Jie pushed me down on the bed. “Thom, we just plucked her from a cult yesterday. Patience, kid.”
“Oh, fuck you, old man. I been patient for a hundred years. She’ll like it once she knows what it is, and she’ll be impressed when she realizes we haven’t been untrue in a century.”
“She’ll be more impressed if you can hold out for one more week.” Jie unzipped my jeans and pulled out my hard cock. I lifted my hips to push against his touch, then I grabbed his hair and pulled.
“If you want me to leave her alone, you’d better take one for the team.”
“Then I fuck you,” Jie growled.
We both preferred being the top but you had to give and take. Sometimes you fall in love and it’s bright and new and he trembles and moans with unrestrained pleasure at everything you do to him. Other times, you just fuck your best friend, I guess. Both ways weren’t bad, but I was a happy man to have my cake and eat it too.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Alissa
Silvus remained true to his word. He didn’t touch me once all night. In fact, if I shifted position in bed, he shifted a little so we didn’t get too close.
My nipples and my core were both singing in the key of his fingers. More, more, more. It pounded in my mind and wouldn’t be silenced, but at the same time, I remained as terrified of him as ever, because I knew if I gave these monsters any inkling that I wanted them to touch me, they would defile me and hurt me like the beasts they were, and I would never be the same.
I had to control myself.
I felt like I didn’t sleep a minute. Silvus didn’t breathe when he was sleeping so I had no idea if he was ever asleep either. He was certainly still most of the time. He slept in boxers so there was a tremendous amount of masculine skin and muscle under the covers beside me. Separated from me only by a little bit of air and the linen nightgown I was wearing. At some point, Calrose slipped in through the cracked door and curled up between us, and I guess after that I fell asleep a little.
The sun was rising and I woke to a freshly crackling fire and a tray of tea waiting for me. Calrose was still there, but Silvus was gone.
In some moments, they gave me a lot of space, and in others, almost none at all. It added to the sense that the rules could change and that I was under their control, but the steaming teapot, cream, sugar and single buttered scone made me think of my mom getting up before Carrie and me every single morning to make us hot breakfast before school. Usually herbal tea and oatmeal with dried fruit and honey, or toast with butter and jam. Bacon and pancakes for weekends. She made her own bread and her own jams. I never ever got tired of those breakfasts.
She’s gone, but someone is still taking care of me, I thought, and my heart seized. No, it’s not the same at all. Mom loved me unconditionally. She can’t be gone— She just can’t.
I poured tea and ate the scone and Calrose climbed onto my lap, purring and sniffing my nose with his own, then nuzzling his fluffy face against my arms, almost making me spill the tea. I started to relax.
Then, Rayner opened the door without knocking, and stepped in, looking at me for a long moment before he spoke. He looked satisfied and slightly relieved as if he feared I might vanish in the night.
“Silvus treated you well, I trust?”
“I—um—yes.”
He smiled faintly. “He did something that provokes you to blush. But if he didn’t, he would not be our Silvus. Tulip, we have a few days before the witches return, so…today, we’re taking you out.”
“Out where? All of you?”
I was a little dazed at the Wal-Mart, but as I was starting to adjust slightly to being out in the world, the idea of being seen with four protective men surrounding me made me feel very shy. I feared people might see me and know that I was a thrall, even if the mundanes couldn’t put a name to the idea.
“I’m going to take you ice skating,” he said, his smile looking quite youthful. “As we were talking yesterday I remembered how well Bertie took to skating. I think physical activities help you remember who you are, and it’s also quite an enjoyable way to spend an afternoon. We can pick up a few more outfits for you as well.”
“Ice skating!? I’m sure I’ll be terrible at it.”
“I’ll teach you. But I know you’ll learn quickly.”
A little spark of stubbornness rose in me. I was actually intrigued by the ice skating, but I didn’t like how I was expected to be the person I’d already been. “What if I don’t want to do it at all?”
“You don’t want to try?”
“I’m not Lisbeth. I’m not Bertie either. I’d rather just stay home and read, anyway.”
“Of course you want to stay home and read! You’re used to being trapped. But you need to get out into the world and experience it,” he said. “Once it stops feeling strange, we’ll hardly be able to keep you home. That’s who you are.”
“Maybe I’m different this time! Maybe you don’t know me.”
He just smiled.
I slammed down my tea cup. “You make me feel trapped! How would you feel if four complete strangers showed up and told you you’re not who you think you are? What if they didn’t ask what your favorite foods were or what you liked to do, they just told you? And what if they told you you had to love them?”
“What if they were completely right?” he retorted.
“Well, you’re wrong! I don’t want to go out there! Everyone will stare at us like they did in the Wal-Mart. And they’re all humans, wicked humans. Their world will make my magic weak and you don’t like them either. I don’t see you inviting very much modern corruption into your home either.”
“Oh, Tulip, I have allowed a tremendous amount of ‘modern corruption’ into my home, it just changes too fast for me. I’m not too worried about the world. It’s always the same amount of corrupt. Perhaps better now, in many places. When I was young, Europe had public hangings, witch burnings, and was beset by murderous mobs not infrequently. Modern corruption? Ha! I will sling you over my shoulder and carry you into the ice rink kicking and screaming if you force my hand.”
He almost sounded like he was daring me. “You’d enjoy that, I guess, you brute,” I said.
I was slowly starting to realize that they wouldn’t get angry if I insulted them. In fact, they seemed to find it funny.
We stopped at a shopping mall first. This was another mundane concept I had heard of in books but certainly never seen, and I was overwhelmed by how vast it was. Everything I imagined of the human world had been so much smaller in my head. I read of cities, skyscrapers, and millions of people, but it all seemed abstract. Now I felt like I was in a human anthill, a vast tower of multiple levels crawling with strangers.
I hardly knew what to buy. I had never been faced with choices like this.
“This is rather pretty,” Rayner said, selecting a lace blouse with long sleeves.
“Ah, I like that too,” Silvus said.
“Are you two kidding? She’s been forced to wear a black sack already! You don’t want her to show any skin?” Jie asked.
“She will show us skin at home,” Rayner said. “But what is the fun if it’s always on display?”
“How about this?” Thom picked up a flannel shirt.
“She’s a woman!”
Thom made a wild gesture around the department where several women were wearing flannel shirts or other clothing men usually wore. “Have you actually looked at women lately?”
“No,” Silvus said. “Of course not.”
“Everyone looks so dull,” Rayner said. “No one dresses up to go out.”
“Well, what sort of woman do you want to be?” Silvus asked me.
In the Order, there was only one answer. But I knew I didn’t want to be that girl now.
“I like the lace blouse,” I said. “It looks light and pretty and we never got to wear things with so much lace and ruffle. But maybe I’d like to wear it with some pants and boots.”
“Or this?” Jie
dashed across the vast department and snatched up a very short skirt. “With some tights?”
I ended up trying on several choices and I was shocked at how I felt in the short skirt. I had never seen my legs like this. I felt…sexy. And I liked it. I just wasn’t sure why. Why did I feel stronger by showing off my legs? I should feel more vulnerable, but instead I felt like my body belonged to me, especially as I pulled up the zipper on knee-high boots. Rayner threw a wool peacoat on me before we headed to the register. He adjusted the collar with a few gentle tugs and settled my hair in place.
“Take a look at you,” Thom said. “Well, I do like that.”
“I told you,” Jie said. “How do you feel, Plum Blossom?”
“I feel…pretty good.”
“This outfit is a lovely compromise between the modesty and delicacy of the past and the fierce women of the present,” Silvus said. “Without any of the horrors of those old witch rags you had before.”
“She’ll be wearing them out,” Rayner said, and the saleswoman, who seemed to have heard every word, gave us a very odd look and handed him scissors to cut the tags off.
I was shocked when I saw myself reflected in a mirror on our way out. I was transformed into a stranger who had places to go. I looked like I belonged here, in this busy world, where women seemed to take up so much more space than they did in the Order. And the vampire clan all looked pleased. As I walked, they flanked me, and I saw other women looking at me enviously and studying us for a moment as if trying to determine if I was with any of these men.
From there, bags of clothes were thrown in the trunk, except for a hat and gloves produced for wearing at the ice rink.
I was glad they didn’t ask me if I was having fun, because I wasn’t a good liar and I didn’t want to admit I was enjoying myself. The very feeling of enjoyment like this made me feel guilty. I shouldn’t be enjoying myself after the death of my mother, in the company of these men, but…none of this even felt real.
The skating rink was a lively place where kids clung to the wall, coaxed by their parents, and in the center of the rink, the more talented skaters practiced figures and spins. Rayner insisted on lacing my skates for me while I blushed and led me to the ice.
I had this flash of feeling.
My heart seemed to sing.
Yes, I did know this. I knew how to ice skate. I knew the scrape of blades on ice and the brisk air on my face. As I watched an older woman trace an eight in the ice, I felt as if I could do better than that. The tinny music playing above my head briefly seemed to transform into merry singing from some strange memory.
“Oh my,” I breathed.
He smiled at me, a smile just for me.
I stepped onto the ice and my foot immediately slipped out from under me. He was prepared for this, catching me around the waist and tightening his grip on my arm. My feet scrabbled as I tried to match my perfect memory to my helpless attempt to ice skate.
“What? No! It can’t be this hard!”
“Take it slow, Tulip. I told you I’d teach you.”
“I don’t need to be taught! I know how to do this!”
“Well…you think you do. But I can tell you that unfortunately, you don’t.”
“I remember,” I panted, as he guided me to the wall. My gloves gratefully found the solid edge to grip.
“You do,” he said. “I saw the moment it hit you. I hope you’re remembering some other things as well…”
“No. Just this.” I stiffened, but his hand stroked my waist and that hunger I felt last night gnawed at me again. His fingers, both hands now, steadied there and he said,
“You had better not fall, Tulip, and put runs in your new tights. Take it slow and try moving like this. Blades in and out. Fluid. Don’t fight the ice. You’re using your knees more than you’d expect at first…yes, that’s it. You’re a natural.”
“The little kids are better than me! How is that natural?”
“It’s only been…” He glanced at a gold watch on his wrist. “Three minutes.”
Thom, Jie and Silvus were all skating together with ease, Thom turning backwards to talk before he smacked into a little boy, who fell over and started crying. Thom tipped a nonexistent hat to the kid’s mom and the anger melted off her face. She stared at him as he skated off, laughing to herself a little, charmed by him. I guessed they were giving Rayner space alone with me. This was something we shared together once.
“Take my hand,” Rayner said, as I started to find my footing. He drew me away from the wall. I was barely keeping on my feet.
“You’re too fast!” I laughed nervously.
“Let your feet remember and get your head out of the way, Tulip.”
I felt his hand, our gloves linked, steady and sure.
This feels so familiar…
It really does.
When I close my eyes, I can remember this hand.
The air was colder then, the ice rougher, and I smelled woodsmoke and street foods as I heard horses and the songs and shouts of revelers in a world knit together more closely than this one.
But this hand was exactly the same as it was then. This hand had been the same for almost five hundred years. A nest my soul flew back to, over and over…
“Whoa,” Rayner jerked me toward him and I lost my footing, stumbling and tripping, unable to catch myself. He tried to catch me but only wrenched my shoulder before my butt hit the ice.
Two little girls, skating hand in hand, were watching me with wide eyes and I realized immediately that I had almost hit them as I got lost in a memory.
One was older, nine or ten, the other about four.
The age difference wasn’t quite right, but I saw me and Carrie. Or Carrie and Joan, someday. I stared at them and burst out, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention!”
“We’re okay. Are you okay?” the older one asked.
“I’m so sorry…” It was all I could seem to say. The memory didn’t seem real anymore. My sisters were real, not some memory. For a moment I had forgotten about them.
Rayner’s hands lifted me up like I was a doll. “She’s okay,” he said.
I was breathing hard and he put his arms around me and held me in an embrace. “Lisbeth,” he said. “It can be jarring at first. What life is real? We could dwell in our happy memories forever, but real life ticks onward. This is not the first time. When Ruth died, you blamed yourself. You had started to think of her as a daughter, and she died. Do you believe me when I tell you that I will do anything to save your family? I love you. I would spare you every human suffering if I could.”
I met his blue eyes. The first time I met those eyes without fear. The lust and fury that frightened me was still there, but I realized there was more hiding in those strikingly beautiful eyes.
“I believe you,” I said.
“Enjoy yourself now. There will be time enough to worry later.”
He squeezed my hands. The world seemed to shift slightly.
Rayner van der Berg.
The name, for the first time, seemed to belong to my memories, just like the hand that held mine eternally.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Alissa
“Your coconut curry, Madame.” Jie lifted the lid of a silver dish. “Does it smell like you remember?”
“Better, actually,” I said.
“We coulda just gotten takeout,” Thom said.
“You’re just jealous because she isn’t asking for your baked beans,” Jie said, before bringing out bowls of blood for their dinner.
Silvus took one spoonful and nearly choked. “Good lord, are you trying to murder my British taste buds? What did you do to the blood?”
“I infused it with Thai chile,” Jie said. “Themed dinner tonight. I think you can expand your horizons.”
“You’re trying to kill me. Or our dear Lisbeth. I’m starving and you give me this.” He clamored for the wine.
“Why does it taste like soap?” Thom asked.
> “I guess that’s the cilantro, I infused it with cilantro, lemongrass, ginger and galangal,” Jie said.
“What the fuck is galangal?”
“Why didn’t you just make your Chinese soup?” Rayner asked. “We’re used to that one.”
“Because it’s Thai night. Don’t you all get bored? Why couldn’t we pick up a new clan member in India or Jamaica or somewhere with a little spice? You mean to tell me a little chile is going to be what does you in?” Jie glared at Silvus until he tried another spoonful.
“So you…always flavor your blood?” I asked.
“Fresh blood doesn’t need any flavoring,” Jie said. “It ruins it, actually. But these days we’re usually stuck with some stale crap. It’s a lot better when you make a soup and wash it down with a little booze. Of course, if we’re lucky enough to get a hit, we’d all forget this.”
“A hit?” I asked. “Is that…what you call fresh blood?”
“He means when the neighborhood asks us to take care of someone,” Rayner said. “That’s the only time we have fresh human blood these days.”
“We have never kept any other thrall,” Silvus said. “But if our neighbors ask us to care of someone who is making trouble…”
My eyes widened.
“They’re not people anyone shall miss, pet,” Silvus said.
“How can you judge that?”
“Believe me, the folks around here don’t recommend it on a whim,” Thom said. “If they tell us to kill, we know we’re handling a problem. We can enjoy every minute of it and sleep well that night. Why, I’d say we’re real do-gooders these days.”
I must have looked skeptical.
“We probably shouldn’t have said all that when you’re spending the night with us,” Jie said.
“Us?”
“Thom and I. We like to share,” Jie said.
“They won’t do anything to you that I haven’t already done,” Rayner said. “But you will share a bed with them for the next two nights. We maintain strict rules here. We all share you equally in order of clan hierarchy. We are free to invite one another to the bed chamber, but it is every man’s own choice to do so.”
Take Me Slowly (Forever in Their Thrall Book 1) Page 17