by Belleza
I bared down on my teeth and balled up in a fetal position on the bed. “Zayneeeeeeee!” I yelled again this time with anger.
I heard the clicking of Za’naa’s barrettes and his heavy footsteps as I laid in bed almost afraid to move. Shit, even breathe just in case it summoned another agonizing wave of pain.
“Help me. It hurts so bad,” I whined rubbing my stomach as the tightening feeling crept up again. “Argggggg!”
“Hurry daddy!” Za’naa exclaimed jumping on the bed and rubbing my back. Her little movement on the bed felt like a level eight earthquake to my body. It took everything in me not to scream again.
“I got you.”
Zayne retrieved tights from my drawer and shirt. After he took off my shirt and tank top, he slid them on quickly before I was crying out again.
Now dressed, I finally had a few seconds of relief sitting on the edge of the bed with my hand planted on my globe like stomach.
Za’naa disappeared and came back with the Gucci diaper bag I got last week which I thought was empty and still in the box, but it looked stuffed with items.
What was in there? I had no clue but poor Za’naa was lugging that thing over her shoulders as if her life depended on it. It had to weigh more than her because she was skin and bones.
“What you doing with that?” Zayne asked checking the duffel bag with our overnight items.
“My baby brother needs to have this when we leave the hospital,” she explained.
“Na, he only needs a blanket and outfit to leave in. The hospital will give us stuff to start with.”
“But this is his bag with his stuff,” she told him and looked at me to have her side.
“Yeah, she’s right. We can take it.”
Her eyes beamed causing me to smile hard forgetting I was seeing the light three minutes ago.
“I’ve been waiting for this day all my life!”
“Oh really? You’re only seven years old and KeKe was pregnant for nine months,” Zayne told her. “That isn’t a long time.”
Za’naa shot him a look before she peered at me. “Seems like it to me,” she shrugged.
“I bet, can we go now?”
“Damn!” I belted our clutching my stomach because out of nowhere another pain hit me.
“That’s our cue! We gotta go! There’s no way we’re having my brother in here!”
Going nowhere fast with the bag nearly weighing her down she rushed out the room and Zayne threw the bag over his shoulder and helped me up. When I stood to my feet, I had to wait thirty seconds before I was able to recover.
When we made it outside, Zayne hit the locks on the car and she opened up the passenger door for me. After Zayne helped me inside, he got Za’naa in the back, strapped in and made his way to the driver side.
“Slow the fuck down!” I screamed at him when he pulled off. The rocking of the car had my entire body tense. I was groaning in pain and was at the edge of the chair.
“Keira! I ain’t even go nowhere yet. Sit your ass back and breathe.”
“Does it look like I’m holding my breath?!” I shot back rubbing on my stomach writhing in pain.
I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. I watched birth story on TLC and them mommas that opted for natural deliveries were too fucking calm for me. They had to have a smoked a joint, popped something or got shot up because they made the pain look like a pinch, while I felt like someone had my voodoo doll and was constantly balling me up like a piece of paper.
“Daddy, drive slow please!” Za’Naa reasoned with him.
“I got you Na. Keira just blaming me for these damn potholes in the street.”
“Aghhhhhhhhh!” I cried out now on my knees and with my head rested against the headrest. I was seconds from jumping out the damn car. I couldn’t stay still, so there was no way I was sitting down. I was hot. I felt like I had to shit, and every inch of my body was throbbing “Stop the car! Stop the car!” I managed to spew out my mouth before he stepped on the brakes. Za’naa screamed out and I snatched the door handle pushing the door open to allow the vomit that shot up my throat out.
My body jerked trying to empty the lining of my stomach. After choking up my saliva, I had a few minutes of relief and we drove with all the windows down to cool me off.
Za’naa probably was in the backseat losing her shit with my antics, but I couldn’t help myself. This pain was no joke.
I managed to keep as calm as possible and not say anything to Zayne by time we made it to University of Penn hospital. We got Valet parking and went through the emergency room entrance where I was admitted immediately to the labor and delivery floor.
“Why are we in here?! WHY ARE WE IN HERE?!” I growled squirming in the wheelchair. They had the nerve to bring me to a triage room when it was apparent I was in active labor. My contractions were a few minutes apart and I’m sure my cervix was just about dilated to push this big head baby out.
“Ma’am we have to check the baby’s heartbeat and measure your contractions.”
“Nah, she’s in labor,” Zayne spoke up. “They’re close and she’s threatened to kill me.”
Sadly, I couldn’t say anything. The only thing that came out of my mouth was a loud scream that sent a bunch of nurses and doctors to flying to the room.
I couldn’t recall what was said, but I was set up in a delivery room where Zayne changed me into my hospital gown after the doctor was informed I wanted an epidural.
Just when I thought it was going to get better it was worse. I felt like I was chained to the bed now with the monitor wrapped around my stomach. I couldn’t do anything but cry because they still had to check my cervix and make sure I was dilated far enough to get pain medicine.
“Never the fuck again!” I cried.
“The Anesthesiologist will be here soon,” the labor and delivery nurse tried to assure me, however, the way these contractions were set up one minute felt like the longest hour.
“You said that already.”
“Babe, you gotta give the doctors time.”
I shot daggers towards Zayne who was easily cool, calm and collected because he wasn’t in my shoes.
“Get away from me!” I yelled at him and he shook his head taking a seat back in the chair next to Za’naa.
I don’t know how long it took, but eventually the Anesthesiologist arrived, and I was relieved to just see her.
“Hey, Ms. Perry, I’m Dr. Joanne the Anesthesiologist I’m sorry for the delay.”
“Just shoot her up Doc,” Zayne butted in and I cut my eyes at him. He had all the jokes, but this pain wasn’t anything funny at all.
“I’m sure she’s in a lot of pain. It will be dulled soon,” she responded with a laugh and I twisted my head like the exorcist.
“Dull? It doesn’t just go away?”
“You’ll feel contractions, but it wouldn’t be as intense.”
I opened my mouth, but quickly shut it because going back and forth with them was only going to slow up the process.
After explaining to me the importance of staying still once she gave me the numbing shot and then the actual epidural, I sat up and Zayne stood in front of me with his hands planted on my shoulders, so I can hunch over as far as I could with my round stomach. An extra nurse came in to soothe Za’naa because she didn’t like the idea of me getting a needle.
Once a contraction passed the Anesthesiologist went to work fast, and it was over quicker than I thought. I barely felt a thing.
“Give the medicine a few minutes to kick in and the doctor will be back to check and see how far you’ve dilated.”
The Anesthesiologist cleaned up her supplies and spoke to the nurses before she left.
“How are you feeling now cry baby?” Zayne asked me standing over the bed.
“You have been zero help.”
“You wouldn’t let me help. You told me not to touch you or talk to you remember?”
“But your mouth just wouldn’t stay shut.”
> “How much longer do I have to wait for my little brother?” Za’naa spoke up circling around to the other side of the bed.
“I’m not sure. I have to be dilated ten centimeters.”
Her eyebrows furrowed immediately. “Dilated?” she repeated.
“Yes, my cervix has to be open more, that’s basically what it means.”
Za’naa eyes went to my stomach and then back up at my face. “How many centimeters are you now?”
“They said six earlier.”
From the look in her eyes I can tell she was tired but didn’t want to miss the birth of her sibling. Shit, I was sleepy as well. I adjusted myself over on the bed and Zayne eased her up with me making sure she wasn’t lying on any cords and she nestled up under me. I was barely feeling any pain and got comfort from Za’naa rubbing on my stomach, so we fell asleep in no time.
ZAYNE
Thirty minutes after Keira and Za’naa fell asleep, Camille arrived, and I got her caught up on the shenanigans her friend was on. It was the middle of the night and we all pretty much were exhausted, so Camille took one chair and I took the other and we both got some rest.
I don’t know how much time passed but there was a knock at the door and I heard Keira calling my name.
“Zayne…”
Yawning, I slowly rose to my feet stretching because my body was cramped up sitting in that hard as chair.
“I’m back!” the doctor announced with a jovial smile. I went over to the bed and got Za’naa up and she was dead to the world. Camille rose from the cushioned couch and I laid Za’naa down on it and took my place next to Keira. “How are you feeling now?”
“Better.”
“That’s good to hear. It looks like the baby’s heartbeat is still nice and strong. Let me check your cervix again.”
The doctor confirmed she was able to push and that’s when the excitement started. I woke Za’naa up and she sat on the side as Camille and I held her legs as she pushed. What I thought was going to be a speedy delivery turned into a long drawn out one. When the doctor noted the baby’s heartbeat was dropping she was rushed for an emergency c-section.
I was instructed to wash my hands to my elbows at a deep sink and get suited up in the gown and bonnet before I was escorted to a seat next to the bed where Keira was laying down flat.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Keira mumbled with tears glossing up her eyes. “Why can’t I just push my baby out?”
At first it was all fun and games to see her smart ass getting a taste of her own medicine, but the fear that were deep set in her eyes had my heart heavy.
I leaned over and placed a kiss on her lips in hopes of soothing her worries.
“You got this baby. This is the safest way to get him out, you’re too weak to push and the longer we wait it can put him in jeopardy.”
She reached out for my hand and I held on tight as the doctors operated on her. We couldn’t see much of anything because of the covering that separated the top of her torso and lower half.
As calm as I portrayed myself to be my heart was racing and I was worried my damn self. Hearing them saying that my sons’ heart rate was dropping, and we needed to go into emergency c-section had my mind frazzled thinking about all the possible outcomes. I wanted a healthy baby, but most importantly I needed my girl here with me to raise our kids. I did it alone with Za’naa and I hated the thought of doing it again.
Child birth was beautiful, but it was a risky process where the mother’s life was possibly in danger. It was something that wasn’t spoken about but bringing life into the world was always a gamble in keeping yours. In my mind, I was praying they both were okay.
The clock was ticking, and the doctors were informing us every step of the way what was going on, on the other side. It felt like forever before they said that they were getting the baby.
“Here’s your little boy!” one of them announced.
I held my breath because they informed us he was out, but I didn’t hear his cries which had Keira alarmed as well. She squeezed my hand tight.
“Zayne, my baby! Why isn’t he crying? What’s wrong with him?”
The moment I stood to my feet a loud shrill broke out as if he knew we needed to hear his voice.
“Zay’d!” Keira called out. “Bring me my baby!”
“He’s coming, Ke,” I assured her sitting back down and pressed my lips on her forehead. “I told you, you were going to be able to do it.”
Her lips turned up slightly before her eyes slowly drifted downwards. I looked over at her chest and also saw that her breathing was shallow as if a wave of exhausting took over her.
“I want Zay’d,” she mumbled with her eyes nearly closed.
“Keira!” I called out but by now her eyes were fully closed. “Keira!”
The doctors ran over from the sound of my voice and I was pushed to the side while the assessed her. I looked from the table where one doctor and a nurse were assisting with Zay’d to the team that was huddled around Keira. The thought again about a life being taken away to bring a new one plagued my mind. I couldn’t lose my girl.
KEKE
I tried to lift up off the bed and felt pain in my lower abdomen. I remembered that I had a C-section, and sat up slowly in the bed almost going into panic mode until I saw Zayne staring down with our son in his arms.
“I’m just waiting for your mommy to wake up little man. I know you’re hungry,” he spoke to him so softly.
My heart skipped a beat watching Zayne interact with our son. He was soft with Za’naa of course, but this was a moment I’m glad I didn’t miss.
Our eyes met, and my entire body got warm. He stood to his feet and walked over looking like a giant with our baby in his arms. I got choked up with tears thinking about how I was the luckiest woman on earth.
“You had a nigga shook,” he admitted leaning over and we shared a deep passionate kiss. I peered up into his eyes and he wiped away the lone tear that rolled down my cheek. “The both of y’all gave me a hard ass time.”
“Is everyone ok? Do they know I’m alright?” I asked.
Zayne chuckled. “You just got up from passing out and you asking about everyone else. It’s about you and my boy right now. That’s all that matters.”
He pulled the chair he abandoned closer to me and placed Zay’d in my arms.
“Watch his head,” he instructed me. I shot him a look and he smiled. I can see he still up for getting on my nerves.
“I know how to hold my damn son.”
“This is my son, you just gave birth to him,” he replied not making no sense at all. I ignored him and gazed down at my creation in awe.
“He’s so perfect,” I mumbled slipping the hat off his head and massaging the silky-smooth pin like curls that adorned his head. For the most part he was pretty light, looking like a cup of coffee with a few splashed of cream giving him a tortilla complexion.
I unwrapped the receiving blanket he was swaddled in to fully access him. The coolness of the air had him squirming on my lap and he peeked one of his eyes open.
“She is getting on ya nerves already, Zay’d. You see what I gotta deal with?” Zayne said from the sideline. I couldn’t entertain his bullshit talk because my mind was focused on my baby. Ten little toes and fingers that had a brown hue around the nail beds hinting there was a chance he would get a dark ebony shade.
My eyes didn’t have much to look at because he was tiny like the size of a football. My heart was full of joy. This was what it felt like to be a mother. I’m sure I had a lot of long nights and early morning ahead of me but seeing how amazing he was I knew it was all worth it.
I don’t know how long I was staring, but Zay’d lost his patience and broke out into this little cries.
“He’s hungry. They wanted to give him formula, but I insisted that you feed him first. My son needs that liquid gold.”
“I don’t know how to breastfeed him. Should we get the nurse?”
“Nah, I got y
ou.” Zayne stood to his feet and undid the top half of my gown. “Hold him like a football in the crook of your arm and put him up to your breast.”
He continued on coaching me how to guide Zay’d onto my nipple. I thought it was going to be difficult, but Zay’d found it and immediately latched on. It was uncomfortable as hell, but he relaxed instantly and fed. I looked up at Zayne with an accomplished smile.
“How do you know all this stuff? You don’t have no ta-ta’s.”
“Man, Qwinae was a piece of fucking work. She whined about everything and only wanted to take the easy way out of everything. I prefer breast milk because it’s the healthiest option for the baby.”
I rubbed my hand on Zay’d’s leg and glanced down at him. He was sucking lightly and was almost knocked out.
“He can’t be full already.”
“His stomach tiny, so he probably is. I’m proud of you Ke. You really took that shit like a champ.”
“I felt like I wasn’t going to make it,” I laughed lightly even though deep down it felt like I was on my deathbed. I now knew what people meant when they said they saw the light because one flashed before my eyes before I closed them, and I woke up in this room.
“You’re here and that’s all that matters.”
“How much does he weigh?”
“Six pounds even, eighteen and half inches long, looking just like his daddy.”
“Boy bye. I want him to look like me with your skin complexion. That’s it. I can barely stand your face sometimes.”
“Oh yeah? When I get home, you can take you hating ass into the guest room. Pump you milk and leave it in the fridge. My children and I will be good.”
“Whatever!” I laughed and we shared another kiss. “Can we get out of this room now? It’s dark as fuck in here.”
“I’ma let them know you’re up.” Zayne kissed me again and placed one on Zay’d’s forehead before he left out of the room.
Zay’d was finished eating and sleeping peacefully. I wrapped him up back in the blanket and held him close to my chest allowing the calming feeling to take over me. This was the beginning of forever as a mother.