by Donahue, S.
Everyone is worried about me like I’m going to snap at any moment, but the truth is I’m still very hurt. Jonathan tried to talk to me after the almost wedding, but I refused. I either need closure or I need to just move on.
Trenton pops into my mind again. I would love to have his hands all over my body. In a perfect world he would have come up to me at the gas station, pinned me against the car and kissed me. I’m losing my damn mind.
I need a shower, a glass of wine and a movie. One that preferably doesn’t have Trenton McNeil in it.
I open my closet door to put my shoes away and throw my scrubs in the hamper. I retrieve my robe and stare at my wedding gown just hanging there. I don’t know why I torture myself every day. I can’t bring myself to get rid of it or move it. It’s just there. Every time I see it, I think back to me standing there numb and in shock. I try to figure out what I did wrong. How I could have changed anything? Was there something I missed… a clue? Why was I so stupid? I was blinded by my love for him.
I reach out to touch the plastic that is draped over the gown. I run my hands down it. It was so beautiful. I felt like a princess in it. I sit down on the ground with my legs out and my body bent forward, my hands on my face. The tears start flowing. The hurt I feel is real. We had plans to start a family, buy a house…all that is gone. I don’t know if I’ll ever have that again. I’m thirty-four years old. I can’t stop the tears. I move to my bed and cry into my pillow. I don’t have to be in work until tomorrow afternoon, so I’m just going to stay in my bed all night. This is going to be my first holiday season without Jonathan and its starting to hit me hard. Thank God tomorrow’s Friday. I finally have Saturday and Sunday off. That rarely happens but it is much needed.
Chapter 5
Trenton
I sent Patrick a message this morning to let him know that I may come to the bar tonight after all. He asked why I changed my mind like I needed to have a reason. Well I do, but that’s not his business. I told him I just need to get out. Sophia’s new movie premieres tonight and I need to forget about it. If I see the preview one more time on television, I’m going to smash the screen. I can only see her so many times with this guy that she cheated on me with. It’s bad enough I have to replay the cheating episode over and over again in my head.
“Shawn, we’re going to close up shop after I finish this oil change,” I say to my best friend who works in the garage with me.
“It’s early, bro. You sure?”
“Yeah man. I’m going out tonight with Pat and Kristin. Why don’t you stop by? I know you usually hang at Tushie’s Bar, but stop by after. We are supposed to be going to O’Connell’s.”
“Maybe I will come around ten. Will you be out that late?” He says joking.
“I plan on getting drunk tonight to wallow in my pity.”
“Is that such a good idea?”
“The bitches’ premier is tonight and I just need to get through it. She’s had other releases but this is the one she filmed with the lover. It took a while for it to release but it’s happening. The world is waiting for my reaction. I don’t plan on having them think I’m alone and in my house all upset. My plan was to actually go to the Hamptons and hide out. Pat and Kristin talked me out of it.”
“Trent, you’re strong. I’ve known you my whole life, but be prepared for people to talk while you are out. You know how it gets out there. The paparazzi will be out in full force. We already had four here today alone.”
“I called Ian, the owner of O’Connell’s, and told him I would be coming in tonight. He said he will have his bouncers on full alert.”
“Aren’t you bringing one of your bodyguards?”
“No. I’m not planning on making a spectacle. Alright I’m all done.”
I wash my hands and lock up the door.
“Maybe I’ll just go out with you instead. It’s a rare occasion that we get to hang out,” Shawn says.
“Alright I’ll pick you up at 8:00.”
“Is there gonna be hot babes there?”
“I don’t know. I don’t care. I just want to drink.”
“Alright, it’s on. I’ll be ready. Should I invite Caitlin?”
“If you want?”
Caitlin is a childhood friend that Shawn and I grew up with. I haven’t seen her in a few years. Shawn has still remained friends with her. Back in the day when I was a teenager I hooked up with her. It was nothing serious and we remained friends. Shawn thinks she still has a thing for me. I have no interest in her whatsoever. I’m hoping to see one woman… Lauren. I can’t seem to get her off my mind.
Chapter 6
Lauren
I finished my shift at midnight. I struggled to get through the day which is unlike me. I don’t usually take my personal life to work with me. Because I was so upset the night before, I couldn’t seem to shake the bad feeling. After some sleep last night, I feel a little bit better today.
I’m dressed semi- casual for the evening. I have on a pair of dark skinny jeans, a black shiny shirt that dips down to the middle of my back, and red platform heels. To accessorize I have a black and red clutch bag. My hair is flowing down my back with soft curls at the bottom. I have on red lip gloss to bring out the color of my shoes.
Patrick and Kristin will be picking me up in a few minutes. I’m dressed to impress just in case I run into some people I don’t want to see.
Kristin texts me to let me know they are downstairs waiting for me. I pray I’m making the right decision to go out tonight. I take the elevator down to the lobby. The doorman is surprised to see me all dressed up.
“You look lovely tonight, Miss. Clark.”
“Why thank you, Stan.”
He is used to seeing me in scrubs or sweat suits when I go out for a run. He opens the door to Patrick’s car for me. I thank him and get in the back.
“Wow Laur, you look amazing,” Kristin gushes.
“Thanks girl, so do you. Hi Pat,” I say acknowledging him.
“Hey Lauren”
“So are there a lot of people going out?”
“There’s about fifteen of us.”
“Wow that’s a nice size group.”
“Yeah it should be fun.” Kristin is always about trying to entertain people. She loves to see everyone happy. The problem is not everyone is as happy as her. I love her to death but she lives in a fantasy world.
“I’m hoping. I need this right now.” We pull up to the bar. We are a little late. It is located along the main street in town…a pretty popular area. Patrick parks the car. He said he isn’t planning on drinking a lot, maybe a drink or two. He said it’s his wife’s night to have some fun. That’s really considerate of him, I think. His parents are babysitting their daughters.
As I step out of the car, I feel a sense of anxiety set in. There are people out and about everywhere. I hate crowds. I have to keep telling myself it’s going to be okay and I need this in my life. Here goes nothing.
Chapter 7
Trenton
I pick up Shawn and we head to the bar. We arrive an hour earlier than we expected to. We’re drinking our pints of Guinness while we wait for the others to get here. I keep getting stares from people and I hear whispering. I’m trying to ignore it, but it’s kind of hard. Shawn thinks I’m being paranoid. I’m trying to watch the Knicks game on television, but of course the hooker’s movie preview comes on during commercial breaks.
“Let’s go sit across the room at those high tables.” I point over to my destination.
We seat ourselves. In a booth a few feet away, a couple is discussing their plans for the evening. The woman is telling the man to hurry up and drink his beer because they have movie tickets. He replies, “I know I know. I can’t wait to see Sophia Manson in this movie. I heard you get to see her boobs.” Annoyed the woman responds by saying, “Well Alvin isn’t too bad on the eyes either.”
I’m just infuriated because I can’t take hearing that witches name anymore. I officially have had enough.
They can’t see me because they are in a booth, but Shawn can see the look on my face.
As the conversation continues the woman says, “And what about her poor husband, He caught them in bed together. Apparently he tried to commit suicide.”
“Clearly,” I say to Shawn sarcastically.
“I know it hurts Trent. I’d be pissed too, but let’s try to have a good time considering.”
He knows me well enough to know I’m contemplating leaving the bar. I run rather than deal with shit. I’m basically living my life on the run. I run from paparazzi, Sophia, and my work. Sophia calls all the time saying she loves me and wants to work it out with me. She says that we can remarry again. Do I look like a damn fool? I just don’t answer my phone. I know she’s only doing it to save face after what happened.
I call the waitress over. “Can we get two more pints of Guinness and 2 Irish Car Bomb shots?”
“Coming right up.”
“People only know what they read in the tabloids. This week you’re homeless living in a gas station because you have no job.” Shawn continues.
“They need to get a fucking life and stay out of mine. Why don’t we go to Tushy’s? Everyone knows me there.”
“It’s up to you. Pat just walked in.”
“I know. He just text me saying he was here. After this drink we’ll leave.”
I wave Pat and Kristin over. Someone is walking with them.
“Damn, who’s the hottie with them?” Shawn whispers low.
“I don’t know.”
As they get closer, I realize its Lauren walking and talking to Kristin. She looks nervous. Pat shakes my hand and then Shawn’s. Being that Pat and I are only two years apart, we always hung out with the same friends.
Kristen kisses me hello. “I believe you and Lauren know each other.” She has a grin on her face.
“Hi Lauren, you look pretty tonight.”
“Hi Trenton. Thanks.” She blushes. It’s really cute when she does it.
Shawn introduces himself to Lauren. I forgot he was even here.
“What would you like to drink?” I ask her.
“I’ll take an Apple Martini.”
When Jan comes back with our drinks, I give her the rest of the orders. Kristin’s friends start rolling in…all women. They all start making their way to a couple of booths. That’s too much estrogen for me. I tell Jan to run a tab and I’ll take care of the bill. She smiles at me. I think she is trying to flirt with me, but I can’t take my eyes off of Lauren. I’m digging the red lipstick. It emphasizes her luscious lips that I just want to suck this very moment.
“Earth to Trent, you still want to leave,” Shawn asks.
“Hell no, you’re not leaving me. I’ll be the only guy,” Pat chimes in.
“Fine I’ll stay, but one mention of Bitch Face and I’m outta here. Who are you texting?”
Shawn is profusely texting on his phone. I have no idea who it is. He always has some random chick that he is hooking up with. He tries to set me up with one night stands, but I’m not interested.
“It’s Caitlin. She’s here.”
“Oh okay.”
“She’s coming in now. I’m going to meet her at the front. She’s with one of her friends from work.”
“I’ll be here,” I look over at Pat.
“At least pretend to be happy,” he remarks. “There are women everywhere. Why don’t you try to get laid? Didn’t you hook up with Caitlin before?”
“What was I…fifteen?”
“I’m sure she doesn’t still look fifteen?”
“I saw her a few years ago. She’s alright.”
“Keep drinking the shots, she’ll grow on you.”
“You’re a dick. The band is coming on soon. I’m gonna go watch them when they do. It’s going to get crowded in here. I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
As I get up from the table, Shawn is coming toward me with Caitlin and her friend. She looks really good. She really changed over the past few years. Her hair is straight and bleached blonde. She has on a tight mini dress and heels. She’s lost some weight, not that it matters, but she looks completely different…fake but beautiful.
“I think you know this guy right here,” Shawn announces.
I kiss her on the cheek. “Yes she does. How are you Cait? It’s been a long time.”
“I’m good. How about you?” She says running her hand down my arm.
“Same shit, different day.”
Pat rolls his eyes at my answer. I’m just being honest…damn.
“I was just going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” As I walk away I can feel the stares at my back. I turn around and lock eyes with Lauren. She lowers hers to the table. Wait, she must think…
Chapter 8
Lauren
I spot Trenton sitting at a table with his friend…I’m assuming. He waves us over. We exchange greetings. He tells me I look pretty. My heart melts. Jonathan barely ever told me that I looked pretty. I know Trenton is being nice, but it still makes me feel good. He looks so damn hot tonight. So different from when I saw him at the gas station. I catch a whiff of his cologne and it is turning me the hell on. What is it with this guy? He constantly has me blushing. He buys me an Apple Martini. Before I can talk to him, all of our co-workers start arriving. We are yapping and end up moving to a couple of booths near Trenton’s table.
A few minutes later the waitress announces all drinks will be put on a tab and taken care of. I guess that’s my cue to get drunk. I can’t help but glance over at Trenton. He looks up at me. It’s like a staring contest. Nervously I start playing with the stem of my glass. Kristin is going on about Christmas and shopping and all the festivities that she is planning over the holidays. I’m just smiling and listening. I have no intentions of celebrating.
From the corner of my eye, I notice the friend, Shawn, get up and walk away. A few minutes later Trenton gets up and Shawn approaches the table with two beautiful blondes. The one seems to know Trenton. He kisses her on the cheek and hugs her. Maybe she’s his girlfriend. She’s smiling at him and touching his arm. He starts to walk away and turns back to look at me. Why? I don’t want to make eye contact with him now. What if she is his girlfriend? It’s not right for me to want someone else’s man. I know how it feels. I lower my face to the table. Any chance that I thought I may have had with him is gone. I was an idiot to think that I could get thee Trenton McNeil.
“Are you okay?” Kristin asks noticing me looking down. She turns to see Trenton standing there. She’s confused. He starts to walk toward us but walks away.
“I’m fine.” I smile to cover my sadness.
“Let’s walk to the bar. We’ll be back.” She addresses the others.
“Laur, are you okay? Seriously. We’re not with the other girls anymore. Is it Trent?’
“No, why do you ask? I’m okay.”
“Because he was staring right at you. He’s my brother-in-law. I’ve known him forever. He doesn’t stare at just anyone, usually he’s the opposite. He gets his balls twisted sometimes.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure why he was staring at me.”
“Do you want me to talk to him? Wait…Do you like him?”
My cheeks turn 20 shades. “He’s nice. I don’t know if I like him the way you’re thinking.”
“Would you date him?”
“No, probably not,” I say out loud but my brain was screaming yes!!!! “I’m not his type, plus he has a girlfriend.”
Kristin busts out laughing. “Who Barbie? That’s Caitlin. She has always had a crush on him since we were younger. I don’t really know her, but she hung in the same circle as the guys. I had different friends. From the looks of it, thank God. I think Trent hooked up with her in high school. She has been trying to get him ever since. I don’t think he’s interested in her.”
“He could have any girl he wants.”
“Yeah, but Trent doesn’t leave the house, so that’s impossible. This is the firs
t time in like 4 years that he has gone out with us. I’m not saying he hasn’t hooked up with anyone. I don’t know what he does when he’s out with Shawn.”
“It doesn’t matter because I’m not interested. I’m not ready to go out with anyone yet.”
“Okay. I won’t push you. When you are ready, let me know because Pat has a lot of cute friends. There are also a lot of good-looking guys here tonight; maybe the “one” is here.”
“I know you’re worried about me. I’ll be okay. I promise. I don’t want a man.”
We leave the bar and walk toward everyone else. Pat grabs Kristin by the waist and tells her the guys are going to the connecting room to watch the live band. She tells him that we will go with them. The other girls chose to stay at the booth except for our co-worker Dawn. She said she wants to check the band out.
Trenton and Shawn along with Caitlin and friend in tow head over to where the crowd is gathering to watch. Pat, Kristin, Dawn and I follow behind. Caitlin is draping herself all over Trenton. I want to gag and or hit the bitch. I hate girls that throw themselves at guys.
The band playing tonight is the most popular band on the east coast according to the advertisement. We are standing around waiting for them to begin. I have my drink and I’m ready to watch. Kristin and Pat are all over each other. Trenton is drinking his beer and Caitlin and friend are giving him all their attention. Dawn is going on about how these two guys are looking over at us.
“The one with the black hair keeps smiling at me. Come on you’re my partner in crime. They are coming this way.”
“Hi,” they both say as they stand facing in front of us. The black haired guy that Dawn is interested in is kind of cute. I guess the one that is supposed to be for me is alright…nothing to write home to mom about. They are standing next to us as the music starts. The band comes out all pumped up. They are singing I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick. This is a faster version. The crowd is going nuts…singing and dancing. I peek over at Trenton and he is engrossed in the music. I wish it was him standing next to me. This guy is trying to talk to me but I can barely hear him. I think he said his name is Jackson. I just smile at him. Dawn is dancing with her guy. I excuse myself…well try to. I tell my guy, Jackson that I’m going to the ladies room. He says he’ll walk me. Um… I guess. What if he’s a mass murderer? What if he tries to kill me? I can’t say no. We walk away from the crowd.