by K. A. Linde
“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” I said.
I turned and walked away. Left Katherine waiting on a clever response. I might have had second thoughts about whether or not I fit into this world earlier today. But Katherine’s torment proved that I did. She thought that, by belittling me, it was proof that I should run and cower. But it was the opposite. I was a threat. A threat that she had to try to squash under her Manolo Blahnik heel.
I wouldn’t be squashed. I wouldn’t go away just because she wanted me to. I would rise from the ashes over and over again and not look back.
I was halfway across the room before I felt an arm grasp my hand.
“Hey,” Lewis said, stopping me from leaving.
“I’m fine. No, I’m not. I’m royally pissed off actually. And I want to go home.”
He tucked a loose strand of my silver hair behind my ear. “I’ll take you home. You were brilliant back there. No one ever stands up to Katherine like that.”
“I don’t want to have to stand up to her.”
“You’re right. You shouldn’t have to. Next time we’re out, we’ll avoid her.”
“Next time?” I felt defeated, just thinking of having that encounter over and over again.
“If you don’t come back out and do the things you want to do even if she’s there, then you let her win. Katherine and I have been friends a long, long time. If you give her an inch, she’ll take a mile.”
“I don’t want to play these games,” I told him.
He kissed my forehead and pulled me against him. “I know. It’ll get easier.”
I sighed against his chest. It mirrored what Charlotte and Etta had said. But…would it get easier? Or would it fester and rot, only getting worse and worse until we all broke?
* * *
I wanted to be back at my place after the night I’d had. I had so much to think about and sift through. Conversations that didn’t make sense, that my writer’s brain needed to piece together. But Lewis took me back to his apartment, and I didn’t fight it. I’d been staying at his place more often. I just wasn’t looking forward to the conversation I knew we’d have to have now that we were here.
He undid his bow tie and left the first couple of buttons undone at the top before flipping on the record player and heading to the wet bar. “Wine?”
“Something stronger.” I kicked off the Louboutins Jane had given me and was glad that I’d left a spare change of clothes at his place. This dress was incredible but not exactly for relaxing or to be comfortable in.
Lewis returned to my side with two glasses. He plunked a bottle of scotch onto the table and poured us each a knuckle’s worth.
“I’m going to change. I need out of this dress.”
He pulled me hard against him, kissing me deeply. “I can help.”
“I’ll just be a minute.”
I was still too pissed to even think about being sexy. He must have read it in my eyes because he released me. I headed back to his bedroom and undid the buttons that held up the top of the dress and then the hidden side zipper. I hung the designer dress on a hanger in his closet before shimmying into leggings and a flowy T-shirt. I tipped my head upside down and gathered all my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head. I looked at myself in the vanity mirror, giving myself a second of breathing room before going back out there.
Lewis was waiting, pouring himself another glass of scotch, the overhead light illuminating his dark skin. I couldn’t judge him in that moment. I didn’t know where to even start. But I had more questions for him, and I wasn’t one who held them in.
“I saw Addie tonight,” I said.
Lewis turned toward me with a questioning look on his face. “I didn’t see her.”
“We ran into each other when I left backstage.”
“From your expression, she must have said something characteristically Addie-like.” He patted the seat next to him. “Come sit down. Addie has been a frequent menace in my life since high school. This wouldn’t be the first time.”
I walked across the room and took the seat across from him on the couch. I tucked my legs up underneath me.
“So, what’d she say?”
“She said that you’re…obsessed with me. That you have these obsessions. That it’s like being in the sun, but when you leave them, it’s like being on the dark side of the moon. She said that I’m the latest.”
He rolled his eyes. “How original of her.”
“I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but Penn…might have said something like that a couple of weeks ago.”
“All right. First, I do have these obsessions. I’ve told you about them. The things that I fall for and then dismiss when I start falling for something else. But that isn’t people. Those are hobbies.” He reached forward, gently stroking my cheek. “Second, that isn’t you. Never you. I might have been like that with other things, but I could never be like that with you. You’re it for me, Natalie.”
My skin heated at the words. At the easy delivery and obvious affection. But something stuck out. Addie had been right before. She’d told me to look into the crew, and I had. There were skeletons and secrets, and I’d been burned.
“I just…they made it seem like more.”
“Point-blank, Addie is jealous.”
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. What he was saying made sense. But I couldn’t seem to forget everything else Addie had said. “Yeah, but…she said, if it wasn’t true, then I should know about Hanna Stratton.”
Lewis’s back went rigid. “She said that?”
I nodded.
“Huh.”
“Who is she?”
Lewis shook his head. “She was a girl that we were friends with in high school. She left middle of junior year. Her parents pulled her out of school for drug use, and she ended up overdosing before they could get her into rehab. It was pretty horrific at our high school.”
“But…why would Addie think that I needed to know that?” I asked in confusion.
“Honestly, Natalie, that was what made us the crew. We’d always been close. But then leading up to and eventually losing Hanna changed everything. Addie didn’t take it well, and she left the group. While the rest of us got a lot closer. It’s still the defining point of our friendship.” He sighed. “I understand why she would think someone who was close with me would need to know that, but I don’t think it has to continue to define me. Addie wanted me to get out with her, but I didn’t want to leave, and it splintered our relationship. Now, she still tries to sabotage my relationships with this kind of information. Using things that she knows about me to try to hurt me.”
I still felt like I was missing a piece, but I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know Addie well enough to judge if she was just jealous or trying to warn me of something. Or what even there was to warn me about.
“I think you’re acquainted with someone else like that,” he said, jarring me back to reality.
Penn.
“Yeah,” I muttered.
That was definitely not a conversation I wanted to have. Not with his echoed words still ringing through me.
“Never.”
“How did it go with him anyway?” he asked.
I shook off the thoughts. “Exactly as I’d expected.”
It wasn’t a lie. I hadn’t thought it would be easy, and it hadn’t been. I hadn’t been sure he’d give up so easily…and he’d refused to. The only thing unexpected was how I’d reacted. The pulse that had shot through me at his words. Things I didn’t want to consider and definitely couldn’t tell Lewis anyway. Not with the crown sitting in the bottom of my purse as a constant reminder of us.
“Good. I don’t want him to try to get between us anymore. Like I said, I’m no longer defined by my high school relationships.” He gripped my hand. “I want you, Natalie. Just you.”
“Yeah. Hopefully, we’re both done with people throwing this stuff back in our faces,” I muttered. “Dealing with Addie, Penn, and Kather
ine in one night makes me never want to leave this apartment again.”
“I’m all for that. But you absolutely have to come to Katherine’s wedding with me now.”
“After what just happened?” I asked in disbelief.
“Especially after what happened. If you avoid her, then she wins.”
Ugh, I hated that he was right. That this was exactly what Katherine wanted to happen with her threat. She wanted me to second-guess ever being in her vicinity again. She wanted the Upper East Side to herself. And though I didn’t want the Upper East Side at all…I didn’t want her to lay claim on it either. To push me out.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally said.
Though his answering smile made it seem as if I’d already committed.
“There is one place I’m definitely going with you though.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Making gingerbread houses with your sisters.”
He groaned. “They told you?”
I grinned and nodded. “Yep. So, don’t make any plans for Tuesday.”
“They are seriously insufferable.”
“You love them.”
He nodded, but his eyes were on mine. Saying that maybe, just maybe, he was falling in love with me, too.
Natalie
27
The intercom in my apartment buzzed.
“Fuck,” I grumbled under my breath. My finger hesitated over the Return key, and before I could think about it, I pressed Send. My stomach flipped, and then I dashed to the door. I pressed the button. “I’ll be right down.”
I snagged my jacket and gloves, slid into moccasins, and headed downstairs. I jogged down the three floors and found Lewis standing on the doorstep, waiting for me. He was sort of dressed down in khakis and a striped button-up. His smile lit up when he saw me coming through the door.
“I think I need a key so that I can just come up,” he said with a laugh. “You have that advantage at my place.”
“Oh yes, the advantage that you have your own elevator,” I joked as I slipped a beanie onto my head.
“It is an advantage.” He put his arm around my waist, bustled us through the cold afternoon air, and into the back of his car. “An advantage that you can come and go as you please.”
“Well, we’re never at my place anyway.”
“We could be.”
I placed a kiss on his lips. “But your place is so much better. My place is only great for writing.”
“Which I’m going to get to read eventually?”
I laughed and shook my head. “Nope. But progress! I sent in the synopsis and chapters of It’s a Matter of Opinion to Caroline. So, we’re that much closer to you reading it.”
“Or…you could just send me the proposal, and I could read it now,” he said with a cocky grin.
“Or not.”
It was probably the only thing that I hadn’t given in to with him. The only thing that I wouldn’t budge on. I knew it drove him crazy, but I didn’t care. I didn’t ask about his job stuff when he had to work late or take phone calls at random times or pick paperwork up at parties. It was all weird to me, but what the hell did I know about hedge funds? This was one of those quirks he’d just have to deal with.
He sighed. “I will wear you down.”
“I wouldn’t count on it.”
“At least you turned it in even if you refuse to let me be involved in the process,” he pushed.
“We’ll see if she even likes it. It’s not like Gillian is going to pick up the phone tomorrow and offer me more money. This could go nowhere.”
Lewis looked me dead in the eyes. “That is never going to happen.”
I shrugged. “Imposter syndrome?”
“You’re an incredible writer. I fell in love with your writing from the first page I ever read. It’s a gift.”
“Thank you,” I said, flushing at his praise.
It was something I wasn’t used to. Even if Bet on It was still sitting pretty on the New York Times and it was doing better than I ever could have imagined, it didn’t make it any easier to see it as a success. But, when he spoke like that…sometimes, I remembered.
The car came to a stop in front of his parents’ building, thankfully ending our conversation about my books. We took the elevator up to their mansion and found Charlotte, Etta, and Nina already in the kitchen. And, similar to the last time when my eyes had expanded at the mere sight of the kitchen, now, they did it for the sheer quantity of gingerbread on every single surface in sight.
“Oh, Natalie, dear,” Nina said with a smile. Her apron was coated in flour, face smudged with it. “I’m so glad that the girls could convince you to join us.” Her eyes turned to Lewis. “No thanks to my son.”
Lewis held his hands up. “I would have invited her eventually.”
“Liar,” Etta said.
“We both know you wouldn’t have,” Charlotte agreed.
I laughed. “Well, I love gingerbread, and this sounds like a perfect Christmas tradition. So, tell me where to start.”
Nina pointed out all the various pieces and the stages of cooling. The gingerbread had to be a hundred percent cool before they could use royal icing to put them together. The girls were in the process of whipping up the icing right now. Lewis and I stacked pieces together based on the number of houses we were making, which turned out to be a dozen. Plus, there were nearly a hundred cookies still coming out of the oven for some charity event.
It took us ages to get it all sorted, but by the time the gingerbread cooled, we’d all had a drink, and we were ready to get started.
“Mom, did we tell you what happened to Natalie at Trinity?” Etta asked. She was using a piping bag to expertly put her house together.
I looked like an idiot, using a knife to try to smear the icing onto my house. It would just be heavily frosted. Hopefully, it stood.
“Oh god, what happened to me?” I muttered as I thought about all the things that could come out of her mouth.
“Elizabeth asked to dress her for the Percy wedding,” Charlotte said in delight.
“Really?” Nina asked with a smile. “Elizabeth is a lovely woman. You’d be lucky to have her expertise.”
I glanced down at my flare-bottomed jeans and flowy purple shirt that looked like it had walked out of Free People, but I’d found it at my favorite thrift store back home. I’d gone hippie to the max. After wanting to impress them, I’d put the Upper East Side behind and gone full-out Natalie. Now, I didn’t know if that was a mistake.
“I don’t know if I’m going to take her up on it,” I told them.
Charlotte gasped. “What?”
Etta looked skeptical.
“I already have a dress.”
Lewis just raised his eyebrow, as if he knew what was coming.
“A dress,” Charlotte said. “But not a Cunningham Couture masterpiece designed for you for the occasion. There is a difference.”
“You cannot miss the opportunity,” Etta said.
Nina sighed at her daughters. “I’m sure you will look lovely in whatever you choose. Don’t let my spoiled daughters dissuade you from your choice.”
“I think you’ll look beautiful either way.” Lewis’s eyes said that he was just glad that I was going.
I hadn’t agreed to go…exactly. I kept holding out on actually saying I was going, but I didn’t say I wasn’t either. Calling Elizabeth’s assistant and asking for a dress sounded like a confirmation. Having the dress Jane had gotten me at Bergdorf on standby sounded like I could make a snap decision on the day of.
The conversation shifted to mundane topics as we finished up our houses. Mine looked like it was a bit of icing short of collapsing at any point. Charlotte’s and Lewis’s were passable. Much better than mine, but not professional grade. While Etta’s and Nina’s were beyond amazing. Etta’s house was more of a mansion with candied windows and a vaulted ceiling. Nina’s was definitely more castle-like. It even resembled Hogwarts.
“Well, w
ow,” I muttered. “I feel inadequate.”
“All gingerbread houses are equal,” Nina declared.
“They all taste the same. That’s for sure,” Lewis said, plucking a gingerbread cookie from the tray and bringing it to his mouth.
Nina narrowed her eyes at him. “Lewis Edward, did you just eat one of my charity cookies?”
He crunched down on the gingerbread man’s head. “Yes, ma’am.”
She shook her head at him. “Boy never learns.”
Charlotte and Etta had pulled out their phones and were scrolling now that their houses were complete.
“Hey, Mom, I’m going to go see Brodie,” Charlotte said.
“Yeah, Ava is back already. So, we’re going to hang out,” Etta said.
“Try to stay out of trouble,” she said. “And say good-bye to your father.”
“Good-bye?” Edward asked, appearing in the living room and stalking toward the kitchen. “I’m right here. Who am I saying good-bye to?”
“We’re leaving, Daddy,” Etta said. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek.
Charlotte followed suit. “We’ll be by later,” she said.
He kissed both girls on the tops of their heads and then shooed them out of the house. “How did the annual gingerbread celebration fare?”
Nina raised an eyebrow. “I see you came down at the end.”
“My architecture skills were never cultivated,” he said with a grin. “But I’m an excellent taste-tester.”
“You and your son both.”
Edward turned his attention on us. “Well, do you two have plans? We could have a drink on the balcony.”
“I have that phone call to take for work,” Lewis said.
“Are you closing the Anselin-Maguire deal?” Edward asked.
Lewis nodded. “Yes, we’re hoping to finalize negotiations tonight.”
“Excellent. That one has been on the table too long.” Edward clapped his hand on Lewis’s back. “Why don’t you take the call in my office? Then you and Natalie can still stay for a drink. Nina and I would love to get to know her better.”