Roger resisted the urge to yawn. He needed to give this courtship a real effort. He couldn’t keep comparing Miss Willoby to Miss Lowell. The two weren’t the same person. They would never be the same person. This was what he needed. He had chosen to visit Miss Willoby for that exact reason. He didn’t want to go through the same heartbreak that he’d endured with Miss Lowell. To do that, he needed someone who was as unlike her as possible, and Miss Willoby was the exact opposite of Miss Lowell.
Miss Willoby was quiet and reserved. She didn’t seek out the attention of as many gentlemen as she could. She did dance, but it was her mother who had filled out her dance card. The gentlemen hadn’t lined up to ask to be on it. Miss Willoby was thoughtful in everything she said. She was mindful of every action she did. Everything she said and did had a purpose. There was nothing flamboyant about her.
And as good as that had seemed at the time he asked to call on Miss Willoby, he was quickly coming to the horrible conclusion that he didn’t have the slightest bit of interest in her. In theory, she was the perfect companion. If only he could be attracted to her. If only he didn’t long for the excitement Miss Lowell always brought with her.
“Mr. Morris?”
Roger shifted again in the chair. Drat! Why did his mind have to keep wandering? Hoping they were still talking about the seasons, he said, “My apologies. Talk of autumn made me think of the different colored leaves on the trees.”
“Those leaves are beautiful, aren’t they?” her mother asked.
He breathed a sigh of relief. Good. The lie had paid off. He drank some tea in an effort to stay focused on their conversation this time.
“Flowers in bloom on trees are just as beautiful,” her mother continued. “I honestly don’t know which season I like most. What do you think, Mr. Morris?”
“I haven’t given the matter any thought,” he admitted. In fact, he didn’t concern himself with such things at all.
“Surely, there must be one that appeals to you more than the others,” her mother said.
Since she was looking expectantly at him, he blurted out, “Autumn.”
“Why did you pick autumn?”
Good grief. She expected him to give them a reason? After a moment, he said, “The leaves and cooler weather.” Plus, the fox hunting, but he really didn’t feel like discussing that with them. They might start talking about what their favorite dogs were, or something as equally trivial.
She smiled in pleasure then glanced at her daughter. “He likes the cooler weather, too. You two have something in common.”
He knew her mother was trying to encourage the match, but liking something about autumn wasn’t the compelling evidence both of them needed to get married. There had to be more to a relationship than this. There had to be some level of excitement in being with the other person. But he didn’t feel any of that with Miss Willoby, and he had the sinking sensation that seeing her again wouldn’t stir those feelings within him. This whole afternoon was a waste of time. This wasn’t going to go anywhere. One couldn’t force the desire to be with someone. It was either there, or it wasn’t.
Somehow, he made it through the rest of the visit. After offering a polite goodbye, he went to White’s and poured himself a brandy. He plopped into the first chair he found and sighed in frustration.
“How did things go with Miss Willoby?” Aaron asked as he approached him.
“It was one of the most boring afternoons I’ve ever endured,” Roger confessed.
Aaron sat next to him. “What did you two talk about?”
“I don’t even know. I think there was something about autumn leaves, but it’s hard to recall.” He shook his head in disgust. “I kept thinking of Miss Lowell.” Noting the disappointed look on his friend’s face, he added, “I wasn’t trying to. I did my best not to think of her, but the more I tried not to, the more I did.”
Aaron shook his head. “The only thing ladies are good for is having an heir. Who cares if you remember what she talked about? Pick the one who is the most attractive and marry her.”
For his friend, it might be that easy. When Aaron was ready to marry, he’d probably pick the first lady who attracted him. He wouldn’t give any thought to what she was interested in or if he could have a pleasant conversation with her. Roger didn’t know whether to admire him or pity him for looking at marriage in such simplistic terms.
Aaron sighed. “I can tell you’re going to search for someone who’s like Miss Lowell. Only a lady who can excite you the way she does will get you to marry her.”
If only there was someone out there like Miss Lowell, he would marry her in a heartbeat, if she would have him. The problem with Miss Lowell was that she preferred gentlemen with titles. She would never be happy with him. She would always want what he couldn’t give her. He wasn’t a relative to a titled gentleman. All he had were his looks and money, and those hadn’t been enough.
Well, they hadn’t been enough until things didn’t work out with Lord Hedwrett. Then suddenly he mattered.
He didn’t care if he spent the rest of his life with this restless feeling. He wasn’t going to marry her. He wasn’t going to degrade himself by going back to her.
“I have an idea,” Aaron said, interrupting his thoughts. He went to a table with a deck of cards on it. “Let’s play some cards. We’ve talked about Miss Lowell long enough. You won’t get your mind off of her by moping in the corner of a room. You need to keep your mind engaged.”
His friend was probably right. Roger spent a lot of time just sitting and thinking of how miserable he was. Nothing good was coming from it. All he was doing was wasting time.
“Heartbreaks don’t last forever, do they?” he asked Aaron as he sat at the table.
Aaron shrugged as he settled into his chair. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in love before. Looking at you, I’m glad for it. When I do marry, I’m going to make it someone I don’t care about. That way if she seeks out a lover once she has my son, I won’t care. The best way to prevent oneself from being miserable is to never care.”
Unfortunately, that was true, but Roger couldn’t help but think that was an empty way to live. Deciding to keep the thought to himself, he accepted the cards Aaron gave him and started playing the game.
***
“I don’t even know why I’m here,” Emilia told Lilly and Kitty a week later at a ball. “I’m already betrothed. It’s not like I need to find a husband.”
“Just because you’re betrothed, it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy dancing,” Lilly replied. “Lord Valentine can’t get more than two dances with you. That frees you up to dance with a lot of gentlemen.”
Kitty giggled and then hurried to cough.
Knowing full well Kitty was laughing because of Emilia’s engagement, the two friends glared at her.
Kitty’s cheeks went pink. “I didn’t mean to laugh. Forgive me.”
“You should just be glad Lilly let my name slip instead of yours,” Emilia said. “If she hadn’t, you’d be the one engaged to him right now.”
Kitty’s eyes grew wide. “I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you, Lilly.”
Lilly sighed. “I shouldn’t have mentioned the whole thing with ladies noticing him. I wish I’d kept my mouth shut.” She offered Emilia an apologetic look. “I really do feel terrible about it.”
“I know,” Emilia said. “It’s the only reason I’m still talking to you.” She paused. “Are you sure you want to go through with the scandal this evening?”
Lilly nodded. “Mr. Morris has already danced with three ladies tonight, and they all seem taken with him.”
“No, they don’t,” Kitty said. “They look like they’re being polite. You only think they’re interested because you’re worried one of them will end up being his wife.”
Well, one could be if Lilly wasn’t careful. Mr. Morris was eager to get married. There was no telling if he would marry the first lady who accepted his next proposal.
Emilia’s head bow
ed down as she checked the lower part of her gown.
Kitty jabbed Lilly in the side. When Lilly looked at her, she gestured to the entrance of the ballroom. Lilly saw Lord Valentine. He was grinning from ear to ear, something that made his nose seem even more pronounced. He was with his mother, and the two were looking around the room.
With a gasp, Lilly took Emilia by the arm and urged her to get behind a group of other ladies who were talking.
“What are you doing?” Emilia protested as she struggled to avoid tripping on her gown.
“In a moment.” Lilly waited until the three of them were out of Lord Valentine’s view to say, “Your intended is here.”
Emilia gasped. “But he was supposed to be at a dinner party tonight. It was one where only gentlemen were invited. It was why I was able to come here without him.”
“Well, he either left the dinner party early, or he decided not to go,” Kitty said. “He’s here, and he brought his gigantic nose and his mother with him.”
Emilia cringed. “He’s been wanting to introduce me to her. She was in another country with her sister when he talked with my father. I didn’t know when she was due back.”
“Maybe she found out her son actually found a lady to marry him and ran back to London,” Kitty said.
“Or maybe she happened to arrive in London today and her son got so excited about marrying Emilia that he brought her to this ball so she could meet her.” Lilly turned to Emilia. “We have to sneak you out of here.” Inspired, she added, “You and Kitty can slip out of here while I secure a marriage to Mr. Morris.”
“Can we do that?” Kitty asked.
“Sure. Everyone will be looking at me. They won’t notice if you two get your mother and run out of here,” Lilly said. “Your mother didn’t really want to chaperone us anyway. She thinks these balls are boring. She’ll be happy to leave early.”
Kitty bit her lower lip. “I suppose you have a point.”
“I like it. Go do your scandal.” Emilia pushed her toward the center of the ballroom.
Lilly almost bumped into a lady. The lady looked over at her in surprise. Offering a quick apology, Lilly fluffed her blonde wig then proceeded closer to the dancefloor where she could get a better look at the couples who were dancing.
Mr. Morris and the lady he was dancing with were laughing. Lilly stood still for a moment and watched them. Was he really happy? Sure, he was smiling, but was he only smiling to be polite, or was he truly enjoying the lady’s company?
The lady said something, and though he laughed, it didn’t have the same quality in it that she was used to. He was being polite. He wasn’t excited to be with the lady. He was bored, but he was determined to act as if he was having a wonderful time.
That was good. Perhaps he wouldn’t mind the scandal.
Her resolve strengthened, she approached them, ignoring the murmurs from those who noticed she wasn’t supposed to be among the dancing couples.
When she saw an opportune moment to get between Mr. Morris and the lady, she made her move. She slipped between them, and, before Mr. Morris had time to protest, she wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled up against him.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked in a bewildered tone.
Before he had time to figure out what was going on, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. He was so startled that he lost his balance and fell back. Clinging to him, she ended up landing on the floor with him.
Recalling how bad things looked with Claire and Nate, she shifted so that she was straddling him. Sure, her legs were exposed to the entire world, but modesty wasn’t going to get her into a marriage with the one gentleman she most wanted to be with.
The music stopped playing, and Lady Cadwalader and a couple of her friends marched over to them.
“What is this indecent thing you’re doing with this poor gentleman?” Lady Cadwalader snapped. She grabbed Lilly by the elbow and forced her to get up.
Mr. Morris, his face a bright shade of red, struggled to get to his feet but was having trouble with the task. Lord Cadwalader hurried to his aid and helped him.
“In all the years I’ve been going to balls, I have never seen a lady ensnare a gentleman the way you just did,” Lady Cadwalader told her. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself. You have humiliated Mr. Morris and your family.”
One of Lady Cadwalader’s friends pointed at Lilly. “What you did was morally reprehensible.”
Lilly supposed she should take the same recourse Claire had and act appropriately contrite, but something in the condescending stares of the people around her sparked her rebellious nature. Yes, she had expected this kind of response, but it suddenly angered her that so much of her life had been bound by the countless rules of the Ton.
“I’m not ashamed of what I did,” Lilly said, sounding braver than she felt.
The entire room grew so quiet that one could hear a pin drop. She didn’t dare look at Mr. Morris. She didn’t want to know what his reaction was. He was probably just as mad at Lady Cadwalader and her friends were.
Lady Cadwalader’s eyes narrowed at her. “You really can’t be that insolent.”
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t be,” Lilly said. It was easier to feel braver this time. “I’ll do what I want regardless of what anyone else thinks.”
Several people nearby muttered their disapproval, so she glared at them. They quickly averted their gazes.
“At least your sister had the sense to act sorry for what she did with Lord Roderick,” Lady Cadwalader said.
Lilly shrugged. “What does it matter what she did? I’m not her.”
A few people gasped.
“Who is your chaperone?” Lady Cadwalader demanded.
“I am my own chaperone.” There was no way she’d tell anyone Kitty’s mother had been her chaperone for the evening. By now, Kitty’s mother should have taken Kitty and Emilia out of here. Since her parents weren’t there, they couldn’t take the blame for what she’d done, either.
Lady Cadwalader put her hands on her hips. “You can’t tell me you came here all by yourself.”
“I act on my own accord, my lady,” Lilly replied.
Lady Cadwalader got so upset that Lilly thought steam might come out of her ears. “Out! Out, out, out! Get out of here this instant!”
Lilly didn’t even have time to move before Lady Cadwalader’s friends grabbed her by the arms and practically picked her up as they rushed her out of the ballroom. Lilly didn’t have time to look back and see what Mr. Morris was thinking. But that might be for the best. She probably didn’t want to know. Mr. Morris was every bit the gentleman. She knew he was going to be furious with her once his shock wore off. He wasn’t going to want to talk to her for a long time. Thankfully, she had the rest of her life to make things up to him. Now he would marry her. Even if she didn’t get a chance to talk to him this evening, she would get one at some point in the future.
Lady Cadwalader’s friends nearly threw her onto the steps of the townhouse.
“She’s banned from this townhouse,” one of her friends told the footman. Then she scowled at Lilly. “You are no longer welcome to any of our balls. We will not have ladies like you mingling with us.”
“Bad company corrupts good habits,” another one of Lady Cadwalader’s friends added before the group marched back into the townhouse.
“Well, good,” Lilly yelled after them. “I don’t want to have anything to do with you old hags anyway!”
She was sure she’d regret the way she’d just talked to Lady Cadwalader and her friends tomorrow, but she didn’t care at the moment. Lifting the hem of her gown, she headed down the steps and went home.
Chapter Four
Roger was so angry that he had trouble sleeping. Finally, after tossing and turning for most of the night, he fell into a restless sleep. Once morning came, he got out of bed, bathed, and dressed for the day. He had hoped that by the time he was downstairs, he would have calmed down. But as he
poured brandy into his glass in the drawing room, he noticed that his hands were still shaking. He set the lid on the decanter and stared at the glass in his hand. Brandy wasn’t going to calm him down.
He slammed the glass on the desk, stomped over to the small table with the food assembled for him to eat, and plopped down in the chair. At least he could eat. No matter what was going on in his life, he always managed to eat. He’d hate to think that Miss Lowell had ruined his appetite on top of everything else.
He shook the cloth napkin out and smoothed it on his lap. He selected a poached egg, some fruit, and a pastry. He took a sip of the milk then began to eat.
He had to marry Lilly. After last night, he didn’t have any other choice. He had pursued her for two years. Why was it that the moment he’d decided he’d had enough, she suddenly wanted to be with him?
Great. Now his appetite was ruined. He set the half-eaten pastry on the plate and let out a frustrated sigh. What gave her the right to dictate his life for him? If she had wanted to be with him, she should have said yes when he proposed.
“Mr. Morris?” the butler asked.
Roger looked over at the butler who stood close by. He hadn’t heard the servant come over to him. This was getting ridiculous. Miss Lowell must not continue to do this to him. If he wasn’t careful, he wouldn’t even be able to concentrate on the things going on around him.
“What is it?” Roger asked, doing his best to keep his tone pleasant.
“Lord Northton wishes to speak with you,” the butler replied.
Roger nodded. “Tell him to come in.” He put the napkin on the table and rose to his feet.
Aaron came into the room and grinned. “I bet it feels good to give Miss Lowell what she deserves. I heard what happened last night. It’s in the Tittletattle. They dedicated two pages to the incident. Apparently, Lord and Lady Cadwalader are so enraged by the scandal that they’re going to have every influential person in the Ton over to make sure Miss Lowell will be banned from all social activities for up to a year.” He chuckled and went to the table. “Mind if I join you? I was so excited by the news that I came over here before eating.”
Breaking the Rules Page 3