by Ines Saint
“I’ll walk you out.” Nick followed her.
They reached the front door. Nick took her coat from her and she turned so he could help her put it on. Pulling her hair from under the coat, he brushed it aside and placed a soft kiss on her neck. She felt it in places she’d long forgotten existed.
Jamie turned to face him, and he gazed at her lips again.
“Jamie, don’t ever let anyone else kiss you, anywhere, not even on the cheek, in front of me again.”
“Okay.” Jamie shook her head at how serious he was. “And you do me a favor, too, okay? Come back from your year abroad either married or engaged to some exotic beauty.”
“You want me to come back engaged to some beautiful woman?” he repeated, standing up straight.
“Yes — that would definitely get you out of my system.” Jamie concentrated on an image of Nick coming back with someone. She would be miserable for a while, but it would be a comforting kind of misery, a reminder that it was right for her to be alone. “Well — she doesn’t really have to be all that beautiful, she can be just okay-looking,” she reconsidered, and Nick shook his head.
“I’ve missed you.” He took both her hands and intertwined his fingers with hers, and she couldn’t understand how such a small gesture could leave her so breathless. Her face grew warm when she saw Nick’s still-open shirt. Burying her head in his chest she said, “Button up — it’s cold.”
He laughed. “I’m not cold.”
Hands intertwined, they leaned in and shared a soft, drawn-out kiss. Jamie finally broke the kiss, knowing she should get home, but Nick didn’t let go of her hands. Breathing in, he said, “I wish things were different.”
Jamie paused, remembering his warning that very first day. Part of her didn’t want to go there, but a bigger part of her wanted to push him away. “You mean you wish I didn’t have Timmy and Michael, right?”
• • •
Nick closed his eyes, not liking where this was heading. “You need to stop looking for the bad guy in me, Jamie. That’s not what I mean. I like Michael and Timmy. A lot. They both have a lot of you in them.” He half smiled. “I just wish you were older, or I was younger, I guess. Or that we’d met at a different point in time. I don’t know.”
He looked over at her, sensed her sadness, and thought of Timmy and Michael’s father. “While you probably wish you could go back to the way your life was three, four years ago.”
“Don’t say that … ” Jamie whispered, looking down.
Nick pulled her to him and hugged her close, his way of apologizing for feeling jealous of someone who’d lost his life.
Jamie melted into him one moment and pulled away the next. “Wishing things were different doesn’t make them so. I don’t want to be with anyone, I really don’t, least of all someone who’d probably end up resenting my children. And I can’t handle this anymore. This hurts.”
The last thing Nick wanted was to hurt Jamie. She’d been through enough; this had to stop.
The final countdown to his trip began.
Chapter Thirteen
Nick looked in the rear-view mirror and caught sight of his tired eyes. He sighed because Emma would notice, and he didn’t want her to worry. His game had been off during practice that day, and he was having a hell of a time concentrating on anything.
To add to his frustration, it wasn’t like he was thinking, either. In fact, he was expending most of his energy in not thinking. About Jamie. The problem was that days had gone by since the night of the Christmas play, and he wasn’t getting much of anything done.
Nick got out of his truck and shrugged his dinner jacket on. It was Sunday evening, and to say he was starving would be the understatement of the decade. It was particularly difficult for him to rein his thoughts in when he was so damn hungry.
Late last night, Emma had called and asked him to meet her, her stepfather Harold, and Susan for a family dinner. It was to be their little sendoff for him.
He walked into a dimly lit room and was about to ask the maitre d’ for Harold and Susan Warner’s table when he spotted Emma and Susan in a secluded corner of the restaurant.
“So, where’s Hal?” Nick asked after they said their hellos and Harold hadn’t appeared.
Susan hesitated. “The fourth guest will be here soon.”
Nick sighed and wondered what they were up to. His stomach was growling. He turned when he saw Emma wave toward the door, relieved they would soon be able to order. When he saw who she was waving at, he whispered, “Wait, why is Claire here?” He hoped this wasn’t a surprise farewell party. He looked at the few tables around him and was relieved to see he didn’t recognize anyone, and he hoped to God they didn’t have people waiting in the kitchen.
Susan and Claire had never really gotten along, and he couldn’t see why they would voluntarily agree to dine together. Claire reached their table and all three women exchanged enthusiastic greetings. They were acting like giddy friends who hadn’t seen each other in ages.
Nick gave Claire an affectionate hug and waited for her to sit before taking his seat again. A moment later, all three women began exchanging glances.
“I didn’t know this was a farewell dinner with the lovely ladies in my life, but I have to say it’s a great idea. Thank you for the thought,” he said and hoped they would order soon.
“It’s something like that … ” Emma answered.
“Please tell me there’s nobody waiting in the kitchen.”
“No, Nick, honey, this is an intervention.” Susan carefully enunciated every letter of the last word, as if he were eight.
“That’s right. Emma’s been learning about the effectiveness of interventions in her psychology class, and we all agreed you could use one.” Claire proudly patted Emma’s hand.
“An intervention?” Nick repeated.
“Right. An intervention. For you.” Emma cocked her head to the side.
“Let me get this straight. The three of you are staging an intervention for me at my favorite restaurant?”
They nodded happily, very pleased with themselves.
“Exactly what am I addicted to?” Nick ran his fingers through his hair. He had no idea where this was going, but the gnawing in the insides of his stomach told him he’d better get to the bottom of it soon. The waiter served the couple next to him and he had to swallow, his mouth was watering so badly.
“Interventions aren’t just for addictions. You can hold an intervention for any loved one who’s exhibiting self-destructive behavior.” Emma sat up straight, clearly now an expert on the subject after one semester of psychology.
“But we can make it a farewell dinner as well, if you’d like,” Claire generously offered.
“Oh, yes, sure, of course.” Susan and Emma said in unison.
“Well, then, let’s order first, and then you can dissect all my destructive tendencies and intervene in my life while we wait for dinner, how’s that?” Nick asked. He was amused, but he couldn’t play along until he could at least anticipate that food was on its way.
The group placed their orders and the waiter left. Nick took a deep breath and faced the three women.
“I’m ready for your intervention now,” he declared, trying hard to remain serious.
“This isn’t funny, Dad. We are worried about you,” Emma began.
“She’s right. You’re being obstinate and hardheaded, and that is self-destructive behavior that you need to acknowledge and deal with.” Claire looked at him with no-nonsense eyes.
“We just want you to be happy, Nick, and we feel we can help you,” Susan chimed in.
Nick stared at them in confusion. They clearly hadn’t rehearsed or planned this out. He looked down and bit his lip, trying hard not to laugh, knowing he was going to have to lead his own intervention so he could find o
ut what it was about. “Are you aware that interventions can backfire and cause more problems than they attempt to solve without the help of a trained professional?”
“See, he isn’t taking this seriously.” Emma threw her napkin on the table.
“Let’s all take out our scripts,” Claire suggested.
Nick sat back and patiently waited as they took pieces of paper out of their handbags. Emma quickly glanced over her script. “Remember, let him know you love him, state the problem without placing blame, and focus on the outcome, which in this case should be him making the choice to do something about his behavior,” she whispered as if Nick couldn’t hear her. “I’ll go first and you follow my lead.”
Emma unfolded her piece and cleared her throat. “Dad, I love you,” she read. “For years, I’ve watched you always put me first, and I’ve never pressured you into finding someone because no one seemed right. You have now clearly found someone special, someone I really like, too. I can’t sit idly by as you shrug your feelings off and pretend they aren’t there. I think you should face the fact that you have feelings for Jamie and try giving a relationship with her a shot,” Emma finished. She quietly folded her paper and signaled for Susan to start.
Nick froze at the mention of Jamie’s name. He thought maybe they would try to convince him not to leave. But —
This was about Jamie?
He watched Susan unfold her little piece of paper with dread. Amusement was gone, but there was nothing he could do but play along and try to take it in stride, however uncomfortable it may be.
“Nick, we share the most wonderful gift in the world, and for that I’ll always love you.” She looked up and smiled at Emma before continuing. “For a long time, I was in love with you, even though I knew I wasn’t right for you, even though I knew you weren’t in love with me. As you know, with time, I did find love and it taught me many things. I only want the same and even better, for you. You’ve been a better parent than I have, and you deserve it even more than I do. These words aren’t easy for me to say in front of Emma, you, and Claire, and I hope you appreciate the fact that I am saying them to encourage you to face your feelings so you can give yourself the opportunity for a love that you so deserve.” Susan finished her script with tears in her eyes.
Damn it, Nick thought when he saw Emma and Claire had tears in their eyes too. What the hell had he gotten himself into? He’d been about to make it clear to them that he wasn’t going to discuss his personal life and his decisions with them, but how could he be dismissive of three tearful women? He physically braced himself for Claire’s script, wringing his hands under the table.
“Okay, my turn.” Claire let go of Susan’s hands and dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. Apparently, she’d finally forgiven Susan for making Nick’s life hell for five years. Straightening her shoulders, she shot Nick a cold stare. This little speech would be different.
“I’m skipping the ‘I love you’ part because you know you are more than a son to me. Frankly, I’m becoming increasingly annoyed by how completely blind you are choosing to be when — ”
“No, no, remember, no blaming or resentment,” Emma interrupted.
“I’m sorry, Emma. I’m too old to tiptoe around things.” She began folding her piece of paper again and again in annoyance. “Nick, you are clearly smitten with this young woman, and instead of doing something about it, you’re thinking about trotting around the globe, all alone, because at some point or another, you decided that was a good idea. Why are you being so stubborn? What do you hope to gain?” Claire ended her speech, and Nick was grateful for her anger.
Any sane man preferred anger to tears.
“Are you done now?” he asked. They all nodded and looked at him expectantly. Nick had been trying to draft a satisfactory response, but he was tired and famished, so he winged it instead. “Listen, I appreciate that you are all worried about me, and that you want me to be happy. I’ll admit I’m attracted to Jamie, but that doesn’t mean — ” Thankfully, he was interrupted by Emma signaling for him to be quiet.
The waiter had just arrived with their soups and salads, and Nick couldn’t wait to shut up and eat. But he was the only one who remained quiet as he ate.
“Listen, Nick, I saw you dancing with her, and it was breathtaking. I got goose bumps from seeing the way you two looked at each other.” Susan turned to Claire. “It was like they were lost in their own little world.”
“Oh! You should’ve seen them at the park with her kids — you know how Dad loves kids, and he just adores Michael and Timmy, I could tell. I think the five of us would make an adorable family.” Emma turned eyes chock-full of hope on him.
Nick nearly choked on his salad, but the women weren’t fazed.
“Well, I called Emma the very first day they met. You should’ve seen it — electricity everywhere!” Claire exclaimed. “And I tell you, you couldn’t slice the sexual tension with a butcher’s knife whenever they’re in a room together, it’s that thick.”
Nick pushed his chair back and just stared at them, not sure how much more of this he could take.
“Oh, Nick, Emma’s eighteen, she knows what sexual tension is,” Susan chided him, mistaking his discomfort.
“Don’t you think you’re all getting just a little bit ahead of yourselves here?” Nick tried not to sound panicked.
“Well, maybe we’re getting a little bit ahead of ourselves. Jamie does have this hang-up about letting a man into her life.” Claire sighed and took a bite of her salad.
“Right!” Someone was finally making sense, and Nick quickly jumped on that. “No matter how strong my feelings for her are, she’s made it clear she doesn’t want a relationship. I know you all have the best intentions, but your whole theory here is moot, so just take a moment to let it sink in so we can end the conversation right now and enjoy our meal, if it ever gets here.” Nick wasn’t even trying to hide his annoyance anymore.
The three women stared at him in silence.
“You have strong feelings for her.” Susan spoke first, clapping her hands together happily.
Nick looked back at her in confusion.
“You said ‘no matter how strong my feelings for her are,’ Dad, you said it!” Emma reached over and grabbed his hand.
“See, I told you.” Claire beamed at Emma and Susan. “Starvation is the key to making him let his guard down. His brain just doesn’t function normally when he’s on an empty stomach. You can motion the waiter to bring our food now,” she told Susan.
Susan motioned for the waiter.
“Now, Nick, you haven’t told us how you feel about dating a mom with two little boys. Emma says you all get along, but we’d like to get your thoughts on that, too.” Susan looked over at him.
“We know you’re not keen on starting over again, but this time it would be different.” Claire looked over at Susan and shot her an apologetic glance before saying, “This time you wouldn’t be alone.”
“Dad, you and I always had a great time together. I really can’t see you living alone.”
“How is living alone working out for you?” Susan asked.
Nick ran his hand through his hair, down the side of his face, and cupped his chin. He didn’t know what to say. At the moment, he was seriously considering taking his food to go. But truth was, he was tired of eating alone. He was tired of living alone. He missed having someone to talk to and listen to.
Soon, Susan and Emma left to go to the ladies’ room, and he and Claire were left alone.
“Seriously, Nick. How do you feel about Michael and Timmy? That’s really important.”
Nick looked into the face of the woman who, for a lifetime, had shown more interest in him than his own mother. Growing up, Grey Private Elementary had been his real home. His school friends were like brothers, and Claire his second mom. He had a sudden, aching ne
ed to air the thoughts that had been suffocating him.
Nick began, not knowing where his own words would take him. “The thought of starting over again, raising kids full time … ” He shook his head. “It’s exhausting and unfathomable. But … the idea of Emma and me intertwining our lives with Jamie, Michael, and Timmy’s lives, it takes on a different shape and form. It’s hard to explain, but I can see it and it’s not about starting over, it’s about being a family, and it’s powerful, not exhausting.”
“Jamie’s a great mom. And you’d be a great stepfather.” Claire smiled encouragingly.
“But Jamie doesn’t see us this way, Claire. It’s not what she wants. And it’s not that I’m sure, either. There are too many things at stake here for just a trial effort. The whole town knows us, I have a deep respect for her family, and I have standing here in the city. If things don’t work out, it could get messy and awkward.” Part of him wished he could just leave on his trip tomorrow and have the world fill his mind. Maybe when he came back, things would be the way they were before. Uncomplicated.
Claire looked at him with new understanding. Reaching across the table and covering Nick’s hand with her own she said, “I want so much for you; I didn’t stop to think about complications. But I guess you’re right, you’d both have to be really sure of what you’re getting yourselves into, and if she already knows this isn’t what she wants, and you’re still not sure … ” Claire’s words turned into a resigned sigh.
• • •
An hour later, Nick walked Susan to her car. “You really do look tired, Nick. Emma says you’re not sleeping well.”
“It’s hard to sleep when you’ve got a lot on your mind.”
“Like what?” Susan asked with a knowing smile.
“Like taking a year-long trip and leaving my life’s work in someone else’s hands,” Nick reminded her.
Susan pressed a button on her key chain to unlock her white BMW, but didn’t open the door.