by Naomi West
So that wasn’t it. The more I thought about it, however, the more I realized that, as silly as it sounded, I didn’t want him to think of me as lame. And what was more lame than a virgin in her twenties?
Well, I was a virgin no more. And the one who’d done the deed was right next to me in bed, sleeping soundly.
After the fun at the club, we’d spent some more time in the private room sobering up and enjoying one another’s company. Only a few words had been exchanged, and I was fine with that—just being with him was enough.
Okay, Hazel, I thought to myself. So, you’re a woman now. After years of wondering when it was going to happen, and who it was going to happen with. Well, the “when” was last night and the “who” was this biker right next to you.
Sure, he didn’t really seem like the dating type, but was that really what I was looking for? The bell had been rung, the freshness seal had been opened, and I was finally something like a normal person.
It was a scary, but exciting new world, and today was the first day of it. The only question was—what to do next?
I lay there for a time, enjoying the softness of the bed and the warmth of Dakota’s body. But when my stomach grumbled, I realized that it was time to eat. Dakota had been nice enough to make breakfast for me the last time I was here, so maybe it was time for me to return the favor?
I hopped out of bed and threw on my clothes, taking one last look at Dakota before I left, a small smile spreading on my face.
Once I was in his kitchen, I began looking through his fridge and cupboards, putting on a little music to brighten up the morning. There were breakfast-type things in there, but everything looked like it’d require a little bit of cooking. And unlike Dakota, cooking was hardly my thing.
Then it hit me—I remembered seeing a few places on the corner of Dakota’s block, spots that looked like they’d have some decent food for breakfast. Sure, I wasn’t much for cooking, but some fresh, hot coffee and some bagels could be just as good.
I grabbed the spare key hanging by the door and was off. Moments later, I was outside of Dakota’s place, the morning outside surprisingly warm and sunny. Still all smiles, I strolled down the block until I reached a little deli on the corner, the smell of coffee and freshly baked bread thick in the air.
A few minutes later, I was out, a tray of coffee in one hand and a bag of bagels and cream cheese in the other. I was beyond eager to bring Dakota breakfast, to do something nice for him after he’d been so good to look after me.
Not to mention the incredible sex. I was already imagining the two of us having our breakfast, then lounging around and enjoying our morning before heading back to the bedroom for a little more fun.
I had no idea what was in store for Dakota and me, but I was eager to find out.
The growl of a motorcycle engine boomed behind me right as I turned to put my key into the lock. The bag of bagels dropped out of my hand and onto the sidewalk, and it took all I had not to spill the coffee.
Someone was behind me, waiting for me. I could feel it from the tingle on the back of my neck.
I didn’t want to turn. I wanted to pretend that nothing was going on, and to just go back into Dakota’s place.
But then a voice spoke behind me, and I realized that wasn’t going to be an option.
“Hazel,” came a low growl, a voice almost as oily and deep as the engine.
“Who … who is it?”
“Turn around.”
I knew I should’ve run, but instead I did as the voice asked. I turned slowly, my eyes settling on a man on a bike parked right next to the sidewalk.
He was a tall, built man, about middle-age. His hair was light blond, his eyes were a piercing blue, and overall there was something strangely familiar about him. Tattoos covered his arms, and, like the other bikers I’d met, he was clad head to toe in leather and denim.
“Who … who are you?” he asked.
He regarded me with a strange, hard expression for a long moment, as if he wasn’t sure just how to answer my question.
“Name’s Jay Jay,” he said. “You’ve might’ve heard of me.”
The name did sound familiar, and I realized I’d heard it over the last few days.
“Jay Jay … with the Infernal Names?”
He let out a snort as he nodded.
“The very same,” he said.
“What do you want?” I asked, my hands shaking.
“I want you to come with me.”
My heart began to pound in my chest. I had no idea what was going on, but I was pretty damn certain that going with this man was the last thing I ought to do.
“Why … why the hell would I do that?”
“Because you’re in serious fucking danger,” he said. “And I’m the only one who can get you out of it.”
“What?” I asked. “What are you talking about?”
“Just get on,” he said. “I’m not going to hurt you. And I’ll explain everything once we get where we need to go. Now, get on the back of the bike and come with me. Leave the coffee.”
I had no idea what possessed me to do what I did next. Almost as though I was in a trance, I set down the coffee tray onto the middle of the sidewalk and slowly approached the bike.
Jay Jay reached into his storage compartment and took out a helmet.
“Put this on,” he said. “No negotiations.”
I did as he asked before climbing onto the back of the bike. Like I’d done with Dakota, I took hold of Jay Jay.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Ready,” I said, uncertainty in my voice.
He revved the engine and we were off.
I spent the ride wondering what the hell was going on, what I’d gotten myself into by making the decision to get on the bike. For all I knew, Jay Jay was going to take me back to his place and do things to me that I didn’t even want to think about.
But before too long we arrived in a familiar part of town—my neighborhood. Jay Jay made a few turns and I realized that, sure enough, we were headed to my house.
Home approached in the distance, and once we arrived in front of it, Jay Jay pulled the bike to a halt and killed the engine.
“What … what the hell?” I asked. “Why are we here? How do you know where I live?”
He turned around and narrowed those blue eyes at me.
“Here’s the deal, Hazel,” he said.
I realized at that moment that I hadn’t told him my name.
“You’re going to go back into that house. And once you’re inside, you’re going to forget all about that Dakota prick and whatever else you’ve gotten yourself into over the last few days. And I don’t want to hear another word about it. Understood?”
I had no idea what to say. Between my name and my address and Dakota, he knew so much about me that it was beyond scary.
“I … understand,” I said.
“Good. Now I’m going to wait here until you’re inside. And if I find out you’ve been hanging around Dakota, you’re not going to like what happens. Now go.”
I nodded, taking off the helmet and climbing off the bike. Once I was off, I ran to the door as fast as my legs would carry me, opening the lock and shutting it. The bike revved again, and I heard it roar into the distance.
I had no idea what the hell had just happened. But I knew it wasn’t good.
17
Hazel
I rushed straight to my room, shutting the door behind me before Mom had a chance to realize that I was back. Everything that had just happened was so surreal that I felt dizzy even trying to wrap my mind around it.
All I could do was pace back and forth, opening and closing my hands to work off some of the tension.
Jay Jay. That was the freaking leader of the Names, or one of them, at least. I knew that there had been some tension between the men, and how the power structure of the gang was laid out exactly was still something of a mystery to me.
But he was important, powerful. And for God know
s what reason, he’d taken an interest in me. He’d found out that I was with Dakota, come to his home, and waited until the right time to tell me to come with him.
It didn’t make a bit of sense. Why would a man like him be concerned about me? And how the hell did he know where I lived? And why did he seem so familiar?
I fell onto the bed, burying my face in my pillow. On top of everything, Dakota had to certainly realize by now that I was gone. I hoped he didn’t think that I’d ditched him or that he wasn’t worrying about me.
Time passed as I tossed everything around in my head, trying to puzzle it all out.
After a while, I heard something through my door. I craned my ear towards it, trying to figure out what it was. It took me a few moments, but I realized that it was Mom. She was speaking, her voice sharp. And because I couldn’t hear another voice, I knew that it was a phone call.
It was hard to make out what she was saying—her words were muffled through the door. I climbed out of bed and made my way over to the door, pressing my ear against it.
But when I did all I heard was a harsh “fine!” followed by footsteps that drew closer and closer by the second. A hard knock banged against my door, the sound deafening with my ear pressed against it.
“Hazel!” called Mom. “You’re in there, right?”
I scrambled from the door over to the bed.
“Um, yeah!” I said back. “Why?”
A moment of silence passed.
“I need you to come out here, right now,” she said.
I heard her footsteps move towards the living room and then stop.
Shit. Something was up, something very, very serious.
I took a deep breath before getting up and making my way to the door. After opening it up I moved with soft, careful steps towards the living room, as if I’d broken into my own house and didn’t want to get caught.
Mom was on the couch, her legs crossed and her eyes fixed ahead. Something was on her mind, something serious. When I entered the room her glance shot to me and she pointed to the chair across from her.
“Sit,” she said, her voice stern and commanding.
I did as she asked, my stomach about as tense as it could get.
Mom said nothing at first, letting the silence hang in the air. I had flashbacks to being a kid, when she’d busted me doing one thing or another and was figuring out just how to chew me out.
Finally, she went right into it.
“What the hell are you doing?”
I didn’t know where to begin with that one.
“Um, I don’t know,” I said, my voice a soft squeak.
“No freaking crap ‘you don’t know,’” she said.
She took a deep breath, collected herself, and went on.
“Do you have any idea how much I’ve put into making sure you were able to grow up like this?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“This!” she said, swirling her hand around in the air. “In a nice home. A safe home. A home in a neighborhood where you don’t have to worry if you need to look over your shoulder when you walk down the street.”
“I … I know you’ve done a lot.”
“You’re damn right I have,” she said, crossing her arms. “And you don’t even know the half of it.”
“I guess I don’t.”
“You guessed right then,” said Mom. “Because all the crap that I’ve trying to keep away from you just came back, and I’m going to be honest with you—I’m at a loss as to what to do.”
I said nothing, not wanting to dig myself into a hole.
“I was just on the phone with … someone,” she said. “Someone who I don’t really like to talk to.”
“Who?” I asked.
Mom pursed her lips, as if unsure if she wanted to answer the question.
She sighed and spoke.
“The man who gave you a ride home.”
“What?” I asked, totally taken by surprise. “You mean Jay Jay?”
Mom let out a laugh and shook her head.
“Jay Jay,” she said. “I can’t believe he’s still going by that stupid name.”
“… What?”
Mom wrung her hands together, looking more nervous than I’d ever seen her. I had no idea what to make of any of this.
“That guy,” she said. “Jay Jay. That’s not his real name, obviously. His real name, the one on his birth certificate, is Jonathon.”
She took in another deep breath.
“But you wouldn’t be calling him that. You’d be calling him … Dad.”
My body went cold. My heart beat so loudly that I could hear it thudding in my head.
“… Dad?”
It was all I could say.
“That’s right,” she said. “Jay Jay is your father. My ex-husband.”
“You’re joking, right?” I asked. “You have to be pranking me.”
“Baby, I wish it were a joke. I wish that he wasn’t the father of my baby. But it’s as true as it gets.”
“I don’t understand,” I said.
“What’s there to understand?” asked Mom. “Way back in the day I fell in love with some biker someone who I thought would love me forever. I got knocked up, had you, and he stuck around.”
I felt like I was underwater. I had no idea what to make of any of this. I was still half convinced that it was a joke.
“And … then what?”
Mom shook her head.
“Back when I was a girl, back when I was your age, I thought that those bikers were so freaking cool. Those big motorcycles, that leather, the attitude. But as soon as I got pregnant, I started seeing them in a whole new light. I learned how violent their world was and how it was no place for a woman and a baby.”
She went on.
“But your father wouldn’t let it go. Told me that his life with the Infernal Names was all he knew. So, I told him it was me and you or the gang. And he choose the gang.”
“Are you serious?” I asked. “He left to be with the bikers?”
“Well, he didn’t see it that way,” Mom said. “He told me that there could be a compromise. Said that he could still provide for us while making sure that we didn’t get sucked into his world. And that’s where all this came from.”
Another gesture around her.
“All of this,” said Mom. “Well, half of it, that is. Your father’s been there behind it all. He paid for the house in this neighborhood, sent me money every month, and even covered half of your tuition. He’s the reason why we’ve been able to live this kind of life here, why we’ve been able to put you on a path that hopefully leads you somewhere far away from this kind of life. Someday.”
“I … I don’t know what to say,” I said.
“Then don’t say anything,” she said. “Just listen, because this is the important part. Everything that I’ve done, that your father has done, was to keep you away from the kind of life that he lives, the kind of life that I almost fell into. And then I come to find out that you’re running around with some guy from your dad’s gang!”
I chewed my lip and glanced away.
“Unbelievable,” she said.
“Does … does that mean that the Names know who I am?”
Mom shook her head.
“No,” she said. “Gangs like the Names take family very, very seriously. That means that if I would’ve stayed with your father and had you, we would’ve been under direct protection.”
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked.
“Here’s what’s wrong—they don’t let families under their protection live like normal people. We would’ve been part of the gang—living with them, and being complicit in whatever crimes they got up to. You would’ve been cut off from the normal world before you’d even had a chance to decide whether or not that was the kind of life you wanted. Growing up around those men, in that culture … no way. No fucking way.”
My eyebrows shot up. It was no small thing to hear Mom cuss.
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�And that’s why you’re here,” she said. “Why I’ve tried so, so hard to keep you away from all that. I helped you get into college, let you work a regular job, and did everything I could to set you on a normal path. And this is what you do.”
Her hand shot in front of her face, and I realized that she was wiping a tear away. But she didn’t want me to see it, and I pretended not to.
“So,” she said. “What do you think is the right thing to do now? Huh? Knowing what you know, knowing how much I’ve had to give up to give you all of this, what’re you thinking about now?”
“It’s not my fault you had to give up everything,” I grumbled.
Mom cocked her head to the side, and I realized right away that I’d said something stupid.
“What was that?” she asked. “I didn’t quite hear you.”
In for a penny, in for a pound, I supposed.
“I said it wasn’t my fault that you had to give everything up,” I said. “I didn’t ask to be here. I didn’t ask to be born.”
Mom said nothing for a long moment, appearing to process what I’d said.
“That’s what you’re taking from all of this, huh?” she said. “That I’m pissed because I had to change my life for your sake?”
“I … I don’t know,” I said.
“Normally I’d be up for going to the mat on that one,” she said. “But right now I’m so pissed off that it’s taking all the restraint I have to stay this calm. So, here’s what’s going to happen—you’re going to forget about this kid that you’ve been hanging out with. He’s done, gone. As far as you’re concerned, he doesn’t exist.”
“But—”
A hard glare cut me off mid-sentence.
“Not another word out of you,” she said. “This summer break is about to get a whole lot more boring. And unless you want to make it worse, you’re going to your room right now and stay put until I figure out what to do with you.”
I realized that there wasn’t anything else to say. I bolted from the couch, stormed to my room, and shut the door, tears pouring down from my face as soon as I was alone.