Window on Yesterday

by Joan Hohl

  “Oh, give it a rest,” Karla advised in a mild tone, delving into the paper bag. “Wine! Red and white,” she exclaimed, extracting the bottles and holding one aloft. “How did you know we were bone dry?” She smiled at Sean.

  “Alycia told me about the deplorable state of your wine cellar,” he said solemnly.

  “Wine cellar! Anybody could tell this guy’s a historian,” Karla said, laughing as she continued pulling their dinner from the grocery sack.

  Sean managed to suppress his laughter, though the corners of his lips twitched with a smile.

  “And I think you’d better come in and sit down,” Alycia advised him in a dry tone. “If only to get out of range of missiles.”

  Backing into the living room, Sean examined Karla’s cool expression with sparkling blue eyes. “Dangerous, are you?” he asked, arching one russet eyebrow.

  “Not nearly as dangerous as Alycia,” she retorted, ignoring her friend’s soft gasp. “I’m obvious. She’s subtle.”

  Sean shifted his gleaming gaze to Alycia’s flushed cheeks. “How fascinating.” He lowered his voice. “You’ll have to tell me all about this subtlety”—he lowered his voice for her ears only—”later.”

  Embarrassed, Alycia was raking her mind for a response, any response, when Andrea inadvertently came to her rescue.

  “Oh, damn!” Frowning at the books stacked precariously in her arms, Andrea gazed around helplessly. “What should I do with them?”

  “You could put them back where they were “ Alycia suggested, crossing over to relieve her friend of several weighty volumes.

  “But they give the place such a cluttered look,” Andrea wailed, still hesitating uncertainly.

  “Not true,” Sean contradicted in a stern tone. “Books never clutter, they enlighten.”

  While Andrea looked chastised and Alycia looked on the verge of launching a defense of her friend, Sean carefully folded his large frame into the corner of the sofa. After stretching his long legs out in front of him, crossing his ankles, and sighing comfortably, he grinned up at Andrea. “So dump them anywhere and let’s get to know each other.”

  * * * *

  The dinner was a delightful, at times hilarious, success. The steak was tender, the salad crisp, the cheesecake creamy, the wine tangy, and the conversation animated.

  With an ease of manner so polished that no one even noticed, Sean steered the flow of conversation away from himself and onto the subjects most dear to Andrea’s and Karla’s hearts.

  “I’m thrilled and fascinated by the probability of space probes beyond our universe,” Andrea said in response to a cleverly worded remark by Sean.

  “And what are your hopes for these future intergalactic explorations?” Sean sent out a probe of his own.

  Andrea fairly quivered with excitement at finding an intelligent person who was genuinely interested in the exploration of space. “The possibilities are endless,” she answered, leaning forward intently.

  Exchanging an understanding smile with Karla, Alycia settled back to enjoy her wine, as well as the lively discussion. Only occasionally did she remember to glance through the window to observe the still steadily falling snow.

  “I like the grittiness, the unadorned reality, of modern western art” Karla told Sean later as they all left the table by the windows to resettle in the living room.

  “And painting western scenes is your own field of expertise?” Sean inquired with unfeigned interest.

  “No.” Karla’s smile held a wealth of self-knowledge. “If nothing else, coming back to college has taught me one important thing.” Like Alycia and Andrea, Karla had resumed her education after several years away from the academic community. “I know that I don’t have the talent to be a fine artist.” She lifted her shoulders in a gesture of acceptance. “But I do appear to have a gift for displaying fine art to its best advantage.” She gave Sean an easy smile. “And that’s exactly what I plan to do.”

  “You have my respect,” Sean said with utter sincerity. “There are few who recognize their weaknesses as well as their strengths.”

  “And are you one of the few?” Alycia interjected softly.

  “Probably not.” Sean’s chest heaved in an exaggerated sigh; his lips tilted in a self-mocking smile. “I still like to believe that I can accomplish anything and everything I set my mind to.”

  Karla laughed. “And what do you set your mind to?”

  “Anything and everything.”

  His immediate and dry response drew laughter from the three young women, which had obviously been his intent.

  The conversational ice was not only broken, it was completely melted.

  Pleasantly sated by the delicious meal and relaxed by the delicate wine, Alycia was content to observe and listen to the others from her curled position in one corner of the sofa. When asked a direct question, she replied but, in the main, she merely enjoyed the congenial flow of conversation, and her unobstructed view of the russet-haired man seated at the opposite end of the sofa.

  The wine bottles were long empty before Karla and Andrea excused themselves and retired to their bedrooms. Quiet held the living room in thrall for several seconds before Sean cocked his head and smiled quizzically at Alycia.

  “Is it time for me to go?” he asked quietly.

  “Do you want to go?” she answered with a question.

  “No.”

  Alycia smiled. “Then it’s not yet time for you to go.”

  Her smile was apparently all the invitation Sean required. Setting his glass aside, he slid his body along the sofa, coming to a stop when the length of his thigh rested against hers.

  Suddenly breathless and flustered, Alycia took a deep swallow of wine. The moment she drew the glass from her mouth, Sean leaned over to gently touch his tongue to her lips.

  “Delicious,” he murmured, dipping the tip of his tongue into her mouth.

  Startled, as much by the instant leap of response deep in her body as by the boldness of his move, Alycia drew her head back. “Sean, you mustn’t.” Her protest sounded weak, even to her own ears.

  Sean’s blue eyes brightened and danced with deviltry.

  “Why not?” he whispered. “Don’t you kiss on the first date?”

  All Alycia’s efforts to look repressive dissolved into laughter. “This isn’t even a real date,” she chided as her laughter subsided.

  “But it was fun,” he countered, gently prying the glass from her fingers and setting it aside. “Wasn’t it?” The hand he raised to cup her face was cool from contact with the wineglass.

  A shiver skipped down Alycia’s spine. Telling herself the reaction was caused by the coolness of his hand, not by his touch, she shivered and nodded. “Yes, it was fun.”

  Sean leaned a little closer to her, teasing her breasts with a feather-light touch of his chest. “We’ll have to do it again.” His warm, wine-scented breath misted her lips.

  When? The thought sprang into Alycia’s mind immediately; she bit her lip to keep herself from actually uttering the word out loud. “I—ah—I’d like that,” she stammered, thoroughly surprising herself.

  “So would I.” Sean applied the slightest bit more pressure against her breasts. “But I’d like something even more.”

  Uncertain, filled with trepidation, yet oddly hoping at the same time, Alycia raised her gaze to his—and drowned in a sea of intense blue. “Wh-what?”

  Sean’s eyes darkened, drawing her into a sapphire vortex. “I’d like—no ...” He broke off to breathe deeply, raggedly. “I need to kiss you.” He was acting on the assertion even as it whispered from his lips.

  Sean’s mouth was gentle yet firm against hers, tender yet arousing. For a short-lived moment, Alycia was torn between conflicting desires—to surrender and to reject. It had been more than seven years—ever since the severing of the last of the ties binding her and Doug—since she had allowed a man, any man, anything but the most casual of kisses. And Alycia had known instinctively that, for all his
easy relaxation earlier, there would be nothing casual about a kiss from Sean.

  The swirl of inner reactions generated by the increased pressure against her lips left little doubt in Alycia’s dazed mind that her instincts were right on target; Sean’s kiss was voracious and deadly serious. His tongue teased her closed lips, seeking entry. His mouth moved sensuously, enticingly, on hers, demolishing her resistance.

  Alycia’s inner conflict was brief. With a soft moan she gave in to the desire to surrender. Parting her lips, she accepted the fierce pressure of Sean’s demanding mouth and the sweet taste of his thrusting tongue.

  Sean’s kiss was everything Alycia had once believed a kiss should be, and it ended much too soon. Murmuring a soft protest, she clasped his head and drew his mouth back to hers.

  “If I remain in this twisted position much longer,” he whispered against her lips, “I’m afraid I’ll snap my spine.”

  Alycia jerked her hands away from his face. “Oh! I’m sorry. I—I...”

  His soft laughter drowned her voice. “Don’t be. I was enjoying every second of it.” Drawing away, he shifted around. “I’d enjoy it even more if I could hold you in my arms, feel your body against mine.” His eyes were dark and compelling. “If you’ll stretch out and get comfortable,” he suggested, moving his arm in a sweeping indication of the long sofa, “I’ll get comfortable with you,”

  Temptation beckoned; Alycia wavered. Once again the inner battle was joined. Instinct warning her that she was getting in too deep, too soon, Alycia grasped at defensive straws.

  “But Karla! Andrea!” She motioned vaguely with one surprisingly limp arm. “They’re only a closed door away.”

  Even while she protested, Sean was easing her legs out along the plump sofa cushions. A chiding smile curved his lips. “The key word is ‘closed.’ Curling one arm around her waist, he stretched out beside her. “Their doors are closed. We won’t disturb them.”

  Disturb them! Alycia nearly choked. What about her? What with the warmth beginning to uncoil inside her and the excitement tingling along her nerves, she was about as disturbed as one could possibly get!

  An instant later, Alycia revised her opinion; it was possible for her to get more disturbed. In fact, she was becoming more disturbed by the second. Her breath became trapped in her chest as Sean lowered his head to the curve of her neck. Her eyelids fluttered shut as his teeth nibbled gently on her earlobe.

  “Besides,” he murmured, between tiny, tantalizing bites, “I think it adds a touch of titillation, knowing they ‘re so close.” His lips made an adoring pilgrimage from her ear to her mouth, “Don’t you?”

  Titillation? Alycia thought fuzzily. Who needed added titillation? She was floating on a sea of stimulation, drowning in a cauldron of captivation.

  And, other than his professional credentials, she knew virtually nothing about this man! It was the last rational thought Alycia would have for endlessly exciting minutes, for at that moment, Sean’s tongue teased the corner of her mouth and her mind went blank in response.

  Unaware, and unconcerned that her sigh signaled compliance, Alycia moved her head the fraction required to align her lips with his. Very obviously, Sean was fully aware of the portent of her sigh. His lips parted, then closed slightly, encapsulating hers within the moist heat of his mouth. His tongue darted, testing the ridges of her teeth before gliding slowly along the sensitive flesh below her lower lip.

  “Sean.” Alycia wasn’t sure if she’d murmured his name aloud; she didn’t even care. All she knew was the intoxicating taste of him, the electrifying feel of him, the painful need for him. Reacting to that need, she curled her arms around him to urge him closer, and yet closer still. Moving in response to the pressure of his body, she shifted onto her back. Instantly and naturally, as if it was the one place in the world he belonged, Sean slid his body into the cradle of her denim-clad thighs.

  “Alycia, what’s happening to us?”

  The hoarse sound of his voice echoed down the canyon of her arched throat an instant before Sean took her mouth and made it his. Alycia couldn’t answer, couldn’t breathe, yet still she gasped at the sensations sent skittering through her when his broad palm claimed her breast, and cried aloud at the feel of the compulsive thrust of his body into hers. The denim stretched tautly over her thighs abraded Alycia’s skin as Sean rocked his hips in ritualistic rhythm.

  Alycia didn’t feel the chafing. It had been too long, too long since she’d experienced the touch of the fullness of a man. Tension coiled out of control, immediately spiraling higher and higher. Her breathing was ragged, pulsing from her throat in sobbing gasps. A faint echo of the sound reached her, piercing a tiny hole in the sensuous fog blanketing her mind.

  No!

  The denial screamed through her head. Yet, even as she grasped his hips to push him away, her hungry body arched into the gentle thrust of his.

  Awareness had come too late. Biting her lip to contain a strangled cry of release, Alycia curled her fingers into the material sheathing his hips, anchoring her shuddering body to the solid strength of his. The salty heat of gathering tears stinging the backs of her tightly shut eyelids, Alycia lay trembling beneath Sean’s taut, still body, praying he’d simply get up and leave, while knowing he wouldn’t.

  “Alycia? Are you all right?” Sean’s tone was very low, his voice rough-edged with emotion.

  “Yes.” Her voice had a faint, not-quite-there quality.

  “You—you’re crushing me,” she whispered, clenching her teeth against the sob rising in her throat.

  “I’m sorry.” He moved at once, carefully shifting his weight from her to the cushions beside her. “Better?” he murmured, stroking his palm from her waist to her knee.

  Alycia couldn’t speak for the expanding sob in her throat. She nodded, and silently cursed the tear that escaped the barricade of her eyelids.

  “Alycia!” Though still low, Sean’s voice was sharp with concern. “What is it? Why are you crying?”

  Alycia shook her head, dislodging another tear. “It’s nothing,” she whispered past the sob, “nothing.”

  Sean’s hand came up to cup her chin, lifting her face for his inspection. “Nothing, hell!” he exclaimed. “You’re trembling, you’re crying, and you can barely speak. And you say it’s nothing!”

  “Sean, please ...” She tried to tell him to go, but she couldn’t get the words out.

  “I’ve hurt you,” he said in a whispery, shocked tone. “Good God, I’ve hurt you!” His fingers were gentle on her skin as he brushed away the increasing flow of tears. “Alycia, I never meant to hurt you.” His voice held a note of uncertainty and confusion. “I—I don’t know what happened, but when I kissed you, suddenly I wanted you so badly, so much, as if I’d wanted you forever.” His lips replaced his fingers on her cheek. “Forgive me. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “No, no, you don’t understand.” Alycia moved her head restlessly. “It wasn’t your fault. It’s been so long... There’s been no other... not since the divorce ...” The sob broke from her throat. “I lost control!” Burying her face in the curve of his neck, Alycia let the tears of shame and embarrassment flow freely.

  Murmuring, “Alycia, don’t,” Sean groaned and wrapped his arms around her slender form, cradling her protectively, absorbing her shudders into his own body. With his broad palm, he stroked her shoulders, the nape of her neck, her spine, soothing and gentling her while the storm of tears raged, wetting his shirt and skin. When the worst was over and the tearing sobs had subsided to short, harsh gasps, he brought his hand up to smooth the damp hair from the side of her face.

  “All right now?”

  Feeling even more foolish than she had before, Alycia buried her face in his shoulder and nodded her head. “I feel like an idiot,” she muttered.

  Lowering his head, Sean pressed his lips to her dewy forehead. Alycia sighed with his tender kiss and shivered as the tip of his tongue tasted her saltiness.

  “You’re n
ot an idiot, and there’s no reason for you to feel like one.” Though soft, his tone was strong with conviction. “There is absolutely no reason for you to feel either shame or embarrassment because of what happened.”

  “But I—” Alycia began.

  “If I understand your half-sentences correctly” he went on, ignoring her attempted outburst, “I gather you were once married—right?”

  “Yes, but—”

  Again he interrupted. “And the marriage ended in divorce?”

  Alycia nodded and mumbled something into his tear-dampened shirt.

  “Can I take that for a yes?” Teasing laughter colored his tone.

  Alycia moved her head up and down.

  “And you haven’t been—ah—intimate with a man since the divorce?” he persisted.

  “No!”

  “Well, that’s certainly clear enough.” His long fingers stroked her temple. “Alycia, listen to me,” he said, gliding the tips of his fingers over her face, as if reading her features in Braille. “If I’m reading this right, it has been some time since you’ve been with a man, and under the circumstances, what happened to you is perfectly normal.” Sean paused a moment, then exhaled a quick burst of humorless laughter. “Hell, considering the circumstances, what happened to you is perfectly normal regardless of how long it’s been since you’ve been with a man.” He drew a deep, unsteady breath. “I came pretty damn close to losing control myself, and it hasn’t been all that long a dry spell for me.”

  Sean’s confession instilled conflicting emotions in Alycia. In one respect her conscience was eased by his admission of how close he had been to sharing the shattering experience with her. Yet, at the same time, she felt a flaring stab of jealousy of his previous lover. Unused to the destructive emotion, Alycia burrowed deeper into the concealing folds of his shirt.

  “Did you hear me?” Urgency made his voice sound taut.

  Unwilling to come out of hiding, Alycia muttered yes to his now thoroughly rumpled shirt.

  Her garbled response elicited a sigh from Sean. Lacing his fingers through her hair, he tugged gently. Although she muttered a soft protest, Alycia raised her tear-ravaged face and gazed into his concerned eyes.