by J. M. Walker
Slipping out of bed, I trudged to the bathroom and gave the door a soft knock. “Babe? You okay?” I opened it slowly, finding Meadow sleeping on the floor with her arm curled around a pillow. The room smelled like flowers mixed with an acidic scent. My eyes flicked to the air freshener sitting on the counter. Was she sick?
“Meadow?” I crouched, brushing her hair off her forehead.
She stirred, rubbing her eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.”
“What’s going on?” I asked gently, helping her to a sitting position.
“After you fell asleep, I was just getting comfortable and was drifting off when I suddenly felt nauseous. I rushed in here and...” She swallowed noisily. “I haven’t thrown up this much since I was pregnant with Andrew,” she murmured.
My stomach jumped. “Um...Meadow, could you be pregnant again?”
Her eyes widened. “I...No. I can’t be. I just...we’re not ready.”
I sighed, sitting on the floor across from her. “Why aren’t we ready?” Although, I had a feeling I knew why she felt we weren’t ready, we still needed to talk about it.
“Because Sunny...” Her voice trailed off, her eyes welling.
“Hey, talk to me,” I said gently.
“This one wouldn’t be his and I just...it feels weird, that’s all and I have no idea why, but I’m scared.” A shuddered breath left her, a lonely tear rolling down her cheek.
“I’m scared too,” I confessed.
Her eyes snapped to mine. “You are?”
I nodded. “I am because I don’t want to lose you. That’s always been my biggest fear. That I couldn’t be as dominant as him or that I couldn’t love you like he did. Or that I’m not as good of a father as he would have been.”
“God, Shade.” She shook her head, scrubbing a hand down her face. “I had no idea.”
I shrugged. “I know we haven’t really talked about Sunny’s death but we’re here now. We need to talk. Because as much as I love you, I’m scared that if we don’t talk about it, it’ll break us.”
“I miss him and I worry that I’m not enough for you.”
“You told me that already. That’s why we’re here.” I cupped her cheek, placing a soft peck on her forehead. “But you have nothing to worry about. You are enough for me. Andrew is enough for me. This baby...” I brushed my hand along her lower stomach. “If you are in fact pregnant, they will be enough for me too. If Sunny were here, he’d give me shit for not talking to you. He was always about communication even though he struggled with telling me how he felt. Until we met you. I’ve never thanked you for that, Meadow, so thank you.”
“What are you thanking me for?” she asked, frowning.
“Thank you for convincing Sunny to take it further. He told me he loved me, baby. That’s something I could never repay you for. As much as it hurt losing him, I’m just glad I found out how he felt before he died,” I explained, my voice cracking.
“God, Shade.” Meadow threw herself around me, straddling my lap.
I hugged her to me, pushing my face into the crook of her neck. “I miss him. I miss him so fucking much.”
A sob wracked through her. “I miss him too. I wish I could have known him for longer. I wish he could know his son.” She lifted her head, wiping under her eyes. “If I am pregnant, you’re fine with raising this baby to know Sunny as their father, too?”
“Yes.” I kissed her hard on the mouth. “You don’t have to worry about that.” I cupped the back of her head, deepening the kiss. A minty taste exploded on my tongue. She must have brushed her teeth before she fell asleep on the floor. “Andrew is mine. Even if my blood isn’t running through him, he is my son.” We had never openly discussed who Andrew’s actual father was. I always felt like he was mine anyway and I knew that Sunny wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. As Andrew got older though, Meadow and I both knew. But I meant what I said, I wouldn’t leave her over that. She was stuck with me. It was her and I against the world.
“How’s your stomach?” I asked, breaking the kiss and trailing my mouth down the length of her jaw.
“Better now. I think it was partially due to stress too.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” I bit her jaw, earning me a sharp gasp.
“God, I love it when you bite me.” She rocked against my lap, hinting for me to take it further.
I chuckled, lifting her into my arms, grabbed the pillow off the floor, and carried her back to bed.
Meadow
There was a chance that I could be pregnant. It wasn’t like Shade and I had ever been safe. We hadn’t used condoms since before Sunny died. A part of me thought that we would have issues getting pregnant again because it hadn’t happened yet. I hadn’t been on birth control since I was pregnant with Andrew but maybe it had just never been the right time. Until now.
While Shade slept beside me, I stared up at the ceiling. With my hand on my lower stomach, I let out a soft sigh.
Oh, Sunny. I miss you. So so much. I wish you could be here to watch your son grow up. He’s such an amazing little boy. Already with a big personality. He’s going to do amazing things for this world. If I am pregnant again, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re not here to meet any of your children. We’ll raise Andrew and our future kids to know you. That will never change no matter whose blood is running through them.
Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes, a soft sob slipping free from between my lips.
The bed beside me moved, a heavy arm wrapped around me and pulled me close into a warm body.
“Let it out, baby,” Shade murmured, his voice shaky.
“It hurts.” I covered my face, the sobs becoming harder and stronger. They shook through me violently. I couldn’t control them. I had masked my feelings for so long, not wanting to upset Shade even more, but it was like a dam had finally broken and I couldn’t stop the cries from shaking through my body.
“I know, Meadow.” Shade cleared his throat. “I’m mad at him and I feel so fucking guilty for that.”
“I’m mad at him too.” I looked at Shade then. “Does that make us bad people?”
“Not at all.” He kissed me softly on the mouth. “I think it makes us human. I think we should have gone to grief counseling or something right away.”
“I thought the pregnancy would help us focus on something other than our pain.” But boy was I wrong. “It didn’t help though.”
“It helped a bit. Maybe not enough but it definitely helped a little.” Shade pulled away from me and left the bed. “Did you want to head to Toledo now? I can check us out, we can hit a pharmacy and get you a pregnancy test.”
I sat up. “We can worry about that when we get home.”
“No.” Shade slipped into his jeans. “I need to know how rough I can be.”
A light laugh left me. “You mean, how rough I can be.”
“That too.” He crawled onto the bed and cupped the back of my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. “I want to know if you’re pregnant. If it comes back positive, we’ll make a doctor’s appointment. I just need to know.”
I cupped his face. “Okay.”
***
It was still pretty early in the morning but since neither of us could sleep, we checked out of the motel and started making our way to Toledo. Once we hit the city, we stopped at the first pharmacy we saw.
Shade went in, grabbed me a pregnancy test, and came back a few minutes later with a bag full of stuff.
“What all did you grab?” I asked him as he sat beside me in the driver’s seat.
“I grabbed several tests and a big thing of orange juice. I figured if a bunch of tests come back positive, it’ll ease our mind a bit.”
“Thank you.” I took the bag from him and placed it at my feet.
Shade grabbed my hand, holding it tight in his. “Are you hungry? We can stop at a restaurant and grab an early breakfast.”
I smiled at him. “Sure, baby. I’d like that.”
He brought my hand up
to his mouth, kissing the back of my knuckles.
We ended up stopping at a deli that was open all day and night. It was pretty packed for not even being seven in the morning yet.
“Grab us a seat and I’ll go take a test,” I told Shade, leaving the car.
“Not happening, Little Lamb. I’ll wait outside the door for you.”
“Okay,” I said, realizing that when Shade got like this, I couldn’t make him see reason.
We entered the deli and went right to where the bathrooms were located at the back of the restaurant.
Going about my business, I peed on one of the tests. When I was done, I left the stall and started pacing.
The door opened, revealing...
“Shade,” I gasped, stopping in my tracks. “You can’t be in here.”
“Don’t care.” He nodded to the test in my hand. “We’re waiting together.”
I knew that there was no sense in arguing with him, so I walked into his open arms.
He kissed my temple as we waited for the test to tell us our future.
Shade
Meadow and I waited. And waited. The night Sunny had died, she had found out that she was pregnant right away after getting looked over at the hospital.
It was like Sunny passed only for a new life to begin. Andrew’s life. His son. Our son.
“Shade,” Meadow whispered, picking up the test.
The test was far more advanced than most and this one clearly stated pregnant in black bold letters.
I spun her around, crushing my mouth to hers.
She snaked her arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer. The kiss deepened. Before we got caught, I cupped her ass and lifted her, carrying her into the nearest stall.
I pushed her up against the door, fumbling for the lock and finally clicking it into place.
Meadow reached between us, unbuckling my belt and lowering the zipper to my jeans. It was one thing I had loved about her. No matter what, she was down for sex. Anywhere.
I remembered back to the first time after Andrew was born. Once the doctor gave the go-ahead, she was on me every chance she got. My dick hurt for days after that and I was thankful for every moment of that pain.
“I love you,” she whispered against my lips, pulling me back to the present.
Breaking the kiss, I lifted her and wrapped her legs around my waist. “No, baby. I love you. I love you for giving me the family I never thought I could have. I love you for seeing me and not judging. I love you for pushing Sunny and I together.” I cupped her jaw, brushing my thumb back and forth. “I love you for giving me you. Your heart. Your love.” I slipped inside of her slowly, a shiver trembling through both of us. “Your body.”
She looked up at me with glassy eyes. “Can’t say we’ve ever fucked in a bathroom before.”
I chuckled, inching my hands under her knees and pushing them to her chest. “I suggest holding on and keeping your mouth closed, baby. Or else everyone in this damn building will know just how violently my wife likes to be fucked.”
“God,” she moaned.
I only grinned and made this fast. I could savor her later but now we were celebrating. My baby was growing in her belly and that fact alone sparked this newfound need to claim her, mark her, make her mine. In every sense of the damn word.
Once I had Meadow trembling around me with her release, my own followed shortly after.
Giving her a final kiss, I placed her gently on her feet. “Get cleaned up and we’ll grab some food.”
I left her in the stall but not before I caught the shudder that rippled through her. Popping the collar of my leather jacket, I left the bathroom undetected with a smug smile on my face.
Meadow
I kept my hand firmly in Shade’s that was resting on my knee, while my feet were in his lap. He was driving us to Toledo, now that we had full stomachs and an answer to our question.
I was pregnant again.
I cupped my stomach, a soft sigh leaving me.
Shade caught my gaze, giving me a wink.
“Did you and Sunny go to Toledo often?” I asked him, needing to know more about the other man I had fallen in love with but only had a short time with just the same.
“Not often. We only ever went to it after going on a ride. But we always made sure to stop off at this pizza place I’m taking you to. I can never remember what it’s called but know exactly where it is.” Shade chuckled, shaking his head. “I think you’ll love it.”
“I’m sure I will. If you want to drink, I can drive too,” I offered.
“Nah.” He squeezed my knee. “Thank you though. I want to be completely sober for all the nasty things I want to do to you.”
I grinned. “I don’t know, Shade. We’ll have to be careful now that your baby is in my belly.”
A slow smile crept along his face. “That didn’t stop us when you were pregnant with Andrew. Remember your fourth month of pregnancy? I thought my dick was going to fall off with how rough you were.”
“Me?” I gasped, feigning shock. “You were just as bad, if not more so.”
He chuckled. “Okay, we were both bad.”
“We were but it still wasn’t as rough as we liked,” I reminded him.
“Truth.” He inched his hand higher up my inner thigh. “I’m still taking you to that club, if you’re wondering. I booked us a room and it has every toy imaginable in it. If we like it, we can even become members there. I know the owners, so we already have an in.”
“You know the owners?” A surge of jealousy rippled through me. “How?”
A laugh boomed through him. “You of all people do not need to be jealous, baby.”
“Tell me how the fuck you know the owners, Shade, and then I’ll decide if I need to be jealous or not.”
His eyes darked. “Fuck, I love it when you get angry.”
Pushing my foot into his crotch, I waited for his answer.
He grunted, cupping my ankle. “Sunny and I used to go all the time as I told you. We didn’t always go to have sex, Meadow. Other guys went with us and they became regulars. So we brought the owners business and got to know them over time.”
“Oh, is that all?” I mumbled.
Shade shook his head. “You worry too much. You know that your pussy is the only one I want, baby.”
“That oddly doesn’t make me feel any better.”
He grabbed my foot, pulling it against him. “This, what you feel right here, is all yours Meadow. You do not need to be jealous. At all.”
My body burned, feeling his cock growing beneath my touch. “God, you’re hot as hell.”
A light laugh left him. “So are you, especially when you drive me fucking crazy.”
I giggled, blowing him a kiss. “You wouldn’t want it any other way, Baby Boy. I keep you on your toes.”
“True.” He grinned.
We continued driving the rest of the way to Toledo in a comfortable silence. Maybe this was what we both needed. To get away and out of our own city. To go someplace he once shared with Sunny so I could get to know him in his previous life.
“Meadow.”
I stirred, my eyes fluttering open and landing on Shade’s handsome face.
He gave me a small smile. “You fell asleep.”
“Oh.” I sat up, looking around me. We were parked by a large building. “Is this the hotel?”
“It is. Come.” He left the car. “I’ll check us in, we can get settled and then I’ll take you out.”
“For pizza?” I asked, a little too excitedly.
He chuckled. “Definitely pizza and other stuff.”
I grinned, leaving the car and helping him with the bags. “Thank you, Shade. For this.”
“It’s only just begun, Little Lamb.” He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.”
My body stirred at the deep vibrato of his voice. I was hungry too. But not for pizza.
Shade
Even though it had been quite a while since I had gone
to the pizza place I had fallen in love with in Toledo, I remembered it like I had only been there the day before.
“This pizza is good. Too fucking good. I could eat ten of them and not be ashamed in the least.”
I smiled at my best friend.
Sunny patted his stomach, sitting back in his seat. He took a swig of his beer, his eyes meeting mine over the rim.
I looked at him a little too long. I shouldn’t have been staring but he was hot. Some could even say he was beautiful in a way. If only I could tell him how I felt.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, placing the bottle on the table in front of him. “Do I have anything on my face?” He wiped his mouth and chin. “Shade?”
I shook my head. “No.” You’re perfect.
“Shade?”
Meadow’s voice brought me back to the present. Her brow was furrowed in the middle.
“Sorry, I was just thinking about Sunny.” I leaned over and kissed her cheek.
“Oh.” She grabbed my hand, placing it on her lap. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“Don’t be.” We didn’t usually share the same side of a booth. I liked to sit across from her so I could look at her whenever I wanted but this time, I wanted to hold her. Touch her. Be a little too close to her while we ate our supper.
“I miss him too and wish he were here with us.” She looked up at me then, her eyes shining. “I feel like we didn’t get enough time with him.” She placed her hand on her stomach, a shuddered breath leaving her. “I wish he could know his children.”
“Same,” I murmured, my voice thick.
“So, tell me something. Nothing ever happened between you two before me?”
I shook my head. “Nope. You were our glue, baby, and you gave us that push we needed.”
“I’m honored that you let me into your little duo.” She gave me a small smile. “I know I’ve thanked you so many times already, but I mean it, Shade. Thank you.”
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I pulled her into my side and kissed the spot by her ear, letting my lips linger. “Thank me later, Little Lamb.”