Abandon

by Moors, Jerusha

  Most of the noise in the room subsided as women left to return to the ballroom.

  “We will announce the marriage as soon as the settlements are completed and signed,” a woman’s voice near to her said. Lucy did not mean to, but waiting bored her so she peeked to see through the gap in the screen where it folded. It was Lady Lovell, Aubrey’s mother. Had Aubrey spoken to her about their marriage already? It seemed unlikely, but she did not sound displeased. Lucy expected her future mother-in-law to be upset with her son's choice of wife. And who was she speaking to?

  “I just wish that he would show a little more enthusiasm. I realize that this is a business arrangement, but he seems oblivious. We do have to make a good show of it.”

  Lucy leaned a little further to see that the other speaker was Lady Clarissa, sitting in front of a mirror while Lady Lovell hovered behind her.

  The maid came behind the screen with her dress and there Lucy stood with her mind in a whirl. She could not think what the two women were speaking of. The maid arranged the dress around her and stood back.

  “It looks fine even if I say so myself, my lady. You can't even see the tear.”

  “Yes, thank you so much.” Lucy did not even look down at the mended hem, but walked around the screen. Lady Lovell turned and immediately turned away, giving her the cut direct. Lady Clarissa, however, studied Lucy’s reflection in her mirror.

  “I suppose you heard us talking.” She turned to face Lucy, looking her up and down. “It does not matter you know. Lovell may have you as his mistress but I will be his wife and bear his children, his legitimate children anyway.” Lady Clarissa turned back to her mirror dismissing Lucy. Lady Lovell’s shoulders were shaking and her back was rigid. Lucy straightened her own spine and swept by the two women without ever saying a word.

  Once in the corridor she turned away from the ballroom intent on finding refuge. She needed to clear her mind and understand what had just happened. The library was empty so she closed the door behind her and sat in the chair behind the desk that George used for his estate work.

  Lucy placed both palms flat on the desk in front of her and took a deep breathe. What did Lady Clarissa mean? It sounded as if she was marrying Aubrey, but he was marrying Lucy! Or was he? She sat back slowly, thinking over what they had said to each other that afternoon.

  He had just mentioned being together forever, but he had never actually asked her to marry. She had just assumed that was what he meant. Was Lady Clarissa correct? Was he going to marry the eligible choice and keep Lucy as his mistress?

  Her heart hurt and she put both hand over her chest and rubbed, trying to erase the pain. Lucy blinked back tears. This was worse than before when he had abandoned her and gone to Italy. By not choosing her as his wife he was abandoning her all over again. She clenched her fists and sank her chin upon them to think.

  Lucy made her plans. Harriet would aid her and she would understand what Lucy had to do, once Lucy had explained to her. She nodded to herself and rose, head held high. She would not

  Lucy swept into the ballroom, a small smile pasted onto her face. She made her way over to the refreshment table, nodding at people as she passed them even when she did not know who they were. She accepted a glass of punch from the footman stationed at the punch bowl and turned to survey the room. Her heart was pounding but she did not think that anyone would notice her anxiety. In her pale blue dress and pale skin she was the epitome of an ice queen.

  She spotted Aubrey as he made his way around the edge of the room coming towards her. It was near time for their first dance. She steeled herself and lifted her chin in greeting.

  “Lady Lucilla, I have been looking for you. I believe this is our dance, is it not?”

  His golden eyes were warm but Lucy reminded herself that it was merely lust she detected.

  “Of course, my lord. Will you lead me out?”

  She offered her hand and he swept her onto the floor in a waltz. Aubrey pulled her closer and she tried not to react.

  “My lady, have I told you how very lovely you look tonight?”

  “Thank you, my lord. And you are quite dashing tonight.”

  “Just tonight?” Aubrey was in a teasing mood.

  “Well, aren’t we quite full of ourselves?” Lucy’s tone was a little harder than she wished and Aubrey shot her a sharp glance.

  “Are you enjoying yourself, Lucy? I thought to see you dancing more.”

  “I almost never dance at balls.” She did not bother to explain that only rakes or her brother’s friends ever asked her to dance and there were neither here tonight. Aubrey expertly twirled her, moving around another couple.

  “You should be dancing through life, Lucy. Your path should be a map of stars and light to lead you to every happiness.”

  She laughed. “You are quite poetic, my lord. But I am content with my life as it is.” That was the only warning that he was going to receive from her, subtle but mayhap he would remember it later.

  “Oh no, Lucy. Life is going to be so much better for both of us. Finally! I cannot wait.”

  She inclined her head and curtsied as the dance ended.

  “Would you like some refreshments, my lady?”

  “No, thank you, I just had a glass of punch before you presented yourself. I am quite content to sit now.”

  “Sit, Lucy? No, I must find you a partner. I wish there was not this stupid convention or I would dance with you every dance.” Aubrey was looking around the room seeking Blakesley or another acquaintance to squire her. “Perhaps I should dance with you again anyway.”

  “No Aubrey, that is not necessary. I don’t want to make a scene.”

  Lady Lovell swept up to her son and took his arm. “Lovell, please come with me. Lady Clarissa is without a partner for this dance.”

  Aubrey stood his ground not bothering to hide his exasperation. “And why is that my problem, mother?”

  Lady Lovell shot a glance at Lucy and said smoothly, “Her father, the Duke, is detained and I promised him that she would be properly attended on tonight. It would not do for her to have to dance with some of the local men. The daughter of a Duke should be treated according to her station.”

  Aubrey rolled his eyes and turned to Lucy. “You will be all right here?”

  Lucy looked past him to Lady Lovell. “Of course I will.” The woman had the grace to redden, but said not a word as she tugged her son away.

  Lucy watched as Aubrey bowed to Lady Clarissa and led her out in a country dance. She was beautiful, her dress ivory and with sapphires at her neck and ears. Her blonde hair was piled up in curls with sapphire pin peeking out. They made a distinguished couple, Aubrey with his darker locks while she was so fair. Lucy watched for a long moment, then turned to find Harriet.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Harriet was now Lady Aversley, smiling shyly at one and all while George beamed beside her. Aubrey had done his duty by standing up with George, all the while wishing that it were he and Lucy standing before the pastor. It would not be long before that scenario played out in truth if he had his way. Lucy had looked beautiful standing near the bride to bear her witness to the union.

  He moved out into the sunshine with Lucy on his arm. A faint whiff of vanilla teased his senses and he glanced at her, but she was concentrating on Harriet and George.

  “They look so happy,” she said rather wistfully.

  “They are. Are you jealous? Don’t be, it won’t be long before we are together also.”

  Lucy looked up at him, her eyes solemn under the brim of her bonnet. “Do you really think we could be that happy?”

  Aubrey walked her to a corner of the churchyard that was relatively private.

  “Lucy, are you unhappy? We are together and we will continue so no matter what might ensue. I promise you.”

  “Of course." She blinked and looked away. "I am just a little tired. The last fortnight has been so busy and Harriet was nervous last night s
o I stayed up to talk to her and soothe her.”

  He gave her a doubtful look, but accepted her words and led her to the carriage that was waiting for them. They would return to the estate for the wedding breakfast. Most of the guests would depart after that, but he and Lucy were staying for one more night before returning to London. George and Harriet would have their privacy and with some luck he and Lucy could find some tonight also.

  Lucy slid across the seat away from him when he followed her into the carriage opposite Harriet and George. He frowned and moved a little closer to her. Surely she wasn’t being skittish because of George and Harriet. They scarcely noticed anything wrapped up in their own happiness as they were.

  Lucy settled her skirts, but did not look up at him. Her behavior made Aubrey unsettled. What was the matter? She had been quiet last night and today, even accounting for her participation in the wedding activities. He frowned. Once he finally got her alone he would find out what it was that was bothering her.

  They waited as George helped Harriet out of the carriage and a great cheer went up from the waiting servants. Then Aubrey carefully assisted Lucy, giving her arm a squeeze as she stepped down on the gravel. She nodded and faced the doorway, keeping an eye on Harriet and George as they passed into the house.

  The distance in her manners puzzled Aubrey. It was as if yesterday afternoon had never happened and they were back to when they first met again in London a few weeks ago.

  Once they were inside she stepped to the side to allow other guests to enter the hallway.

  “Please excuse me, my lord. I need a short time in private.” Lucy blushed, signaling her need for a chamber pot.

  “Of course.” He watched as she hurried up the stairs. She turned part way up to see him looking after her and she gave a small wave, then turned and stepped up the rest of the stairway.

  Aubrey smiled, reassured by that wave. Lucy would not have made the gesture in public if she was having any doubts. She was just exhausted after she had worked so hard to make everything perfect for Harriet.

  Satisfied he strode through the house to the ballroom where tables had been set up for the wedding breakfast. George and Harriet were just taking their seats when he found his place next to George.

  “Where is Lucy?” George asked.

  “She will be here soon, I am sure,” Harriet answered before he could.

  “Yes, she had a matter to attend to,” he said perplexed, wondering at Harriet’s answer. Had she seen Lucy ascend the stairs and come to her own conclusions? He shrugged, hungry and ready for a hearty meal. Assuaging George’s nerves this morning had not left time for breakfast and he was starving.

  People were coming and going, some to sit and eat, some to talk to George and Harriet. Time was passing and Lucy had still not appeared. Some people were already departing the festivities. Although he did notice that his mother and her acolyte, Lady Clarissa, were still in attendance. But Lucy had not returned and Aubrey was feeling his nerves accelerate.

  He finally found his chance and asked Harriet, “Lady Lucilla has not returned. Perhaps I should check on her.”

  “I am sure that she is just fine,” Harriet said, lifting a fork full of kippers to her mouth. “You need not leave your meal. I will have a maid go upstairs and find her.”

  Aubrey sat back, then glanced at George who shrugged his shoulders and applied himself to his own meal. Now that the wedding was over he was hungry also and he had not as much opportunity to eat with the guests addressing him and Harriet. Another neighbor came up to the table and disturbed Harriet once more. She smiled politely and put her fork down, poking George to gain his attention.

  Aubrey waited, but he did not see Harriet call for a maid. He started to rise once more when Harriet caught him from the corner of her eye. She broke off her conversation and called, “Mary. Can you please come here?”

  One of the maids hurried over and Harriet whispered into her ear. Once she had sent the maid off, she gave Aubrey a stern look. “Lucy is fine. Mary will find her so stay in your seat please.”

  Aubrey could not dispute her command as she was the bride after all and this was her wedding breakfast, but he was becoming more and more uneasy. Lucy had been gone for quite some time. He thought back to that small wave she had given him on the stairway and his breakfast settled into a cold lump in his stomach. He waited impatiently for Mary to return with Lucy, but when she finally appeared she was alone. She hurried over to Harriet and whispered once more.

  “Where is she?” Aubrey was trying to speak quietly but his words were louder than he meant and a few people nearby looked up.

  “Lady Lucilla will be here soon. There has been a delay.”

  George sat back, finally sated from his meal and looked between his new wife and best friend. Something was going on and he did not like it, especially if it upset Harriet.

  “Be at ease, Lovell! Lucy would not miss the entire breakfast.”

  Aubrey muttered, “She very nearly has already.” But he subsided back into his chair once more and pushed a piece of bread around his plate as he minded the doorway.

  His mother and Lady Clarissa had their heads together. He did not like that either. There was surely trouble brewing in that corner. He watched warily as his mother rose and approached him.

  “Lovell, it is important that I speak to you.”

  “All right, mother. What is the matter?” Aubrey was tiring of her importunities. He had asked her to go to her sister’s home and did not expect nor want to have her dogging his footsteps. He was not angry at her any longer, but he was wary of her machinations.

  “In private please.” She turned, expecting him to follow and he sighed, but pushed away from the table.

  She led him into George’s library, a small room with several bookcases and a huge desk that George used for conducting his estate business. There was a chair in front of the desk, but Lady Lovell remained standing by the desk, tapping one finger on the polished wood.

  “When you return to London tomorrow you will meet with the Duke of Clairmont to discuss your marriage settlements.”

  Aubrey blinked, but did not betray his surprise in any other way. He was long used to his mother’s manipulations, but he was no longer a raw boy who had to concede to her dictates. He was a man who had been on his own for over five years and would make his own decisions.

  “Lady Clarissa can do better than a mere Viscount. Even if she is a younger daughter, she is still the daughter of a Duke,” he drawled.

  “Of course, but Clairmont has the influence to make you an Earl. He will do that for his beloved youngest daughter.”

  Aubrey remained calm, but he was seething inside. "And Lady Clarissa? What does she get out of this?”

  For the first time his mother looked irritated. “Surely you know that it is a brilliant match for her. Lady Clarissa is thrilled by your suit.”

  “Lady Clarissa does not even know me. And there has been no suit that I am aware of,” he responded dryly.

  His mother moved around the desk and sat in George’s chair. “That is not important. Many marriages start off this way in the Ton. Your father and I were in an arranged marriage for example.”

  “And look how well that turned out.”

  “Do not be snide. This is a great opportunity for both you and the title.”

  “Mother, I am not marrying Lady Clarissa.” Aubrey leaned over the desk and his mother pushed backwards into her chair.

  “But we have made the arrangements. You just need to look the papers over and sign your name to them.”

  “The last I knew I was in my majority and have been for some time. You cannot make those decisions, indeed, any type of a decision for me. I repeat again, I am not marrying Lady Clarissa.”

  His mother sniffed. “I suppose you think to marry that Blount girl. She is a scandal and will heap ruin on your head.”

  “Lady Lucilla is an honorable and kind lady whom I have loved since my boyhood.”

  “
Then have her for your mistress. That’s what your father would have done.”

  “I am not my father.” Aubrey pounded a fist on the desk and his mother shrunk back. He inhaled a breath and calmed himself.

  “I am marrying Lady Lucilla Blount and there is nothing you can do about it.” He turned on his heel and started for the door when his mother spoke again.

  “And the lady is aware of your intentions?”

  “Of course.”

  “Well then, we will see.”

  Aubrey stopped and turned to stare at her. “What do you mean?”

  She rose from the chair. “Nothing, darling. Never mind, I can put the Duke off for a few weeks until you come to your senses.”

  She walked past him and out the door and Aubrey followed until he reached the ballroom. Lucy was still not at her seat so he hesitated but a moment and then strode back down the hallway to the main staircase. He took the stairs two at a time past an astonished footman and headed for the corridor where Lucy’s bedroom was located. The door was ajar so he walked in to find a maid tidying the room.

  “Where is Lady Lucilla?” he barked as the poor woman stopped making up the bed, her eyes wide.

  “She’s gone,” the maid quavered.

  “Gone where? Did she move to another room?”

  “No, my lord, I believe that she left the estate directly after the wedding. I packed her bags up last evening.”

  Aubrey closed his eyes trying to understand what the woman was saying. Had Lucy left for London already? Why had she not spoken to him?

  “Did she leave a message?” he asked the poor maid.

  “Not with me, my lord. You could check with Lady Harriet, I suppose.”

  Aubrey nodded and left, determined to find Harriet and get to the bottom of the matter. He located her in the downstairs hallway with George saying goodbye to the last of their wedding guests.

  He waited impatiently while their conversation dragged on. Aubrey knew that Harriet had seen him. She turned pale and edged around so that he was out of her vision. She seemed to be clutching George’s sleeve rather tightly. The cold feeling in the pit of Aubrey’s stomach grew bigger and settled in under his heart.