It always seemed as if Andrew’s eyes bore a hole through my clothes, revealing all and letting him in on my dirty little secret. I know that was just in my head, because he never said anything. But even years later, I still feel that guilt for finding pleasure in my own body, and that fear that they’ll somehow find out.
“Are you ready for your first day of work tomorrow?” Andrew asks me as I stir around my plate of peas. I look up at him, surprised. I hadn’t heard a word he had been saying.
I pause a little too long before responding.
“Are you alright?” Colleen asks, concern on her face. She cocks her head to the side in question. I can’t help but be reminded of an energetic puppy hoping to be taken outside for a walk.
“I’m fine,” I say to them, continuing to look at my peas. “I’m just a little nervous. I’ve never had a real job before.”
This isn’t a complete and total lie. I’m nervous, but it’s more about them finding out what I was up to while they were still at the church. Even the thought of lying to them about what’s going through my head makes me sick to my stomach.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Andrew says, finishing up his dinner, but obviously not his thoughts. He still looks like he wants to say something further. He gives Colleen a look and she nods her head, encouraging him.
“There was something that we wanted to talk to you about, Grace.”
I look up at his voice and wonder exactly what this could be about. I put down my fork and give them my full attention.
“What is it? Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong,” Andrew says. He gives Colleen another look and this time, the shared exchange of glances between them is even more obvious.
“We wanted to talk to you about the fact that tomorrow you’ll be in an environment unlike the one you’ve been exposed to in the last few years.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, wondering exactly where this conversation is leading.
“I mean, you’ll be in an environment with men. Young men and older men. Men who are your superiors and men who are your equals. We just want you to be careful around these men. They could lead you into temptation. It’s best for you to wait for the right person.”
Andrew says all of this matter-of-factly, lacing his fingers together on the table.
“But how can I just sit and wait for the right person? Isn’t this a good thing that I’ll be around someone who might be that person?” I ask, not fully understanding where they’re coming from.
There had been times in the past where I would meet a boy and think that he was potentially the one. But Andrew and Colleen had never agreed. They had always found something wrong with any of the boys that I had feelings for, and hadn’t let me date him because they’d said it wasn’t God’s will. He was never the right guy for me. Their constant advice had been for me to wait. And it’s all I’ve been doing ever since I moved in, and a big part of why I want to move out.
“All we’re saying is that God will send you the right man. So, keep waiting for him. Temptation will only get you somewhere you don’t want to go.” Andrew gets up from the table, picks up his dishes and takes them into the kitchen. Colleen follows a few minutes later.
The discussion is over. In fact, most discussions with them feel like lectures. I already had to listen to a sermon at church and now it takes everything in me to sit patiently through this one.
I know they mean well, but I can’t help but question their intentions sometimes. However, in this case, they might be right. If even the guy in a car beside me can cause me temptation to such a degree, imagine what a real live man at my new job could bring out of me. It’s a scary thought, so I just nod and say, “Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it.”
Of course, I don’t voice my related thought. And I sure hope I can follow it.
Chapter 4 – Grace
I wake up the next morning with a knot in the pit of my stomach. The nerves of starting my very first job start flying every which way as I get dressed. I stand in front of the mirror and inspect my business casual wear.
My black skirt and white blouse is conservative since Colleen bought it for me, but it still does a pretty good job of accentuating my curves—probably because they’re impossible to hide even in the most modest of clothes, and this outfit has a professional, trimmed cut that shows off a little more than the church clothes I usually wear out. Upon approval and several deep breathes, I leave the house.
I pull into the parking lot of an extremely large building in downtown Albuquerque. It’s covered floor to ceiling in windows, giving off a vibe of high importance. After sitting with the car idling for a moment, I gather my courage and walk into the building, navigating my way through a maze of hallways and elevators. I feel that my first task of the day was finding the darn place, and I’m impressed that I figured it out.
I walk up to one of the two front desks and meet the eyes of the female receptionist. A male receptionist sits behind the other desk and so I feel more comfortable approaching this one.
She smiles warmly at me. “Hiya, I’m Erin. You must be one of the new assistants. Can I help you?”
“Hi,” I say, looking around. Several conference rooms catch my eye with men and women dressed to the nines. I suddenly feel dangerously underdressed. I make a note to step it up tomorrow. “I’m Grace.”
“Oh, Grace!” she says, coming around the front of the desk and giving me a hug.
I freeze, mostly out of shock, but also because I’m a shy person and wasn’t expecting it. Then I immediately say, “Oh, hi,” and hug her back kind of awkwardly, because I don’t want to be rude.
“Erin, you’ve gone and scared one of the new girls,” says the guy behind the other desk, with a slight lisp that’s pretty adorable. “Now she’ll not want to work here with us.”
“Oh, stop,” she says, smiling at him. “But seriously, did I scare you?” she asks me.
“No,” I insist, shaking my head, but she starts laughing, and so do I.
I feel I have an instant connection here at my new job, and one that I wasn’t expecting. I relax, letting my shoulders fall down a bit.
“I did,” she says. “Claude’s right. I scared you. I’m sorry. I’m a little too friendly sometimes. I was just really excited to meet you.”
“Ask her why,” the other receptionist—Claude, apparently—says.
“Why?” I ask, dumbly.
“I get a little nosy sometimes,” she confesses, while Claude butts in to say, “You? Never.”
“Shut up,” she tells him, before turning back to me. “And I was looking at your resume that was up here on the front desk, and I noticed you and I had a lot of the same extracurricular activities. Bible Club in high school. Bible Quizzes and youth group at church. Volunteering at the mission.”
I smile, nervously. I really did do those things, although the “Bible club” was really just Colleen and me, after my regular schoolwork. She had named my homeschool School of the Messiah, and gave me a diploma with my name on it, which you’re allowed to do in the state of New Mexico, but still sounds a little deceptive to me. I’m hoping Erin doesn’t ask more about what school I went to—most people say things like, “Oh I haven’t heard of that, where is it?”, and then I get embarrassed having to answer awkward questions like “Well, why were you homeschooled?”—but Erin seems to be focused more on the similarities between us than the differences.
“It’s just so cool to meet someone like me,” she says. “Or, like the old me, any way.”
I look at her blankly and then Claude says, “Yeah, before you started shagging your boss,” and laughs.
I try not to look too shocked, wondering if he’s kidding. But one look at the grin on Erin’s face tells me it’s true.
“Okay, so I might have hooked up with my boss, but whatever, that turned out great. My parents were mad as hell though. They’re really religious. We were in church all the time.”
“Mine too,”
I tell her. “Well, my foster parents anyway.”
“Oh, okay,” she says, smiling, but obviously looking a little awkward, as if she isn’t sure what to say about that. No one ever knows how to respond to that and I can’t blame them. In fact, I feel silly for bringing it up, but I didn’t want her to think I meant “regular” parents. I’m not a “regular” person and I like to break the news to people early on so they’re not shocked later.
“Yeah,” I say, trying to ease the tension by talking, a bad habit of mine which is why I usually try not to start talking in the first place, lest I ramble on incoherently to fill awkward silences in the conversation. “I volunteered at the program the mission has that helps foster children. I served food and tried to do some tutoring, although…well, I just did whatever I could to help out.”
I was going to say, “although I could have used some tutoring myself,” but I don’t want to reveal how much of an education—or lack thereof—I barely scraped by with. Also, I don’t want to sound sorry for myself. I really wish I had known about the mission earlier, as it would have saved me a lot of hardships, but once I found out about it and they pointed me in the direction of St. Benedict’s services and Pastor John and Andrew and Colleen, I was eternally grateful. I did everything I could to try to pay back the kindness and pass it forward to other foster children. So the last thing I am is sorry for myself, even though it’s always hard to explain, given the rest of my unfortunate circumstances that had lead me there.
“Well, welcome to the firm of Marks, Sanchez, Reed and Mack…and, well, whatever it is now or is going to be,” Erin says, smiling. I must look confused—which I am—because she adds, “We’re going through some growth and transition. And I just can’t keep up!”
“Come on Erin, get with the program,” Claude teases. “And it’s nice to meet you, Grace,” he adds.
“Nice to meet you too,” I say, smiling at them. I’m sincerely glad my first impression of anyone here at my new job was positive.
“I have to return a couple of phone calls, or else I’d love to stay chatting about our scintillating shared experience growing up as church girls,” Erin says. I smile at her and nod, even though I hardly grew up as one. “But someone will be right with you to show you around. You can take a seat.”
She gestures behind me towards several cushioned chairs. The lobby is beautifully decorated and the furniture is lovely, but it still has the feel of a doctor’s office waiting room, with just as much anxiety flooding the air, including my own. I suppose all law firms are probably high stress environments where this kind of energy is palpable, but I’m hoping I can cut it in this new corporate world.
I sit down, and cross and uncross my legs several times, unsure of how to come off as someone who’s calm, which I’m generally not. This being the first job that I’ve had, I’m not sure how to act. Although, I don’t think the nerves can escape even a veteran worker.
I’m uncrossing my legs for the fourth or fifth time, when an extremely handsome man suddenly appears out of nowhere. I can’t even believe it, but I swear it’s the guy from the car beside me yesterday, on the way home from church. The guy I freaking masturbated to when I got home.
I start to think I must be imagining things. Maybe I’m just thinking this is the same guy, because he’s just as handsome. His dark hair and impressive stature take me completely off guard.
Having spent the last few years surrounded by church-goers and voices in my head telling me to avoid sinful thoughts, I can’t help but think what Pastor John would think of the situation. Actually, I know exactly what he would think and I know what he would say; not to mention what Andrew would say. However, the lust I’m suddenly feeling doesn’t go away. Whether this is the same guy or not, my pussy is dripping wet for him.
Well, crap.
What an awkward way to start my new job, all around. As he lifts an eyebrow at me, I can’t help but think, it can only get better from here, right?
Chapter 5 – Grace
The man that I’m pretty sure is the same man I saw yesterday let his eyes very obviously trail along my legs as I uncross them for the umpteenth time and then lets them follow along my entire body. He eventually meets my own eyes.
I feel myself blush at the notion that this extremely attractive man has clearly just checked me out. Thank God, I’m wearing underwear. Even if they are soaking wet, thanks to him.
“Grace?” Even his voice his is unexpected. It’s low and gravely. Not quite southern, but close. He smiles a wide smile at me and I feel myself blush harder. “I’m Boyd Ashdown. You’ll be working for me. Would you like a tour?”
He holds out his hand to me and I shake it hesitantly. Damn, Andrew had told me to always have a firm handshake upon greeting new people. I make another mental note and store it for later, since I’d messed up this opportunity.
“Doesn’t an assistant usually handle things like that?” I ask, getting up from my seat. I pull my skirt down ever so slightly, conscious of his eyes on me. He silently watches me shift the fabric against my legs. “Who am I to receive such a special privilege?”
I can’t believe I’m being a little familiar with him…a little flirtatious. He seems to take over my mind, just like he seems to take over my panties, causing them to dampen even more just at the further thought of him. I fall into step beside him as he heads toward the elevator bank. I surprise myself with how upfront I’m being. Mr. Ashdown, however, seems to take it in stride. I try and hide my embarrassment.
“Now that the firm has merged and taken on new partners such as myself, we run things a little differently around here. It’s not as daunting or as corporate as you might think,” he says, pushing the button on the elevator.
It takes a few moments before it reaches the sixteenth floor and I stand silently beside him as we wait for it to open.
“Also, now that we’ve expanded, we take over more floors,” he explains.
“I see,” I tell him, although I wouldn’t have known this was a new development.
He doesn’t say anything else but unlike what I’m used to, I find it comfortable to stand silently beside him. He seems to both give me energy and relax me at the same time. I’m filled with some kind of wired euphoria I can’t even explain, just by being near him.
The elevator doors open and we walk into it together. Several other employees get in after us and we’re pushed to the back of the elevator. His hand grazes my own for a moment and I look over to catch his eye. He stares straight ahead but I notice the small smirk on his face, which seems to say “I own you.”
I can’t help but think his gesture was purposeful. It’s almost as if he’s some kind of alpha animal, claiming his mate. A chill runs down my spine at the thought of it. I like the idea.
One of the women in the elevator turns around and notices us. I avert my eyes in the hopes she doesn’t notice how unabashedly horny I am right now, turned on by this Mr. Ashdown.
“Hey, you’re the newbie, right?” she says, looking directly at me. “Mr. Ashdown, you didn’t have to show her around. I would have taken care of that for you.”
“Thank you, Carolina,” Mr. Ashdown says. He crosses his arms and looks at me. “But you’re here as a trainee of the new staff, rather than as their tour guide. And I don’t mind showing Ms. Bower around. She is going to be working under me. I should at least be giving her the attention she deserves.” He smiles at me in a friendly manner, but it’s a smile that says so much more. Carolina turns around, but not without showing a curious look on her face that matches what I’m feeling inside.
The elevator dings at the eighteenth floor and several people file out. I make a move to follow them but Mr. Ashdown gently puts a hand on my wrist to stop me. As he does so, I can feel heat transfer from his hand to my entire arm. “We’re the twentieth floor.”
We reach the twentieth floor shortly thereafter and a bunch of us emerge into an extremely large and well put together office space. There are several large close-door
ed offices lining the walls and an open floor plan in the center. We reach yet another receptionist’s desk and Mr. Ashdown leans over the top of the desk to speak with the woman seated there. I stand awkwardly for a moment.
A young man walks past and looks me up and down, a smile on his face. For some reason, his attention doesn’t feel nearly as welcome as Mr. Ashdown’s does. He turns around and comes over to me, confidence and what I can only assume is entitlement, coming off him in waves.
“You seem new,” the young man says, leaning his elbow on the reception desk. His face is much too close to mine and his cologne is overpowering. I back up as calmly as I can. “It’s always nice to see a new, pretty face around here. I’m Brett. Who are you working for?”
“Mr. Ashdown,” I say, quietly, hoping that this conversation will soon be over.
“Oh, good luck with that,” the young man says, puffing his chest out. “You’ll need it.”
“Why’s that?”
“Let’s just say, I know some things.”
I nod my head in response, forcing a smile and trying desperately to face away from him and his potent smell. Amongst other repulsive things. He leans closer, however, causing me to back up further and bump into Mr. Ashdown.
Mr. Ashdown turns around and notices the awkward position I’ve been put in. He comes around and stands beside me.
“Brett,” Boyd says, addressing the young man, his tone forcing him to meet his gaze. Brett, immediately drops the flirtatious act and stands up straighter, his face ashen. “Don’t you have work you should be doing? I believe Chelsea has been asking for those billable hour reports for several days now.”
“Apologies, Mr. Ashdown,” Brett says, crossing his hands behind his back like a boy scout. “I didn’t see you standing there.”
“That’s obvious. But regardless of my standing here, you shouldn’t be harassing any of the employees,” Boyd says. “Go and report to Chelsea with what she’s asking for before I report you to HR.”
His tone is stern and commanding and Brett would be an idiot to not follow his orders.
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