by K. A. Linde
Penn opened his mouth to respond, but I never heard it. I just saw his face close off and his eyes narrow, and then suddenly, a throat cleared behind me.
I turned to the open door in surprise, completely caught off guard.
“There you are, Natalie. I was looking for you,” Lewis drawled, his eyes fixed on Penn.
Natalie
17
Fuck.
Well, just…fuck.
I didn’t know what to say. I was standing alone in a bedroom with Penn Kensington. Yes, we had kissed. Well…mostly, he’d kissed me, and then we’d yelled at each other a lot. But still. It definitely looked bad from Lewis’s point of view.
“Lewis,” Penn said stiffly.
“What’s up, man?” Lewis said. He nudged the door open a bit wider and even held his hand out. “Long time no see. You coming back out in the real world now?”
Penn looked down at Lewis’s hand, and for a second, I thought he wouldn’t shake it. That he’d throw the punch right then and there. But he did take it. They shook a quick, hard shake and then released.
“Semester is over. Easier to get out. Figure society missed me. Going to be out all the time now,” he said pointedly.
“Ah, just like this spring then?” Lewis asked with a grin.
Penn narrowed his eyes. “Not exactly my plan.”
“Well, it’ll be good to have you back. Can’t stay in that ivory tower forever.”
“Oh, I have no intention of staying away.” Penn slid his hands into his pockets and raised his eyebrows.
“I was surprised to see Lark here. She asked me to do shots.”
“That right? Both of us out in one night,” Penn mused with a glint in his eyes.
“Yes, how…convenient.”
They were saying more with their eyes than with words. I gathered that Penn must have sent Lark to distract Lewis, so we could be alone. It was…sneaky. Even for him.
“We should go,” I told Lewis.
Lewis finally looked down at me. His depthless, dark eyes filled with warmth. “If you’re ready to go, we can. But I think Jane was looking for you.”
I could see Penn’s jaw set at that. I didn’t know if it was because of Lewis’s obvious affection or because I was acquainted with his brother’s girlfriend. Maybe both.
“I’ll see Jane later this week. I’m ready to go.” I hugged my arms to my chest.
“What’s the rush?” Penn smoothly stepped in. “It’s been a while since I’ve been out. We should open a bottle and make it like old times.”
“Penn,” I hissed warningly.
“I would, but I just follow where the lady goes,” Lewis said with a wide, knowing smile.
I gaped up at him. Jesus Christ, what was he doing? What were they both doing? Their Upper East Side was showing and I had to admit, it didn’t look good on either of them.
“Are we done here?” I finally snapped. “Are you two done measuring dicks?”
“Natalie,” Lewis said placatingly.
“No, you’re no better than him right now. This is stupid.”
Penn snorted, and I turned my gaze on him. “Don’t even start.”
He held his hands up in surrender, a cheeky grin on his face. “I would never.”
I rolled my eyes. How the hell had I gotten to this moment? I’d agreed to a chill evening out with Lewis at a party. I hadn’t bargained for cocaine, Camden, and then Penn.
“Let’s just go.” I pushed past Lewis and out into the hallway.
I heard Penn curse under his breath from the room I’d vacated, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t even look back to see if Lewis was following as I stormed down the hallway and back into the living room. The music had gotten louder, the dancing more scandalous, the alcohol flowing freely. It was no different than any party I’d gone to in college or with Amy after. But it pissed me off way more right now.
“Natalie,” Lewis said as I angled for the exit. He reached out and stopped me. “Hold on. Don’t run out of here.”
I sighed heavily and then looked up at him. “That interaction between you two was horrible.”
“I know. I’m sorry. But I don’t know how you expected me to react.”
“More of the punch him in the face and less of the ha-ha, I got your girl,” I spit out.
He chuckled softly. “I will keep that in mind if I see him again.”
I covered my face with my hands. “Tonight has been a disaster.”
“This wasn’t what I wanted it to be like.”
“I forgot how much I hated this part of this world.”
“Look, it’s not always like this. I had no idea Penn would be here. Or that I’d find you two alone in an empty bedroom together.”
“Ugh! It was so stupid. Being in there made everything worse.”
“What happened?”
I shook my head and looked away. I didn’t want to tell him, but I had to. “He kissed me.”
“Of course he did.” Lewis’s lips fell into a line.
“I pushed him away though,” I said quickly. “And then we yelled at each other. I swear, all we do is try to hurt each other. It’s exhausting.”
“Well, I’d hate that the last kiss you got was one that you didn’t want,” he said as he slipped an arm around my waist and brought his lips down on mine.
I didn’t correct him. I hadn’t wanted that kiss. It had just happened. But…it was Penn. So, it was infinitely more complicated than that.
Not that Lewis seemed to care. As he kissed my lips in front of the entire party. Laying claim on me for all to see. It was a short, hot, and possessive kiss that spoke volumes.
And when he pulled back, I could see Penn stop mid-stride from the hallway. His jaw was set as he stared at the pair of us. A moment passed between us. As he came to understand that I wasn’t going to change my mind. That, if anything, this had only made it worse.
I didn’t trust him.
Not after last year.
And not with how he was trying to manipulate me all over again.
I understood his frustration. I had said that I wasn’t interested in living this life, but that hadn’t changed. Only my feelings for Lewis had. And while I probably should have chosen someone other than his best friend, I couldn’t change that.
Lark came to Penn’s side with concern on her face, as if understanding precisely how wrong everything had gone. He ignored her, his eyes still locked on mine. But I’d already made my choice.
I broke Penn’s gaze and took Lewis’s hand, and together, we left the party.
Penn
18
I stood there, frozen, watching Natalie’s retreating back as she disappeared from view with Lewis.
“Penn,” Lark said. She shook my arm, trying to bring me back to reality.
But I was already in reality, and it was a cesspool, a nightmare.
“What the fuck happened?” Lark asked.
“I kissed her.”
“Wait, what?” she demanded. “That wasn’t part of the plan. I thought you were going to be sincere and tell her how much you missed her.”
I shook my head. “That was the plan, but then we just started arguing. We run so hot together. Every horrible thing that we’d both thought in the last year spilled from our lips. Then, fucking Lewis walked in and carted her out with a sick smile on his lips.”
“Oh, Penn.”
How had it gone so far afield? Kissing her, yelling at her…that hadn’t been my intention at all. But then her lush body had collided with mine. Her fiery eyes had looked up into my own. Those perfect lips had stared up at me. And suddenly, it was a year ago. She was in my arms. I wanted her back. She was mine.
My brain had ceased functioning. All there was, was the moment between getting her alone and pressing her into the door and, god, her lips. She’d said my name like a prayer, and there wasn’t a goddamn thing in this world that could have stopped me from kissing her.
Then, those words. Fuck, where had they even come fr
om? No wonder she’d pushed me away.
And now, she was walking out of the party with Lewis.
He’d kissed her. Put his hands on her. Staked his claim in front of the whole fucking party.
There was no fucking way I was going to let that stand.
“Penn, talk to me.”
“I’m going after them.”
I strode toward the exit with Lark on my heels.
“Is that a good idea?”
I was halfway out the door when Lark’s hand landed on my arm.
“Penn…”
“What?” I snapped. “I have to go stop them. If she goes home with him tonight, we both know what’s going to happen.”
“Penn, you can’t,” she whispered. Lark sounded heartbroken. Her words were raw. Her eyes sad and sympathetic.
“Lark, I have to.”
“You think she’ll accept you like this? After what just happened between you two?” Lark asked. “She chose. You might not like the answer, but tonight, she chose Lewis.”
I cursed violently at the thought. There was no goddamn way I was going to let this happen. “We can fix this,” I pleaded with Lark. “I know we can.”
“Not tonight,” Lark said. “Give her some space. You hurt her, and whether or not you want to see it, Lewis is giving her what she thinks she wants. She’ll figure it out.”
“Lewis is a fucking liar.”
Lark shrugged. We both knew that he was. No point in arguing that.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
I clenched and unclenched my hands. “Yeah well, she spat in my face that I’d fucking slept with half of the Upper East Side. No wonder she had fire in her eyes. Who do you think told her?”
Lark pursed her lips. “Was it supposed to be a secret?”
I narrowed my eyes at her.
She held up her hands in surrender. “Everyone knows you did, Penn. All spring, it was a different model, socialite, long-legged beauty. I’m not sure why you’re surprised that Natalie found out.”
“We weren’t even together!” I snapped. “And she’s holding it against me when she was the one who said that we were never going to see each other again. That flying a thousand fucking miles couldn’t change anything.”
“I know,” she whispered. “But look at it through her eyes. She cared for you, and then as soon as you broke up, you slept with every woman who walked past you.”
“Not all of them,” I said carefully, my voice on a razor’s edge. “Not Katherine.”
“Oh boy,” Lark said. She glanced my way and waited. “I assume there’s a story there?”
“Katherine ruined the one thing that was real for me,” Penn said. “So, I fucked a few brainless socialites to piss her off. It was more of a chore than anything. But I was going after Katherine in the best way I could. I picked up each of the dumb friends she associated with and was seen with on Page Six.”
“Jesus Christ, you’re ruthless,” Lark said.
I shook my head. “It was stupid. While it pissed Katherine off, eventually, I just got fucking bored out of my mind and gave up. It did nothing to make me forget Natalie.”
“That’s why you suddenly disappeared off the map this summer? You went from high society to a recluse in a matter of months.”
“Yeah.”
I’d thrown myself into work afterward. Put all of that behind me and tried to focus on research. On writing about how meaningless sex was moral despite the standard view that a relationship made it safer and better. All the while, I was pining for the one person I’d really wanted to have a relationship with. The person who had made me see meaningless sex was never as good as her.
Lark gripped my elbow and veered me into the elevator. We took it downstairs without a word and then out into the late New York night.
I still wanted to race after Natalie. Figure out how to make it right. Break a few of Lewis’s bones. But I’d probably only do more damage than I had. It was hard to think about that when my body was saying, Go, run, fix it.
“Well, if you still love her, then this isn’t the end,” Lark said as we fell into step together, heading back toward my place.
“Yeah. This definitely isn’t the fucking end,” I swore into the night. “I might have lost the battle, but I’m not going to lose the war.”
Natalie
19
We were silent on the ride back to Lewis’s apartment.
I didn’t have words for what had just happened. The night was a blur of bad decisions, and once again, I felt out of my depth with this world. Exhausted from trying to keep up with the nightmare unfolding before my eyes.
Thankfully, it was a short ride, and we were back in the comfort of his home once more. I was seriously regretting having ever left this house. I should have told him to deal with work tomorrow and stayed in. That bubble bath was sounding awfully appealing.
Lewis went to the record player and switched out the vinyl to something soft and romantic. A balm to the hectic night we’d had.
“Wine?” he asked with a smile that said he wasn’t the least bit affected by the evening’s events.
“Sure,” I agreed easily. I slid out of my heels and sank into a seat on the sofa. It was more comfortable than it looked. I could fall asleep right then and there as the adrenaline fled my body.
Lewis returned with two glasses of red wine and took the seat next to me. I was shocked that he wasn’t angrier. I’d been alone in a room with Penn Kensington. I’d admitted that he’d kissed me. And he didn’t seem upset. I’d thought that he’d be murderous after that.
“Can I ask you something?” I took a careful sip of my wine and then turned to face him.
“Anything.”
“Why aren’t you mad at me?”
He arched an eyebrow. “Do I have something to be mad at you for?”
“Penn and I kissed. You found us alone. I mean…most guys would be mad.”
“I am mad,” he conceded. My stomach flipped as I waited for his wrath to finally be unveiled. “But not with you.”
“Oh,” I said. Just a breath escaping my lips.
“What happened tonight wasn’t your fault. Not any of it. Not even dealing with Camden.”
My face flushed. “How did you hear about that?”
“Jane mentioned it when I went looking for you. Camden Percy is a right bastard who was high as fuck. I’m sorry that I left you alone to deal with him. With all of it.”
“Camden was…I don’t know,” I said, shuddering to think of what might have happened if Court hadn’t stepped in. “Why is he marrying Katherine if he hates her?”
Lewis snorted. “You’ve got me there.”
“I mean, she deserves it. But it seems like not a wise choice. He knows that she’s marrying him for the money. He said tonight that her dad ate her trust fund. Whatever that means. And he still doesn’t care?”
“Ah. That is a little known secret,” Lewis confided. “Most people don’t know how broke Katherine is. Her trust fund should have been safe from the IRS. But, before her father transferred it to her, he made a huge withdrawal—in the hundreds of millions—to try to cover his ass. Then, everything went under before he could replace the money.”
My mouth hung open. “Shit. How does she still live the life she’s living?”
“She already had the apartment, and there’s been enough money in there to manage, but it’s almost gone.”
“Hence, Camden,” I muttered.
It all made sense now. I had known that Katherine was in a tight spot with money, but I hadn’t known the specifics other than her father’s securities fraud. No wonder she was desperate to tie the knot. Though it still didn’t explain Camden. I had no idea what he was getting out of it.
“Yep.” Lewis drained the last of his wine and then set it down on the glass coffee table. Then, he moved closer to me, reaching for my hand and lacing our fingers together. “But all that really matters to me is that you’re okay.”
“I’m
fine,” I told him. “Just…tired. Drained.”
And while I was utterly exhausted, Lewis seemed different. Almost keyed up from the ordeal. I didn’t know if it was the adrenaline still racing through him or what.
“You don’t seem tired,” I said on a laugh.
He grinned wider and brought my hand to his lips. He set lazy kisses across my hand and around my wrist before drawing the tip of my thumb into his mouth and nipping it. “I’m not.”
“I’m surprised that you’re so happy after everything that happened.” It was one thing not to blame me. Another thing entirely to be practically giddy after all that.
He ran his tongue along the pad of my thumb. All the while, his eyes were locked on mine. Offering everything without words and making me squirm in my seat.
“You came home with me,” he said.
I tilted my head. “Why wouldn’t I have?”
He arched one eyebrow. His other hand slipping to my bare thigh. Teasing the flesh on the inside of my knee. “I know what Penn meant to you. I wasn’t looking forward to that first interaction between you two. He’s a smooth bastard.”
“You thought I’d fall all over myself for him?” I asked in disbelief.
“You wouldn’t be the first.”
“I’m not a simpering idiot.” I pulled back, offended that he’d thought I’d be so thoughtless. “I haven’t forgotten what he did to me.”
“I don’t think you’re a simpering idiot. But I know Penn, and I know how women react to him. That the first time you saw him would be difficult. But see, you’re still here with me.” He released our joined hands and tipped my chin to look into his eyes. “After all that.”
Seeing it from that point of view, I understood why he was happy. Some part of him must have been preparing himself to lose me. Yes, I was attracted to Penn, and we had history. But I hadn’t fallen for his words. And the look Lewis was giving me then said everything else. I’d passed some sort of test. And now, he wanted more. He wanted me. Just me. All of me.