by John, Ashley
“She died when I finished high school. I was an only child and so was she. My grandparents died before I was born and my dad left sometime around my first birthday. She was all I had and when I didn’t have her, I left. I had friends, but none close enough that I was going to stick around for.”
“Louise?”
“Louise,” Cal nodded with a small laugh, “we sat next to each other in Math. I think she came here for a free vacay but she forgets I have to work. I’m relieved she’s found herself a toy to play with.”
Ben couldn’t help but think that Jonny had finally met his match in a woman like Louise. She was one of the few who were willing to treat Jonny like he treated everybody else.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Cal placed the book back on top of the pile, “you think I’m running away.”
“I – I -,” it was the exact thought he had been thinking when Cal called him out.
“You don’t have to apologise. If somebody told me what I just told you, I’d think the same. I’m not, by the way. I’m not running from anything. I just had nothing to stay for. I’m free to go wherever I want, to see the world. I wouldn’t live any other way. Some people want to plant roots and build something permanent but I don’t. My mom was the same. She travelled the world before she had me and she saw it all. I was raised on stories of the pyramids, the Inca trail, the Great Wall of China, and I wanted to see it all. I wanted to follow in her footprints and go to the places she didn’t have a chance to see.”
Ben was a self-confessed home bird who loved nothing more than staying home with a book to read and enough snacks to get him through the night. Listening to Cal talk, he wanted to go and see it all too. He wanted to live that life, just because Cal had made it sound like it was the only way to really experience life. He was excited by the words that left his beard-framed lips.
“I envy you,” Ben scratched the back of his blonde hair, the fire hot on his cheeks, “I’m well and truly stuck.”
“You don’t have to be. I thought I was until I left. Real life is living it, not watching it on TV.”
Ben looked around the apartment and the lack of technology was more obvious than ever. Aside from Cal’s phone and the microwave and coffee machine in the kitchen, it was a back to basics approach to living that most twenty-first century inhabitants would kill to avoid.
“My parents would kill me if I dropped out of Oxford,” the thought had crossed his mind more than once, “it’s so hard. I love studying literature, but it’s so much harder than I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been scared of the hard work but sometimes, it feels like I’m killing myself for nothing. The reality is, there isn’t a job waiting for me when I get home.”
“England too?” Cal sighed, “I hear that same story everywhere I go. The world has changed. It’s easier to get a job when you’re not so qualified because you’ll do the things that I do, but I don’t mind. I don’t live to work, I work to live.”
“It sounds like you do enough living for the both of us.”
“What’s it like having a family back home?” Cal’s question struck Ben, “I’m curious.”
Ben hadn’t really thought about it until leaving Oxford. Even though he didn’t live with family, being separated from them for Christmas was strange. He wondered if Cal felt like that whenever the holidays rolled around.
“It’s good, I guess,” Ben didn’t want to rub his family unit in Cal’s face.
“Don’t worry, I’m not one of those people who thinks they are a victim of life,” Cal stretched out and leaned into the corner of the couch, his arm vanishing over the side, “you can move closer, if you want to.”
Ben looked at Cal’s arm and it looked as though the shape was made just for him. Placing his mulled wine gently next to the books, he moved in closer to Cal, hesitating for a second. He felt like he should kiss him, but it didn’t feel right. He didn’t know if Cal had invited him back to his home for sex but it didn’t feel like things were heading in that direction. Instead, they were doing something much more intimate than that. They were sharing their stories and experiences and opening up in a way Ben wasn’t used to.
He carefully leaned into Cal’s side, slightly nervous and apprehensive. When Cal’s solid fingers wrapped around his shoulder, he relaxed and rested his head on his hard chest. He listened to Cal’s heart pounding steadily as his chest rose softly. Staring into the fire, he imagined the snow falling outside. He started to wonder what Jonny was doing without him, but when Cal’s fingers started to brush through his hair, he forgot all about his best friend.
Ben’s mind cleared and the crackling fire and the circling fingers tricked his eyelids into closing.
When Ben’s eyes opened, silent snow fluttered heavily past the windows. It was dark and the dim light bulbs were barely lighting up the cabin. Blinking away the sleep, he looked down at the knitted blanket covering his body.
In the chair nearest to the roaring fire, Cal was deep in his copy of Murder On The Orient Express. He turned the pages slowly, the glow of the fire warming his face. Ben didn’t move at first, instead enjoying watching an unaware Cal.
“You’re awake,” Cal looked over the book, his eyes meeting Ben’s.
“How long have I been asleep?” Ben rubbed his neck and sat up, the blanket falling off his clothed body.
“A couple hours,” Cal closed the book.
“You should have woken me up. Jonny will be wondering where I am.”
“I didn’t think it would have made any difference. We’re in the middle of a whiteout.”
Ben pushed down his blonde hair that was sticking up at the back from the nap. Sitting on the edge of the sofa, he let the flames roast his skin. He could sense the cold was lingering in the corners of the cabin.
“A whiteout?”
“Heavy snow,” Cal leaned his arms on his knees, the book still clutched in his hand, his finger saving his page, “you won’t be able to see an inch in front of your face. You can stay here until it clears but it can take a couple days.”
“Days?” Ben’s mind was still fuzzy, “What about Jonny?”
“The last I heard from Louise, they were in his cabin but the signal dropped out and it hasn’t come back yet. It’s not the strongest out here in the woods.”
Ben stood up and stretched out, unsure of what this meant. A quick glance at his mobile phone showed no signal bars. He walked over to the frosty window and cupped his hands. Cal was right. Ben couldn’t see beyond his own reflection in the glass. How many days was a ‘couple’? When his mum had talked about heavy snow in The Alps over Christmas, had she meant a whiteout?
“I should try and get back,” said Ben, “I don’t want to impose.”
“Listen,” thick fingers gripped his hips as he still stared through the window, “there’s no way you’re going out there. I wouldn’t even be dumb enough to try it. You’re staying here until it’s safe, no arguments. You’re not imposing.”
Cal’s breath tickled his neck, his fingers still holding Ben’s hips. He felt Cal’s chest press against his shoulders and he was suddenly reminded of what had happened in the hot tub before they had come back to the cabin. His cock twitched as the last fogginess of the nap cleared. He looked to the glass, Cal’s dark eyes glittering in the steamed up pane.
“Hungry?” he whispered.
“What?”
“Are you hungry? Have you eaten today?”
Ben shook his head. Cal’s hand slid around to Ben’s front, brushing against his leg. It looped through Ben’s fingers and turned him around. He let himself be pulled into the tiny kitchen. Cal let go of Ben’s hand and produced a lighter from the top kitchen drawer to light the gas burner. It took a couple of twists of the knob until the flames shot through the ring.
“How does stew sound?” Cal smiled.
It sounded like the best thing Ben had ever heard. He hadn’t even realised how hungry he was until Cal asked him.
Cal’s humming refrige
rator was filled with vegetables and cured meats, which he told Ben he picked up whenever he could get down to the nearest village. They were cheaper there than the tourist shops in the resort. He started chopping the vegetables, passing the skins and ends to Ben, who tossed them into the small metal bin next to the fridge.
“Noodles and baked beans are all I can manage at Uni.”
“I can teach you. It’s easy. You just need to learn what goes with what,” he dumped the vegetables into an old beaten up copper pot and filled it with stock.
Cal sliced the cured ham and dumped it into the pot. When it started to boil, he turned down the heat and gently placed a glass lid on top. It rattled slightly but it settled down when the steam started to filter out of the sides.
“It might not be much fun for you here, Ben,” Cal shrugged, stuffing his hands into the pants of his jeans, which he must have changed into when Ben had been sleeping, “I don’t have a TV or the Internet.”
“I’m sure we can find something to do,” Ben smiled.
Ben hadn’t meant it to sound so sexual but the smile it produced on Cal’s face made his insides squirm. Cal walked over to his small bed and flicked on a small radio on his book-cluttered nightstand. It was nothing but static until he fiddled with the antenna and the dials. When it tuned into a French speaking classical music station, Cal slowly lowered it back onto the nightstand, as though not wanting to disrupt the station.
“Can you speak French?”
“A little. Je pense que vous êtes beau,” his American tongue wrapped artistically around the French.
“What does that mean?”
“It means ‘I think you’re really handsome,’” he winked, “probably. I can order food and wine without embarrassing myself.”
With his cheeks burning bright, he stood and silently listened to the violins crackling through the old speakers. A deep-voiced woman crooned over the top with such pain and emotion, Ben didn’t need to speak the language to feel it. The music faltered and the lights dimmed to candlelight level.
“That damn generator,” Cal sighed, “the power keeps going out.”
There was an electronic fizz and the light and music bounced back. Ben sat on the edge of the small bed, enjoying the silence the blanket of snow was creating. He felt even more cut off from the real world and he liked it. The pressure of hiding his sexuality from Jonny amidst the pressure of university life melted away, leaving behind a calmness that he never knew he craved. If the snow never cleared up and there was enough food to keep them going, he was sure he would choose to stay there if he could.
After they ate the stew, which was surprisingly tasty and rich, Cal collapsed onto the bed and rested his hands on his stomach. Ben copied, cramming himself next to him. The fire was still crackling and there was enough heat to keep Ben from shivering.
“We might have to share this tiny bed,” Cal rolled onto his side, “unless you want to sleep on the couch again.”
“My neck,” Ben coughed, “hurts from the couch. Probably not the best idea, don’t you think?”
“Probably not,” Cal’s eyes narrowed as a smile consumed his good looks, “we’ll have to sleep really close for warmth. The fire won’t keep going all night.”
Ben was more than fine with that. He smiled awkwardly, unsure of what to say. He lacked Cal’s charisma and smoothness because he still felt like a child when he compared himself to Cal.
“When do you think the snow will clear?” Ben whispered.
“Could be tomorrow, could be next week. Is that a problem?”
“No,” the answer left his mouth quickly.
“Good. I get to have company.”
“So, you don’t mind being stuck with a guy like me?”
Cal chuckled softly, his stomach rising and falling through the white t-shirt. He propped his head up on his tattooed left arm so that he was slightly above Ben. He leaned forward, the face becoming nothing more than shadows.
“I don’t mind at all,” he whispered, “this could be the best Christmas gift I’ve been given in years.”
Ben gulped and he felt his cock stand to attention. It poked through his tight underwear and brushed against the insides of his jeans. His cream woollen sweater suddenly started to itch every inch of his torso. He wanted to take it off, so he could be exposed to Cal. Sex had always been something he had been shy of but Cal made him want to rewrite his own rules.
“This is the first Christmas I’ve spent away from my family,” Ben’s voice shuddered, “I was worried about being here. I’m not anymore.”
The lights and music flickered again, sending them into almost complete darkness. The outline of Cal’s face moved toward him in the dark and Ben’s breath faltered. Cal’s face was within kissing distance, only inches away from his own. Their breathing connected, their hearts beating at the same rapid pace. Cal moved forward on the bed, his hand tucked around Ben’s waist. Their stomachs pressed together, their lips still parted. Denim rubbed on denim, solid shafts aching to be touched.
“I really like you, Ben,” Cal’s nose brushed against Ben’s, “I have since the moment I crashed into you.”
Ben took one last shaky breath before brushing his lips gently against the American’s. Cal’s hips bucked, his hard shaft pressed even harder against Ben’s. The kiss tasted of rich gravy and red wine and Cal’s thick beard delighted the skin around his mouth. Keeping his eyes firmly shut, he pulled away from Cal’s, their foreheads pressed together.
The music grew louder and he felt the glow behind his closed lids shine bright again. Cal leaned in, copying Ben’s previous move. The hand around his waist pulled him in, their fully clothed bodies becoming one on the small bed frame.
“Is it bad that I’m glad there’s a whiteout?” Cal’s breath tickled Ben’s nose.
“I was just about to say the same thing.”
Cal pulled away from the kiss and sat himself up on the bed, “I need to put more logs on the fire.”
He stood up, an obvious thick erection in his jeans as he walked across the cabin. Ben layed on the bed and tugged at his own erection, hating Cal’s timing to tend to the fire. He watched as he tossed thick logs onto the fire and prodded it with the metal poker. There was no way he could resist him anymore. Ben tiptoed across the dimly light cabin, the French music filtering out the further he got from the bed. When he was standing behind Cal, who was still bent over the fireplace, he felt a scarlet haze descend over his mind and there was only one thing he could think about.
Ben turned Cal around, the poker still in his hands. When he pushed his face hard into Cal’s, the poker fell onto the hearthrug with a thud. Strong hands wrapped around Ben’s waist before undoing the top buttons on his jeans. His cock sprung forward, bouncing free of his underwear. The release in the hot tub hours earlier felt like a lifetime ago because he needed that feeling all over again.
In front of the crackling fire, Cal lowered to his knees without breaking the gaze. He gripped Ben’s shaft with his slightly cold fingers. A shudder ran across Ben’s shoulders and down to the back of his legs, making his knees weaken. He reached out and gripped the fireplace with one hand, the other running through Cal’s thick hair.
He kissed the head of his shaft, his lips careful and considered. Ben’s cock twitched, wanting more and Cal seemed to sense this. In one swift motion, Cal took the entire length of his cock into his mouth.
“Oh, fuck,” Ben moaned involuntarily.
Cal started by slowly running his tongue up and down his shaft as he moved his mouth along. It was like nothing Ben had felt before. Gripping the back of Cal’s hair, he took a little of the control, guiding his cock in and out of his lover’s mouth. Cal seemed to like this because he sucked so hard, Ben was sure he was about to blow.
The fresh wood in the fire erupted, sending flames blazing up through the chimney. Ben could feel the heat of the fire on his skin so he wondered if Cal was starting to fry in his t-shirt.
As though he was reading Be
n’s mind, Cal paused to pull his t-shirt over his head to show off the body Ben had observed in detail back at the hot tub. In the radiance of the fire, he looked even more perfect. Tiny drops of sweat started to form on his shoulders and chest as he took Ben’s cock deep into his throat. Cal never let his hazel eyes drift away from Ben while looking at him innocently.
Ben gripped the fireplace, sure he was about to blow. Ben’s hand disappeared under his cream sweater, rubbing over his stomach. Just as the moment of climax was around the corner, Cal pulled his head back. His hand worked the shaft for a couple more seconds, but not enough to tip Ben over the edge. He felt cheated as he stood in the heat with sweat dripping down his slender face.
Cal stood up and kissed Ben. Cal’s shoulders were hot to the touch, sweat mixing in with his silky skin. With a metal pop, Cal undid his belt and yanked out the leather, casting it next to the poker. His jeans were soon at his ankles, along with his baggy underwear. Ben pulled away from the kiss to look down at Cal’s cock for the first time. He lost his breath as he took in the size. Dark hair ran down his stomach and framed the thick, pulsing member. If Ben was going to guess, he would say it was topping nine inches easily, possibly ten. He didn’t think cocks so big existed outside of porn. Unlike his own, it was circumcised but pre-cum dripped from the tip, giving him something to work it with.
As he slowly jerked Cal’s cock, his fingers barely wrapping around its width, Cal pulled at Ben’s sweater, tugging it over his head. When it was on the floor, Ben kicked off his jeans and underwear so they were both completely naked. Their bodies contrasted greatly and Ben felt like he needed to hit the gym to match Cal’s bulk. If Cal thought that too, he wasn’t showing it. His dry hands ran across Ben’s chest, his teeth biting hard into his own lip.
“Sit on the floor,” Cal’s eyes darkened as they darted to the floor, “lean against the sofa.”
Ben did as he was told. He spread his legs, his cock hanging, aching to be touched. Cal cupped Ben’s cheek in his hand, rubbing it carefully. Cal opened his thick and hairy thighs, spreading them either side of Ben’s legs so that he was lowering his middle. His cock lined up perfectly with Ben’s mouth.