she all right?” Lotte asked with bated breath.
“Yes.” Ursula patted Lotte’s arm. “Two weeks after you were arrested, she delivered the baby. It’s a girl. Rosa.”
Lotte smiled.
“Herr Keller apparently tried to take her farm away, but since Uncle Peter and she are good friends with the leader of the farmer’s association, he didn’t succeed. But Aunt Lydia couldn’t prevent him from arresting you that night. She had to think of her children.”
“I know. And I’m so sorry for causing her so much trouble.”
“The next day, she went down to the police station to plead with Herr Keller to set you free, but you weren’t there anymore. He never told us what happened, and we feared the worst.”
Uwe. At the memory of him, tears shot into Lotte’s eyes.
“Several weeks later, we found out that you’d been sent to Ravensbrück.” Ursula sighed. “Mutter didn’t take it well. She had a breakdown.”
“Good grief. How is she now?” Lotte couldn’t imagine her mother being weak. Since she was a child, her mother had always been a force to reckon with, keeping four children – and a husband – under control with little more than a stern glance and a few well-chosen words.
Many times, Lotte had thought Mutter was way too strict, forbidding everything that was fun, warning her time and again not to speak imprudently and not to act rashly. I should have followed her advice.
“She doesn’t know yet. Anna and I thought it best to tell her only after we rescued you, to avoid yet another disappointment. We have tried everything to get you transferred to a normal prison, but to no avail. With every failure, Mutter retreated more into herself.”
Lotte felt the heavy burden of guilt for causing so much suffering to her mother.
“Then we got news about Vater and Richard. After crying for days, Mutter stopped leaving the house, except for going to the allotments.”
“Are they…?” Lotte didn’t dare say the word.
“Vater is a prisoner of war in Russia, and as far as we’ve been told, he is alive. But Richard is missing in action. The last time he was seen was somewhere near Minsk.”
Lotte pressed her hands to her stomach, grief threaten
ing to bring its contents up. “Minsk? Where is that?”
“I had to look it up in my atlas. It’s in Belarus, about six hundred miles east of Berlin.” Ursula smiled sadly, patting her sister’s hand. “Mutter blames herself for your fate because she sent you away.”
Lotte’s eyes widened. Her mother believed that?
Chapter 27
“I’m so proud of you, Lotte.”
Lotte couldn’t believe her own ears. “Proud? There was nothing especially brave or prudent I’ve done.” She had expected a lecture about her irresponsible behavior, but praise? Coming from Ursula, who’d never broken a rule in her life?
“Don’t say that. We found out about the Jews in hiding and the fake papers.” Ursula’s blue eyes rested on her with the kind of pride only an older sister could show.
“I don’t regret having helped them. But I do wish I had planned things better.” Lotte took a sip from the glass of cold, whole milk in front of her and then licked around her mouth like a cat so as not to waste a single drop.
“Yes, you should have. But that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that you did the right thing, and you’re here to tell the tale.” Ursula ruffled her hair.
“Who are you and what did you do to my sister, impostor?” Lotte teased. The Ursula she knew would never condone an illegal action, morally justified or not. Hiding Jews and faking papers definitely fell into that category.
“A lot has happened in the past few months, and I have changed.” Ursula laughed.
“I am watching in awe. How could you even be so bold as to try and rescue me? Isn’t that against the law, helping a prisoner escape?” Lotte wanted to run a hand through her hair but stopped midway. She’d given up that habit months ago to keep her hands free of lice and filth.
“Well, let’s say I had an epiphany and decided that some laws should be broken.”
Lotte stared at her sister, disbelief in her eyes.
“Yes, I joined an underground network hiding Jews and helping them escape to safe zones.”
“You do what?” Lotte shook her head. Had the entire world turned upside down while she vegetated in the camp? “Ursula, you have to be careful.”
Her sister smirked. “Look who’s talking. Don’t worry, we’re very cautious. Always.”
“Does Mutter know?”
Ursula’s smile turned sly. “Let’s just say she’s a tacit accomplice, by pretending not to notice that we take provisions from the pantry and use the shed in our allotment garden to hide people for a few days at a time.”
“Gee whiz! I’m in hell several months, and when I return to earth, it’s not a globe anymore? You work as a subversive and Mother looks the other way. What else don’t I know?”
“A lot. So many things have happened in the past four months.” Ursula sighed.
“Four months…it feels more like four lifetimes.” Lotte’s voice trailed off, her eyes looking at the wall, not sure whether her sister expected her to give an account of the conditions in the camp. “It was so awful. Dehumanizing. Reduced to a number, an object to exploit and torture. I can’t…I can’t bear to talk about it now.”
“You don’t have to, sweetie, not now. You need to forget and let your body heal. We have enough other sources to tell us what’s happening in the camp. Anna, for example.”
“Anna!” Lotte screamed and jumped up, sending her chair crashing to the ground.
“What about Anna?” Ursula’s hand flew to her throat.
Lotte wrung her hands and started to weep as she remembered the look in Anna’s eyes after the doctor had…
She sniffed and looked at Ursula. “Anna sacrificed…the doctor, he found out we were sisters, and he…he raped her!”
“You were there?” Ursula asked, horrified.
Lotte nodded and lowered her voice to a whisper. “He forced her to become his mistress in exchange for his silence.”
Ursula thinned her lips and sat up a little straighter. “She knew about the risks involved.”
“We have to help her,” Lotte cried, guilt over her sister’s sacrifice heavy on her mind.
“No. Anna will have to deal with it on her own. We can’t risk any rash actions that might endanger not only you and her but everyone involved in your rescue.” Ursula picked up the chair and placed it beside the table again.
“There were more people involved?”
“Yes. Many more. That’s why we can’t do anything for Anna right now.”
Lotte thought it was cruel and callous to let Anna fend for herself, but Ursula was probably right. She inhaled deeply several times. “What happens now?”
“I have something for you.” Ursula gave her a soft smile. “Come with me.”
Lotte followed her back into the basement and plopped on the bed while Ursula disappeared to fetch something. She was tired but sated. For the first time in months, the gnawing in her insides had disappeared.
She raised a hand and carefully touched her straw-like hair. It felt surprisingly soft. She ran the hand down the full length of it and then looked at her fingertips. Clean. Only then did she notice the absence of another constant companion during the last months – the itching and biting. She really had been born again.
Ursula returned and handed Lotte an Ausweis. She turned it over and gasped at the healthy young woman with curly strawberry-blonde hair looking at her. That’s me!
It was a brand-new identification card in the name of Alexandra Wagner, born on February 28, 1926. She caressed the paper with her thumb. Unlike so many others who had perished, she’d been given a second chance at life.
“Where did you get that photograph?” Lotte asked her sister.
Ursula’s face darkened. “At my wedding almost one year ago.”
“How can I ever thank you for everything you did for me?” Lotte was touched to her very soul.
“Thank me by recovering fast and staying the compassionate, outspoken, and justice-loving young woman you are.” Ursula gave her a bear hug, and Lotte noticed with some jealousy her sister’s full bosom as well as her rounded hips and belly. Her own breasts had been reduced to hanging flaps of skin.
“What about Andreas?” Lotte asked. She couldn’t see her sister’s face in their embrace, but she felt the slumping of her shoulders.
“He’s gone.”
“Gone? He hasn’t returned from the front since your wedding?” Lotte’s mind didn’t work as swiftly as it had done before her incarceration.
“He’s dead. Killed in action.”
“I’m so sorry.” Lotte held her sister tighter.
“He died last May. I should have told you earlier, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. I guess I somehow believed he would come back if I didn’t acknowledge his death.” Ursula released her and stood from the bed. “You should rest. When you’re hungry, come upstairs. The blackout curtains will always be closed so nobody will see you.”
Chapter 28
Lotte remained in the custody of the landlady while Ursula returned to Berlin the next day. For two solid weeks, she didn’t do much more than sleep and eat. Looking like a skeleton, she wasn’t allowed outside – the danger of being spotted as a camp prisoner was too great.
After putting on ten pounds and a fashionable haircut – courtesy of the landlady – Ursula’s clothes still bagged on her, but Lotte had begun to look like a human being again.
It was time to leave the town of Ravensbrück and recover in a safe place far away, where nobody would suspect her to be an escapee or recognize her as the “deceased” Lotte Klausen.
Alexandra Weber. Her new name was still unfamiliar, but at least her sisters had been considerate enough to use her middle name. What she was excited about was her new birthday. In less than a month, she would be of age. A smile appeared on her lips. Like every adolescent, she’d yearned for that day, and now it would arrive seven months early.
Ursula returned, and together they would travel to Berlin. Home. But Lotte knew she couldn’t stay there
. Her sister had promised a safe place where she could hide and recover for as long as necessary.
While Lotte burned with hatred for the Nazis more than ever and longed to do her bit in fighting them, she also accepted the fact that in her current condition she wouldn’t be of much use to their cause. For now, she was excited at the prospect of seeing Mutter before departing to another godforsaken town.
“What’s up, Lotte? Ready to leave this town?” Ursula greeted her.
“More than you can imagine.” Lotte grinned at her sister. Every day she had gained weight and strength, and now felt full of energy. Wrapped in a thick winter coat and long woolen gloves, a smart hat on her head, she followed Ursula to the railway station.
Memories of her arrival here assailed her, and her heart started racing. Her sister must have sensed her inner tumult, because she linked arms with her and whispered, “It’s fine. Everything’s fine.”
Once onboard the train to Berlin Gesundbrunnen, Lotte managed to breathe again. During the three-hour journey, she marveled at the difference between this one and the one in the cattle train when she’d arrived months ago. A shudder ran down her spine, that intensified in the next moment when a conductor entered to punch their tickets, followed by SS to check on their papers.
She blinked and forced her hand to remain still as she handed over her new identification. The SS man looked at the two sisters – who weren’t sisters anymore, but close friends – up and down and then left.
Lotte slumped back in her seat. Her papers had passed the acid test.
As they arrived at Berlin Gesundbrunnen, she spied her mother waiting on the platform. She looks old and afflicted.
“Charlotte! Oh, my precious girl. Look at you! You’ve lost so much weight. And your beautiful hair.”
“Mutter, she’s Alexandra,” Ursula whispered and cast a warning glare. “She’s alive. All the rest will fix itself with time.”
War Girl Lotte Page 12