CHAPTER 25
By Friday evening, after another long and boring session, I’m wrecked and the weekend looms ahead like an endlessly dark tunnel. I sit at the kitchen table flicking through a magazine that I’ve no interest in. Mam is cooking; it helps her to relax and take her mind off things, so she’s obsessed with it at the moment. I don’t notice the silence till it’s broken. And in one fell swoop Kev is back. Dumping his bag in the hallway, he barges into the kitchen.
‘Hey,’ he calls as he walks towards Mam and gives her a very quick hug. I can see relief and happiness flood her face. ‘Well,’ he says throwing his jacket on the counter and coming towards me. He ruffles my hair. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine,’ I say. He dumps his wallet, gum and iPod on the table. ‘You do know that you’ve left a trail of destruction behind you since you got here?’ I say.
‘Who, me?’ he asks innocently. He opens the fridge and grabs a beer. ‘Dad still at work?’ he asks.
I nod.
‘He rang a few minutes ago; he’s stuck in traffic,’ Mam says. ‘So, how was college? Did you get what you needed to do, done?’
Kev looks towards me then quickly looks away. ‘Yeah, I sorted it.’
‘Good,’ she smiles. ‘And how was training?’ She’s trying her best to keep the conversation going while Kev just wants to sit and say nothing.
‘Grand.’
‘And Mike?’ I feel the hairs on the back of my neck bristle and I pull a magazine towards me and begin to examine it.
‘Fine,’ he says.
‘Well, when things settle down and get back to normal –’ She stops and visibly cringes at her choice of words. ‘I mean, maybe in the next few weeks he could come down with you and you could all go out like you had planned.’
‘Yeah,’ Kev replies indifferently as I catch my breath, ‘but what with exams and everything we probably won’t get the chance and I think he’s going away for the summer.’
I breathe a sigh of relief and release my tight grip on the magazine.
‘I’ve really made a huge amount of food here,’ Mam says to herself. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. Felicity, why don’t we invite Fee over for dinner? It’ll be wasted otherwise.’
‘Um …’ I’ve managed to survive a full week at home without seeing anyone and I was hoping to make it two. I look at Kev and then Mam, ready to make my excuses, but when I see their expectant faces I change my mind and grudgingly agree.
The evening doesn’t actually turn out too badly though. Fee smothers me in a big hug the minute she arrives and we end up chatting like nothing happened. She does try and coax me to go shopping with her and Kar the next day. I scramble for an excuse but Mam agrees enthusiastically.
‘It’ll be great,’ Fee promises, ‘there’s loads of cool stuff out.’
‘I’m skint,’ I say weakly.
‘I’ll give you an advance,’ Mam insists. My feeble attempts to say no are scoffed at and I’m forced to give in. That night I lie in bed thinking of a story that will explain the photo. I rehearse it over and over, praying it’ll work. Twice or three times during the night I hear the door creak open and even though I pretend to be asleep I know that Mam is there, still watching.
CHAPTER 26
At eleven the following morning we’re sitting in this little café, drinking hot chocolate and eating muffins. I’ve persuaded the girls to defer the shopping as I’m dying to get my story off my chest and things have been so awkward with Kar since they arrived at my doorstep earlier.
‘Look, I’m really, really sorry about the photo,’ she blurts out the moment we sit down. ‘I really didn’t mean to… I mean, it was really cruel of me and it was only up for half an hour and absolutely no one saw it. I swear …’
‘It’s OK’ I say, taking a deep breath, ‘but I’d like to explain … about the photo, I mean. It’s not what you think.’
‘You don’t have to,’ Fee says.
‘Yeah, forget about it,’ Kar agrees.
‘No, I want to.’ I take another deep breath. I remember Fee’s advice on keeping as close to the truth as possible when telling a lie and hope that it works this time. ‘So, that night after the match when we went to the pub, do you remember I went to the loo early on?’ They both nod. ‘Well, there was a queue so I went looking for other ones. I found some at the far end of the bar and when I was on my way back over to you guys I met Kev’s ex-girlfriend.’ I hear a sharp intake of breath from Fee. ‘I didn’t want to upset you by telling you that night,’ I say.
‘What did she say?’ Fee asks, leaning forward. ‘The girl is such a crazy cow; do you remember the stories I told you?’
‘Jeez, yeah,’ Kar says.
‘Go on, go on,’ Fee continues, nudging me.
‘I don’t even know how she recognised me,’ I say, ‘I’d only met her once,’ I explain, looking towards Kar. ‘Anyway, she grabbed my sleeve and asked where Kev was. I told her I wasn’t sure, that he was about somewhere. Then she started going on about how she was still mad about him and wanted to get back with him.’
‘What?’ Fee screeches. ‘No way! That slag; she bloody two-timed him with the team physio and now she wants to get back with him? Well, there’s no way that’s going to happen; no bloody way.’
‘I’m sorry to be telling you all this,’ I say again, ‘I really don’t want to upset you.’
‘No, I want to know … I want to know everything, go on.’
‘Well, she just kept going on and on about how she and Kev had such a great time together and were made for one another and how that physio guy was so old and boring and how it was such a big mistake. It took me ages to get away from her and when I did I took a detour around by the marquee in the hope of losing her.’
‘Well done,’ Fee says. ‘I would have been fuming if she’d turned up. I’m sure Kev would have too; he can’t stand her now.’
‘Anyway, it didn’t really work ‘cause when I went outside for a ciggy later she was there and she started on about Kev again. I couldn’t get away from her. Guys, she was so out of it, you wouldn’t believe it, she was as high as a kite. She kept saying how desperate she was without Kev and how she wanted him back and she begged me to sort it for her.’
‘Oh my God,’ Fee says, ‘and what did you say?’
‘I just said that I wasn’t going to and told her he was going out with someone else.’
‘You did not !’ Fee shrieks. ‘Then what did she do?’
‘She just kept begging me to get him back for her. Any time I tried to get away she’d pull me back and talk some more.’ I look around quickly, making sure that no one’s listening to our conversation. ‘In the end I just got fed up and told her I had to go and she was better off forgetting about Kev. Then out of the blue she started kissing me,’ I whisper embarrassedly. I turn bright red and look towards Kar. ‘I guess you must have followed us out and saw that?’ She nods. ‘I was mortified. I tried to pull away but she had her hand at the back of my neck and wouldn’t let go of me … When she stopped, she said, “That’s for Kev; tell him I love him.” ’
‘How gross,’ Fee says. ‘Are you all right? Jeez, she really must have been on something.’
‘Yeah, I guess,’ I say.
‘What was it like?’ Kar asks, enthralled.
‘Awful,’ I lie, ‘I couldn’t get away from there fast enough. Anyway,’ I continue, ‘next thing this Mercedes pulls up and she just walks off and gets into the car. Did you see him?’ I ask Kar.
‘I was just there for a few seconds,’ she says, shaking her head. ‘I dunno why I even took the photo or put it up … It’s just I was so mad over the Mike thing and then I saw you and Ryan in the hall and he kept asking about you, and… well, I was rotten and I’m sorry.’
‘I’m not going out with either of them,’ I say, ‘and I’m not going to.’
Kar nods but doesn’t ask why and surprisingly nor does Fee. So we go round in circles for a while longer apologising and explaining
and each in our own way hoping it will make things normal again.
‘Come on,’ Kar finally says, waving her Dad’s credit card in the air, ‘let’s have some retail therapy; we could all use it!’
CHAPTER 27
I’m wrecked on Monday after another sleepless night. But I decide to go back to school – not because I want to, but because Mam has no intention of going back to work while I’m around the house and she just won’t leave me alone.
‘I can drop you in,’ she says; ‘it’s no problem.’
‘That’d be crazy; you’d get stuck in traffic and everything. It’d be a nightmare. I’m walking with the girls,’ I insist.
‘Well, I was thinking that maybe I could have a quick chat with Ms Moran while I’m there,’ she ventures.
‘What? The principal? Why?’ I say, whirling round to face her.
‘We’ve been thinking that it’s probably best if we tell her about your circumstances.’
‘You’re joking,’ I say, shocked.
‘She’ll be totally understanding; I know she will, and Dad thinks that she’ll be able to make sure there isn’t any pressure on you with study and all that.’
‘Please, Mam, I really couldn’t bear the thought of Moran and all of the teachers knowing what went on.’
‘They can help, Flick; they’re professionals. I really think it’s crazy trying to pretend that everything’s OK when you’ve been through so much.’
I start to cry. ‘Please, Mam, I’ll be fine, I swear. I really couldn’t bear it if they knew.’
‘But Felicity, it’d be –’
‘You don’t understand! Everyone would know within a week; one of the teachers would let it slip or that nosy cow of a secretary would tell everyone.’ I’m hysterical now and Mam just stands there looking shocked.
‘OK, OK’ she says, ‘try to relax, Felicity, it’s all right. I won’t say anything.’
‘You promise?’ I sniffle and dry my eyes.
‘Yes,’ she reluctantly agrees. She’s still asking me if I’m all right five minutes later and even though she’s not convinced I make her write a quick sick note before I head out the door. Fee and Kar are standing waiting just outside.
‘Let’s get outta here,’ I say as I give a last look back over my shoulder.
‘Whoever thought you’d be so enthusiastic about getting to school?’ Fee grins as she waves to my Mam at the window.
‘Ha ha,’ I say, giving her a dig as we walk on.
We get to school with a few minutes to spare and I’m immediately surrounded by the girls, dying to know the gory details of the food poisoning and my stay at the hospital. I laugh it off as best I can and even give them the low-down on one or two cute doctors in there as well.
‘You do know that there’ll be a queue back outside the Chinese tonight,’ Kar whispers. I laugh just as Cunningham walks in through the door. Within seconds everyone has disappeared from around me and silence reigns. I take out my book and breathe a long sigh of relief.
At lunch-time Katie and Jake – who got together at New Year’s and who have survived eight long weeks of going out together – break up because she still hasn’t put out. She’s devastated and I’m thrilled because we spend the rest of the day criticising him and analysing every part of the failed relationship and no one pays me any more attention.
The minute school is over at half three I change into a hoodie and jeans and head towards Dr Rodge’s office. I take a few detours so as to avoid anyone from school seeing me. Once I’m outside it, though, I stand and wait, hoping I’ll see her. At two minutes to four I give up and head inside. I walk ever so slowly towards the lift hoping she’ll appear from somewhere but the place is pretty empty. I knew she wouldn’t be here, I think as I head up to the second floor. I grab a magazine, slump into a seat just beside the lift and wait. When Dr Rodge’s door opens I automatically look up and then do a double take. I can’t believe what I’m seeing: the girl, the one that I nearly knocked over, who has since knocked me off my feet is walking out of the room. I stare at her, dumbfounded, not really believing she’s here. I feel tingly all over as she walks towards me. It all seems to happen in slow motion – I swear, it’s exactly like the films and she’s got this smile on her face and although I try to drag my eyes away, I can’t. It’s only when she reaches me and presses the button for the lift that I finally look back towards my magazine.
‘Hi,’ she says.
‘Oh, hi,’ I say looking back towards her again.
‘Felicity, right?’ she asks.
‘Yeah,’ I say; I can feel my heart beating so fast and hope she can’t hear it too.
‘My friends call me Flick,’ I say.
‘That’s nice.’
Some guy comes up behind her and stands waiting for the lift; she twists round and looks at him quickly before turning back to me and making a face. I smile up at her as she moves a little closer, out of his way.
‘I’m Joey,’ she says.
‘Oh, right, hi,’ I say. ‘So, have you recovered?’ I ask. She looks back towards the office she’s just left and seems about to explain. I turn puce. ‘No, no, no,’ I say hastily, ‘I mean from me nearly knocking you over the other day … not anything else.’
She laughs and I’m silently kicking myself for being so stupid.
‘Oh, I’m not so sure I’ll ever get over that,’ she says mischievously.
‘Felicity,’ a voice calls and I look past Joey. I hadn’t even heard the door open but there is Dr Rodge, watching us both. I stand up abruptly, turning red with embarrassment and guilt.
‘Oh, you better not keep that one waiting,’ Joey whispers with a wink.
I give a short laugh. ‘I guess I’ll be seeing ya,’ I say as I reluctantly walk away again.
‘Yeah, see ya,’ she says, still smiling.
I hear the lift doors opening behind me, but Dr Rodge is watching and waiting. It takes all my resolve not to turn and watch her go.
CHAPTER 28
Are you all right, Felicity?’ Dr Rodge asks, still watching me.
‘Yeah, fine.’ I walk towards the armchairs and sit down.
‘So, how was the weekend?’ she asks, sitting down opposite me.
‘Fine,’ I say again.
She raises her eyebrows and waits. I sigh and try to think of some worthless piece of information that will keep her happy.
‘It was grand,’ I say, ‘Mam was a bit annoying.’ Dr Rodge nods enthusiastically.
‘She just wouldn’t leave me alone for two minutes and I know she’s really worried about me and all that but she’s so irritating, so I’m trying to act normal and do things that I think will help her to relax about the whole thing, you know?’
‘Hmm,’ she says, ‘and how do you act normal?’
Damn, I think, lousy choice of words.
‘ You know,’ I say, ‘by doing ordinary stuff … chatting and having fun and all that.’
‘But you don’t really want to do that?’ she asks.
‘Well it’s not that I never do,’ I say defensively, already feeling cornered, ‘I just wasn’t in the mood at the weekend; everyone needs time to themselves, don’t they?’ She nods in agreement. ‘I think she and Dad expect me to be outgoing and in the middle of things all the time now and if I’m not they start looking all worried. Like this weekend, Mam wanted me to invite my friend around for dinner, so I did. Then Fee – she’s my friend – well, she wanted me to go shopping with her all day Saturday, and although I didn’t want to, Mam insisted that I should so I did that too. I’m surprised she and Kev didn’t invite me to the cinema with them later that night.’
‘So why do you feel you have to do what your family wants if you don’t want to do it?’ she asks. ‘Couldn’t you just talk to your Mum and Dad and explain how you feel?’
I shrug. ‘I know they’re worried about me and I want to show them that I’m OK … I just don’t want them to send me back there,’ I mumble.
‘I’m sure if y
ou explain your concerns to your parents, Felicity, they’ll understand and support you.’
I nod. Yeah right, I think. ‘OK,’ I say, hoping she’ll just drop the conversation.
‘So, let’s go back,’ she suggests. ‘You said your friend and brother are going out together? How does that make you feel?’ she asks. I bloody hate when she asks me how I feel about things, I think.
‘Are they going out together a long time?’ she asks.
‘Just a few weeks,’ I say.
‘Right.’ She nods. ‘You mentioned last week that your brother is away in college and never comes home … so how did they start going out?’
I bite my lip, wondering how I’ve gotten into this conversation and how the hell I’m going to get out of it.
‘We were just out one night and they got together,’ I explain offhandedly.
‘So, he was home?’ she suggests. I look towards the ground and search for an easy lie. ‘Felicity, whatever you say is just between us,’ she promises.
So I very quickly tell her about heading up to see Kev in college, the match and how they got together. ‘You won’t tell, will you? Mam and Dad would kill me if they knew we were there.’
She shakes her head. ‘So how about you and your friend?’ she asks lightly. ‘Did you two meet any boys?’
‘Kar always meets someone,’ I say.
‘And you?’ she asks. I shake my head and stare down at a frayed patch on my jeans and start messing with it. ‘So what did you do, when the girls met boys?’
I wonder if she thinks I was with some girl, if she knows … ‘Well, I did sorta meet someone,’ I say, backtracking.
‘Oh?’ she asks
‘Yeah, my brother’s housemate.’
‘And are you two going out together?’ she asks.
‘No way!’ She latches onto my comment and hounds me with question after question, all in her really nice voice of course, but she doesn’t give up. She makes me so mad that all I want to do is cover my ears and tell her to shut up. Instead I just keep shaking my head and staring at the ground.
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