Despite the serious expression on his face, she burst out laughing. “You’re jesting.”
“No. I tell you the truth. It really happened. If they had been discussing something interesting, the butler wouldn’t have fallen asleep. I know people don’t want gossip to spread through London, but you should at least give the poor servants something worth staying awake for.”
“Mr. Robinson, I think you’re exaggerating, but you do tell an entertaining tale.”
The butler came in and set the tray on the table. “Your mother will be down to chaperone the visit.”
Mr. Robinson waved the comment aside. “This absolutely wonderful lady refuses to run off to Gretna Green to marry me. There’s no point in having a chaperone. I can’t do anything interesting with her.”
She gasped, but she caught the way the corner of Mr. Robinson’s lip curled up and knew he’d only said that for the butler’s benefit. She waited for the butler to leave before poking him in the arm. “You mustn’t say stuff like that. Mr. Morris might think I was entertaining notions of a romantic nature with you, and that’s the last thing I want him to think. He’s already upset with me. I can’t afford to upset him further.”
“Why would he be upset with you? Because you kissed him in the middle of a ballroom? I, for one, would take that as a compliment if a lady did that to me.”
“I’m sure that would depend on the lady who did it.”
He thought over her words for a moment then nodded. “I suppose that’s true. Though I can’t imagine the wrong kind of lady giving me a kiss in a public place.”
She poured tea into their cups. “Maybe the lady is desperate to marry someone. Maybe she’s a harpy with a terrible disposition.”
He accepted the cup she offered him. “But even if that were the case, she would still be better than a wallflower that spends all her time in the corner of the room.”
“What if she’s not attractive?”
“There’s always something attractive about a lady. Even ones plain in the face have some other feature that makes them attractive. I can think of a couple who have nice figures.”
She caught the way he smiled and immediately regretted turning his mind in a more sensual direction. “You’re hopeless, Mr. Robinson. There’s nothing proper about you at all.”
“Thank you. I hope to keep it that way.” He drank his tea.
She felt a chuckle rise up within her but fought it back. The whole conversation was far too brazen for a lady. She had no right to find it as amusing as she did. She needed to remember her place. Yes, she had sacrificed her reputation to get Mr. Morris, but she had to stop there. From this point on, she had to be the very image of propriety. Mr. Morris deserved that. She was going to make the scandal up to him.
“Mr. Morris is a fortunate gentleman to be marrying you,” Christopher said.
“I don’t know if he’ll ever see it that way, but my hope is that he’ll forgive me.” In a soft voice, she added, “I just don’t know if the scandal ruined the chance that he can ever love me again.”
“If you need any assistance, I hope you’ll let me help.”
“What can you do?”
He thought over her question for a couple of seconds then shrugged. “I’m not sure, but I’ll think of something.”
Touched by his sincerity, she thanked him. “You have a sense of honor beneath that impish exterior.”
He shrugged. “Perhaps, but I’ll never let it make me boring.”
This time, she didn’t resist the urge to chuckle. Feeling a tad bit better about the future, she drank her tea.
Chapter Six
During the wedding, Lilly tried to assess just how upset Mr. Morris was with her. He had allowed her and her parents into his townhouse, and he didn’t protest while the vicar read from his book. He did, however, refuse to make eye contact with her. Also, his posture was stiff and his voice was tense when he spoke.
She had hoped he might have softened over the week since the scandal, but, to her dismay, he hadn’t. If anything, he seemed to have grown more resistant to her. The gentleman who’d once been eager to be in her company was long gone.
If only she had been smart enough to say yes when he had proposed.
Well, it wasn’t like she could go back in time to do things over again. She was stuck with this situation, and it was her fault. She was only getting what she deserved. She didn’t know how she was going to dig her way out of the hole she was in, but as long as she and Mr. Morris were alive, she had a chance of making things right.
Once the wedding was over, Mr. Morris turned to Lilly’s parents and said, “You and your daughter may have breakfast in the other room. The butler will show you the way.” Then he turned and headed out of the room.
She frowned. Did that mean he wasn’t going to eat with them?
Ignoring the surprised expressions on her parents’ faces, she hurried after him. He was walking so fast that she didn’t catch up to him until he was in the hallway. He jerked back when she jumped in front of him.
“Aren’t you going to eat with us?” she asked.
He glowered at her. “You got me to marry you. Isn’t that enough?”
She blinked as she struggled to come up with the best words to help smooth things over. Finally, she ventured, “Mr. Morris, I’m sorry. I know what I did was wrong, but I promise that I’ll be a good wife. I won’t do anything scandalous ever again.”
He shook his head in irritation. “You don’t understand why I’m angry, do you? You think the fact that you embarrassed yourself in front of the Ton is why I’m upset?”
“No. I realize I embarrassed you, too. I tried to make it so that the Ton wouldn’t blame you for the scandal.”
“How generous of you,” he snapped. “You became a martyr to be with me. Am I supposed to be grateful for that?”
She paused. “No.”
“All you think about is yourself,” he continued. “No one else’s feelings matter to you. It didn’t matter that I no longer wanted to marry you. All that mattered was that you decided you wanted to marry me. I told you I didn’t want to be with you anymore. When you rejected my proposal, I didn’t force you into marriage through a scandal. I only stepped in to stop you from marrying Lord Hedwrett because,” he rolled his eyes, “God help me,” he looked back at her, “I loved you so much that I wanted to see you with a gentleman who could treat you right. I couldn’t stand idly by and let you make a horrible mistake. Even if I couldn’t be with you, I wanted you to be happy. But it never once occurred to you to do the same for me. No. You decided you had to have me, and it didn’t matter what I, or anyone else, had to say about it. You were going to get what you wanted by any means necessary. You might be my wife, but you’ll never be my lover and you’ll never be my friend. There are some things you will never control.”
He stepped around her and strode down the hall. He turned a corner, and soon after, she heard a door slam.
She snapped out of her shock. He wasn’t just angry. He was livid. He hated her.
She swallowed the lump in her throat so she wouldn’t burst into tears. The butler and her parents were nearby. She didn’t know if they’d heard what Mr. Morris had said. She hoped not. But she supposed if they had, she deserved for them to know what her husband really thought of her. She took a deep breath and forced her mind off of his words. She couldn’t think about them now. Not when they were watching. She’d have to wait until she was alone. Then it would be safe to cry.
For a long moment, no one did anything. Since she was responsible for the way things turned out, she approached them.
Noting the question in the butler’s eyes, she said, “I think it might be best if we didn’t have the wedding breakfast.”
The butler, seeming to be relieved that he wasn’t going to be forced to stay in the dining room with them after everything that had transpired, nodded and hurried down the hall.
She turned to face her parents.
“I thought Clai
re’s wedding day was awkward,” her father began, “but this was worse.”
“You can’t blame Mr. Morris for being upset,” her mother whispered. “Look at everything that’s happened.”
“Of course, he has every right to be upset,” her father agreed. Then he glanced between her and her mother. “We should refer to him as Roger. Even if he’s not enthusiastic about the marriage, he’s now a part of the family.”
Roger. Roger and Lilly. Lilly rather liked the way their names sounded together. But who knew if she’d ever be able to call him by his Christian name? “I know I deserve his anger,” she told her parents in a quiet tone. “I’m not going to pretend I don’t. I just don’t know what I can do to make things right.”
“I don’t think you can make things right,” her mother said.
“While you can’t do anything about the past, you can do something about the future,” her father amended.
Holding onto the glimmer of hope he’d just given her, Lilly asked, “What can I do?”
“I don’t know,” her father replied with a shrug. “Nate was angry at Claire, but Claire hadn’t done anything wrong. He misunderstood the situation. I’m not sure what you can do since you intentionally trapped Roger into marriage.”
Lilly’s shoulders slumped in disappointment. She had hoped her parents might have some words of wisdom they could offer.
“Maybe you should do whatever Roger says,” her mother suggested. “That might make things better.”
“He wants me to leave him alone,” Lilly said. “He doesn’t want me to go anywhere near him.”
“That does complicate things,” her mother replied with a wince.
“We might not be able to help you with this situation, but we can give you breakfast,” her father said after a moment. “Why don’t we take you to our home? I’m sure you’ll figure something out after you’ve had a chance to eat.”
Lilly doubted it, but she was hungry and she didn’t want to eat here. At least not right now. At some point, she would have to eat in this townhouse since she was married to Roger, but she needed time. She needed to come up with a plan. Roger hadn’t given up on her when she foolishly accepted Lord Hedwrett’s proposal. And though she knew it was selfish to trap him into marriage, she wanted to correct things.
Somehow, someway, she was going to make this marriage work. All wasn’t lost. There was always hope as long as she was able to do something about a situation. What she needed was someone she could consult with who could help her come up with an idea.
At once, the perfect person came to mind. Mr. Robinson. He had offered to help her. Sure, his methods weren’t conventional, but they worked. Before he intervened on Claire’s behalf, Nate refused to say more than a few words to her. Now Nate and Claire were happy together. If anyone could help her, it would be him.
***
With a groan, Roger turned back from the closed door of the den. He stomped back over to the other side of the room, which put him as far from the door as possible. He had to be strong. He mustn’t be weak.
He didn’t know why Lilly had such a hold over him. Despite all common sense, he wanted to go to her and give her the kind of kiss that would make her forget all other gentlemen but him.
Why? Why did it have to be her? Of all the ladies in London, why did he have to love her? Why couldn’t he just build a wall around his heart so she couldn’t get to it?
He’d been struggling to forget her before, but now that she was his wife, it was going to be impossible. He wasn’t going to be able to forget her no matter how much he wanted to. Everyone in London knew they were married. People would inquire after her. He knew some of the same people she did. London was a small place. People mingled in the same social circles, and after a while, you couldn’t help but know who was who.
He went to the decanter and poured himself a glass of brandy. He was trapped. As much as he wanted to push Lilly away, he didn’t know how he’d be able to do that. Sure, he could refuse to share meals with her and refuse to go to her bedchamber, but sooner or later, they would be expected to attend a dinner party or ball together. He had important business connections, and it would be too awkward if he didn’t show up with her. All married gentlemen, regardless of how they felt about their wives, had to bring them to public events. If they didn’t, the rumors would be unbearable.
He took a sip of his brandy, hoping the liquid might settle his nerves, but it didn’t. He felt as if he was on pins and needles. A small part of him—the part he hated—was excited by the idea of being married to Lilly. And that was what made this marriage so unbearable.
Why couldn’t he just let her go? Why did that part of him insist on holding onto her?
He could see Aaron shaking his head in disappointment. But as much as Roger wished he could destroy that part of him, he couldn’t. The heart was such a fickle thing. It didn’t care how many times it’d been hurt. All it knew was that it wanted the object of its affection.
If only a gentleman could rip his heart out and burn it. If only reason dominated everything a gentleman felt. Then he could be free of the temptation to run after Lilly like a lovesick fool.
He let out a frustrated groan and threw the glass of brandy into the fireplace.
Chapter Seven
The next day, Lilly talked Kitty into going with her to Mr. Robinson’s townhouse. On their way there, she couldn’t help but notice how Kitty kept fiddling with her fake beard.
“Are you sure we should be going to a gentleman’s townhouse without a chaperone?” Kitty asked.
“We’ll be fine,” Lilly assured her. “Besides, we’re disguised as gentlemen. No one realizes we’re ladies.”
Kitty shot her a skeptical look. “I don’t know if these disguises are that good. I’m telling you that the gentleman we passed three blocks away smiled suggestively at me.”
“He did no such thing. He was already smiling when he glanced in your direction.”
“He smiled after he glanced at me, and it was a suggestive one. He knew I was a lady and wanted to let me know it.”
Lilly decided not to argue with her friend. The truth was, the gentleman had been talking with another gentleman, and the two had been enjoying an amiable conversation. But Kitty was so worried that someone would catch onto their ploy that she naturally saw things that weren’t there.
Had Lilly not disgraced Roger and her parents with the scandal, she would have risked being seen in public as a lady, but with all of London watching her, she didn’t dare. The last thing she wanted to do was bring more shame to the people she cared about. And that included her friend.
She was grateful Kitty had been willing to go with her. Poor Emilia had to spend the day with a seamstress who was making her wedding gown. There was no way she could have joined them today. Lilly hid the urge to grimace. If only she’d been more mindful of what she was saying when she danced with Lord Valentine.
The two reached Mr. Robinson’s townhouse, and Lilly led the way up the steps. She waited until Kitty indicated that she was ready before she knocked on the door. Her heart sped up with hope. If anyone could help her, it was Mr. Robinson. She prayed he was home so she didn’t have to come back. She would have written a missive asking to see him if she could figure out a way to deliver it without someone finding out.
When the door opened, Lilly introduced herself and Kitty to the footman as Mr. Squire and Mr. Bartholomew. “We have a pressing matter to discuss with Mr. Robinson,” she continued in a masculine voice. “Is he receiving visitors at the moment?”
The footman nodded and waved them in.
What luck! Lilly hurried into the townhouse, followed by Kitty who was adjusting her beard again. Lilly waited until the footman wasn’t looking at them to silently send a warning for Kitty to stop touching the beard. It was just fine. If Kitty kept touching it, the thing was going to fall off. Kitty put her hands down and joined Lilly as the footman led them to the drawing room.
Once they were in the cen
ter of the room, the footman asked, “Can I bring you some brandy?”
Kitty started to shake her head, but Lilly hurried to say, “Yes, thank you.”
If they didn’t take the brandy, the footman would think they were odd. Every gentleman she’d ever come across drank brandy. After the footman poured each of them a glass of brandy, he left the room.
Kitty stared at the liquid in her glass and swirled it around. “This smells awful.”
“Gentlemen love it. My father’s always buying it to give his visitors,” Lilly said.
“I would only give this to someone I hated.” She put the glass up to her nose, sniffed it, and gagged. “How do gentlemen drink this?”
“They probably start drinking brandy early in life, so they get used to it.” She took a sip.
“What do you think?”
“It’s strong, but it has a fruity flavor to it. I can’t figure out what fruit, though.”
“I love fruit.” Kitty brought the glass to her mouth and drowned the entire thing before Lilly had time to blink.
Lilly’s jaw dropped. She hadn’t expected Kitty to do that!
Kitty coughed then started licking the sleeve of her coat.
“You can’t do that,” Lilly hissed and tried to stop her from licking her sleeve anymore. “Mr. Robinson will be here any moment.”
“But it burns,” Kitty argued. “I need something to get rid of the horrible sensation that my mouth is on fire.”
Lilly glanced around the room and saw a pitcher. Perhaps that might contain water.
Before she could go to it, someone entered the room. She grabbed Kitty’s arm so that Kitty wouldn’t bring the sleeve back up to her mouth. Then she turned Kitty around.
“We have company,” she whispered to her friend.
Kitty straightened up and clasped her hands together.
Breaking the Rules Page 5