by Ines Saint
Nick fell into step with her again, saying, “I get it, it’s time to go home, but they’re tired, Jamie. Slow down.”
• • •
Nick met Jamie’s eyes and tried to hold her dark, stormy gaze. But she was now untouchable.
What he was feeling at being shut out, he couldn’t easily define. He broke away and looked over at Timmy and Michael. Their mood had shifted, and something told him he’d been partly responsible. It was disconcerting.
The walk seemed to take forever, and he was beyond relieved when he was finally in his car, heading home. Butting in on Jamie’s family day had been a bad idea.
“Dad, I. Love. Her,” Emma declared, taking care to emphasize every word. “Claire’s right, she’s so perfect for you. She’s smart and funny and nice. And her kids are really cool — ”
“Claire’s right? You love her?” Nick swerved a bit, but quickly steadied the truck. “What are you talking about — wait, what have you and Claire been talking about?”
“Come on, Dad, you’ve got to be blind, deaf, and numb to not sense the chemistry between you two. I sensed it the first day I met her downtown! And you said her name that night while you were flexing your arms. And I caught you checking her out more than a few times today.” Emma was so delighted, Nick almost felt guilty about ruining her mood.
“There’s no way, Em.” He thought of her standing under the tree, her eyes closed, describing the perfect kiss. Was it ‘smart and funny and nice’ to stand before him and describe exactly how she longed to be kissed, only to declare she just wanted to dream about it? He gripped the steering wheel tighter.
“Whatever, Dad. We’re all tired of you going out with shallow socialites. You’ve enjoyed their silly attentions for far too long.”
“Who’s ‘we’ again?”
“Mom, Claire, and I. We worry about you. And we talk about you behind your back. All the time.” Emma grinned.
Nick threw her a weary look, but said nothing. It made him uncomfortable that it was Susan who now worried about him.
Old guilt resurfaced, and the memory of the day he’d asked Emma’s mom to marry him quietly reemerged. Susan had just informed him she was pregnant, and though he’d initially been shocked by the news, he’d been absolutely mystified when all he could think about was that he somehow already loved the child he’d helped create. Something that had been missing in him had come alive.
But when he’d asked Susan to marry him, he’d been thinking about the right and decent thing to do, and he hadn’t bothered telling her he didn’t love her. That kind of soul-deep, unreserved love some couples shared wasn’t built into him. And Susan, for all her crazy, selfish ways, had suffered for it.
“Dad, you really like Jamie, you know that, right? You can’t stop smiling around her. I never thought I’d see the day. Neither did Claire. Neither did Mom.”
Nick wasn’t as far gone as Emma thought. Jamie had looked damn-near panicked back there on the trail when it had become clear they were all getting a little too comfortable around each other, and she had her kids to look out for. Kids he didn’t want to personally look out for. Man, did his chest feel heavy.
The little voice inside his head, the one he’d been ignoring from that very first day, finally broke through. And it would rule his thoughts and actions from now on. Playtime was over. “I don’t know what makes you guys think I would take on the responsibility of two little boys — who have no father, I might add — at this point in my life.”
He’d known for a while now he was feeling burned out. The way he’d been acting lately, not being as careful, was proof. He couldn’t wait until it was time to leave. Nick shoved his hand through his hair. “I’m not interested in starting anything with Jamie, so please, get it out of your heads, okay?”
“Fine,” Emma grumbled as she sank back into her seat. “I’m sorry I mentioned it.”
Chapter Nine
Autumn Falls’ old-fashioned Halloween party seemed more like an all-out festival that year. The town’s square was bustling. When Jamie and the kids arrived, pumpkin carving and apple bobbing contests were already underway. The judging table for the scariest and funniest costume contests already had long lines, second only to the face painting booth, which Jamie had volunteered to man for an hour. They began by trick-or-treating in the shops and at some of the display tables, the twins having a blast showing off their costumes.
Michael had on an elaborate astronaut costume, while Timmy was dressed as one of Santa’s elves. She hadn’t been able to find a Santa Claus costume small enough to fit him. They’d begged Jamie to dress up as well, and she’d decided to go as the Wicked Witch of the East — before Dorothy’s house fell on her. A pair of black-and-white-striped tights, ruby slippers fashioned from a pair of old pumps and plenty of red glitter, and a black dress completed her look.
They were having a great time eating orange cotton candy, collecting goodies, and trying to guess where spooky noises were coming from.
“Jamie, over here!” she heard Liz call. Jamie turned and smirked when she saw Justin’s costume.
“Wow, great costumes!” Hannah told Timmy and Michael.
Jamie turned to Justin. “A goalie mask? That’s the best you could come up with?”
“I’m Jason — you know, from Friday the Thirteenth.”
“Oh. Well, at least you dressed up.” Jamie looked at Hannah, who was in her everyday clothes.
“I’m too old to dress up.”
“I came as a doctor,” Liz said, pointing to the stethoscope around her neck.
“Isn’t she original?” Chris crossed his eyes as he came up behind his parents.
“I think you’re going to win scariest costume!” Jamie exclaimed as soon as she saw her nephew wrapped in white strips and wearing ghastly face make-up, an eye-patch, and a pirate’s hat.
“I’m a pirate mummy,” Chris explained, wiggling his eyebrows.
Jamie gasped when Justin unexpectedly pulled her toward him, engulfed her in a big hug, and said, “Happy birthday, Sis. I know it’s a day late, but I couldn’t reach you yesterday.”
Jamie hugged him back, hard.
“Yeah — Happy Birthday, Aunt Jamie,” Chris and Hannah chimed in when Justin let her go. They each kissed a cheek.
Liz leaned in and gave her a quick hug.
“Thanks guys!”
“Have you seen your parents? They said they were coming.” Liz looked around until she caught a glimpse of them. Justin called them over, and they dutifully made a fuss over everyone’s costumes. Jamie’s dad looked at her ruby slippers. “There’s no place like home, right?” She winked back at him before looking over at the twins, but they were looking elsewhere.
“Nick!” they called at the top of their lungs. She turned in the direction they were waving and saw Nick coming out of Corner Bakery, a box in hand. Wearily, she asked the kids to pipe down. Their excitement over catching a small glimpse of Nick irritated her.
Nick crossed the street, ruffled the kids’ hair, and complimented their costumes, but Jamie sensed half-heartedness. Chris happily dissed him when he went to shake his hand. Both Justin and Nick squared their shoulders and straightened to their maximum height when they shook hands.
“Wow, that’s mature. You’re right, Jamie, they’re worse than teenagers,” Liz quipped.
“Yeah, well, Aunt Jamie isn’t one to talk about being mature — I heard her tell you and grandma she had a crush on Wolverine.” Chris, always quick to defend his dad, laughed. “Crushing on a cartoon character — now that’s immature.”
Nick instantly whipped his head toward Hannah, and Hannah just as quickly bowed her head to stare down at her shoes with an admirable intensity.
“Chris!” Liz warned.
Jamie did her best to fake a smile because the women in her fami
ly were hiding grins and watching her. They thought they were sharing some sort of private joke, and that Nick had no way of knowing he was, in fact, Wolverine. Hannah, Jamie, and Nick, however, knew differently.
Judging from the shocked look on Nick’s face, it wouldn’t take much to avoid him from now until the semester was over. That was precisely what she wanted, and if she had to take a little humiliation to get it, so be it. Taking a deep breath, she said, “It’s almost time for me to volunteer at the face painting booth. Michael, Timmy, you mind your grandparents, okay?”
She walked through an alley, intending to avoid the crowds so she could get to the booth quicker. A moment later, she felt a hand on her arm. “Jamie, stop. We need to talk.”
Wondering why he couldn’t just ignore her from now on, Jamie slowly turned.
“All this time you really did feel something, yet you kept acting like I’d committed some huge offense against you that first day?” he demanded. He seemed disturbed.
Jamie had not known what to expect, but it hadn’t been that. “You were offensive, Nick! Just because I found you attractive did not mean I was coming onto you. I wasn’t! That hasn’t changed. I don’t want anything from you and I never have!”
• • •
She was right, and Nick knew it, but it didn’t seem to matter. He ran his hand through his hair, angry with himself. “If I’d known you were having these feelings, I would’ve stayed away.”
Jamie looked as if she’d been sucker-punched. “I don’t have feelings for you, Nick. I never had feelings. It was a stupid attraction, okay? You’re the one who keeps showing up. You’re the one who thought he had something to prove! Well, you proved me right. You made a complete ass of yourself then, and you’re doing it again now. You’re full of yourself, and I should’ve known better than to think differently.” Jamie whirled and walked away from him.
“Hey, Grey, you stalking my sister now?”
Nick turned to face Justin. “She’s not your sister to me, okay? She’s a parent from school, and I wanted to settle some things. It has nothing to do with you.”
“I know it has nothing to do with me.” Justin studied him. “But she’s still my sister. And she’s been through a lot. You should leave her alone.”
Years of animosity had stood between them the countless times they’d come face to face. Yet the man standing in front of Nick was no longer a rival — he was someone who’d earned Nick’s respect. Justin was a family man, through and through, and he was right. He should just leave Jamie alone.
He looked back just as Jamie rounded the corner. Somebody yelled “Happy Birthday” to her, and she said something he couldn’t hear.
It was her birthday. Nick kicked a nearby Dumpster, knocking the contents to the floor. What the hell was wrong with him?
• • •
On Monday, Timmy woke up with a fever. Jamie’s dad stopped by that afternoon and declared Timmy had the flu. That was just the beginning of the downward spiral of Jamie’s week.
By Tuesday, Michael was sick too, and by Wednesday, every single bone in Jamie’s body was aching. The three of them looked like a mess, and Jamie had no choice but to work even though she was miserable and could barely see straight through all the cough medication.
She was prepared to work all-nighters and care for the kids during the day, but her mom wouldn’t have it. A knock on Jamie’s door on Wednesday evening revealed Isabella standing in Jamie’s front porch with an overnight bag in hand. “You said you don’t need help, so fine, I won’t help you. I’m here for the kids — you can go off to your studio and rot away.”
Thankfully, by Saturday morning, Jamie and the kids were feeling better. She’d finally had one good night of sleep, and she was relieved to be out of the medicine-induced, restless sleep haze she’d been in every night after working.
The daze had produced a very wicked dream about Nick, and she was having a hard time pushing the images away. The lust-infused dream did more for Jamie’s recovery than any round of antibiotics. Jamie blew her nose hard and frowned. It shouldn’t be so. In theory, she couldn’t stand him. Her dream reaffirmed her belief that she had horrible natural instincts about men.
A quick knock on her door brought her attention back. “Come in,” she called out from the middle of her bed. Her voice was still nasal. Sniffling, she looked for a tissue just as her mom brought in a breakfast tray.
“How are you feeling today?”
“Physically, a lot better. You can go home today. I’m sure Dad really misses you.”
“And how are you feeling emotionally?”
“Why?”
“Hannah told us how she tipped Nicholas Grey off, and we saw him follow you. He seemed … shocked.” Her mother set the tray down on Jamie’s night table and sat down on the bed, taking Jamie’s hand in hers. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I don’t want to talk about it. The very few men I seem to become attracted to end up being jerks, but I’ll survive. It’s not like I acted on anything this time. I just have to nix my daydreams,” Jamie said before blowing her nose, hard.
“Ay hija,” her mother said, leaning in and hugging Jamie close. “You come from a long line of dreamers who somehow manage to survive. You get that from my side of the family, you know.”
“I doubt it. You picked Dad. I may be partial, but I think you’ve got great instincts,” Jamie laughed, then coughed.
“Don’t you think, Jamie, that if you can still become attracted to someone, that maybe that could lead you to love again someday?”
“Again?” Jamie repeated wearily, but regretted it an instant later, when her mom’s eyes met hers.
“Jamie … ” She sighed deeply before squeezing Jamie’s hand, hard and resolute. “Let’s talk about Scott. You used to call me, crying, not knowing what to do. But you never speak of it anymore. You never got closure.”
The moments after the funeral swayed into Jamie’s mind. A female associate from his firm, the mother of the little boy who’d called him Uncle Scott one day, had come up to her. They’d become friends, she and Jamie, and Jamie thought she wanted to offer condolences. “Closure is just a word someone made up because they couldn’t get past something on their own. Scott’s gone now and there’s nothing else to say and nothing more to get past, mom.”
“He may be gone, but your memories of him aren’t, and those memories will affect the rest of your life if you let them. You need to find a way to talk about them so you can begin to let go.”
Jamie pulled her hand away. “Everyone’s past informs their present. I’m no different. So many people aren’t who they seem, and that’s the one thing I hold onto. I don’t hold on to everything else because I do want to be happy. And I am happy. I’m where I want to be.”
“I just don’t want you to shut yourself off from other types of joy, Jamie.” Isabella left her room and Jamie fell back onto her pillow, now feeling sick to her stomach on top of everything else. She hated that her mom thought she was shutting her out, but she just didn’t have it in her to go to certain places.
Between her sick week and Thanksgiving weekend coming up, though, Jamie really didn’t have time to dwell on anything, because she now had to cram everything she’d usually do in three weeks into less than two.
Throwing her body and soul into everything she needed to accomplish, she worked non-stop on her orders and got caught up on neglected household and personal errands, things like buying winter clothes and finding heels for her red dress.
Also, parents at Grey Elementary had to volunteer to help with extracurricular activities, and Jamie had chosen the school play. Every day after school, she had the lower elementary school kids rehearsing and learning their lines for the Christmas play. She was really good with them, and things were going well.
She was especially relieved she
hadn’t once run into Nick. He hadn’t even been greeting parents outside. It made her feel like things could be normal for her at school, despite everything. She’d been thinking about switching the kids to another school when he came back, but it was the selfish and cowardly thing to do.
• • •
The day before Thanksgiving, she and the kids arrived at her in-laws’ in Lexington. Everyone hugged, kissed, and squealed, and there was delight all around.
Five minutes into the visit, Joseph said Timmy was too thin and wondered if Jamie was feeding him enough. Jamie went upstairs with the excuse of putting her bags in the room they always used.
As Jamie slid into Scott’s old room, she looked around and a familiar emptiness settled in the pit of her stomach.
She opened his closet and buried her head in some of his old clothes, remembering a time when being surrounded by his scent made her giddy. But they no longer smelled like him. They now had that stored-clothes kind of smell.
Jamie went back downstairs, not wanting a melancholy mood hanging over her. She needed to stay bright and sunny inside if she was going to survive Joseph from now until Friday afternoon.
Sure enough, midway through supper, Joseph began eyeing Michael and frowning. “You know, Jamie, Michael really is too pale. I know it’s chilly out, but that doesn’t mean you should keep them indoors. Growing boys need sunlight. You’re going to have to take him out at least one hour every day.”
“We spend way more than an hour playing on our swings. It’s like we have our own park,” Michael said.
“So, that brother of yours finally got around to putting it together?”
Jamie bit her lip, not wanting want to let the comment about Justin go. He had a demanding job, two kids of his own, and yet he still found plenty of time for her and the boys.
But it was more important to steer the conversation away from the swing set.
“Uncle Justin didn’t have to put the swings up, cause Nick did,” Michael said slowly, intent on picking onions out from the potato salad.