And yet, I know now that he’d still be perfect to run the inn. His heart, how badly he wants to carry on his parents’ legacy—he could do it, if he wanted.
Finally, after all the pleasantries are over, we find a table at one of the back tents and sit down.
“Oh,” Josie says, reaching into her oversized Coach bag, “these are for you.”
She lays a pile of flyers in front of me on the table, the ones Jesse and I had drafted at the cafe.
“Jess sent them and asked me to print them.”
“I thought we could hand some out today,” he says with a shrug. “Basically all the town will be here.”
I smile.
“Perfect. Thanks,” I say.
“Best clear everything off the table, miss,” a man says, coming toward us with a huge platter of steaming crabs. We do as we’re told and scoot back as he sets it down. I have to admit—they smell amazing.
“Whoaaaa!” Caleb cries. “How do you eat those?” Josie and Jesse both laugh, but Millie and I are both wondering the same thing.
“Lemme show you,” Jesse says, grabbing a crab off the platter, and putting one in front of Caleb. He nods to Millie and me to each take one.
“Maryland Living 101,” Josie says. “Always test for weight.”
She picks up a crab in each hand, moving them up and down in the air to see which one is heavier, the she sets one on the table in front of her.
“Start with the claws,” Jesse says, twisting them off, “then each of the legs. If you got a good one, you’ll get an appetizer.” He twists off one of the hind legs and a giant lump of meat from the body comes out with it. He sucks the meat off the leg, showing Caleb the empty vessel that’s left.
Caleb shrieks with delight as he figures out how to follow along.
We watch as Jesse and Josie fly through their picking, stopping occasionally to check in on us newbies.
I have to admit, these crabs are damn good.
And I sort of get the obsession with Old Bay.
After what feels like years of picking and eating ourselves full of crabs, we all sit back, wiping down with the towelettes that lie in little baskets on the table.
“Hey,” Jesse says to Caleb, “you wanna see what these guys look like before they’re cooked?”
Caleb’s eyes grow wide.
“Did you know that before they’re cooked, they are actually blue?”
Caleb blinks, and we smile.
“I wanna see!”
Jesse hops up from the table and pulls Caleb’s chair out.
“Come on,” he says with a smile. I smile and nod in his direction, silently thanking him for continuing to be the best male role model Caleb has ever known. I’m hit with a wave of sadness when I realize how devastated Caleb will be when we do leave Baycrest.
Maybe as devastated as I will be.
“He’s so good with him,” Millie says, watching the two of them as they play with the live crabs.
“He is,” says Josie. “Actually, he’s good at a lot of stuff. But you’d never know.” I turn to her.
“What do you mean?” I ask. She sighs, loving eyes still on her brother.
“I love my baby brother, but it’s no secret that since we lost mom and dad, we lost him, too. Our whole lives, he wanted to take over the inn. My dream was law school, his dream was running the inn when mom and dad got tired. We both loved growing up here, but he has always had this...connection with the shore that I didn’t always feel. That’s why everyone is so shocked that he’s leaving,” Josie says. I swallow.
“Then, why is he leaving?” Millie asks.
“Well, you saw how the inn looked. I mean, the truth is, parts of the inn were starting to fall apart while mom and dad were still alive. They had these grand plans with Jesse to start renovating it, sort of like what you two have been doing,” Josie says, nodding in my direction. “But then, they died before they got started, and he just felt like he couldn’t do it without them. He felt like it was their dream and they didn’t get to see it through. And instead of doing it in their honor, he sort of panicked, I guess. He has this horrible guilt about their death.”
My eyes shoot to her again, my eyebrows synching together. Josie looks down at her plate, as if she realized she’d said too much.
“Why would he feel guilty about that?” I ask. She sighs again, leaning back in her chair.
“The night of the accident, they were coming home from a dinner in Annapolis, and there was a bad storm. They stopped when they got a flat tire. My dad was having trouble changing it and called Jesse a few times. He was at the Shell with some friends and never heard his phone. By the time he looked at his phone, he had another missed call—from the police. They’d been hit by an out-of-control tractor trailer while they were pulled over. Pushed their car off the side of the road and flipped it over the guardrail.”
I feel this weight pound down on my chest, my eyes trailing over the grass to Jesse. He looks so happy, so content when he plays with Caleb, but it’s not hard to see there’s a thick layer of pain in his eyes.
“Poor Jesse,” Millie says. “He can’t blame himself for that, though. They still could have been hit either way.”
Josie nods.
“I know that, you know that, the whole town knows it. Jesse’s the only one who convinced himself that it’s his fault. And what’s worse, that guilt has trickled down into this never-ending abyss of self-deprecation. He doesn’t think he’s capable—or worthy—of anything these days. It breaks my heart,” Josie says, and I swear I hear a crack in her voice.
I reach out instinctively and grab her hand.
“I wish I could be here for him more, but I just...this isn’t the life I wanted. And I know mom and dad would want me to...” she says, her voice dying down into a whisper before trailing off completely.
“Your parents would want you to keep living your dream,” Millie says, reaching across the table to take Josie’s other hand. “You worked so hard to become a lawyer, I’m sure.”
I agree with my sister; Josie can’t just throw away her life in D.C. to get Jesse back on his feet. But my heart is pulling toward Jesse; I hate the idea of him living here on this shore, all alone on the inn property, destined to spend his lonely days cursing himself for not pulling his damn phone out of his pocket, or picking up a hammer every now and then.
“I’m so glad you two showed up,” Josie says, collecting herself a bit. “And you,” she says, looking at me and placing her hand on my knee, “you’ve been an incredible help. I haven’t seen that spark in him—that pride he has in the inn—since before they died. Even if he does still want to sell it, at least he can be proud of what he’s leaving behind.”
I nod and force a smile, patting her hand on my knee.
“I’m proud of it, too,” I say, my eyes trailing back across the lawn. “And of him.”
I feel both of their eyes on me as I stare at him like a buffoon, but for some reason, I don’t care. I don’t feel as compelled to hide what I feel for him anymore—whatever those feelings may be. Maybe it’s because I know how badly he might need to know.
Josie fans her face for a moment and straightens out her dress, then stands up from the table.
“Should we go ahead and hand these out?” she says, splitting the pile of flyers and handing some to me and Millie.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, pulling my attention away from the gorgeous man who’s currently winning over my nephew’s heart.
We each take a stack and disperse amongst the tents. Jesse wasn’t kidding when he said most of the town showed up to these things. Baycrest is small, but when the whole town is in one park, it looks like a sea of people.
I smile and nod as I hand out the flyer, explain the details, and invite people to come. Everyone seems pleasantly surprised that there’s some sort of happening at the inn again, and it makes my heart happy. This could actually work.
I lean over one table to lay down the last few flyers and spin around to hea
d back to ours, when I stop in my tracks.
“Oh, hi, Amber,” I say, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I grab a flyer from the table where I just left it and hold it out to her. “We’re having a barn dance—” I say. She crosses her arms over her chest.
“Yeah, I’ve seen those things everywhere,” she says, clearly unamused.
“Oh, okay, cool,” I say. There’s a long, awkward silence, and I scoot to the side to make my way around her.
“You know it’s a lost cause, right?” she asks. I freeze and turn around to face her.
“What is?”
“Trying to get Jesse to stay.”
I swallow.
“I’m not...I’m not trying to get him to stay. I’m just trying to help him out,” I say. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.
“Help him out? By shacking up with him for free? Please,” she says, pulling her arms over her chest tighter. “Take it from me. Nothing is going to keep him here. Nothing’s stopping him from selling that place. You’re not the first girl to go making a fool of herself trying to get him to change his mind.”
Something in her voice changes when she says that, her eyes dropping to the ground, like it’s the first time she’s heard the words, and I actually feel sorry for her. It’s pretty clear that what she felt toward Jesse—maybe what she still feels—is a lot more than he felt for her.
I sigh, and stick out a flyer toward her again.
“I’m not trying to stop him from doing anything he wants to do. He’s done my family and me a big favor these last few months. I’m just trying to return it,” I say. I catch her eyes. “I hope you come to the dance, Amber.”
She looks at me, her eyes wide. Slowly, she takes the flyer out of my hand.
As I walk back to our tent, I see Jesse chasing Caleb with a live crab, Millie and Josie laughing hysterically as they look on.
But all I can hear are Amber’s words echoing in my ears.
Nothing is going to keep him here.
And I know she’s right. Not even me.
* * *
It’s been a week since I saw Tiger’s text, and I’m still not quite over the initial panic. I hate how even after this long, even hundreds of miles away, tucked back on this peninsula on the Bay, he still haunts me. He still holds power over me, and I’m not even the one he put his hands on.
But this time, I had someone to tell. This time, I had Jesse. And since I told him, and since I know a little more about his own demons, there’s been this strange feeling I’ve never felt before—I think it’s relief. Even if he couldn’t do a damn thing to stop Tiger—which, judging by Jesse’s sheer size, would not be the case—just knowing that he knew, that someone knew, is making me feel even just a tiny bit better. The fact that I’m not alone in knowing Tiger’s still looking for us takes a load off my shoulders that I didn’t even realize I was carrying.
Most of my focus lately has been on the fundraiser. I’ve been running around the inn like a madwoman trying to get things tidied up for the dance. It’s less than a week away, and I’m suddenly starting to feel a hell of a lot of pressure. Mostly because this whole thing was my idea, so if it flops, it’s on me. But also because if it fails, it’s just one more kick in the ass to Jesse—just one more point he needs to back up his seemingly unrelenting self-disappointment.
For some reason, restoring a little bit of Jesse’s faith in the inn, and himself, means more to me than I was counting on.
I’m on my hands and knees rearranging a few of the tulips that Caleb haphazardly “planted” with me yesterday, when I’m covered by a shadow. I hear him clear his throat behind me, and instantly, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“Lookin’ good,” he says. I smile to myself as I turn around slowly, squinting in the bright sunlight. “The plants, I mean.” He hits me with one of those rare, yet absolutely devastating smiles, and I can feel the heat rush to my cheeks, then flow down my body to a spot that has been recently reawakened, only by being around him.
“Is that so?” I ask, taking my gardening gloves off and putting a hand to my hip. I use my other hand to wipe my forehead, and I can feel his eyes on me as I do it. I know exactly what I’m doing, but damn if I’m going to stop. It feels good to be wanted by anyone, but to be wanted by him feels so damn good. He takes a step closer to me, the expression on his face growing a little bit more serious. Suddenly, my confidence is slipping away a little bit, and nervousness is taking its place. He’s towering over me now, so that my nose is just inches from his chest. But I won’t take my eyes from his. He squints a little bit, then raises his hand, bringing it closer and closer to my face. He takes his thumb and sweeps its across my forehead.
“Got a little somethin’ there,” he says, his voice quiet.
“Thanks,” I mutter. It’s hot today—one of the hottest days since I got here, despite the fact that fall is on its way—and ’ve been working my butt off these last couple of days getting everything ready for the dance. Suddenly, I can feel his eyes on me again, then they trail to the water, then back to me. I raise an eyebrow.
“What?” I ask. That same smile tugs up on one side of his lip.
“Caleb?” Jesse calls, his eyes still on me. “Don’t you think Aunt Lee looks a little dirty?” he asks.
Caleb trots around the side of the house to inspect. He looks me up and down, then looks back to Jesse.
“She could use a quick dip, don’t you think?” he asks. Suddenly, a tiny little devilish smile crosses Caleb’s lips, and he begins jumping up and down. He knows exactly what’s about to happen, and now, I do too. I drop my gloves to the ground and hold my hands up, as if they’d be able to do anything to stop Jesse.
“No, no, no, come on now,” I say, waving my hands in his direction. But Jesse takes another step closer to me, that smile killing me, making me boil over from the inside out. I am trying desperately to keep this stern look on my face, but I know it’s no use. None whatsoever.
“I don’t know, Aunt Lee, you’ve been workin’ like a dog for these last few days, and you’re starting to smell like one, too,” Jesse teases, walking toward me more swiftly now. He reaches those long arms out, and suddenly, they are wrapped around me. I press my hands against his chest, but like I said, it’s no use. It’s like trying to hold off a brick wall.
“Jesse!” I cry out in between bouts of hysterical laughter. Caleb is shrieking and giggling, following behind us closely. Jesse swoops me up and hoists me over one shoulder, then turns to Caleb.
“Help me count it down,” he tells him. I hear the back door open as my sister steps onto the patio.
“One,” Jesse starts.
“Two!” Caleb continues.
“Three!” They say unison, along with my sister. Traitor.
Jesse takes off toward the water, flying through the grass and onto the dock. When we get to the end, he shifts so that he’s holding me in front of him now. He smiles down at me as I clutch onto him, squeezing my eyes shut. I’m not getting out of this one. I take a deep breath as he launches us off the end of the wood and into the chilly bay.
When we plunge underneath, I feel him reach for me again as the water pulls us apart a bit. He pulls me into his body so that no part of us isn’t touching, and even though I’m under water, it feels like a breath of fresh air. He pushes us to the surface, still holding me close. He reaches a finger up and slides a loose piece of hair out of my face. We’re treading the water, our chests still touching, when I feel his other hand land on my lower back, then slide, painfully slow, down to the crest of my ass. I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Now who’s the dirty one?” I ask him with a smirk. He narrows his eyes at me and smirks right back.
“You have no idea,” he says, and I feel that electric zap shoot back down to my nether regions.
“Aunt Lee! Jesse! Are you guys okay? Can you do it again?” Caleb asks from the shore. I turn to swim back, but before I do, I let my hand slide down his chest, across his abs, right to the r
im of his jeans. I slip three of my fingers into his pants, tugging at his waistband, and I feel his whole body tighten.
“Careful, Mr. Rowan,” I whisper, then I quickly retreat my fingers and swim back.
I mean it in so many ways.
Because if he gets me going, I’m not going to be able to stop myself. For months I’ve been forcing myself to keep my distance, to keep my hands off of him. But I’m realizing now how quickly that can be undone.
And because if he takes it there, I’m never going to want to turn back.
21
Jesse
After practically drowning myself in another freezing cold shower, I’m finally lying in bed. I can’t stop picturing how she looked in that water, completely soaked, perfectly drenched. Her eyes were so bright against the Bay, her black hair pushed back out of her face. Her nipples pointing through the thin cotton of her tank, so hard I swore they were going to cut through. And when our bodies touched...I swear to God if we had been alone, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from doing whatever she wanted to her body. I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from showing her how badly I want her.
Not a fucking chance.
I could feel how bad she wanted it, too. That look she gave me, her fucking hand practically in my pants. Jesus Christ. I’m gonna have to get back in the shower again just thinking about it.
I know our time here is limited, but it doesn’t make me want her any less. In fact, I think it makes me want her more. It feels urgent, like I need her or I might suffocate. She’s so fucking beautiful, and she has no idea. I wish I wasn’t such a pansy ass. I wish I could get my shit together, just grab her one day and pull her into the barn with me, show her how bad I want her. How much she’s made me feel like my old self. How badly I need her to understand that in these few short months, she’s changed me a little bit. Maybe a lot.
Tomorrow is the dance, and I’m nervous as hell. I haven’t put myself out there—or put the inn out there—since mom and dad died. But I’m also nervous for her. She cares so much about this place; I just want her to see her hard work pay off.
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