by John, Ashley
“Are you really a virgin?” Cal asked.
Ben knew exactly what he was getting at. There was no doubt that Cal knew he was gay too but he seemed to be avoiding saying it.
“Not technically, but Jonny wouldn’t understand.”
“You could just tell him,” Cal smiled, “did you notice his reaction when Louise outed me?”
“No -,”
“Exactly, there wasn’t one.”
Ben hadn’t thought of it like that, in fact, he hadn’t even noticed Jonny. He knew Jonny wouldn’t care deep down, he just didn’t want their friendship to change.
“When did you know you were gay?” Cal asked casually.
Ben squirmed again, using the excuse to turn his body toward Cal. He thought back to the time when he had found his older cousin’s porn magazines as a twelve-year-old boy and he had barely noticed the naked women because he was so fascinated by the men. That’s when he first started to wonder and going through puberty only confirmed that for him.
“Twelve.”
“I was seven,” Cal laughed, “It was the year Titanic came out and I had the biggest crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. My mom bought the video and I watched it over and over, just to see that smile. Oh, it did things to me even as a kid.”
Ben enjoyed how open and candid Cal was. It was refreshing. After doing a quick sum in his head, he figured out that Cal was three years older than him, making him twenty-five.
They chatted away into the night and Ben was having so much fun that he didn’t notice that Jonny and Louise hadn’t returned from their mutual bathroom break. As the fire died down and the drinks continued to flow, the bar was soon almost empty and Ben could sense closing time approaching. The small antique clock on the mantelpiece, directly underneath a stuffed stag’s head, told him that it was almost midnight.
“They’re not coming back, are they?” Cal stretched out and followed it up with a yawn, “Man, I’m tired.”
“They’re probably at the cabin.”
“Do you think they’re still having sex?”
“If I know Jonny, he’s probably on the fourth round as we speak. Oh, God. I’m in the room next to his.”
When they stood up, Ben felt the countless mulled wines rush straight to his head. In that moment, the phrase ‘you never know how drunk you are until you stand up’, had never been truer. Using the furniture as props, he followed Cal across the bar to the cloakroom, where the girl behind the counter was leaning against her arms. Cal cleared his throat and she bolted upright, grabbing the last two jackets from the rack.
“Hope we didn’t keep you too late, Jess,” Cal apologised, “lost track of time.”
“It’s fine,” she yawned, her accent French, “I have to stay and clean anyway. See you, Cal.”
Cal passed Ben his jacket and he forced his arms into the thick sleeves, instantly pulling the hood over his dark blonde hair. When they were out in the freezing night air, the shock of it sent every inch of Ben’s body shivering. The fire had lulled him into a false sense of security and now he was bearing the brunt.
“I should go,” Ben rubbed his temples, “I’m pissed.”
“Pissed,” Cal laughed, “you British guys have the best ways of telling the world you’re drunk. What’s that other one? Trollied? I love it.”
“Are you trollied?”
Cal winked and laughed with a playful nod, the ease of his neck letting Ben know he wasn’t alone in his state. He turned and looked into the night, the other shops and bars in the small square of the skiing village completely dark. The snow crunched under his shoes as he staggered on the spot.
“I don’t think I know where I live,” Ben bit his lip, “oh, fuck.”
“C’mon,” Cal jerked his head and started walking, “I’ll walk you in the direction of the timeshare cabins and we’ll just knock on every door.”
Ben wasn’t sure if Cal was being serious but he didn’t care. He followed Cal into the night, catching up with him so that they were walking side by side. When they started to make their way up the gentle slope to the cabins, he started to realise that any second, Cal would be leaving and he might never see him again. That hurt more than he would admit if he was sober.
“It’s that one,” Ben pointed when he recognised Jonny’s electric green skis on the wooden porch, “looks like they’re in.”
All of the lights in the cabin were on and the jarring sound of French pop music poured out from the stereo in the living room. They stood, looking at the cabin for a couple of seconds in silence. The awkward goodbyes were half of the reason Ben abstained from dating, so he had to remind himself that he wasn’t on a date.
“Is your place far?”
“I have my own cabin on the edge of the resort. The guy who owns the place lets me stay there rent free in return for the odd jobs I do around the resort.”
“You don’t get paid?”
“Why do I need money?” Cal shrugged, “He pays me a little for living expenses, but I make my money in the summer months. I come here because I love it here. Remember how you said there was no place like Oxford? That’s how I feel here. There’s so much of this place that people never get to see because they just come here to ski.”
“You’ll have to show me.”
“Okay,” Cal nodded.
Ben wasn’t sure if that was a promise or just a casual comment that people made when they didn’t know what to say next. Turning to face Cal, he would have stood there in silence in the snow forever but he could slowly feel each finger and toe turning blue.
“Your cheeks, they’re frozen,” Cal reached out, his equally cold fingers cupping Ben’s face firmly.
The cold left his body and he felt as though he was back in the bar, basking in the embers of the fire. Breath trembling, he blinked heavily, wondering if he was having a drunk hallucination.
“You’re shivering,” Cal took a step forward, the hand still on his cheek, “Ben -,”
“Huh?” he grunted.
“Can I do something?”
Ben nodded, looking deep into Cal’s velvety eyes. He watched those eyes close as the hand pulled his face closer. Warm, soft lips and thick coarse hair pushed against his face. He wished he wasn’t so drunk because he wanted to truly feel every second clearly. He forgot he was standing in the freezing snow because he felt like somebody had just set his clothes on fire.
“I’ll drop your skis off tomorrow,” Cal whispered as he pulled away, his hot mulled wine breath tickling Ben’s face, his eyes still firmly shut.
“Mmmhhhmm,” was all Ben could say.
The hand left his face as he reopened his eyes. Cal had a soft smirk on his lips as he turned on his heels and disappeared into the dark. Ben watched until the heat wore off from his lips.
Not caring about hearing Jonny having sex all night, he headed into the cabin with a wonky smile, already looking forward to seeing Cal again.
Ben awoke with a headache and a vague memory of a kiss. Was it a dream, or had it really happened? He sat up in bed and the sheets slid off his naked body. Bright, white light poured through the window, blinding him momentarily. By the time he had finished rubbing the sleep from his eyes and he saw the snow falling outside, he knew the kiss had been more than real.
He couldn’t contain the smile as he bit his lower lip, the taste of the kiss still fresh. Throwing the covers back, he quickly dressed and headed into the living room where Jonny was nursing a steaming cup of black coffee in the pine kitchen.
“Dude,” Jonny nodded with a wicked smile, “guess who got lucky last night?”
He suddenly remembered the noises that had floated from Jonny’s bedroom to his when he had been trying to get to sleep. Ben poured himself a cup of coffee from the machine, adding a couple of sugars and milk. He knew he needed more than coffee to clear his mind.
Wanting to avoid more of Jonny’s questions, Ben took a long and hot shower in the pine-panelled bathroom. Steam circled in the cool morning air as he let the powerful j
et hit his dark blonde hair and run down his face. It was refreshing and just what he needed. With every passing minute under the water, he felt his mind clear a little more. After washing his hair and body, he shut off the flow and wrapped a towel around his waist. The snow was falling heavier than it had been since they had arrived and it seemed his mum’s prediction about the heavy snow over Christmas was about to come true. He realised there was only one day between him and Christmas Eve. This was the first Christmas he hadn’t been at home in Manchester with his parents. Even studying in Oxford, he never missed the opportunity to head home for the holidays. He wasn’t too sure what Jonny had planned but he was sure it wouldn’t come close to the turkey feast his mother pulled off effortlessly with military precision.
Ben left the bathroom but he almost jumped back in when he saw Cal sitting on the couch with Ben’s skis propped up against the mantelpiece.
“Morning,” Cal smiled innocently but Ben could feel his dark eyes taking in his body.
Clutching the towel around his waist, Ben was unsure of what to do or say. His nipples hardened as his body adjusted to the cooler temperature of the open living space. Warm water dripped from his hair and down his body, turning cold before it reached the towel.
“Hi,” Ben brushed the wet hair from his face, “you came.”
Ben hadn’t given much thought to Cal’s promise to drop by with his skis. A small nagging voice in the back of his mind had spent the morning convincing him that it was nothing more than a mulled wine mistake, on Cal’s part at least.
“I said I would,” Cal smiled warmly, “is this a bad time?”
“No, no, good time. Great time. I mean – I just got up. You?”
“I woke with the sun. It’s too beautiful to miss,” there was a poetic quality to the way he spoke that made Ben want to listen to everything he had to say, “I was passing by so I thought I’d drop these off for you in case you wanted to hit the slopes today.”
Ben looked out at the heavy falling snow, not wanting to venture outside of the central heated cabin any time soon. He craned his neck to look into the kitchen, where he could see Jonny resting his head on the counter, no doubt asleep.
“Let me get dressed and I’ll be right with you.”
“Sure,” Cal’s smile widened, “nice towel.”
Ben blushed and turned before blood rushed to another part of his frame. Behind the safety of his bedroom door, he leaned against the cold wood and allowed himself a wide and excited smirk. Perhaps being away from home at Christmas wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
Grabbing a fresh pair of his own, more comfortable jeans, and a cream wool sweater, he quickly dressed and dried his hair. After hastily running wax through his short blonde hair, he opened the door, an anxious eagerness in his gut.
“Better,” Ben smiled.
“Sure,” Cal shrugged, not looking so convinced.
The obvious flirtation made Ben want to rip those clothes off again. The kiss was all he could think about and he wanted to experience it again without the clouding of alcohol.
“Coffee?” Ben perched on the sofa across from Cal, “Or tea?”
Cal was wearing heavy snow boots, a thick black jacket with a cream fur-lined hood and a white t-shirt. His hair was oiled back and his thick beard was well groomed. A hint of light chest hair lingered around the collar of his shirt.
“I can’t stay,” he rubbed his thick fingers together, “I have jobs I need to do. A pipe burst in the spa and it needs fixing before tonight, so -,”
“Right,” Ben nodded, his fingers fumbling nervously as he leaned into his knees, “’course.”
Why had he thought Cal dropping off the skis would lead to more than just that? Had he expected a date to follow their kiss? Maybe it had been a blunder after all. He tried to hide his disappointment behind a smile but he felt like he couldn’t quite get his eyes to look ordinary.
“If you’re not up to much today, Ben,” Cal looked to Jonny who was snoring softly against the pine kitchen counter, “you could join me?”
Join Cal at work? Ben didn’t even need to think twice. Before Cal had a chance to change his mind, Ben grabbed his boots, his heavy jacket and followed Cal into the snow, forgetting all about his plans to spend the day on the hearthrug in front of a roaring fire with his laptop and a cup of cocoa.
The place Cal was taking Ben was a luxury spa, which Cal explained was a place where the rich European women spent their trips, so they didn’t have to face the cold while their husbands enjoyed the slopes. It sounded like a good idea to Ben, but he kept that to himself.
“The pipe burst in the night,” Cal explained, “but when the guys opened up this morning, nobody knew because it froze over. Mrs. Albrechtsson from Sweden had a shock when she jumped into the indoor pool. Miley says she saw her turn cobalt blue.”
“Didn’t she notice there was no steam?”
“These women are a different breed. They have everything done for them,” Cal explained, “they forget to think for themselves sometimes.”
The spa was nestled snugly behind the Après Ski Bar. They walked by the door to the bar and it already looked pretty busy inside. The cloakroom attendant sat in the entrance, a scarf wrapped around her mouth, no doubt to conceal her yawns from being kept so late the night before.
When they reached the spa, Cal opened the door for Ben and they headed inside. It was dark and potentially even colder inside than out. Ben rubbed his hands together and crammed them in front of his mouth, hoping his breath would heat them. It didn’t.
“Give me a second,” Cal mumbled, running across to the reception desk, which he quickly jumped over as if it was no bigger than a small cat, “ta-da.”
With a pleased grin, he vaulted back over the desk as the lights flickered, followed by soft music from concealed speakers. Cal pulled his jacket off and tossed it onto a small armchair next to a table filled with magazines in different languages. Ben had assumed the t-shirt had been a short-sleeved t-shirt, but it carried on to Cal’s wrists. Making himself at home, he tugged the sleeves up to his elbows, revealing the tattoos on his left arm. With a sober mind, Ben took a little more notice of them. In amongst the dark ink, the word ‘Mary’ caught his eye next to what looked like a portrait of a woman.
“Take your jacket off,” he said, “it’ll start heating up in here any second. The burst pipe was for the pool water.”
Ben did as he was told but the second the jacket was with Cal’s, he wanted to put it back on. He heard a rustling in the pipes and guessed that the heaters were starting to kick in but he presumed Cal was more used to the cold. Ben was well and truly unadjusted. The coldest days in Oxford felt like the surface of the sun compared to The Alps at Christmas.
Cal locked the door and made sure the sign was still flicked to ‘CLOSED’. He explained this was to keep the women out, but the playful wink he gave Ben made him hope it was for another reason.
“It’s through here,” Cal opened a door and motioned for Ben to follow.
They walked silently down a long and freezing corridor. Men and women’s changing rooms stood on either side, completely empty. The usual hum of life you’d expect from a spa wasn’t present, giving the place an eerie calmness that Ben didn’t altogether hate. He knew it was better than spending a day on the slopes attempting to ski, he just hoped Jonny would sleep through the day so that he didn’t notice the lack of Ben’s presence.
Cal opened the door to the indoor pool and the view took Ben’s breath away. The walls were made entirely of inch thick glass, leaving a view of rolling mountains and snow to stretch out as far as the eye could see. The snow was starting to thin so he could see for miles in every direction.
“Wow,” Ben nodded, “that’s a view.”
“Isn’t it?” Cal crossed his arms and stood next to Ben to take in the view with him, “the people here don’t appreciate it. I see them come in here and not even look out of the window. How could you not?”
“I know
what you mean,” his eyes danced over the razor sharp mountaintops and then to the bodies jetting through the snow, “it’s like a postcard.”
Cal’s smile widened even further. He seemed happy that Ben was appreciating the same thing he appreciated and for those couple of seconds, Ben felt a strange connection to the beauty standing next to him.
“Make yourself comfortable,” Cal pointed to the wooden deck chairs that lined the calm pool, “enjoy the view and your thoughts. This shouldn’t take too long.”
“Sure,” Ben nodded, not wanting to leave Cal’s side but not wanting to act like a shadow.
It turned out that Cal meant it when he said he wouldn’t take long. After what could have only been ten minutes, he returned with his t-shirt slightly damp from what looked like sweat and his hands in his hair.
“Done,” he planted his hands on his hips, “miss me?”
“Yes.”
Ben wasn’t sure if Cal had meant it as a joke but Ben hadn’t answered it like one. The way his belly squirmed just from looking at Cal made him want to always be in his presence.
“Come on,” Cal winked and bit his lip, “this place can stay closed for a bit longer.”
An infectious grin spread from ear to ear and Ben smiled right back, not sure what he was getting at. He jumped up and ran toward Cal, following him through another door. To his complete shock, that door led directly outside, onto a wooden terrace overlooking a quiet valley. The recently fallen snow had collected in a huge mound in the middle.
Cal walked over to the mound and with one swift movement, pulled back a wooden lid. It wasn’t a mound at all, it was a hot tub, and the steam was already billowing over the brim. Standing in his t-shirt, teeth chattering and arms tucked in his armpits; Ben was seconds away from jumping into the boiling water fully clothed.
“What would you Brits say in this situation?” Cal stroked playfully at his beard, “Fancy a dip?”
His mock British accent was terrible, but adorable. Before Ben could respond, Cal tugged his t-shirt quickly over his body. When he tossed it to the ground, his arms resting by his side, Ben had to breathe slowly at the sight. Bulging biceps and pecs towered over Cal’s stomach, casting a dark shadow on his haired torso. The hair concentrated in the centre of his abs, vanishing below the waistline of his trousers. Ben didn’t have to use his imagination to see what the rest of his body looked like. Cal tucked his left tattooed arm into his underwear, cupped his junk and pulled down his jeans and underwear to reveal his sculpted, thick and hairy thighs. Ben’s breath quivered and not from the intense temperature. Was it still cold? He couldn’t tell. Cal turned to the hot tub and Ben’s heart stopped when he saw his arse, smooth, defined and round and jutting out from the tight dimples in the small of his back.