He meant it too. He ached for her and at that moment, he would have been happy to stay like this forever, just holding her in his arms.
“But you must sleep. You need it.”
“I need to go home,” she argued, then she yawned. “I’ll just gather my thoughts, then I’ll go.”
Two minutes later she fell deeply asleep with her head on his chest. Proper sleep this time, untroubled by dreams.
Bram woke first, gently moved Regan off his chest and slipped out of bed.
When he returned with coffee, she was just waking up. She yawned and stretched and smiled up at him. Relief flooded through him, then she sat up looking shocked.
“It’s morning!” she cried. “I’ve been here all night?”
“Is that a problem?” he said, suddenly seized with the fear that it was a problem for her, a big insurmountable problem.
She slumped back against the pillows.
“It’s not a problem,” she said and smiled. “Thanks for the coffee. I can’t remember the last time I had coffee in bed. In fact, it was probably…” Her eyes darkened. “I think the last time was when you made it for me.”
“You’re not mad about spending the night are you?” he said.
“No,” she picked up her cup and smiled at him over the rim, but then it was back, that strange look in her eyes as if something had just dawned on her, some awful truth. It was as if she was keeping something from him. He wondered if there was someone else, someone significant in her life.
It was ridiculous to hope or even think that she’d lived the life of a nun for the past six years. She was a beautiful woman.
“Have a shower, then we’ll have breakfast,” he said. “I can run you home before surgery so you can grab a change of clothes, then maybe we could have lunch.”
“Whoa!” she said. “Hold your horses, Bram. Lunch?”
“Just lunch,” he said. “Now I’ve found you again, I don’t want to waste a moment.”
“I can’t,” she said. “Not today. And I’d rather walk home. I need to clear my head. I have a lot to think about.”
“I understand that, but it’s raining.”
“I’ve been wet before.”
“You are one annoying woman, do you know that? Why are you holding back, Regan? Do you remember kissing me last night?”
She reached out and squeezed his hand.
“We need to talk, Bram. There are things we have to get straight between us. Six years is a long time. Things happen. Circumstances change.”
He nodded. She was right of course. They couldn’t just leap straight back into a relationship after all this time. They were different people now. He liked to think he was anyway.
“I put your clothes in the machine last night. They should be dry, but they’ll need ironing. I’m hopeless at ironing.”
“Some things never change.”
“How true that is.”
When he came back with her clothes, she was standing at the window wearing his dressing gown looking down at the camper van that had been his home for so long.
“Come and have breakfast,” he said. “I make great scrambled eggs on toast.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I learned to cook properly. I don’t live on microwave meals these days.”
“I’ve missed this,” Regan said. “Breakfast with you. You always mad great coffee.”
Not just breakfast. She’d missed him more than she had ever been able to admit to herself. Last night it all came home to her exactly what she’d lost. She’d considered telling him about Georgie when she woke up, but needed a clear head. It wasn’t something she could just blurt out.
And then looking out this morning at that camper van, thinking of him living in that had made her so sad. It wasn’t a proper home and he’d had such a rotten childhood, if anyone deserved a decent, loving home, it was him.
He was here now, in this cosy flat. But still alone.
“I didn’t realise how hungry I was. I honestly can’t remember when I last ate,” she said.
“No wonder you flaked out after half a glass of wine,” he said. “But seriously, are you feeling okay now? I mean you look okay – more than okay. You look gorgeous.”
He’d always been able to make her feel good about herself even when she knew she wasn’t looking her best. She had no make-up on, her clothes were crumpled. No way could she look gorgeous, yet to him, it seemed, she did.
“The nightmares were bad, Bram,” she said. “The first one – I dreamt we found Georgie on the beach. It was very real.”
“And perfectly understandable that you mixed the two children up in your mind,” he said. “It’s tragic for all concerned. She’s a lovely kid. I hope her parents realise just how special she is.”
“Oh they do,” Regan said. And this was it. Her chance to tell him. Oh, by the way, Bram, you are one of her parents, isn’t that great? Words clogged in her throat. She couldn’t get them out.
But she couldn’t keep putting it off. If she didn’t tell him, someone else would and soon. But how? How did you tell someone they had a five year old daughter?
“I’d really like to meet them,” he said. “But I probably will if they bring her down to the lifeboat station. She’s been promised a look round and maybe a trip out on one of the boats.
“She’ll love that.”
“What kid wouldn’t?”
“Exactly.”
Regan took a deep breath. She hadn’t had time to prepare what she was going to say, but the best way was going to be to come out with it.
“About Georgie,” she began.
“Yeah?”
“She’s…”
The phone rang.
“Excuse me,” he said. “Sorry.”
Saved by the bell. Regan wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or annoyed. She’d been about to tell him and the moment had been snatched away.
“I’m so sorry, Regan,” he said. “I’ve got to go out. An emergency. Difficult foaling. Will you wait?”
“I can’t,” she said. “But I’ll see you later. Go on, go! I’ll clear up here.”
He grabbed her by the arms and kissed her on the mouth. She could still feel the pressure of his lips on hers long after she heard his car drive away.
Despite what she’d said about not waiting, Bram hoped she’d still be there when he got home, but of course she’d gone. She’d loaded up the dishwasher, tidied up and made the bed.
He realised he still didn’t know where she lived, so he couldn’t call round to see her or phone her. Damn. But last night had meant something to her. She’d get back in touch with him. She knew where he was.
He had a full day at the surgery ahead and he had to get on with it and not think about Regan or whatever it was she was about to tell him. Something about Georgie? Maybe she knew the mother. Or perhaps she was going to tell him to back off and stop getting so involved. That was more likely. She always used to say he got too intense about things. But Regan was different now. She seemed more understanding. And when it came to getting involved, well, she seemed to have done that herself. Big time.
He was likely to meet Georgie’s mum this morning. Bonnie had an appointment at ten.
When the time came it was Lally who brought the dog in. Bram made a fuss of her and marvelled at the resilience of animals. She greeted him like a long lost friend and he was very happy with her.
“She seems fine,” he said. “How’s Georgie?”
“I believe she’s going to come home today after the doctor has seen her. That’s why I brought Bonnie in. Her mum’s at the hospital.”
“Of course,” he said.
“She was very adamant about paying you,” Lally said.
“And I’m adamant that she has enough on her plate without worrying about vet bills. Anyway, she didn’t bring her in and ask for treatment. I took it upon myself to give it. That lets her off don’t you think?”
Lally laughed. “Oh, you are lovely aren
’t you? That’s so kind. Things haven’t been easy for her. If she’d lost Georgie…” Her eyes filled up. “But she didn’t,” she added quickly. “And we must look at it that way. There is nothing we can do for that other poor little soul, but we still have Georgie.”
“Is she on her own – Georgie’s mother?”
Lally gave him a long look as if considering how much to tell him. In the end she smiled and touched his arm.
“Oh, yes, completely on her own,” she said. “And she’s a wonderful mother. From what I gather, her parents moved away just after Georgie was born. They weren’t a very close family I’m afraid. I think her mother was so worried she might be called upon to help out with a bit of babysitting, that she took fright and left the country.”
Lally’s lips tightened with disapproval.
“Really?” Bram was shocked and a little disgusted. “Their loss don’t you think?”
“Oh, most definitely. But their loss is my gain. I’m Georgie’s sort of honorary grandmother. I look after her when…” she hesitated. “When her mum is at work. I used to babysit for little Jay sometimes too.” Her eyes clouded. “I’m very lucky that I moved in near them when I did. This is a lovely little community.”
“Yes, it is. You’re not from round here?”
“Goodness, no,” she said. “My husband and I used to come here on holiday sometimes. We stayed at a B&B on the front and we often used to say we’d like to retire here. Sadly it wasn’t to be.”
Again, her eyes misted, but she smiled quickly. This was a woman used to picking herself up, Bram thought.
“I’m sorry,” he said. It was a shame. She seemed such a nice person. He liked her a lot.
“Don’t be,” she said. “I could have stayed where I was and felt sorry for myself, but I decided to hell with it and I made the move. I’ve never looked back. It’s a lovely place to live isn’t it? But you’re not a local either are you?”
“No,” he said. “I lived here for a while a few years ago and it got to me the same way it got to you. I had to come back.”
But in his case it wasn’t just the town. It was Regan and it was turning out to be the most sensible decision he’d ever made in his life. He only wished he’d come back sooner instead of wasting so many years licking his wounds.
CHAPTER TEN
It was so good to have Bonnie and Georgie back home. Regan kept looking at them and wanting to pinch herself to prove it was real. Georgie was a little subdued, but that was only natural after all she’d been through.
There was last night too. That felt unreal already. As if it had happened a long time ago.
“Mummy, Bram said I could go to the lifeboat station. Can we go tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? Oh, I don’t know.”
“You haven’t got to go to work, have you?” Georgie had never been a clingy child, but she looked positively distraught at the thought of Regan going to work. Thank goodness she’d been able to book a decent amount of time off.
“No, I’ve got a few days off,” Regan said. The way she felt right now, she never wanted to go back; never wanted to leave Georgie again. She fondled Bonnie’s ears thoughtfully.
Bram would be busy at the surgery tomorrow so he wouldn’t be there. Perhaps it would be better to arrange something sooner rather than later and get it over with. Once that was done, then she could go and see Bram and tell him about Georgie.
She had every intention of telling him that he was a father, but it had to be in her own time and in her own way. She didn’t want to spring it on him out of the blue.
Coward, a voice in her mind said.
“I could give Len a ring and ask about tomorrow,” she said.
“Will I be able to go even though my arm’s broken?” She lifted her arm and looked at the cast.
“Of course,” Regan said. “In fact we should get everyone to sign their names on it. I can get a special pen that will write on it.”
Everyone except Bram of course.
“Call him now, Mummy!”
“All right,” Regan said and picked up the phone. Len answered on the second ring.
“Hello, love,” he said. “How’s the little one?”
“She’s fine,” she said. “Raring to go.”
“That’s good to hear,” he said. “How about you? How are you bearing up?”
“Me? I’m fine, Len.”
“I take it you haven’t spoken to Bram yet?” he said. “No, of course you haven’t. I saw him on the beach with his dogs this morning and he was happier than I’ve seen him since he got back. But if you’d told him about Georgie, he would have mentioned it I’m sure.”
“He was happy?” she said, feeling ridiculously pleased.
“Very.”
“I will tell him, Len. It’s not something I can just spring on him though is it?”
“I suppose not,” he sighed. “You know him best. Just don’t leave it too long. So what can I do for you, love?”
“Would it be possible to come to the lifeboat station tomorrow so Georgie can say thank you?”
“While Bram is busy at the surgery?” he said with another sigh. “Well, why not? It’ll do Georgie good and after all, the situation between you and Bram is hardly her fault. I’ll arrange for someone from the newspaper to come at the same time. We’ll get some photos done and it’ll give us some publicity. We might get a few donations in.”
“Thank you,” Regan said, feeling like a heel.
“To be honest it seems a bit harsh to leave Bram out, love, if I may say so considering he saved her life.”
“I know. I feel really bad about this, Len, but I need time to talk to him before he sees us together and figures it out for himself.”
“Bring her down at eleven tomorrow morning. Wear something warm.”
“Thanks, Len.”
“But Regan, I want your word that you’ll talk to him. Soon.”
“You have it.”
She hung up. She had to stop feeling guilty about all this. Bram was the one who vanished off the face of the earth, not her! He could have come back any time.
“Mummy?”
“Tomorrow morning,” she said, cuddling Georgie up against her. “How exciting is that?”
Regan’s next call was to her parents who had retired to an apartment in Spain.
They’d seen Georgie no more than half a dozen times, but Regan felt duty bound to tell them what had happened.
They’d never been a close family, but she always hoped that having a grandchild would give them a second chance, but they hadn’t wanted it. And if it hadn’t been for lovely Lally turning up when she did, Regan didn’t know what she would have done.
“You see, Regan,” Lilian said when Regan had finished talking. “This is precisely why I didn’t want to get involved.”
She hadn’t seemed to notice the catch in Regan’s voice or that she was struggling not to cry as she recounted the tragic events. If it had been Georgie on the other end of the phone, Regan thought, she would have moved heaven and earth to get to her and comfort her. But Lilian was her usual cool, detached self.
“It’s a pretty poor reason,” Regan muttered and Lilian sighed heavily.
“You were just the same as a child, always running wild.”
“Georgie was not running wild!” Oh why on earth did she bother? What was she expecting? Sympathy? Understanding? She held tight to the phone, fighting the urge to just hang up.
“She had to be rescued from the cliff in the middle of the night while you were at work,” Lilian said. “If that’s not running wild I don’t know what is. And you say this other child died? How dreadful. I’m so sorry.”
“Yes. I found him.”
“Hold on, darling. Your father wants to speak to you.”
There was a brief clattering at the other end of the line as the phone changed hands.
“Are you all right, love?” he said. “I got the gist of it from your mother’s side of the conversation. Is Georgie okay?”
“She’ll mend,” Regan said. “She’s very shaken.”
“As you must be too,” he said and the kindness in his voice almost had her in tears. She’d always been closer to him than to her mother. “Would you like me to come over for a while? Or perhaps you’d like to come out here. The weather is much kinder at the moment. It’s lovely and warm.”
“Thank you, that’s very sweet of you.” It was the first time her parents had invited her out to Spain. She could imagine her mother pulling faces at him, urging him not to press the matter. “But we’re all right. Lally is helping a lot.”
“Lally? Oh, the child-minder woman.”
“She’s my friend, Dad,” Regan said, angered by his dismissive tone. “I don’t know how I’d manage without her to be honest.”
“Good, good,” he said and she could feel him withdrawing from her. “Did I tell you how warm it is here? We’ve had wall to wall sunshine for days.”
“Yes, Dad, you did.”
“So glad we made the move out here,” he went on. “We’re so happy here, far away from all our troubles.”
“Troubles?” Did he mean her? Was that how her parents saw her?
“The weather and so on,” he said. “Not you. Heaven’s no. I didn’t mean that.”
She had always felt slightly in the way, as if her parents hadn’t really wanted her. Once she’d asked her mum why she didn’t have any brothers or sisters and Lilian had replied, “We weren’t going to make that mistake again.”
As a teenager, it wasn’t Regan who was desperate to grow up and leave home, but her parents who were eager for her to do so. And when she did leave home, they wasted no time in converting her bedroom into a study for her dad, making it absolutely clear she wasn’t coming back.
“Sorry to have disturbed you, Dad,” she said.
“We’re always glad to hear from you, love,” he said. “You know that. Take care. Love you.”
“Love you too,” she said. She supposed her parents did love her in their way.
She looked at Georgie as she hung up. She would never, ever, let her little girl feel anything other than cherished. And she was certainly never going to let her think she was a mistake. Her only mistake had been in not tracking Bram down and making them into a proper family.
Dangerous Love Page 10