by Bronwyn Eley
Keithan’s gaze dropped and he took a step back. It would do me no good to drive away the one person who could still stand to be around me. Jesper was gone. Rennard hadn’t said a word about her and it wasn’t my place to ask. And Markus? This morning I had seen him from a window, wandering the grounds. He saw me, turned and walked away.
‘The worst part is that I barely remember what happened.’ I brought my hand to my head, massaging it, as if that would spark the memory. ‘I remember bits and pieces. I remember the horrible parts. But what I don’t remember is why I attacked him in the first place. Maybe he was hurting Shae, but she said he wasn’t.’
Keithan’s eyes flicked between me and the floor.
‘I know Shae,’ I continued. ‘If he had been hurting her, she would have said so.’
‘And it’s illegal to force yourself on a Companion,’ Keithan mumbled, finally locking eyes with me. I nodded.
‘All she had to do was tell Rennard that Palark had attacked her and I could have been saved from those dark days in the dungeon.’
‘She would suffer too,’ Keithan said quietly. ‘Your friend. The Companion Code would keep her alive, but Rennard would still take his worth out of her. I wish I could help you. But I’ve seen this before, too many times. I know how it ends.’
I swept my eyes over the library. Keithan practically lived in this room. When his brother died, had his hope died too? He had suffered, I knew that now. But the fact that he expected me to do nothing stabbed at my chest.
I sucked in a dark breath, letting him know that it was taking everything in me not to explode. ‘So do I.’
With that, I left him to his books.
I made it back to my room before breaking down.
I bent forward on my bed as sobs racked my chest. The sound would carry down the hall to my neighbours, but I didn’t care.
In the past I had a talent for pushing things down. I had never been averse to crying, believing it was better to let it out than to let it suffocate you from the inside until you imploded. But I had only let myself break down completely a few times in my life. Tonight was one of those times.
There were dozens of people living in this castle, but I felt utterly alone.
Two knocks on my door shook sense into me and I drew a deep breath, cutting off my cries at the root. I stood, wiping the back of my good hand across my eyes, and moved to the door.
Lirr must have heard me crying – she didn’t look surprised at the sight of my bloodshot eyes and sticky face. She merely nodded.
‘May I come in?’
‘If you must.’ I stepped aside. Lirr breezed into the room and I closed the door.
‘I won’t stay long,’ she began. ‘But I have something for you.’ She held out a letter, sealed, with my name scribbled across it.
‘Who is it from?’
‘Jesper,’ she replied curtly. I looked at the elegant handwriting. Why was Jesper writing to me? ‘She put this letter inside another addressed to me. She requested I bring it to you.’
‘Why would she do that?’
‘She tried to defend you after what happened,’ Lirr explained. ‘Rennard was furious with her and sent her straight off.’ She held the letter out. ‘Do not let him find this.’
I nodded and took it eagerly, holding it to my chest. ‘Thank you, Lirr.’
With a swift nod, she moved for the door, then paused. ‘Kaylan. I want you to know that if there was anything I could do to help you, I would.’
She fixed me with a stare, no ounce of sympathy on her face. I felt a strange sense of relief. My suffering here was limited, but people like Lirr and Keithan and Markus and Jesper had to witness this injustice again and again, likely feeling more and more helpless each time.
Lirr pulled something from her pocket and put it on the end of my bed. A sheet of parchment, ink and a quill. Then she left, without another word.
I let out a breath and sat down, turning the letter over in my hands. I split the seal with my finger and read.
Dear Kaylan,
I sat with my head in my hands for too long, trying to find the right way to start this letter. But there is no right way. This whole situation is wrong and I am so sorry. A friend in the castle has informed me that you have been released from the dungeon and that Palark’s family has agreed to not take this further. Despite his rage, I do believe Ren did that for me.
I wanted to write this letter because I know you must feel so alone in that castle. I am in my own home, far from all the horror, but more than anything I wish I could be with you now. Please understand that I am being selfish with this request, but I must ask it anyway: will you write to me?
My husband would not approve, but I have asked Lirr to ferry our letters safely so we might stay in touch while I am gone. I want you to know that you have a friend and that I will not go anywhere.
If you do not respond to this letter, I will simply send another and another until you do.
Kaylan, tell me about yourself. Tell me about your family and your life before. I promise to do the same.
All my love,
Jesper
I placed the letter under my bed, out of sight. The timing was strange, as if I had conjured Jesper’s message out of thin air when I needed it most. She wanted to know about my life – a life that no longer existed – and she would tell me about hers. All I really wanted was to ask her everything she knew about the Relics and the rebellion.
I grabbed the supplies left behind by Lirr, ready to begin a letter, but stopped just as quickly. There was no way I could write with my hand like this.
Sighing, I placed the paper and ink on the table and lay down in bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing for the relief of sleep.
Chapter 17
Tired the next morning, with an aching hand and an unwritten letter waiting for me, I left my room in a huff.
I shook out my limbs and stretched my jaw as I approached the dining hall, where Rennard waited patiently with his never-ending stack of papers. I donned the blank expression I had been practising. I would not let him see how much this was getting to me.
I wondered if there was ever an uneventful moment in this castle, as Thorn marched into the hall with a sullen-looking guard an inch behind him. As they neared their Lord, Thorn shot his hand back to stop the guard, who waited as his captain approached Rennard and whispered something in his ear.
Rennard’s knuckles turned white around his utensils. When Thorn stepped back, he jerked his head at the guard, who took careful steps closer.
I didn’t blame the man for cowering. Head low, eyes averted, Rennard’s hatred rolled off him. Literally. The heat from the Relic was searing.
Rennard cut into a piece of meat. ‘Recite Article Seven.’
The guard froze.
‘C-city guards must follow the orders of their superior to the letter.’
‘Who is your superior?’ Rennard sounded bored, but we all knew better.
‘Nobleman Penn.’ The guard shivered. Nobleman Penn was elected Councillor of the City Guards because of his family’s history of brutality. There was no room for weakness in their world.
‘Continue.’
‘Deviation, interpretation or hesitation are strictly prohibited. Failure to comply will result in punishment and possible … retraining.’
Rennard rolled his neck, eyes closed. Once, twice, three times. ‘Did you cry?’
The guard swallowed, glancing to Thorn, as if he would somehow grow a heart and come to his aid. ‘My lord?’
‘It must have been terrifying,’ Rennard continued. ‘I mean –’ He shrugged deliberately. ‘For the leader of Squadron Four to turn tail and run, it must have been something.’
‘H-he was –’ The guard’s hand flew to his throat as he choked on his words. It couldn’t have been the first time he had witnessed the power of the Relic, but from the panic in his eyes, I could tell it was his first time experiencing it directly.
‘All I wanted.’ Rennard drum
med his fingers loudly. ‘It was all I wanted. One simple order and your entire squadron couldn’t deliver?’ The guard strained against the pain, but Rennard continued. ‘He’s one man. His followers, simple workers. Did I waste my time and money having you people trained?’
This was about Bellamy.
By now Rennard’s voice had risen, slicing through the air. When the guard whimpered, cringing away from the sound, I knew I should feel sorry for him, but the urge to scold him came to mind first. If he showed weakness, Rennard would exploit it.
‘And now he’s gone.’ Rennard slid from his chair. ‘Just like magic.’
The sound the guard made next wasn’t human. It was more than pain or fear; it was a plea for mercy.
If this was what was done to me during my time in the dungeon, maybe I was better off not remembering.
‘It seems I have been lax with your training. Thank you for showing me the faults in my rule. I will correct them, I assure you.’
With a nod from his master, Thorn sprang forward, heavy boots thudding across the floor. He pulled the trembling guard from the room.
Rennard resumed his meal. I stepped back to my position, unaware that I had shifted away during the scene.
Rennard slammed his fork down. ‘And now my meal is cold!’ He shoved his plate away, his fork scattering across the table and onto the floor. I moved to pick it up.
‘Oh, just leave it,’ he spat.
I stood up, fork in hand, unsure of my next move. His head was hanging, resting against a closed fist. ‘Nothing you do will help me. Just leave me!’ His head shot up with his voice. I jumped at the sound, staring at him. ‘Your help is useless to me, Kaylan. Understand that sooner rather than later. You are here to pick up after me, shovel my horse’s shit, clean my bed after I take Jesper to it and wash the sweat and grime from my clothes. It is nothing compared to what I do, what I have to endure, and the sooner you realise that the work you do is nothing, the better.’
He sat back in his chair, closing his eyes. I stood gaping, still as death.
Rage boiled in my stomach. Useless? Useless? I wasn’t useless when he asked me to go into the Four Taverns. I wasn’t useless in the dungeon when he asked me to question an old friend. My lips pressed together, holding back the onslaught I wanted to hurl at him.
Useless.
Footsteps saved me from making what would have been my last mistake. Rennard’s eyes opened and a weak smile graced his face. And then, right before my eyes, I saw it. The Relic’s dark yellow softening, lightening. Reflecting the sudden shift in his mood.
So it wasn’t just my imagination.
I turned to see who could evoke such a reaction at a time like this.
Markus strode in carelessly, as if he wasn’t wading through the waves of anger remaining from the Relic. The air felt heavy, thick as mud, but he showed no signs of pain. He was stronger than that guard, stronger than me. His eyes found me, so briefly that my heart twisted the moment he looked away, as if I were barely there.
‘Markus.’ Rennard warmed, the Relic drawing back into itself. I felt the sudden relief on my skin.
‘My lord.’ Markus inclined his head. His smile seemed genuine, and that didn’t sit well with me. How could he admire a man like Rennard?
‘So prompt.’ Rennard held out his hands.
‘Who would dare keep you waiting?’
Rennard chuckled and sorted through the papers on the table. He retrieved a folded note and held it out. Markus’ arm brushed mine as he passed, but it wasn’t rough, like I expected. He took the note and read it.
‘Unique, indeed,’ he murmured, eyes poring over the scrawling words.
Rennard sipped at his drink. ‘I can’t spare any men for the job, but I would like you to retrieve them for me. I’m sure your men can handle it.’
‘Is there a problem with his legs?’ Markus asked. ‘Why can’t he come to us?’
‘Quarantine concerns,’ Rennard continued, flicking through the papers slowly. ‘I want you to check them before bringing them back here. No nasty surprises, understand?’
‘Smart call.’ Markus folded the note and shoved it in his back pocket. ‘Ten is a lot for one man to handle, though. What if I take Kaylan?’
My head shot up.
Rennard’s eyes flicked to me as he considered whatever Markus was suggesting. He ran a finger over his lips, eyes narrow.
‘What of your men?’
‘I sent them on a training exercise.’ Markus crossed his arms. ‘But if you don’t mind sparing your servant for a few hours, it can be done before my team is even back.’
Servant.
Because that’s all I was in his eyes. He was, after all, a Nobleman.
‘I’m not sure she’s strong enough,’ Rennard finally said.
‘I disagree.’ Markus peered over his shoulder at me. Our eyes locked briefly. ‘Strong upper body. Large hands. Besides –’ He turned back to Rennard. ‘I’ve seen her handle your horse. I think she’ll do.’
She’ll do?
‘The kitchen staff are going to hate you,’ Rennard chuckled. ‘Every time they send that weedy man in with my plate, he looks like he’s going to be sick.’
Markus shrugged. ‘It will toughen him up, my lord.’
‘Too right.’ Rennard sat forward and waved a hand. ‘Alright. Take her. I need a break from her anyway.’
He needed a break from me?
I clenched my jaw, which Markus noticed, his eyes narrowing slightly. I ignored him and glared at the back of Rennard’s head, each breath growing and growing as if I were preparing to scream at him. Perhaps I was.
Luckily, Markus stepped forward. ‘Much appreciated, my lord.’
Rennard jerked his head at me. ‘Watch her, though. She’s not to leave your sight.’ Markus nodded. ‘And Kaylan?’
Wiping the strain from my face, I looked at Rennard.
‘Come back to me.’
Markus bowed to Rennard and gestured for me to follow. I fell into step behind him, unable to speak. It seemed Markus was ready for anger. He had done this on purpose, to get me alone, to finally yell at me for all the lies I told him. I settled myself, ready for whatever he threw in my direction. After what I had just endured from Rennard, I could handle this.
But Markus said nothing. Nothing as we passed the guard, who was called inside by Rennard as we left. Nothing as we headed through the gates. Nothing as we hurried along the main street, strangers’ eyes burning into me.
After we passed the Companion House, I had finally had enough. My feet scraped on the gravel as I came to a stop.
Markus looked over his shoulder and stopped with a sigh, moving out of the thoroughfare. I followed him and pressed my back against a wall. He faced me in silence. He didn’t need a Relic; I could feel the anger off him easily.
This is the time to apologise …
‘Where are we going?’ I asked instead.
Up until now, Markus’ face had been devoid of emotion, but a hint of darkness crept into his eyes. There was that anger. Good. It was better than pity. ‘Northern Gate,’ he said coolly.
‘To pick up ten of what?’
‘How about you drop the act and I’ll tell you what you want to know,’ he snapped.
‘Why don’t you tell me why you did this?’ I countered. ‘Why take me with you? You clearly can’t stand to be around me, so why?’
Markus took a sharp step forward and I dropped my crossed arms. He looked ready to blow, red creeping up his neck, eyes honed on me. Then his inflated chest caved.
‘I get it, alright?’ he murmured. ‘I mistook who you were and you took advantage of it.’
The heat in my chest cooled. ‘I didn’t mean to. I just –’ I paused. ‘I liked the way you looked at me.’ I felt my face flush with embarrassment. ‘I liked that someone didn’t know who I was. It was refreshing, talking to you. Uncomplicated.’
Markus’ eyes softened. With a shake of the head, he said quietly, ‘I wouldn’t call wh
at I was feeling uncomplicated.’
My hands twitched, eager to meet his.
‘Markus. I’m sorry I lied. It was unfair, selfish.’
‘It was,’ he said quietly, face slack. ‘But I do understand.’
I averted my eyes, focusing on a puddle on the ground.
‘Dogs.’
‘What?’ I gave Markus my attention again. He leaned back on one leg, hands in his back pockets. The red had drained from his neck.
‘We’re going to buy dogs.’
A small smile twisted my mouth, betraying me. I wiped it away. ‘You could handle ten dogs on your own. Why did Rennard buy your excuse and let me come?’
Markus ran his tongue over his teeth. ‘They’re big dogs. A mongrel breed. Very strong, highly erratic. Rennard wants to see if I can train them. So it wasn’t a complete lie. Besides, I could feel him in there. When I walked in, it was like the room was on fire.’ He looked down. ‘I honestly don’t know how you were standing.’
‘You helped the situation, somewhat,’ I admitted.
He nodded. ‘I did feel that – how it lessened.’
‘He likes you.’ I shook my head. ‘I didn’t think he liked anyone. Why is that?’
‘He was a teenager when I was born. He taught me to ride, actually.’
I frowned. ‘Isn’t that a job for your father?’
Markus’ eyes dulled, mouth turning down a fraction. ‘He didn’t have the time when I was growing up. But Rennard and I were …’ He loosed a breath. ‘I wouldn’t say we were friends. I think he saw me as a playmate, his – property.’ He said the word slowly, as if he had only just realised it himself. ‘Someone to keep him entertained. He was never cruel to me, just …’ He stopped, looking almost surprised that he had just said what he did.
‘You know,’ he continued, ‘he kind of leaned on me at first, when his father died. He had just inherited the Relic and was really afraid of making a mistake. His father had too many expectations of him and Rennard was terrified of letting him down.’
‘But his father was gone.’