"Maybe you can invite them to visit you, then?"
"There's no room in the tiny place I rent. I don't really want them to see it, anyway." Vicky had sunk so low, consumed by grief and a sense she should deprive herself of comfort and happiness because Colin and Josh would never have it. She'd pushed her parents away, knowing they would be shocked by her life now.
"You could ask them to meet you here after Christmas. You could take them to lunch at the Fat Goose."
Heat warmed Vicky's cheeks as she imagined inviting her parents here. It was a nice idea, but this wasn't her home. It would be like lying to them if she let them think this was her life.
"You cooked dinner, so I'll load the dishwasher and make the coffee." Jonathan shooed her out of the room, and she snuggled on the sofa with Honey's head on her lap. She closed her eyes and stroked the dog's velvet ears as she mulled over what to do.
Jonathan carried in a tray and set it on the side table. Vicky pushed Honey down and moved along to give Jonathan room to sit.
He pressed a hand to his belly. "I ate too much. That was delicious, thank you."
"You're welcome. I'll have to keep that recipe and make it again." While she was married, she'd kept a folder of favorite recipes from magazines and printed from the Internet. She'd thrown it away when she moved as it held too many memories. Maybe it was time to start a new folder.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while, sipping their coffee while Honey snored softly on the rug at their feet.
After a time, Jonathan hauled in a breath and released it. "There's something I've been putting off for a long time. Will you help me with it?"
"Of course. What do you need me to do?" She was grateful to help him and stop thinking about her own issues for a while.
Jonathan rose, rounded the sofa, and went to the sideboard. He felt for the right-hand drawer and pulled it open. He rummaged and lifted out a pile of envelopes secured by a rubber band.
"Letters?" Vicky asked as Jonathan sat down and picked up each of the seven envelopes in turn to feel the size of them. It looked as if they were all addressed to Captain Bramwell and postmarked four years ago—the same Christmas that her world had imploded.
"Christmas cards mainly, I think," he said. "They were sent to me the first Christmas after my injury. I was in the hospital, recovering. I had a broken arm and collarbone, soft tissue injuries, and of course, the head injury. They operated since I had bleeding on the brain. I was told I had a fifty percent chance of getting my sight back after that operation."
"It must have been desperately disappointing to be given hope, then have it taken away again."
Jonathan touched his scar and sighed. "Does it look ugly?"
"No. It gives you character and shows you're not just a handsome face."
"You think I'm handsome?"
Vicky laughed. "Are you fishing for compliments?"
Jonathan's cheeks flushed and she felt bad for teasing him, but at least the smile was back on his face. He ran his fingers over the envelopes, tore one open, and felt the raised design sprinkled with glitter on the Christmas card inside. "Will you read it for me?"
Vicky swallowed and nodded, then remembered to say yes.
She leaned into Jonathan's side and he put his arm around her, pulling her close as she took the card from him.
"It's a picture of a robin on a snow-covered red mailbox with a thatched cottage in the background." Vicky opened the card. "Merry Christmas, sir. Hope you recover soon. Briggsy."
"Old Briggsy." Jonathan smiled. "He was a bit of a troublemaker, but you couldn't help but like him. I wonder if he's still in the army?"
He handed her the other envelopes, and she opened them one by one and read the short messages inside the cards. "These are all from soldiers you served with?"
"They're some of the men I commanded during my tour in Afghanistan."
"Why hasn't someone read these to you before?"
Jonathan shrugged. "I was in intensive care when they arrived. The medical staff had other priorities, and I haven't wanted to ask anyone until now. I thought there might be one that was personal."
Vicky opened a card with a deer and fawn on the front and a sheet of folded paper dropped out. Her heart gave a strange painful thump as she unfolded it and noticed the signature. "This card contains a letter signed by someone called Laura."
Jonathan stiffened.
Vicky scanned the writing and her gut clenched with distress. "Maybe I shouldn't read this if it's private?"
"You don't have to if you don't want to, but I would like to know what she said."
Vicky's voice came out soft and a little hoarse as she spoke the words this woman from his past had written.
My darling Jon,
I called the hospital after your brain surgery and they tell me they were unable to restore your sight. When we got engaged, I asked you to leave the army. I warned you I wasn't certain I'd cope with being the wife of an army officer.
Now this has happened and my worst fears have come true. I'm afraid I've made the hardest decision of my life and decided I can't marry you. I know it seems cruel to break up with you now, but I don't think I could cope with being married to a blind man.
I wish you a full recovery from your other injuries and all the best for the future.
Laura.
Vicky's pulse raced, her cheeks hot with anger, her chest so tight she barely had the breath to finish reading the horrible note. What a heartless woman.
"I'm so sorry." Snuggling closer to Jonathan, she wrapped both arms around him and held tight, trying to infuse him with love and compassion so he wouldn't feel so bad. He cupped the back of her head and stroked her hair.
They stayed this way for long minutes, the only sound the clock ticking on the mantel. Finally Jonathan spoke. "Laura used to be Shelly's best friend. Poor Shelly had to break the news to me and return the engagement ring. You'd think Laura could have at least come and told me herself."
"It might not be much consolation, but you're better off without that Laura woman."
"I know."
"Do you still have feelings for her?"
"No." Jonathan laughed without humor. "She's already been married and divorced. I had a lucky escape. Anyway, if I'd married her, I might not have met you."
His lips touched Vicky's forehead, and her eyelids fell. Jonathan sparked desires she'd thought dead forever.
"Thank you for reading me the cards. I didn't want to ask Shelly. She introduced me to Laura, so she already feels bad enough about what happened, and it's not the sort of thing I wanted to ask Marcus or Owen to do."
"You're welcome."
Despite the sad note, Vicky was pleased Jonathan had confided something so personal. She ran her fingers around his nape and into his thick hair, angling her face up to press her lips to his.
Sharing confidences brought them closer and dispelled her final doubts about unlocking her emotions. Sensual longings she hadn't felt for years flooded her body, leaving her muscles weak and her blood pumping.
“You don’t know what you do to me,” Jonathan mumbled. “It’s been so long…”
They kissed for hours, and when he rose and led her to his room, she didn’t hesitate. Could she be falling in love with this man?
Chapter Ten
Vicky woke in the warm comfort of Jonathan's bed, her legs tangled with his and her arm over his chest.
"Hey there, sleepyhead, Merry Christmas." He kissed her and snuggled her closer. "I'm so pleased you stayed last night and I got to wake up with you this morning. I haven't had such a wonderful gift on Christmas morning for years."
Through her sleepy haze of pleasurable memories, Vicky drifted, confused by how different she felt than when she'd arrived a week ago. She'd come to the Cotswolds to hide away and mourn. Yet something magical had happened when she met Jonathan.
This man touched a part of her she'd thought was too numb to ever feel again. It was as if he'd woken her from a bad dream, an
d she'd opened her eyes for the first time in four years. Yet part of her still felt guilty for being here with him, guilty for the buzz of pleasure and excitement that touching him and seeing him smile gave her. She wasn't sure that would ever completely go away, but she had a life to live and it was time to embrace it.
Vicky leaned her forearms on his chest and kissed his lips. "Merry Christmas." For the first time in four years, she meant it. Honey came in, tail wagging tentatively, and sat beside the bed. "Poor girl. I think Honey's confused by my being here."
"Well, you have stolen her spot on the bed." Jonathan boosted himself on an elbow and patted the covers. "Come on, girl. Still room for you." Honey jumped up and wormed her way between them.
They both made a fuss of her, rubbing her ears and petting her. "I know what you want, and it involves a ball," Jonathan said to his dog.
"I'll make a cup of tea, and then we can take her out." Vicky climbed out of bed and glanced through the window while she pulled on Jonathan's green-and-red-checked robe. The amazing view over the Rosemoor gardens resembled a winter wonderland, and her heart soared.
"Jon, it snowed last night. Everything's covered in a crisp white frosting. There are patches of blue sky visible between the gray clouds, and the sun's shining through the gaps, sparkling on the snow and ice. The grass, trees, and bushes look as though they're covered in diamonds."
She tore her gaze from the view and glanced over her shoulder. Jonathan leaned back against his pillow, a faraway look on his face as he ran his palm along Honey's back. "I remember the garden looking like that when I was a boy. Back then I couldn't wait to get outside and break the ice on the lake, and have a snowball fight with my brother."
The thought of boys playing in the snow sent a shot of pain through Vicky as she remembered her precious photos of Colin and Josh with their snowman. The mental image slowly morphed as she imagined Jonathan as a boy running around on the lawn outside, having fun.
He held out a hand, and she stepped closer and took it. He drew her near and pressed a kiss on her knuckles. "Thank you for describing what you can see. You've no idea how much that means to me."
To know she'd given Jonathan pleasure left her with a warm fuzzy feeling. Being with him was starting to fill the gaping void that losing Colin and Josh had left in her life.
Vicky kissed the scar on Jonathan's forehead, purposely choosing that spot to show him it didn't matter to her. "I'll make the tea. Be back in a moment."
She boiled the kettle and made two mugs of the English breakfast tea Jonathan liked, then carried them back to the bedroom. Honey had laid her head on Jonathan's lap and was asleep with a satisfied look on her face.
"Don't worry, baby," Vicky said, rubbing Honey's ears as she settled beside her on the bed. "I'm not going to steal your master. We can share him." Honey's tail thumped on the covers, and she licked Vicky's hand as if to say she understood.
When they'd finished their tea, Jonathan put on his dressing gown and took Honey outside for fifteen minutes while Vicky cooked a full English breakfast. They went back to bed to eat, leaning against the pillows with trays on their laps.
Vicky never wanted this perfect Christmas morning to end, but all too soon the clock in the sitting room chimed midday. "We need to think about getting up. Shelly is expecting us at two for Christmas dinner, and I want to give Honey a decent walk first."
Vicky set aside her tray and pressed her fingertips to her temples. She really should call her mum and dad, and she was putting it off.
"I think I'll go to my room for a shower. I'll meet you back here in thirty minutes to take Honey out." While she was alone, she would make her quick call to her parents and get it over with.
She carried the trays to the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher, then stopped by the bathroom to kiss Jonathan's stubbly cheek while he brushed his teeth. "See you in a little while."
Back in her room, she decided to shower first and call afterwards. She set the shower running and pulled off her robe. She was about to step under the water when her mobile phone rang. Shutting off the water, she dashed back into the bedroom, wrapped in a towel. Her heart pinched at the sight of her mum's name on her phone screen.
She wanted to speak to them but it was always so awkward, like walking on broken glass. Scooping back her hair, she released a sigh as she lifted the phone to her ear and tried to recover the happiness she'd felt earlier.
"Hi, Mum. Merry Christmas." Vicky plopped down on the red velvet chair in front of the dressing table and pasted on a smile as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.
"Merry Christmas, darling. How are you feeling? You sound happier than usual."
"I am. I decided to stay at a place in the Cotswolds this Christmas, and it's wonderful. I've met someone."
"A man?"
"Yes, and a puppy. I'm buying a Labrador-cross golden retriever. She'll be ready to leave her mum at the end of January."
"That's wonderful, darling. I'm so pleased. Colin and Josh would have wanted you to move on. You don't know how relieved I am that you're finally doing it."
"I'll never forget them, Mum."
"Nobody expects you to. We still miss them as well. Josh was our grandson, remember. We had to cope with the loss. But life goes on. We want to see our little girl happy again. Dad's nodding. He agrees."
Vicky rested her head in her hand. She knew her mum meant well, but somehow her encouragement to move on always made Vicky feel guilty for grieving too long.
There was a shuffling sound. "Dad wants to talk to you. I'm passing the phone over."
"Hello, Vicky, love. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better."
Tears filled Vicky's eyes at her father's gentle tone. They'd always been close, but she'd shut him out after the accident. She knew she'd hurt him.
"You going to make it over to see us sometime soon?"
"I'll try."
"That'll be wonderful. Just let us know when you're coming. We miss you, love. I miss you."
After the conversation with her parents, Vicky went back to her shower and stepped in. She hung her head, letting the water stream through her trailing hair. Her earlier happiness leaked down the drain with the suds. She hadn't just lost Colin and Josh, she'd lost her whole life. The way she'd reacted had made a terrible situation worse for herself and her poor parents.
She remembered the sensation of lying in Jonathan's arms, and hope whispered through her. With him there was the possibility of love and security, something that had been missing from her life for so long. Yet if she was to have a chance with Jonathan, she must reclaim her past and accept there would always be reminders of Colin.
And it was long past time she visited her mum and dad.
Chapter Eleven
After her shower, Vicky dressed and headed back to Jonathan's apartment. A growing sense of purpose filled her now she'd decided to visit her parents and stop running from the memories there.
She heard the tapping of Jonathan's computer keyboard when she entered the front door.
"Hi, I'm back."
The tapping stopped and he appeared at the sitting room door, clean shaven, wearing a gray jacket and smart slacks. It was the first time she'd seen him in anything other than jeans.
"You look good." She dropped her coat on the sofa, wrapped her arms around his waist, and rose on her toes to kiss him.
He pressed his nose to her hair. "You smell good, and I'm sure you look good too. Tell me what you're wearing."
As she described her long red dress and black boots, he skimmed his fingers down her side and smiled. "Lovely."
The clock on the mantel chimed twice and Jonathan sighed. "You know I'd love to spend the rest of the day here with you alone, but we can't let my sister down." He crouched and put Holly's special guide-dog harness on, then they went downstairs and locked up.
Weak sun shone through the gaps in the clouds, doing nothing to ease the intense cold but adding a sparkle to the icy landscape. Vicky pulled her scarf tight
and snuggled deeper into her coat.
They settled Honey on an old towel on the backseat of Vicky's car before they climbed in. Five minutes later, they arrived at the Fat Goose. Chloe burst out of the back door, wearing a thick sweater patterned with snowflakes and a matching scarf and knit hat. She jumped on the spot, flapping her arms to keep warm as they got out of their car.
"I'm just running over to Holly Cottage to check on the pups. Wanna come?"
"Oh, I'd love to see Jessie." Vicky glanced at Jonathan, aware that he wasn't going to be running anywhere, especially on the icy ground. "But we can go later when we have more time."
"You go now." Jonathan squeezed her hand. "I'll head inside and find the others. I need a drink to warm me up."
"Okay. See you in a minute." Vicky pressed a kiss to his lips, then she and Chloe ran across the village green. The brittle, icy grass crunched like sugar beneath their feet. She glanced back a couple of times to make sure Jonathan made it inside safely, but she needn't have worried. He held the handle on Honey's harness as his dog led him around the pub to the private back door, then they disappeared inside.
Chloe unlocked Holly Cottage and they hurried along the corridor. The unmistakable smell and sound of puppies greeted them as they cautiously pushed open the kitchen door, wary in case any of the pups were on the other side.
Jessie waded out from the heap of her brothers and sisters and scampered towards Vicky, yapping with excitement. Tripping over her paws, she landed in a heap at Vicky's feet.
"Oh, you sweet, adorable little darling." Vicky scooped up her baby and buried her face in the pup's soft fur. She couldn't wait to have her full time and take her to see her mum and dad. They would love her on sight, just like Vicky had.
Chloe cleaned up some puppy poop before she cuddled her little boy. Although little was not the right word to describe the pup she'd chosen. He was already twice the size of Jessie.
Golden Christmas Page 6