by Belleza
“Where’s the baby!” I gushed as soon as I stepped inside of the home Keira and Zayne shared. I could’ve been tripping and on a rush from the excitement of the newborn, but the house even smelled like a baby.
I shut the door behind me and the door locked automatically as I slipped out of my shoes.
“We’re in here!” I heard Keira call out to me.
Johan had the boys and as bad as my body was feeling, I didn’t feel like staying inside of the house. Talking to Johan had me feeling good and at ease, but there was nothing like talking to my girls Keira and Camille. They were younger than me, but age didn’t matter because their maturity exceeded them being in their early twenties and me being thirty.
When I first met them, we clicked instantly. Keira and Camille were more like sisters to me than the three I really had. Keira was crazy and loud, and Camille was so calm and soft spoken definitely leveling Keira out. I was in between being the perfect addition to the duo.
I cheese as I bypassed them in the living room and went to the kitchen to wash my hands. I grabbed a piece of paper towel and headed back to the living room drying my hands off.
Keira was in the corner of the leather section couch with the baby nestled in her arms.
“Hey nephew!” I could reach out for him and she carefully passed me to him.
He was the tiniest little baby snuggled up in a soft blanket. I unwrapped him just a little, so I can see his small hands and he grunted a little sensing he was no longer bundled up. I ran the pad of my thumb on the back of his soft hand.
“I can’t believe he’s this small and your stomach was huge.”
I sat down and snuggled him back up, so he could rest peacefully.
“I tell her the same thing,” Camille said leaning over and placed a kiss on his cheek.
“So how are you feeling? I heard c-sections were the worst.”
“It’s not that bad actually. I’m moving around on my own, so I can’t complain.”
“How’s the baby treating you? Does he keep you up?”
Keira gave me a shocked looked and Camille giggled. “This the first time she really had him since the hospital. Zayne and Za’naa always have him.”
“I just pushed the baby out. Zay’d belongs to them.”
I smiled just thinking about how Zayne was with his first boy. Him and Za’naa were close so I knew there was no doubt that he would be any less passionate about his first-born son.
“Almost make me want to have another one,” I mumbled staring down at the bundle of joy.
“Girl, you’re still young, go ahead and pop Johan out another baby.”
“If I could. I would,” I replied thinking about the procedure where I got my tubes tied weeks after I gave birth to Jeremy.
It was a terrible experience and to go through it alone was ten times worst. Despite us not being together, Jerry refused to be there because at the time he was too busy. I even buckled down and reached out to my family and they said they were going to go come but never showed as well. After twenty hours of labor, I gave birth to my baby boy with only strangers to help me through the process. Jerry really ruined the way I trusted people. I didn’t want to bring another child into this world alone, so I did what I thought was best.
Staring at the new edition of the Moseley family, a twitch of regret was growing inside of me.
“I got my tubes tied after I had Jeremy.”
“Isn’t there a procedure to get it untied?”
“I’m sure now it is, but it’s been years,” I shrugged. “I have Zay’d and this little one on the way. There’s no need for me to have one now.”
“That’s very true. I don’t think I have time now to have a baby any way. With the company and Jeremy acting out, I have my hands full.”
“We not even going to get on that topic. Asahd was ready to kill him in our house. I felt so bad.”
“You should’ve let him. Can you believe that little sucker called me a fat bitch?!”
Camille mouth dropped, and Keira went off.
“You lying, Natavia, he ain’t call you that.”
“I believe he did. I wasn’t close to him, but the way his lips moved I swear that’s what he said.”
“And you ain’t beat his ass?!”
“You see that boy? I never really disciplined him, but at this point me getting on his ass is a waste. Just like Asahd said, he’s stronger than me.”
“Then you let Asahd beat his ass!”
I laughed uneasy thinking about my son getting pummeled by one of the men. I’m sure it was needed, but I had a soft spot for Jeremy. I still couldn’t believe he said that.
“Trust me, Asahd threw that offer out there.”
“Beating him up isn’t going to solve disrespect. It’s going to make Jeremy angrier,” Camille stated, and Keira waved her hand dismissively at her.
“This is coming from the chick who parents didn’t raise their voice at her.”
“Alexander didn’t either!” Camille shot back at her.
“I wish that nigga would. He knows I would’ve ran through that house like the Tasmanian devil.”
“Y’all are a mess,” I cackled listening debate on their childhood which I was sure wasn’t as bad as mine. “Jeremy isn’t a bad kid. I believe it’s his father who’s planting this seed in his head. Now he’s asking me every day to see his dad and I don’t want to look like the bad guy and tell him no. The man hasn’t been in his life all this time.”
“He wants you back.”
“Tuh! I wouldn’t dare. He was extremely verbally and physically abusive. When someone else caught his attention, I thanked God every day. I don’t want him around Jeremy honestly, but what can I do.”
“Tell him he’s too late, Johan’s the father,” Keira explained making me laugh.
“That’s not fair to Jeremy,” Camille reasoned.
“I think so too. I don’t want to deal with Jerry because I feel like it’s deeper than him wanting to finally be a father. One night Johan came and got me from work we ran into him and he was so upset when he saw I was with Johan. He chased me out the gas station store and everything until Johan got in his face.”
“Sounds like my ex,” Camille told me. “He was in his feelings when he found out I was dating Asahd. The phone calls wouldn’t stop. He would pop up at my apartment until Asahd put an end to that.”
“What he do?”
Keira and Camille exchanged looks before she answered me. “Well when he came to my apartment Asahd knocked him out.”
My eye bugged thinking about a grown ass man getting punched so hard he blacked out.
“Where is he now? Does he still bother you now that you’re pregnant?”
Camille just shook her head and I was wondering why she got so quiet.
“He’s on a missing person’s report,” Keira told me, and I gasped.
“Who knows where he’s at. As long as he’s not bothering me,” Camille replied. “He was manipulative and a damn headache. I can’t believe I even dealt with him.”
I simply nodded my head and stared down at the baby. That was something I feared the most. I had an idea of what Johan was capable of and didn’t want to be the reason why that side of him was brought out of him.
My battle with Jerry ended a long time ago and I wanted to keep the peace. If allowing him to spend time with Jeremy would keep it, I was willing to do it. At least in the end, everyone would be alive.
“I need to go out and have fun. Shopping and drinks to take my mind off everything. Everything with Jeremy and Jerry hit me at once and it sort of got me emotional and insecure again. I went out and purchased all these slim fast products and a waist trainer, Johan got me out the bed this morning and took me running. I almost died.”
“Don’t he have a gym in the house?”
I moved my head up and down knowing I didn’t want step foot in that room. I watched Johan work out sometimes. It was sexy to watch his chiseled body get pumped as he lifted the heavy we
ights. It was definitely something I didn’t want to endure. “I’m not going in that place.”
“Johan didn’t complain about your weight, did he?” Keira asked, and I shook my head.
“Not at all. I didn’t have a problem with my size either. I think it was just seeing Jerry, remembering all the things he put me through and thinking Jeremy calling me a fat bitch got me in my feelings.”
“Well look, it’s the holidays. Everyone should be happy. There’s no need to get yourself worked up over that bum ass nigga. We’re supposed to be shopping and having fun.”
“At this rate, I don’t think you can do any shopping, Ke. It’s best you stay home and heal up.”
Keira grumbled something and left out of the living room with us wondering where she was going. Moments later she returned with her iPad and three glasses.
“We can shop from home, and sip on some bubbly while we do so. This c-section ain’t stopping no show,” she returned passing Camille and I the wine glasses and popping out the peach cider.
“I’m breastfeeding and can’t sip right now, so this will do for now.”
“I’m ok with that,” I laughed holding out my glass, so she could pour some of the cider in it.
Zay’d began to whine, so Keira and I did a switch off handing me the iPad and she took the baby. I sat between them and followed their instructions to go on this website for myself that had fashionably cute clothes for curvy girls like myself. They were determined to get me right first before anything and it really felt good to have women in my corner that not only understood me, but loved me as well.
KEKE
Standing from the toilet, I wiped myself and pushed down the handle. I went over to the sink and washed my hands at the sink.
“Naa!” I called out knowing I went in her bedroom to get her up for school more than five minutes ago. Normally she would be up and brushing her teeth. I dried my hands on the hand towels and went to go searching for her only to find her leaned over on her bed still in her pajamas.
“Za’naa… you’re gonna be late for school mama’s,” I told her stepping into her room and rubbing her back to get her up.
“I’m tired and cold KeKe.”
“I don’t understand how you went to bed early again.” I put my hand on her forehead and it was warm to the touch along with her body.
“You sure you’re cold?”
She moved her head up and down and her eyes had bags I didn’t notice last night looking like she missed a week of sleep.
“Maybe you should stay home.”
“No!” she belted out. “I have a spelling test today.”
“If you’re not feeling well, you can stay home. You look sick.”
Worry filled Za’naa’s eyes as she struggled to change the way she looked forcing a smile on her face even though it did no justice to her weary eyes.
“I’m fine. I think I just need to eat.”
I eyed her suspiciously and went over to the dresser to get her socks and an undershirt. I gasped when I turned to face her and saw that she the deep purple bruises on her back as she pulled her sleep shirt over her head.
“What the fuck?!” I said rushing over to her and inspecting the bruise like patches.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Zayne!” I called out to him. “Zayne!”
“KeKe, you’re scaring me,” Za’naa whined. “What’s wrong?”
“Is anyone hitting you at school?”
She moved her head from side to side.
“Are you sure?”
“No one hits me. I wouldn’t lie.”
I knew she was telling the truth, but it didn’t add up she had tons of bruises on her back. I continued to inspect the rest of her body and didn’t see any more. Minutes later Zayne came and I waved him over.
“Look at her back!”
His eyebrows furrowed when I spun her around. “Someone putting their hands on you Na?”
“No.”
“Something ain’t adding up. I know we ain’t hitting her. Bruises don’t come from nowhere.”
“I’m going up to the school.”
I grabbed Zayne immediately knowing he wasn’t leaving the house empty handed, and right now that wasn’t going to solve our issue or answer any of our questions.
“Now is not the time for that. We need to go get Na to the hospital. Look at her,” I pointed her way. “She’s not feeling well and if something is happening at school we have to make sure the authorities know nothing is going on at home.”
“You think them muhfuckas at the hospital gonna take our fucking word if my child has bruises on her body?!” he barked at me. “They gonna take her away and have them people all in my fucking house.”
“They can’t take her, and we have nothing to hide!” I shouted back frustrated my damn self. Taking him out of that dark place in his mind was a task in itself. “Just listen to me please. Let’s take her to the hospital, get her checked out and we can go from there.”
Zayne stared at me not showing a sign that he wanted to agree, but I knew once he saw Za’naa’s face he had no choice but to take her to the hospital. The way her eyes drooped, and her chocolate complexion was pale there was no denying it.
Instead of getting her ready for school, I slipped her into T-shirt and sweatpants while Zayne got the baby dressed to go down the street with Camille. I hated to leave my days old newborn, however, this was a matter in which I had to be there front and center. There was no way I was going to have Zayne sitting there being questioned getting side eyed from people that didn’t know how great of a parent he is.
In fifteen minutes, we were all dressed and I gave Zay’d kisses before Zayne walked down the street with him and I got Za’naa situated in the car. My poor baby didn’t want to miss school. Tears cascaded down her face as she tried to convince me everything was ok. As much as I wanted to agree that everything was going to be fine, I couldn’t. I felt it in my stomach that something wasn’t right.
***
It was well into the evening at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia with doctors and nurses running in and out of the room we were placed in. Poor Za’naa was sick and tired of the sticking and probing like a science project. I was seconds from snapping, but my position was to make sure she was good and Zayne remain level headed. With me acting a fool there would be absolutely no peace.
By now Za’naa was curled up in Zayne’s arms sleeping after being convinced to eat a few crackers and drink some juice. My boobs were swollen with milk because I didn’t have Zay’d to feed or my pump. I couldn’t believe all this time passed and they didn’t give us an idea of why she was complaining of being tired, achy and having headaches.
Sending Camille, a text to check up on my baby boy there was a knock at the door and the doctor, Dr. Emerson who have been checking on Za’naa since this morning emerged after we said it was ok to come in.
I hated the fact that I couldn’t read his face.
“How’s she feeling?” he questioned us, looking from me to Zayne.
Zayne responded shaking his head and I spoke up. “Nothing’s changed.”
“We’ve ran so many tests and I even triple checked to make sure I didn’t miss over anything, but Za’naa’s white blood cell count is much higher than her red blood cells which leads me to the next test that needs to be done to confirm her sickness.”
“A cold.”
Dr. Emerson paused and pursed his lips. “Her symptoms are signs of Leukemia.”
My heart dropped to my chest and now Zayne was eyeing the Doctor with anger.
“It can’t be,” I shook my head in shock. It had me gazing at Za’naa wondering how and when this came about, but with many illnesses there wasn’t a certain look to tell what anyone had.
“Have anyone in your family been diagnosed with Cancer?” he asked.
“I’m not her biological mother,” I responded pointing to my chest and looking at Zayne, who was still unresponsive. I was thankful he was holding Z
a’naa because if he wasn’t I’m sure they would’ve had an army of men trying to restrain him. “I don’t think anyone in his family has Cancer.”
“What about the mother?”
“I don’t know.” Zayne wasn’t saying anything so I quickly replied. “What is the test that we have to do. If it is Leukemia where do we go from here?”
“We can do a bone marrow aspiration and biopsy where we take a thin needle to remove small amounts of bone marrow from the hip bone. We have an option of putting her to sleep and numbing the area to make the test less stressful. Once we collect the sample, it’s taken to the lab to see if leukemia cells are present.”
My throat got dry and suddenly the room felt like it wasn’t enough air for the four of us to breath. I blocked out what the doctor was saying and was trying to piece it all together. I don’t remember a word the doctor said after he explained the procedure and he was gone.
I stood to my feet and went over to Zayne and looked down at my baby girl in disbelief.
“Her mother’s sister passed from Leukemia,” he finally spoke, and my heart broke more in a million pieces. It halfway confirmed what I feared the most.
“This can’t be happening,” I groaned. I didn’t want to think negatively, however, nothing good really came out of having a disease. You literally had to fight hard to beat it and at seven years old she didn’t deserve this battle at all.
ZAYNE
My days have been long and restless. I was bouncing from the hospital, to my uncle's house where they were caring for my newborn, and then checking on business to keep myself from going crazy. I had to keep myself busy because I wasn’t sure what will happen if I didn’t.
It was confirmed Za’naa definitely had Leukemia. In a few days she was going to be transferred to New York treatment center to fight off the disease. It was worse than what we expected and she needed a bone marrow transplant right away which was the cause of the bruising on her back.
I hated to not be able to give my daughter everything she wanted and needed. If I could I would switch places with her, so she could no longer feel the pain she felt. I was ready to do everything possible, but imagine getting your blood drawn up to see if you were a match for the test and was denied. It was one thing after the other and now again I was questioning the paternity of my daughter and struggling to reach her deadbeat mother.