Window on Yesterday

by Joan Hohl

  “That’s better.” His smile was so tender it brought a fresh film of tears to her eyes. Then Sean’s smile was replaced by an expression of stark longing. “Oh, Lord. Don’t do this to me.” His tone was as stark as his expression.

  Alycia blinked against the mist clouding her vision, and frowned at the man whose statement clouded her mind. “Do what?” she said blankly. “I haven’t done anything.”

  ‘That’s what you think.” Sean tried a smile then gave up in defeat. “Your eyes,” he clarified—as if that explained everything, which, of course, it didn’t.

  Alycia’s frown deepened, but if nothing else, Sean’s less than precise speech had taken her mind off of her ignominious physical response to him. “Sean, what are you talking about?”

  He shook his head impatiently, as if trying to clear his thinking process. “I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but I get the strangest sensation from staring into your eyes.”

  “What?” Alycia shook her head, breaking eye contact. “I don’t understand.”

  “I don’t, either.” Sean’s tone was solemn, his expression introspective. “But when I look into your eyes, deep into your eyes, it’s like looking into my own soul.”

  Alycia shivered. “That’s weird,” she whispered, affected more than she cared to admit. “Sean, I think it’s time for you to go.” Almost afraid to look directly at him, she fastened her gaze on his jaw, and decided it was a jaw worthy of inspection—firm, square, with a rock-hard strength.

  His soft, attractive laughter sent a tingle of responsive appreciation dancing down her spine. “Have I spooked you with my whimsical reaction to your big brown eyes?” he asked.

  His teasing remark hit the target he’d obviously been aiming for; Alycia laughed. “No, you haven’t spooked me.” Flattening her palms on his chest, she applied gentle pressure. “But it’s still time for you to go,” she reiterated in a determined tone.

  In real danger of falling off the sofa and onto the floor, Sean wrapped his arms around Alycia. “Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?” he asked, smiling down at her.

  “I’ll think about it,” she replied uncertainly, pressing harder on his chest

  Undaunted, Sean merely tightened his hold. “I’m not moving from this spot until you agree to see me tomorrow night.” He softened his demand with a demoralizing grin.

  “Sean.” Though Alycia’s tone was rife with dwindling patience, she couldn’t deny the thrill of flattery his insistence sent through her.

  “I mean it” His tone resembled that of an obstinate child. “I refuse to move as much as an inch until you agree.”

  Alycia laughed at him. “If you do move as much as an inch, you’ll find yourself on your—er—tush, on the floor.”

  “But you’ll tumble with me,” he promised warningly.

  Half afraid she had already tumbled, figuratively if not literally, Alycia gave up the fight she really didn’t want to win, anyway. “All right, I’ll have dinner with you tomorrow night.” She glanced up to smile at him, and got lost in the comforting blue of his eyes. “Sean?” she whispered, suddenly breathless again.

  “A good-night kiss,” he murmured, brushing his warm mouth over hers. “Just one, Alycia, please.”

  Alycia didn’t answer; she could not. She was much too busy tasting the heady sweetness of Sean’s mouth to be bothered with such a mundane pastime.

  A short time later they were standing, chin to chest, at the door. Booted, jacketed, a scarf draped carelessly around his neck, Sean was ready to face the eleventh-hour chill of a late winter snowstorm.

  “Seven?” He arched one russet eyebrow questioningly.

  Alycia smiled, mistily she felt sure. “Seven will be fine.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you then.” Sean made no move to exit through the open door. Nor did he attempt to conceal his obvious reluctance to leave her.

  “See you then,” she repeated, flushing with a feeling of being cherished.

  “Good night, Alycia.”

  “Good night, Sean.”

  Finally, after endless moments of staring into each other’s eyes with longing, he stepped through the doorway and onto the landing at the top of the stairs. He started down then turned to grin at her.

  “Karla was right,” he said in a tone of utter conviction.

  “Right?” Alycia frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “You are dangerous.”

  * * *

  Chapter 3

  “You could’ve slept in this morning; classes have been canceled.”

  Alycia paused midway into the room, her glance shifting from Karla to the window. “Is it still snowing?” she asked, frowning sleepily.

  “No.” Karla shook her head. “The deejay on the radio said it stopped around dawn, after depositing almost twenty-two inches of the blasted stuff all along the eastern seaboard. He also said some roads are closed, some power lines are down, and in case we’ve forgotten, spring officially arrives in less than two weeks.”

  “Oh, great.” Alycia groaned as she slid onto a chair at the table and pressed her forehead against the windowpane to get a better view.

  The scene was undeniably beautiful. The heavy, wet snow clung to trees and wires, even the sides of buildings, and blanketed the ground, half burying cars parked in driveways and along the street. The scene was a still life, as nothing moved, neither man nor vehicular beast. Alycia was both enchanted by the winter wonderland and depressed by the prospect of driving to Virginia at the weekend on roads made slick by melting snow.

  “Have some coffee and cheer up,” Karla said, drawing Alycia’s attention from the window. “Who knows?” She grinned as she poured a stream of steaming dark coffee into Alycia’s cup. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and the temperature will go up to eighty and it’ll rain hot water.”

  “Did you say it’s raining?” Andrea exclaimed, yawning as she entered the kitchen and crossed to the table.

  Karla rolled her eyes. “Oh, save me from early morning dimwits,” she moaned beseechingly.

  “No, it isn’t raining.” Alycia gave Andrea an understanding smile; neither woman was at her best first thing in the morning. Karla, on the other hand, awakened sharp as a rapier. “In fact, it isn’t snowing, either.”

  Andrea hid another yawn behind a slim hand. “Finally stopped, did it?” Like Alycia moments before, she leaned closer to the window. Her sighs of delight misted the pane. “Gosh, isn’t it pretty?”

  “Umm,” Karla murmured noncommittally. “Pretty and confining.”

  “Confining?” Andrea repeated blankly.

  “In what way?” Alycia asked

  “The obvious way.” Karla flicked a hand at the window. “Who’s going anywhere in that?”

  Alycia’s gaze followed her friend’s hand motion and settled on the proof of her statement. “But I’ve got a date for dinner!” she cried, glaring at the pristine snow.

  “With Sean?” Andrea asked eagerly.

  “Well, who else?” Karla retorted. “She hasn’t been seeing anybody else.”

  “Well, she hasn’t been seeing Sean, either!” Andrea shot back. “She only met the man yesterday.”

  “But he wants her.”

  “Karla, really!” Andrea exclaimed.

  “What do you mean?” Alycia demanded, flushing as memory stabbed at her mind.

  Somehow Karla managed to look worldly, bored, and compassionate all at the same time. “You know very well what I mean.” A smile curved her soft lips. “To put it in archaic terms, Sean Halloran wants to bed you, Alycia. The man was devouring you with his eyes all evening.”

  Alycia didn’t respond. How could she? After what had happened between her and Sean, she felt she didn’t exactly have a strong argument.

  “I thought Sean was very charming all evening,” Andrea protested when it became obvious that Alycia was not going to reply.

  “I didn’t say he wasn’t charming, innocent one.” Karla slanted a wry smile at Andrea. “But the man could
n’t wait for us to make ourselves scarce so he could be alone with Alycia.”

  “Really?” Andrea frowned. “I never noticed.”

  “You wouldn’t,” Karla replied affectionately.

  “But you always notice male reactions,” Alycia said in a tone that made it a statement, not a question.

  “Depend on it,” Karla retorted, softening the sharpness of her tone with a smile. Though actually a year younger than her two friends, at twenty-six, Karla always seemed to have more insight when it came to the male of the species. “Karla’s first rule of survival is,” she continued instructively, “watch all male action and reaction and proceed accordingly.” Lifting her cup, she tilted it, as if in a mocking toast to males everywhere. “Down with male supremacy,” she intoned.

  “You really do hate men, don’t you?” Andrea said, shaking her head in wonder.

  Karla’s eyebrows flew into a startled arch. “Not at all,” she repeated Alycia’s denial of the previous morning. “I disdain men; I don’t actively hate them.” Her lips curved into a chiding smile. “Correct me if I’m wrong,” she went on in a dry tone. “But for the last four years, I’ve been living with the impression that you two aren’t all that crazy about those frustrating creatures we call men, either.” She wiggled her still-raised eyebrows.

  Alycia laughed and sighed at the same time. “With reason,” she admitted to Karla’s charge.

  “Right.” Andrea’s lips tightened. “With good reason.”

  Having made her point, Karla settled back in her chair to enjoy her cooling coffee. “Then would it be crass of me to inquire why you are both in transports over Sean Halloran?”

  “Who’s in transports?” Andrea demanded. “T simply said I thought the man was charming. I never said I was infatuated with him.” Even as she protested, she followed Karla’s gaze to Alycia’s flushed face. True to the epithet “innocent one” so affectionately bestowed upon her by Karla, Andrea blurted out, “Are you infatuated with him, Alycia?”

  Warm with embarrassment, Alycia longed to pull open a window and bathe her hot cheeks in the snow that had collected on the outside sill. The single word “infatuation” bounced around inside her head. Having at one time been a victim of that insidious, demoralizing condition, Alycia hated the word with a passion. Yet, as impossible as she would have believed it to be, Alycia was very much afraid she was once again becoming entangled in infatuation’s sticky web.

  “Alycia?” Andrea’s tone was soft with concern.

  Karla didn’t speak, but the eyes that watched Alycia over the rim of her cup spoke eloquently.

  “He interests me. He excites me.” Alycia failed in an attempt to smile. “And it scares me silly.”

  “Are you sure your response to him isn’t because of who he is?” Andrea asked hopefully.

  Alycia lifted her shoulders in a half-shrug. “At this point, I’m not sure of anything but my response to him.”

  “Uh-oh.” Grimacing, Karla broke her silence. “I think we’ve got a problem here.”

  “It’s really none of our business, Karla,” Andrea interjected, a worry line marring her smooth brow as she studied Alycia’s pained expression.

  “Are you kidding?” Karla’s sharp-eyed glance shot to Andrea. “Or have you forgotten that we’re a three-member support group?”

  It was obvious from her expression that Andrea hadn’t forgotten a thing. Alycia hadn’t forgotten, either. “It’s all right,” she told Andrea. “I need some support right now.” She shifted her gaze to Karla. “As usual, you’re right. I think I might have a problem.”

  “I’d say it’s got you tied up in knots inside,” Andrea murmured sympathetically, staring pointedly at Alycia’s hand.

  Alycia lowered her gaze and bit her lip. Unconsciously, as she always did when she was extremely nervous or upset, she was twisting and plucking at the fine chain circling her wrist. The agitated motion of her fingers ceased abruptly, and she expelled a long sigh. “I feel divided, torn inside,” she admitted. Though true, the admission was an understatement.

  In actuality, Alycia had spent a very rough night. While she tossed and turned in bed, her feelings had swung from quaking dread of any involvement with Sean to quivering anticipation of being with him again. Still torn by conflicting emotions, she looked to her support group for help.

  Recognizing the silent cry for assistance, Karla, being Karla, sliced straight to the heart of the subject. “Has Sean already made love to you?” she asked bluntly.

  “Not exactly,” Alycia replied honestly.

  Andrea frowned in confusion. Karla voiced hers.

  “What exactly,” she inquired, “does ‘not exactly’ mean?”

  Alycia moistened her dry lips and drew a deep breath. “He held me in arms,” she said in a shaky whisper. “He caressed me. He kissed me.”

  “And that’s all?” Karla demanded

  “Karla, honestly!” Andrea objected.

  “You don’t understand!” Alycia cried. “Hell, I don’t understand it!” She shook her head in bemusement. “When Sean touched me, held me in his arms, it was as if... as if something sprang to life inside me, something that has been dormant, just waiting... waiting...” Her voice trailed away for a stunned moment, then came back on a reedy, frightened note. “And when he kissed me I ... I fell apart. I suddenly couldn’t get close enough to him.” She paused to glance helplessly from Karla to Andrea. “It was like starving; my body was starving for his. I wanted... wanted...”

  Tense silence filled the void left by Alycia’s fading voice. Andrea’s features softened with compassion for her friend.

  Karla’s deceptively fragile features were set in sharp lines of determination. “Perhaps your body was starving and simply responded to a strong physical attraction to Sean,” she said considerately. “You have been practicing self-denial for a long time, you know.”

  “That’s true,” Andrea said eagerly.

  “Maybe that’s the answer, Alycia.”

  “Maybe,” Alycia conceded, though she was unconvinced.

  “But you doubt it?” Karla asked, picking up on Alycia’s tone.

  “Yes, I doubt it.” Alycia laughed shakily. “I tell you, it was weird. The instant he touched me everything went crazy. My emotional and physical response to him was so intense. I wanted, needed, to absorb him, become a part of him.” Her shoulders drooped as she finished, and she slumped against the chair back as if exhausted.

  “And you’ve never experienced this kind of response to a man before?” Andrea asked, reaching across the table to grasp Alycia’s hand.

  “Never.”

  Karla’s head snapped up. “But surely you responded that way to Doug.”

  “Never,” Alycia repeated adamantly, wincing at the mention of her former husband’s name.

  “Not even in the early stages of your relationship?” Karla persisted.

  Alycia shook her head. “Not even then.”

  Andrea’s fingers tightened on Alycia’s hand. “That is kinda weird,” she mused aloud. “But kinda romantic, too.”

  “Romantic? Spare me.” Karla rolled her eyes. “I fail to see anything at all romantic about the compulsion to become a part of any man,” she scoffed, conveniently forgetting Alycia’s stated desire to absorb Sean as well. “Come to that, I don’t think there’s anything weird about it, either,” she said with confidence.

  “Then what would you call it?” Andrea demanded in a gentle tone.

  Alycia’s eyes sparked with interest. “Yes, what would you call it?”

  Karla shrugged. “ ‘Chemistry’ is a good word.” Her lips curved into a wry, knowing smile. “ ‘Maturity’ is probably even closer to the mark.”

  “I understand the chemistry angle,” Alycia said slowly, beginning to frown. “But, why ‘maturity’?”

  Raising her eyebrows, Karla gave Alycia a surprised look and reached for the coffeepot which was sitting in the center of the table. “It’s gone cold,” she muttered, glaring accusing
ly at the pot.

  “I’ll make some more coffee,” Andrea volunteered, scrambling to her feet. “And I’ll toss some frozen sweet rolls into the micro, too.” As she moved away from the table, she called back, “But speak up, will ya? I don’t want to miss a word out of the mouth of the oracle.”

  Karla made a face at Andrea’s teasing use of the title she and Alycia had bestowed on her. Then, her unusual amber-colored eyes gleaming, she raised her voice to a near shout. “Can you hear me, innocent one?”

  “Loud and clear,” Andrea called back on a burst of laughter.

  “I suspect the entire neighborhood can hear you,” Alycia observed, giving way to the smile twitching at her lips. “Will you get on with your explanation, please? And in a lower tone, if you don’t mind.”

  “Well, if nothing else, I dragged a real smile out of you.” Karla looked decidedly superior.

  “Kar-la!”

  “Okay, okay. It should be obvious to both of you,” she said chidingly. “And probably would be if Andrea wasn’t the innocent one and you weren’t the complete steel bookworm,” Karla retaliated, using the epithet she and Andrea had bestowed on Alycia.

  “Karla, I’m sure both Andrea and I are grateful for your brilliance, simply because we are apparently so dense,” Alycia said in a reasonable tone. “But, please, will you get on with it?”

  “Cretins,” Karla smiled sweetly as she voiced the insult. “You are both cretins, so I will enlighten the dark places in your minds.” Suddenly she was all seriousness. “You were how old when you met Doug?”

  Alycia’s lips tightened. “Eighteen, but you knew that.”

  “Umm.” Karla nodded. “And how many men had you slept with before Doug?”

  Alycia shot upright “None! I was a virgin when I met Doug. And you knew that, as well.”

  “Yes.” Karla smiled triumphantly. “And that proves my point.”

  “It does?” Coming to a stop at the table, a glass coffeepot in one hand, a plate of sweet rolls in the other, Andrea frowned at Karla.