The only thing I had working for me right now was that despite how batshit crazy she was, she obviously believed she loved him just as much as I did and maybe, just maybe, that would be enough to get her to stop the time-bomb in Trace’s head from detonating.
“I don’t know, but she better pray she can or it’ll be the last thing she ever does,” I gritted out and then left the washroom too.
12. THE HURT LOCKER
I managed to avoid Trace for most of the day. As much as I wanted to see him—to touch him and talk to him and make sure he was okay—I couldn’t risk the possibility of triggering his memories, and so I spent the majority of the morning jumping into empty classrooms and dodging him around random corners.
When lunch finally rolled around, I continued operation-stay-the-hell-away-from-Trace and resorted to hiding out in the bathrooms for a few minutes to make sure we wouldn’t cross paths at our lockers, which happened to be right next to each other. Something I’m sure sickened Nikki to no ends.
After hearing most of the noise die down in the corridor, I chanced a peek into the hallway and saw that the coast was clear. I quickly shuffled towards my locker to drop off my books and grab my lunch. A lunch I’d be eating alone since I’d already decided I’d be hiding out in my car for the remainder of the lunch break.
No biggie.
It wasn’t like I had any friends waiting to sit with me at the cafeteria anyway. Nobody would miss me—yet another painful reminder of the giant void I had in my life now that Taylor was no longer in it. Because Taylor would’ve noticed. Taylor would’ve been saving me a seat.
Tears sprang under my lids and I immediately tried to shake her memory away. The sad truth was, I rarely allowed myself to think about her. Even all these months later, I still hadn’t been able to bring myself to visit her grave. It just hurt too damn much to face the fact that she was gone. Because of me. Because of her friendship with me.
And unlike Trace, she was never coming back.
With a heavy heart, I opened my locker, dumped my books inside and then reached up for the brown paper bag holding my sad little apple and turkey sandwich. I wasn’t even sure why I bothered reaching for it since I’d already completely lost my appetite. Letting out a sigh, I grabbed the bag and then slammed my locker shut.
“Shit!” I jumped back at the sight of Trace standing beside my locker.
His back was pressed against his own locker and his ocean blue eyes were trained on me with purpose. I hadn’t even heard him walk up to me. Either I’d been too preoccupied sulking over Taylor, or he was some ghost version of himself with no actual footsteps.
The latter was definitely a possibility.
“Mind telling me why you’re avoiding me?” he asked, his husky voice low and racked with suspicion.
Okay, so he wasn’t a ghost. He was real, very real, and he was also waiting for an answer while I just stood there gawking at him like some love-sick puppy.
Speak, dammit!
I cleared my throat. “I’m not avoiding you. Why would I be avoiding you?” I answered messily, probably making myself sound as guilty as I looked.
“I don’t know. You tell me.” His dimples pressed in as he pumped his jaw muscle and studied me.
My cheeks heated under his intense stare and it took every ounce of restraint I had not to lurch forward and lick his face off. Those dimples had been my undoing on more than one occasions and that certainly hadn’t changed since the last time I’d seen him, regardless of Odin’s warnings.
Get it the fuck together, Jemma. Seriously.
Trace’s life depended on it and I couldn’t allow myself to forget that for even a second.
Steeling myself, I lifted my chin and arched an eyebrow at him in an attempt to appear detached, bored even. “I don’t even know you, Trace. I have no reason to avoid you.”
He turned to his side and crossed his arms, his left shoulder leaning into the locker now. “Are you sure about that, Jemma?” He craned his head towards me, and my hedonist eyes instinctively dropped to his mouth. “Because I’m starting to think you’re lying to me.”
I swallowed despite the tightness in my throat. “And why would I do that?” I asked croakily and then forced myself to meet his eyes again.
“I’m not sure,” he said simply and then cocked his head to the side. His eyes dusted over my features as though he were trying to place a puzzle piece. “But I plan on finding out.”
Shit on a stick.
That was the absolute last thing I wanted him to do. Digging around in his head was a surefire way to set off the bomb that was currently keeping his memories (and sanity) safe and sound.
Alarm bells rang in my head as I tried to think of a way to ease his suspicions. Obviously, denying everything and acting like he was delusional wasn’t working anymore. I needed something better—something plausible that would get him to back down. To ease his curiosity.
“Look, Trace. I’m honestly not sure why you’re dreaming about me. I mean, maybe you had a crush on me before your accident? You wouldn’t be the first,” I said, feigning detached confidence like my life depended on it. I fastened the lock back onto my locker and clicked it into place.
“I don’t doubt that,” he murmured lowly.
I met his eyes again and my breath hitched. He had the smallest semblance of a smirk on his lips, not enough to show his teeth, but enough to ignite those dimples. With every conversation, every flash of that smile, the ice around my heart was slowly melting for him and that was exactly what I didn’t want to happen.
Because deep down, I already knew I couldn’t go back to Trace. There was no future for us. Odin had made that perfectly clear to me. Trace’s memories needed to stay buried and my presence in his life would only threaten that. Besides, I wouldn’t go back to that place with him even if I could. Because I wasn’t the same person I was before. Everything was different now. I was different. I’d move on and I refused to go backwards.
At least that was what I kept telling myself.
“Anyway, it was nice chatting with you, but I have somewhere to be.” I quickly turned on my heel with the intention of taking off in the opposite direction, but he snagged my elbow and turned me back towards him.
The buzzing sensation exploded all over my body as though I were standing in the middle of an electrical storm. His eyes widened and I instantly knew he felt it too.
This had just gone from bad to worse. Way worse.
“You feel it too, don’t you?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at me.
“I…I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lied, doing my best to keep a straight face.
His eyes thinned as though he were trying to read my mind.
Because he was reading my mind. Shit!
I pulled my arm out of his grip to stop him from listening in on anything else. I wasn’t sure if the reanimation had altered any of his abilities, but until I knew different, I was assuming he could still hear my thoughts through his touch.
“I, um…I have to go now,” I said and took a step back, trying to gauge his current level of suspicion and assess the damage I’d just done.
He took a step forward, following my retreat. “Can I see you after school?” he asked, his eyes hooded now as though they were carrying a well of secrets within them. A well I wanted to dive right the hell into.
Panicked, I shook my head back and forth. “I can’t. I have a boyfriend.” Oh, my god. Did I just say that?
Okay, so it wasn’t entirely true nor was it a valid reason, but he didn’t need to know any of that. Besides, it was all I could think of on the spot.
He smiled crookedly and then took another step towards me. There was only a couple of inches between us and yet the gap still felt as wide as the ocean. “I’m not asking you to have sex with me,” he said, his voice low and husky. “I just want to talk to you.”
My cheeks felt as though they were literally on fire. Just hearing the word sex come out of his mouth made my min
d flash back to the night we almost did it, which only made my cheeks burn hotter.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea—”
“Because of your boyfriend?” he verified, smirking again.
“Right.” I tried to take a step back, but he stepped right with me, keeping the gap at a bare minimum.
He lowered his head as though he were going to whisper a secret into my ear. My heart thundered at our impossible proximity. I could literally feel his minty breath on my cheek; smell that delicious woodsy cologne as it seduced every one of my senses. “Well, how about we just keep it between me and you then?” His voice was a deep, throaty whisper that made my entire body shiver involuntarily.
“You want me to lie to my boyfriend?” I asked, surprised since I’d never seen this side of Trace before.
He shrugged. “If that’s what it takes for you to meet with me.”
I hesitated to answer. My mind was all over the place, searching for a valid reason to turn him down—to continue avoiding him, but one that wouldn’t tip off his suspicions any more than they already were.
Talk about a rock and a hard place.
Misreading my pause, he tilted his head to the side and said, “I’m not going to try anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”
My eyes snapped to his. “I know you won’t,” I answered without the slightest hint of doubt or hesitation. This was still Trace after all, and the Trace I knew before would never move a hair on my head without asking my permission first.
“Good.” His eyes danced around my face for a moment, as though trying to latch onto a fleeting memory that refused to hold still. “Then it’s settled. 3 o’clock after school.” He nodded into it and then started to walk backwards; his eyes still fixed on mine like he couldn’t stand to look away.
“I never said I’d meet you,” I pointed out.
“That’s true.” He smirked again, setting off his right dimple. “But you will.”
I narrowed my eyes at him as I watched him retreat. “And what makes you so sure of that?” I couldn’t help but be curious.
“Because something tells me you want to talk to me just as much as I want to talk to you.”
I scoffed at his smugness. “You sound way too sure of yourself.”
“I am.” His smirk deepened.
“And if you’re wrong?” I asked, keeping my own expression fixed—unimpressed.
“Then I’m wrong.” He paused at the end of the corridor, giving me one final good look and then confidently adding, “But I’m not wrong.”
And with that, he was gone.
And I was completely done for.
13. RUNNING INTERCEPTION
I’d spent the rest of the afternoon in a near constant state of panic, watching as the clock ticked dangerously closer to the final bell. All I could think about was Trace and trying to come up with a plausible excuse to get out of meeting with him. So much so that I nearly gave myself a third degree burn on a Bunsen burner during a science class mishap.
There was no way in hell I could meet up with him after school. The more time I spent around him, the more I aroused his suspicions. And probably something else too. Both of which would lead him to nothing but trouble.
I needed reinforcements.
My last class of the day was French and since I knew Nikki was in that class too, I’d decided to corner her at her locker before class and force her to get involved. And let’s face it, if Nikki was good at anything, is was at inserting herself directly into Trace’s path, especially when his path was pointed straight at me.
“If you’re here to tell me off some more, I don’t want to hear it,” she said without looking at me as she pulled out her binder and textbook from her locker. “I already told you, I’ll figure something out.”
“I’m not here for that.” I moved in closer and then lowered my voice to a whisper so that no one but the two of us could hear. “Trace wants to me up with me after school.”
Her aquamarine eyes slammed shut. “And you’ve come to rub it in my face?” she asked and then opened her eyes, though she was still staring into her locker.
“No, dumbass. I need you to run interception.”
Was she seriously still not getting the severity of the situation? All she could think about was competing with me. With winning Trace over me. It was pathetic. And annoying as hell.
“Oh.” She turned and faced me, her expression a little less perturbed. “Right. Obviously. So, how do I do that?”
I threw my hands in the air. “Seriously, Nikki? This is your thing. Make something up. Drag him away by his collar. Do whatever you have to do to make sure he doesn’t show up at his locker after school.”
She crossed her arms and scowled at me. “Why don’t you just make everyone’s life easier and tell him to take a hike?”
I looked at her as though she were daft. “Have you met him? Apart from the fact that it’s literally impossible to utter those words to his face, it’s going to make him even more suspicious than he already is.”
She chewed on it for a moment and then finally nodded. “Fine. I’ll take care of it.”
“I’m sure you will,” I muttered over my shoulder as I shuffled off to my last period.
The sound of the final bell blaring through the classroom sent my heartrate into chaos. My eyes immediately darted across the classroom to Nikki as I silently asked her the question that had been nagging me all period.
She nodded her head, letting me know she’d come up with a plan to keep him away from me. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure why I’d doubted her. This had to be like second nature to her by now.
As the rest of the class filed out of the room, I sank back in my chair and waited them out. Surely, Trace would be heading to his locker right about now, so all I needed to do was stay away long enough for Nikki to get her hands on him. She’d take care of the rest.
I pulled out my phone and texted my sister as the last student cleared out: Did you know they let mom go?
It only took her a few seconds to answer me—a personal best for Tessa: Yes.
Were you planning on telling me? I texted back.
Yes.
I rolled my eyes at my phone and typed: In this lifetime?
Her answer came almost instantaneously: Sorry. I’ve been a little busy, Jem. You know how it is.
I sure did. At least I used to.
For the briefest of moments, I envied my sister. She hadn’t been forced to return to the ashes of a life filled with deceased best friends and back-from-the-dead boyfriends. She no longer had to balance school and training and all the other drama that went along with being a “normal” teenager. Something I knew full well that I wasn’t, but still had to pretend to be for the most part. I was so sick of pretending.
I couldn’t wait to be free of it all.
My phone dinged with another text from her: Dinner soon? We’ll catch up.
Me: Sure. Ttyl.
“So, this is where you’ve been hiding out?” chirped a familiar voice from the front of the classroom.
I looked up from my phone and found Ben standing by the door, staring at me as though he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what I was doing sitting in an empty classroom by myself, several minutes after school had ended.
“I’ve been looking all over for you,” he informed as he crossed his lean, muscular arms over his chest.
“Well, congrats, you found me,” I said and put my phone down on the desk.
“Any particular reason why you’re hiding out in here?” he asked, gesturing around the empty classroom.
“I’m trying to avoid Trace,” I answered simply, not bothering to make up a lie. I knew he’d understand.
“I figured it was something like that. Well, him or the Ice Queen,” he quipped, referring to Nikki. His smile dropped a moment later as his eyes turned serious. “You mind if I join you for a minute?”
I nodded to the chair in front of me. Pushing off the door, he shuffled do
wn the aisle and grabbed the chair in front of me, keeping it’s back to me as he wrapped his leg around the top and then folded his arms on the backrest, facing me.
“We missed you at lunch today.”
I gave him a half-smile, letting him know I appreciated the sentiment even though I didn’t really buy it.
“Were you hiding out then too?” he wondered.
“Pretty much.” I let out a weighty sigh. “It’s getting harder and harder to stay away from him, Ben,” I admitted quietly, almost as though I were too afraid to say it out loud. To admit that my resolve to cut off any and all contact with Trace was beginning to waver. “It’s starting to feel like a full-time job.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want to be doing?” he asked, fiddling with his piercing as he pinned me with his inquisitive brown eyes.
“No,” I answered without pause, because it wasn’t what I wanted. Not really. “But I have no other choice.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and I could tell he knew that meant I had bad news. He sat up a little straighter and leveled me with his eyes. “So, what’s the word?”
“I met with a necromancer yesterday.” My stomach bottomed out as I recalled the conversation with Odin.
“And?”
I shook my head. “It’s not looking good for him, Ben.” I pushed back in my chair, trying to open my chest enough to pull in a full breath of air. “Trace not remembering is probably the only thing keeping him together right now.”
His dark blond eyebrows creased with concern. “What do you mean keeping him together?”
Judging by the confused look on his face, he knew just as much about raising the dead as I did, which was practically nothing.
“It’s kind of hard to explain, but the way I understood it was that Trace dying caused a part of his brain to die. The amnesia, whether it was a consequence of the reanimation or something Nikki added for the fun of it, is basically like a small wall around that part of his brain. The part that died. It’s protecting him. But if that wall starts to crack, even a little bit, Trace as we know him will go down right along with it.”
Incarnate: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Marked Saga Book 5) Page 11