I didn't know how to feel about any of it. It was all so complicated and I needed time to process it all. I knew I would open it someday, but I just wasn't ready yet.
The one thing I did feel was shame. After so many years never trusting men, I'd become as untrustworthy as I believed they were. I deserved the pain I felt when Ashley opened that door.
The next morning, after a scan, the doctor cleared me for discharge.
"Knock, knock," Elsa said from the doorway as I slipped on my shoes. Grace had brought me some fresh clothes from home. I was happy to be leaving the hospital, although I wasn't quite sure how I felt going home after what happened there. I found myself wondering if Grey's blood was still on my floor or if there would be police tape across my bedroom door. I shivered and shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind.
"How are you feeling?" she said with a small smile.
"I've been better, but I'm happy to finally be getting out of here. How's Grey?" I said, sitting down on the bed.
"Getting stronger, eager to see you. The doctors practically had to strap him down to keep him from trying to get down here to see you were okay with his own eyes."
"He may not be so concerned when I tell him the truth about everything," I said with a sigh.
Elsa glanced at me sheepishly. "Actually, I kind of already told him, accidentally," she said softly.
"Oh," I said surprised but relieved.
Him already knowing the truth made things simpler for me. I could thank him for saving my life and be on my way. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful. Hell, I even knew I was still in love with him, but the image of Ashley opening his door half naked was in the loop of nightmares that plagued me every time I closed my eyes. Maybe he'd just made a mistake, or maybe he'd decided to work things out with her. Both possibilities were devastating and with everything that happened and what I learned about my parents, I just didn't have the strength to deal with Grey yet.
"He wasn't mad." She leaned down to meet my eyes. "At least not at you. He was a little pissed at me for being so gullible."
She laughed. "Gregory and I had been with the family in the waiting room until they let us go back to see Grey, and I couldn't really tell him about everything in front of his parents. When Grey was out of surgery and they finally let us see him, I thought he was still unconscious so I took the opportunity to confess everything to Gregory. Turns out Grey was awake, sneaky bastard."
I didn't want to smile, but I couldn't help it. That seemed like something he would do.
"You are going to go see him before you leave, aren't you?" Elsa said, looking at me curiously.
"Yes, the least I can do is thank him for saving my life," I replied seriously.
"That's all you have to say to him?" she asked, sounding irritated. "What's going on, Claudia?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
"I'd rather not talk about it right now." I grabbed my bag to leave.
I'd insisted Jessica and all my friends go home and I would call them when I was ready to be discharged, but I had no intention of doing that. I would stop to see Grey, very briefly, and then take a taxi home, or wherever the hell I was going.
"Claudia, don't do this," she pleaded. "Grey told me how hard you've fought what's between you, and I don't believe for a minute it was just because of your responsibility to me. He loves you. He was willing to die to save you. Don't walk away from that."
Clutching my bag to me, I took a step toward the door. Elsa stepped in front of me.
"Look, I'm sorry, Elsa, but you're wrong about how he feels. If he loves me so much, why did he fuck Ashley just a few hours after he crawled out of my bed?"
"What?" Elsa winced, her forehead tight. "He would never. He can barely stand to look at her when you're not around."
"After I left our lunch, I went straight to his house to tell him everything. I was so fucking excited. Until Ashley greeted me at the door wearing his shirt and nothing else."
"I can't believe it," Elsa said quietly.
"She's here, isn't she?" I asked, knowing she had to be.
"Yes, but the whole family has been here on and off."
"That's just it, Elsa. She's already a part of his family. She fits, and it was so easy for her to slip right back into her place in his life. I will always be the woman who was being paid to try and ruin his brother. It's as simple as that."
"I just don't understand." She sat down on the chair by the door.
"I do. Finally, I understand it all too clearly," I said and walked out the door.
❖
With the way Grey's face lit up when I stepped through the door, for a second, I almost forgot about Ashley. Almost.
"Claudia, thank God. I've been trying to get them to let me come see you all day," he said, grimacing as he struggled to sit up.
"Please, don't try to get up, Grey. I just wanted to stop by to let you know I'm fine and I'm being discharged. And to say thank you for what you did for me. I don't know what would have happened if you didn't show up when you did."
"I'd do anything for you." He patted his bed for me to sit. I took a few steps toward him but stopped short. He looked confused at first.
"About all of that other stuff with Elsa and my brother, I don't care about any of it. It was actually a relief to hear. It explained so much about the way you were. I'm not going to pretend I like or understand the choices you made before, but I love you. I see you, not your past."
He smiled up at me, even pale and lying in an unflattering hospital gown, he was still sexy. I was so tempted to take the next step and sit with him, just to feel his warmth one more time. I knew if I did, I'd only end up shattering my heart even more.
"I'm sorry I lied to you, but I didn't have a choice," I said, looking out the window on the side of the room. I couldn't look at him for the next part.
"It doesn't matter now. Just come sit with me," he commanded, but I didn't move.
"I can't stay. I just came to thank you and say good-bye," I said, keeping my gaze on the window as I crossed my arms.
"What the hell is going on, Claudia? Why are you acting like this? Everything has changed: there are no more lies, no secrets. We can be together, really together."
"There will always be lies and secrets, Grey," I responded, sounding a little bitchier than I intended. "Secrets are my job."
"What are you saying?"
"You know what I do for a living, what my real business is?" I said, pushing him.
"But you don't have to keep doing that. You could do anything you want. I can take care of you." He shook his head, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand what I was saying.
"I like my work just the way it is, and I'm not willing to give it up. I have partners who depend on me, I have dreams I need to fulfill, and I need to do that on my own."
"Claudia--"
"I'm sorry, Grey, but a relationship with you or anyone else just isn't what I want or need. Besides, you have enough relationship issues to deal with without me. Work things out with Ashley and forget about me," I said, rushing out, knowing he couldn't follow me. I knew it was irrational and childish to run away without telling him I knew about Ashley, without giving him a chance to explain what happened, but I couldn't see past my pain and I had to get away.
"Claudia! Don't do this!" he yelled after me. I sped down the hallway toward the elevator. When the doors closed, I slumped against the wall and let the tears fall.
Chapter 21
"Has there been any news on Alaina Bennett, Detective Anderson?" I asked, sitting down across from Grace's new boyfriend at the precinct.
"Please, call me Jared. As for Mrs. Bennett, she's still unconscious, but it's looking like she'll pull through. They're keeping her in a chemical coma until the swelling in her brain goes down."
"That bastard," I spat.
"Eric Bennett got what was coming to him thanks to that boyfriend of yours. I hear Mr. Michaels is doing well and will make a full recovery. That's good news."
"It is good news," I replied, not bothering to correct his title usage.
I wasn't going to discuss my love life, or lack thereof, with a virtual stranger even if he was in love with my best friend. I still hadn't shared any of it with my actual friends, something I was dreading.
"You know you didn't need to come all the way down here. We got everything we needed from you in your original statement at the hospital." He leaned back in his chair. "And my contacts in L.A. came through on that end of things," he continued, his voice lower. "As far as LAPD is concerned, you met Eric Bennett when you were working as an investigator for his wife. After the divorce he snapped and went after her and then you. There's no evidence of anything else, at least nothing they can legally get their hands on, and it sounds like Bennett's father wants to keep things as quiet as possible, and he's got some pull, so I suspect they'll be closing the case quickly."
"What about everything here?"
"Given the circumstances, it's a pretty clear case of justifiable homicide. I talked to a friend in the DA's office. They aren't looking to pursue anything against Mr. Michaels. They're backlogged enough as it is. We couldn't keep the press out of it, but so far they're calling him a hero."
"And me?"
"You're the girlfriend he rescued. You met while you were working as his brother's assistant and personal security consultant at G&G. That story lines up with what all the employees witnessed and covers you if any reporters dig into your work as a PI."
I let out a heavy sigh.
"Thank you, Jared, for everything," I said, standing to leave as a cloud of dread hung over me.
I'd gone down to the police station to avoid going home. Grace promised to keep everyone away to give me some time, with the exception of my sister, who'd insisted on helping clean up and get the apartment ready for me to come home. I was more afraid of being in that space than of dealing with questions.
Stepping out into the sunlight outside of the precinct, I slid my shades down over my eyes. It wouldn't be long before Grace's boyfriend let her and my sister know I'd left the hospital. The last thing I wanted was to make them worry about me any more than they already had, so I hailed a cab and hopped in.
❖
"You didn't have to stay, Jess. I'm sure Izzy is driving Shawn crazy by now." I dropped my bag on the bed in the guest room, which would likely become my permanent room.
There was no way I would be able to sleep in my old room. I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to sleep anywhere in the apartment yet. Just walking through the front door made my heart pound in my ears.
Jessica followed me into the room. She'd been watching me closely since I walked into the apartment. Grace had the good sense to give me some space.
"I just needed to make sure you were okay. Seeing you in the hospital like that brought back some bad memories," she said, unzipping my bag.
I couldn't even imagine how hard all of this had been on her. I'd been crushed by losing Mom but Jessica, who was only fourteen at the time, had been the one to find her and ride with her to the hospital when she died.
"I'm okay, Jess, really." I sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to me. She sat and leaned her head on my shoulder like she used to when we were kids.
"How was your talk with Dad? He seemed pretty optimistic after he saw you."
I swallowed hard. "It was okay, a lot of stuff to take in."
"Yeah, I had no idea Mom was sick when I was a kid. Dad only told me a few years ago."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, stroking her hair.
"Like I said, it wasn't my secret to tell."
Tears welled up in my eyes. Before my father left my room, he let me know he'd only told Jessica about Mom's illness and her affair. She didn't know we were half sisters.
"There's something I need to tell you."
She sat up so she could look at me, a hint of fear in her eyes.
"Mom's affair, it was more than that. Dad isn't my biological father."
Her eyes went wide, but she stayed quiet for a minute.
"That's not as bad as I was expecting," she said finally, looking relieved. "You're my sister. Nothing can change that. How do you feel about it?"
"I don't feel about it, not yet at least. I don't think I've really had a chance to process it with everything else that's been happening."
I reached into my bag and pulled out the envelope my father gave me in the hospital.
"Mom sent this to Dad before she died. He never opened it, but she told him it identifies my biological father."
"You haven't opened it yet?" she asked, likely surprised I hadn't jumped on the chance to feel that connection to our mother, even if just for a moment.
"No, I'm not ready to know yet. I think I need to take some time to work on things with the father I have first."
She smiled.
"How sick is he?" He didn't bring it up when we talked and I didn't asked, but I had a feeling it was bad.
"It's pancreatic cancer. We only found out a few weeks ago. That's why he was at the house that day you came by."
"What are his options?" I asked, my eyes stinging with tears that had yet to fall. I didn't know much about cancer, but I'd heard enough to know cancer of the pancreas was tough to beat.
"It's too advanced for surgery, but he's going in for his second round of chemotherapy next week."
The chemo explained why he looked so different in such a short time.
"Have the doctor's given him a prognosis?"
"He had a scan three days ago, the doctor said he...he--"
Seeing the grief well up in my sister refreshed my own tears. I pulled her against my chest, holding her tight as she tried to find her words again.
"Ugh," she said, sitting up and swiping at her face with a tissue she'd pulled from her purse. "I've already cried so much. I really thought I was done for a while. It seems you never run out."
She blew her nose, making a rather unflattering sound. I giggled. She responded by tossing her wet tissue on my lap.
"Gross!" I yelled dramatically and then leaned in and wiped my face on her shirt.
She jumped back, wide-eyed, before we burst out laughing. It felt good to laugh. It was the first time I'd laughed in what felt like a lifetime, although in reality it had only been days. Days in which I'd experienced a lifetime of changes and emotions.
"They estimate he has between twelve and eighteen months," she finally said after we'd settled down. My hand shot up to my mouth. I'd known it was bad, but to hear it quantified was something else altogether.
"Jesus, why am I so fucking stubborn!" I stood and paced the floor. "If I'd just talked to him sooner. God, all those years I wasted."
"Claudia, you did the best you could with what you had. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't your fault, and it wasn't Mom's fault. We're all human, we all make mistakes, and some just take a lot longer to learn from than others. And sometimes it takes a tragedy to open our eyes and our hearts."
"How'd you get so wise, baby sister?"
She smiled up at me. "I just learned how to forgive and that sometimes, no matter how bad things may look, they're not always what they seem."
I nodded. She was right; my dad was proof of that. Gregory Michaels was proof of that. The pictures Elsa received were damning at best, but they proved to be misleading, cards of deception played deliberately. The pictures had been nagging at me since I'd last spoken to Elsa. Suddenly things started making sense.
"I'll be right back, Jess." I grabbed my phone and dialed as I made my way out to the balcony. I closed the door behind me just as my call was answered.
"Hey, Lydia, I need you and Bridget to do me a favor."
Chapter 22
"I'll get a cold towel." I jumped up while Jessica held the trash can for Dad to throw up in.
It'd been two days since his second round of chemo, and the side effects had taken a couple of days to kick in. Jessica insisted he move in with her and Shawn so she could take care of him beca
use he'd divorced Betty, the woman I'd wrongly accused of being his mistress, the year before and was living alone.
I was glad he was getting some extra time with family, especially Izzy, whom Shawn was occupying in the tree house until her grandpa was feeling better.
I'd been staying there since I got out of the hospital, as well.
I'd tried to stay in the apartment but after Jessica left that first day, I had my first panic attack when it started to get dark. I'd completely freaked Grace out, and I didn't want her hanging around worried about me all the time when she had her own shit going on--namely a new man and running our business without me. The time at Jessica's gave me a chance to make up for lost time with my father and was the perfect way to avoid Grey, who'd been discharged. He'd called and texted so often I'd shut off my burner phone, which I'd handed off to Bridget as soon as I was home again. I gave her strict instructions to not give Grey, or any of his family, my other number or my sister's address, which probably wasn't necessary because she and the other girls were beyond pissed when I finally told them what went down with Ashley.
In happier news, according to Elsa, Janet was looking for a real assistant to replace her after everything that had happened. I was relieved she still had time to find a replacement without pushing back her retirement and I wouldn't have to go back to G&G and risk running into Grey. I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, but I needed time to sort out my feelings before I talked to him again.
"Do you want some water, Dad?" I asked, dabbing the towel over his forehead.
"I don't think anything soothes me more than having you call me that again." He patted my free hand.
"I'm sorry it took so long." Tears welled in my eyes. "Besides, I think medical marijuana is probably more effective."
I laughed as the tears broke free.
"Don't think I'm not keeping tabs on his supply," Jessica teased from the bathroom.
"I haven't done that since college," I shot back.
"Don't let her fool you," Dad whispered so she wouldn't hear. "Jessica's the one we need to be watching."
Homewrecker Incorporated Page 23