“I just don’t want to watch you fall apart again,” she says.
And as she walks into the house, my big sister has no idea how those last words crush me, pinning me to the ground beneath me.
For the rest of the day, Lena’s following Caleb around the property, playing catch, helping him fish—or, at least, trying to—and reading to him on the patio. Each time I find them, I feel the resistance of that protective force field she has up, that she won’t even let me get through right now. And I fucking hate it.
When I insert myself in a frisbee game, she gives an awkward smile with zero eye contact, then excuses herself to go sit on the patio. And every single time she avoids me, my stomach flips in this out-of-control way, Josie’s words echoing in my ears.
They might still go. They might have to.
No. No one is going to force them to run again. I won’t let it happen.
Finally, after what seems like years, Millie gets back from her shift. Caleb runs around to the front of the house to greet her, and I can’t help but feel relieved that I have a minute alone with Lena. Only, when I turn back around, she’s taking off, power-walking down to the water. She continues briskly down the dock, arms wrapped around her body, till she reaches the end. I take in a long breath, watching her take a seat and dangle her legs off the edge. And I wonder if this is a preview of what I’ll be doing again sooner than I think—watching her walk away.
I make my way down the dock slowly, purposely hitting the wood on all the creaky spots so I don’t scare her. I take a seat next to her, leaving a little bit of space between us, despite how badly I want the exact opposite. I don’t say anything, I just stare out over the water, watching the fading sun pull closer to the horizon.
After a moment, she scoots closer and turns toward me. She reaches a hand up into my hair, tugging on it gently, and pulls me into her for a hard kiss. Her other hand strokes my jawline gently, and when we finally pull apart, her eyes are still closed, her face looking almost pained.
“You okay?” I ask her. “I was beginning to think maybe you forgot about last night.”
She smiles, her hand still in my hair, our foreheads pressed together. Her eyes flick up to mine.
“I couldn’t forget about last night if I tried,” she whispers, and my whole body melts in her hand. Slowly, the smile fades from her face, and her eyes fill with worry again.
“Hey,” I say, nudging her, pulling her into me. I stroke her knee with my thumb, as my other arm holds on tight to her waist. “What’s going on?”
Slowly, she looks back up at me again.
“I don’t know how else this can end besides us leaving,” she whispers, and I see her trying to hide her tears. Suddenly, I’m fighting back my own.
“Hey,” I say again, this time, wrapping both of my arms around her. “Josie’s gonna figure something out, okay? Don’t give up. We’re gonna figure this out.”
She looks up at me slowly, and a half-smile appears.
“‘We,’” she says. I smile and kiss her forehead.
“We,” I say.
Later that evening, Millie carries a passed-out Caleb up to his bed after a filling dinner of Josie’s crab cakes. When she gets back downstairs, we all look at each other, and without saying a word, proceed into the parlor. We all know it’s time to talk.
I sit on the loveseat, and to my surprise, Lena sits next to me, pulling one knee to her chest. She settles in against me, leaning back and resting her head on my shoulder. Our sisters don’t even acknowledge it, and they don’t look surprised. There’s something about it that feels so natural. Like they almost expected it. They expected us. Like they could see us coming from miles away, destined to collide and become something better together. I wrap my arm around Lena’s shoulder and kiss the top of her head. Our eyes dart from each other, then to Millie, to Josie. Finally, Josie begins.
“So, tell me about Tiger. Tell me what you’ve tried before,” she says.
Millie draws in a slow, shaky breath, and Lena reaches out to squeeze her hand.
“Well,” Millie goes on, “we’ve been together since high school. But he only started hitting me when I got pregnant.”
I feel my whole body tense up as Millie tells us about Tiger, about how he alienated her from her family, how he cut off every other lifeline she had. About how she became so dependent on him that she would rather take the hit—literally—then worry about her child’s welfare, and whether he would have food to eat and a roof over his head. The only person Tiger couldn’t completely cut out was Lena.
“He knew Lena would never leave us,” Millie says, looking over at her sister and squeezing her hand. “But there wasn’t a ton Lena could do. I wasn’t ready to go, until the last time. And you,” she says, turning to look at Lena dead-on, “you just waited. You did everything you could until I was ready. I’m sorry I wasn't ready earlier. I’m sorry I put you through that exact same nightmare all over again. I’m sorry I became Mom.” Tears are streaming down her face, and down Lena’s and Josie’s, but she doesn’t break. Lena is still holding her hand, and Millie keeps talking. She lets it all out, giving Josie as much information as she can. And as she speaks, my grip on Lena tightens, my other hand balling into a fist that I desperately want to unleash on Tiger Fucking Bentley.
“I tried filing for a restraining order two times,” Millie goes on. “The first time, his dad knew the judge, so it was denied.”
My knuckles are turning white.
“The second time, he threatened to kick me out and keep Caleb,” she says, her voice catching in her throat. “And I knew he meant it. So that was it. There was no other option. But the last time he hit me, right before we came here...that last time he dragged me into Caleb’s room. Normally, he’d send Caleb in there before he even touched me—at least he had the decency to protect him from seeing it all. Although, Caleb always came out when he heard us. But the last time, he didn’t. In fact, Tiger dragged me in there and knocked me out in front of Caleb, telling me before he did that ‘the kid needed to understand what his mom did wrong.’ Turns out, what I did wrong that time was say hello to Matty Shiner, a guy we both knew from high school. Who knew.”
Lena looks over to me and rubs my knee, clearly sensing how tense I am. How angry I am.
“Caleb begged him to stop, and ended up jumping on his back. And that’s when I saw something that terrified me. Tiger turned to him and gave him that same look that he always gave me, right before the storm hit. It was like a resurrection of the demon inside of him each time. And I knew that we were playing a game with the devil. I knew there might be a chance that Caleb was next. And I’d rather die than let that happen.”
Josie clears her throat after a few moments and smooths out her skirt. She leans forward to sip her tea, which has gone cold on the coffee table in front of us, and she sits back.
“Well, since he’s not here to stop you right now,” Josie says, crossing one leg over the other, “we can file a restraining order against him for temporary purposes. That’s step one, although, I know you think it won’t do much,” Josie says. She reaches down on the ground and pulls her laptop out of her briefcase.
“Then we can file a petition for sole custody, stating child endangerment as the main reason. We can also show record of you having sole financial responsibility for Caleb for the last few months while you were here. Now, this might be rough, but do you have any photos of any of the...uh...damage done to you? We could—”
“Sorry to cut you off,” Millie says, scooting to the edge of her seat, “I really appreciate the legal advice, but this feels like it’s going to take a lot of work on your end. Unfortunately, I can’t afford to pay you for your services.”
I feel Lena’s hand tighten on my knee. She’s staring at her sister, and so am I. I look to Josie with a plea in my eyes. Please, Jo. Help my girl. Help her sister. Help the kid. For me. Please.
But my dear old sister doesn’t even need to see it. Because we have similar heart
s, Josie and I. The perfect combination of our parents’. She shakes her head and holds up her hand.
“Even if you could afford it, I’d refuse to take the money,” she says. I let out a sigh of relief. She might be the biggest pain in my ass, but right now, I freakin’ love my sister. “So, like I was saying, do you happen to have any photos of yourself, hospital records, anything?”
Millie shakes her head, but Lena swallows audibly and looks down at her feet.
“Lena?” Josie asks. Slowly, Lena lifts her eyes.
“I have a few photos saved on my phone from some of the times I came over afterwards,” she says, her voice quiet. She looks to Millie slowly. Millie’s eyes are wide.
“You...you do?”
Lena nods.
“Yeah,” Lena says, her voice cracking. “Something inside told me I should, just in case we ever needed them for something like this.”
“Great,” Josie says, clapping her hands together like she just got great news. I look from Lena, back to Millie, back to Lena.
“I’m sorry,” Lena says, “I should have told you, but I thought you’d make me get rid of them. I was just thinking back about all those times we took Mom in, and—”
“Thank you, Lee,” Millie whispers, her jaw trembling. “You can share them with Josie. But I don’t want to see them.”
Lena nods.
“Any hospital records, anything like that?” Josie asks, her fingers moving a mile a minute across her keyboard. Millie shakes her head.
“None that will have anything to do with him,” she says. Josie cocks her head, looking for an explanation.
“I only let Lena take me if I couldn’t get the bleeding to stop on my own. So it was only a handful of times. And when I did, I always said I slipped, or something fell on me, etcetera. Never mentioned a thing about Tiger.”
Josie nods, looking unsurprised. She’s heard these same types of cases before, unfortunately. After typing away for another few minutes, she closes her computer.
“Alright, let me call my partner and see if there’s anything else we might be able to do,” she says. “I’m thinking a letter to him, filing for permanent restraining orders, if sole custody is granted, visitation only in a public place with supervision—”
“No.” All three of us whip our heads to Millie. It’s the first time Josie and I have heard any amount of defiance in her tone. And judging by the expression on Lena’s face, she hasn’t heard it before either.
“No visitation. If it’s over, I need it to be over. We both do,” she says.
Josie nods slowly, then reaches out a hand to touch Millie’s shoulder.
“We’re gonna stop him, Mill,” she whispers, then walks out of the room to call her partner.
Lena stands up slowly and walks over to her sister, sitting on the arm of her chair. She wraps her arms around Millie and pulls her head into her chest, stroking the long, coal-colored hair that matches her own. Suddenly, Millie bursts into tears again, turning to hide her face in Lena’s shirt. Lena sits calmly, rubbing her back, kissing the top of her head.
“Mill,” she says. “Mill.”
Finally, Millie looks up at her.
“This is good. This is a good thing. We’re going to figure out a way to stop him, once and for all,” she says, smiling and wiping the tears from her sister’s face. Millie smiles for half a second, then stands.
“I love you for doing this,” she says, then she looks to me. “All of you.”
She takes a few steps toward the foyer, then turns around again slowly.
“I know what you guys are trying to do,” she says. “And I’m so grateful. But we know how this goes. Either we get him behind bars, or someone...someone doesn’t make it through this.”
She turns and disappears from the parlor. Lena and I sit in silence for a moment, listening for Millie to reach the top of the steps, then go into the room. I stand up from the couch and walk over to her, placing my hands on her shoulders. Her breaths are long and drawn out, and I can feel her heart pounding through her chest. I kneel down to kiss her shoulder, then wrap my arms around her and clutch her to me. She turns, burrowing her head in my chest. She’s silent, but I can feel her tears soaking through my shirt. Finally, she pulls away and looks up at me. I use my thumbs to wipe the last tears from her cheeks.
“I should stay with them tonight,” she says. I nod, even though the words are an unexpected blow to my gut.
“Of course,” I say, stroking her hair. Her hands land on the back of my neck, and she pulls me down for a long kiss. Our foreheads press together, and she takes in one more breath. She turns to walk toward the steps.
“This has to work,” she says. “We have to make this work.”
As she’s walking away, I lunge for her hand. She turns back to me.
“Hey,” I say. “We’ve got this. Josie is going to figure something out. We are going to help you guys take care of this.”
She stares into my eyes, and a slow, sad smile crosses her lips, as though she wants to believe me, but hasn’t been convinced quite yet. She lifts my hand up and kisses it, pressing it to her cheek.
“Goodnight,” she says.
“Night,” I say.
She’s a fixer of everyone else’s problems. She’s never had anyone to share the burden. But as she walks away, carrying my heart with her, I know I want to be the person who changes that, forever.
26
Lena
Weirdly, it didn’t take Millie long at all to fall asleep. I guess fear and never-ending anxiety can either keep you up for days, or make you crash. I watch my sister and her son from the window seat, Millie clutching onto Caleb for dear life as they both dream. I’ve been going back and forth for hours about all of Josie’s suggestions, and Millie’s doomsday declaration at the end of it all. There has to be a way to end this misery Tiger has created, but I don’t have the answer.
Well, in truth, I do know the answer, but it’s not one I can say out loud, even to myself. In reality, I know we’ll have to move again. Soon. Caleb, Millie and I will need to pack up, and keep trekking on to the next stop, hoping Tiger eventually gives up.
In reality, I know I’ll be leaving the Rowan Inn, and its keeper, behind.
It was so easy to leave the first time. There was nothing left to abandon. There was no piece of life that I dreaded being without.The only two people I truly loved were with me. They were my whole life, my reason for living.
But now I have another reason. He’s tall, with sandy hair, and eyes that match the Bay. He’s rough around the edges but soft at the core, and he knows me in ways that no one in my past ever cared to explore.
I’m sure we will have to leave Baycrest. How can we not? I sigh as I look over at my sister again. I know she’s right. Maybe someday, Tiger will get bored. He’ll find someone else to control, and that poor soul will distract him from chasing my sister. But until then, it’s on us to keep each other safe. To keep Caleb safe. To let him grow up. We’ll listen to what Josie has to say tomorrow after she’s talked it over with her partners at the firm. But in all actuality, Millie and I both know where it will lead. And that’s far, far away from here.
I’m exhausted trying to figure it out, and yet I know I’ll be awake for hours longer. The moon is so bright over the Bay tonight, and the water is eerily calm. Just as I’m about to pull myself up and schlep over to the bed, I hear footsteps outside. My breath catches. And then I see Jesse, marching down the length of the dock.
I smile.
We’re always on the same schedule, he and I.
I hop off the seat and pull a sweatshirt on over my head. I sneak out of the bedroom and down the steps, making sure to close the parlor door as quietly as possible. I slide across the grass and tip-toe onto the dock. As I get closer, he whips around to see me.
“What are you doing up?” he asks, standing to greet me. I don’t answer him. Instead, I press up onto my toes and lunge for him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. I let m
y lips cover his, let my tongue lead the way. He moans softly at my touch, and it turns my insides to flames. I can feel the heat gathering between my legs, and right now, nothing matters but leading him back to that spot.
I sink back down to my heels, catching his eyes with mine. I step backward toward the boat, keeping my eyes on his. Then I slip my sweatshirt off over my head, pulling my shirt with it and letting them land next to me on the dock in a heap. I’m not wearing a bra, and my nipples stand on end as the cool nighttime breeze blows by. His eyes widen, his hand reaching back to scratch the back of his neck. I slowly, agonizingly give my pajama shorts and panties a tug, tossing them aside to meet my shirt on the wood below. I take a step closer to him. His Adam’s apple bobs in his neck, his eyes still saucers.
I slowly take his hand, guiding it to the center of my chest. I let his fingers trail down the middle of my body, leading them to the center between my legs.
“Lena,” he whispers, and my whole body reacts to the perfect sound of my name leaving his lips. Just as I’m about to press his hand to the spot that wants him most, I step back, jumping off the boat into the black bay. When I rise to the surface, he’s kneeling down.
“Are you nuts?” he asked.
I smile, letting the water bob me up and down.
“Care to join?” I ask. He looks around slowly, as if anyone else would be outside the Rowan Inn during the wee hours of the morning. Then, as if he can’t get to me fast enough, he strips down to his boxers at the edge of the dock. As my eyes scour every inch of him, dying to see the last bit, I feel the playfulness slowly recede. I need him, right now.
Finally, he lets his boxers wriggle down his legs, and does a perfect dive into the water. He finds me almost immediately, letting his lips find my navel under water. As he breaks the surface, we collide, kissing, touching, treading. I feel his fingers trailing back down my body, slowly leading to where they left off before I jumped. I pull away from his kiss, bracing for it, just as he plunges a finger inside of me, letting it explore me. I know we’re underwater, but I also know he can tell that I’m wet regardless. I dip the back of my head into the water, letting my breasts break the surface. His mouth finds one, then the other, as his fingers continue their dance inside of me. He tugs with his teeth, his fingers finding every inch of me that’s been left untouched. My eyes open, and I grip the back of his head forcefully.
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