“Gentlemen are bound to ask why they’ve never heard of you before,” Christopher said. “I suppose I can say you two have been in another country for years.”
“I’ve been to Italy and Spain,” Emilia piped up. “You can use one of those countries.”
Christopher glanced at the ceiling. “I could say that you two met on a business venture in Italy. Do either of you know anything about trading overseas?”
Lilly didn’t, but Emilia offered an enthusiastic nod and said, “Yes, I do. My father is acquainted with a couple of captains who refuse to trade with the Americans. A lot of them are upset over the war that’s taking place over there. We have enough to contend with because of Napoleon.”
“That’s good,” Christopher said. “Do you know more about the politics behind the war with America?”
“I know some but not a lot,” Emilia replied. “I was merely speaking about this from the angle of trade. My father will invest in trade with Africa or India, but he will not have anything to do with trade with America because of the war. Many gentlemen feel the same way.”
Lilly stared at her friend in shock. She had no idea that Emilia knew anything about trade with other countries. Lilly had always concerned herself with the latest fashion, which gentleman to consider for marriage, and the latest gossip in London. The wars hadn’t had any impact on her personal life, so she’d seen no reason to think about them. As she thought about it, she couldn’t recall her father bringing the topic up, either, except one time when he and Nate were talking. But they’d both stopped as soon as they realized she was in the room.
Christopher straightened up. “I think you’ll do quite well as my guest at White’s.”
“I’m afraid to say I don’t know anything about the conflict with America or how it’s affecting the trading business,” Lilly admitted, suddenly feeling like she’d been preoccupied with a lot of things that really didn’t matter her entire life.
“I don’t, either,” Christopher told her. “It’s just that there are some gentlemen at White’s who only want to talk about business and politics. In case one of them asks a question, it’s ideal if one of you can answer him in a way that is satisfactory.”
At once, she felt better, but she had a newfound appreciation for how astute Emilia was.
“I’ll arrange for you two to come to White’s with me and my friend,” Christopher said.
“Can’t you ask Lord Clement about it while we’re here?” Lilly asked. She didn’t want to seem too eager to go to White’s, but the sooner she spoke with Roger, the sooner she’d know how to approach him as his wife. As it was now, she didn’t dare go near him out of fear she’d make things worse.
Christopher laughed. “Lord Clement’s not my friend. He’s my guardian. And he’s a boring one at that. He’d only put you two to sleep. I’m going to enlist the help of Lord Edon.”
“Lord Edon?” Lilly shifted in her chair. “Is that wise? He’s a notorious rake.”
“Yes, but he’s also one of the most highly respected gentlemen at White’s,” he pointed out. “If you two go with me and him, you’ll have no trouble being welcomed by the members there. Lord Edon has ways of getting someone into the club that don’t necessarily follow the rules.”
Christopher winked at her, but for the life of her, Lilly couldn’t figure out what the wink meant. He rose to his feet, signaling the conversation was over, so she decided it didn’t matter. What mattered was getting a chance to talk with Roger in an area private enough to get him to open up to her.
Lilly thanked him for helping her then left with Emilia.
“Isn’t this exciting?” Emilia whispered as they headed down the sidewalk. “I can’t wait to see what White’s is like. Do you think the gentlemen have secret words and signals they use?”
“I have no idea what to expect,” Lilly replied, her voice equally soft so others wouldn’t overhear them. “Maybe all they do is talk about trade and war. Christopher seemed to think that it was necessary one of us knew something about those things.”
“Yes, but I know more than he does,” Emilia said. “Some obviously don’t care about any of it.”
“I’m surprised you know so much. Does your father discuss trade and politics with you?”
“No, but he likes to talk to gentlemen about it when they come to visit.” She rolled her eyes. “He and Lord Valentine were discussing the wars the other day. I think it’s one of the reasons my father’s so excited about the marriage.”
Lilly laughed. “Your father doesn’t see him the same way a lady does.”
“You’re right. He’ll never have to kiss him.”
Lilly noticed the way her friend shuddered and wished she could offer her some words of comfort, but she knew there was nothing she could say to make things easier for her. Her friend was stuck with him, and there was nothing she could do to get out of the marriage.
“You’ll let me know when Mr. Robinson and Lord Edon will take us to White’s, won’t you?” Emilia asked.
“Of course, I will. I made it a point to tell Mr. Robinson that you’d be going, too.”
“Yes, but I’ll need to know well before we’re due to go there. If I have to feign a headache to get out of a prior engagement, I prefer to be prepared for it.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll let you know a couple days ahead of time when we’ll be going to White’s.”
“Good. I don’t want to miss any of the fun.”
Lilly was glad her friend saw it that way because for her, it wasn’t all that fun to dress up as a gentleman in hopes she could find out how to get a second chance with Roger.
***
“When’s the last time you’ve been home?” Aaron asked.
Roger glanced up from the book he’d been unsuccessfully trying to read. He was sitting in a chair at White’s in a secluded corner. His friend stood over him, clean-shaven and refreshed for the day. Roger knew without looking at a mirror that he didn’t look nearly so well.
“What time is it?” Roger asked.
“It’s almost noon,” Aaron replied. “Judging by your appearance, I wager you’ve been here all night.”
“What’s the point of going home? She’ll only be there.”
“If she comes up to you, tell her to stay away,” Aaron said as he sat in the chair beside him.
“She doesn’t come up to me. She’s been keeping her distance.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that she watches me if I happen to pass by a room she’s in.”
Aaron waited for a moment, and when he didn’t offer any more information, he asked, “And that’s enough to make you hide at White’s?”
Since Roger felt foolish for voicing the affirmation out loud, he opted to lower his gaze back to the book.
“Good heavens, man,” Aaron said. “You can’t let a lady intimidate you.”
“She doesn’t intimidate me. It’s just hard to stay away from her when she looks as if I broke her heart.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re hopeless. I can’t believe you’re in such a sad state.”
“I know I’m hopeless. That’s why I’m angry with myself. After all she’s done, I still want to be with her.”
“You need a mistress. That will take your mind off of her. Put your time and attention in a lady who understands love will never be a part of your relationship with her. At the very least, take care of your bodily urges.”
Roger sighed. “Why is everything about being in a lady’s bed?”
“Because it’s all ladies are good for. God created ladies to give us pleasure and give us children.”
“How did you get to be this way?”
“How did I get to be what way?”
“Bitter. When it comes to ladies, you have a bitterness about you. You’re not like this with other things.”
“Other things make sense.”
Roger was tempted to try to get more information from his friend. Surely, there was a reason for his friend’s
distrust and dislike for love. But did he really want to pry into something that was private? It seemed to him that this was one of those things that he was better leaving alone. Plus, he was exhausted. He’d spent very little time as his townhouse since he married Lilly, and the little time he had been there was spent avoiding her. At least when he was here, he wasn’t tempted to go into the same room she was in and talk to her.
“I can’t let you go on like this,” Andrew said. “If you refuse to go to your townhouse, then come to mine. I have a guest bedchamber you can stay in. Get something good to eat. Take a bath. Get a good night’s sleep. Relax.” After a moment, he added, “You should also shave. I hate to point this out, but you’re not the type of gentleman who looks good with facial hair. You have a strong jaw. You’re better off showing it to the world.”
“You wouldn’t mind it if I stayed at your townhouse?”
“Not for one or two nights, but this won’t become a habit. I can’t have you living there. At some point, you need to go to your townhouse and take control of things.”
“I know, and I will.” Roger knew his friend was right. He couldn’t keep living this way. It was fine while he was adjusting to the marriage, but it couldn’t go on indefinitely.
“When’s the last time you slept?” Aaron asked.
Roger shrugged. “I think it’s been two days.”
“Well, that settles it. We’re leaving right now, and you’re going to sleep. You won’t be in any condition to get better until you’re well rested.” He stood up and gestured for Roger to get to his feet. “Come on. I’ll show you to your bedchamber, and when you wake up, you’ll bathe, shave, and dress. Then you’ll be able to come up with a plan on how to separate your feelings from your mind.”
One could only hope such a feat was possible. Roger set the book down and followed his friend out of White’s.
***
“Do you think he has a mistress?” Lilly’s mother asked that afternoon as the two lounged in the drawing room of Lilly’s townhouse.
“No,” Lilly said. “He’s not that kind of gentleman. He refuses to come home because he’s avoiding me.”
“I doubt that’s true.” Her mother set her cup of tea on the tray and turned to face her. “He’s just busy. Gentlemen have a lot of things to do. If he doesn’t have a mistress, then he must be busy with other things. Why, your father’s always running from one business venture to another. He’s been doing that ever since we married. He wouldn’t be where he is today if he hadn’t been diligent in his investments.”
“Yes, maybe that’s what Roger’s doing.”
Lilly didn’t believe such was the case, but she’d said it to appease her mother. Lilly knew Roger hadn’t been home in two days because he didn’t want to see her. She’d noticed the way he ran down the hall whenever he realized she was nearby. He couldn’t get away from her fast enough.
“Maybe I should go back home to live with you and father,” Lilly said. At least until he could stand the sight of her. If she managed to get into his good graces, then she could return here.
“Perish the thought,” her mother said with a firm shake of her head. “The gossip is bad enough as it is. If you do that, it’ll be worse.”
Lilly groaned. “I’ve been ordered to stay in this townhouse at all times. I haven’t been out in public since we came here on my wedding day.” Well, she hadn’t been out in public as Lilly, but her mother didn’t need to know that. “What difference does it make if I’m stuck here or if I’m stuck in your townhouse?”
“It makes all the difference in the world. People need to think you have a normal marriage.”
“It’s not a normal marriage. My husband is rarely ever here.”
“Then it’s a marriage to be envied. I know some ladies who wish their husbands were rarely around.”
Lilly resisted the urge to roll her eyes. There didn’t seem to be any reasoning with her mother. The lady had no idea how difficult it was to be living in a townhouse with a gentleman who hated her. She would have preferred it if Roger yelled at her to all of this avoidance. At least if he was yelling at her, she’d get a chance to have a conversation with him.
“I’m sure everything will be fine,” her mother said. “Look at what happened with your sister. She was sure that Nate hated her, but she’s happy in the country with him as we speak.” Her mother smiled. “And she’s going to have a child. Soon, you’ll be expecting a little one, too.”
Lilly couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “As long as Roger is avoiding me, I’ll never have a child.”
“Like I said, he’s busy. All gentlemen are busy.”
“Too busy to go to their wife’s bed?”
“Sometimes, yes.”
Lilly didn’t know whether to laugh or sigh in exasperation. She might never have been in bed with a gentleman, but even she was aware that they were eager for the wedding night. It was why she had needed a chaperone during her Seasons. The chaperone was there to prevent a gentleman from taking liberties with her. If gentlemen weren’t the type to try to take liberties, a chaperone wouldn’t be needed. So for her mother to suggest Roger hadn’t come to her bed because he was busy was the most preposterous thing she’d ever heard.
“You must focus on being happy,” her mother said. “Gentlemen like coming home to a lady who’s happy. Smile and be pleasant. Make him feel welcome. Keep all of your complaints to yourself, or, if you can’t do that, then at least keep it to private discussions with other ladies.”
“Is that what you do?”
Her mother gasped and pointed to herself. “Me? Heavens, no. I have no reason to complain about your father. He gives me everything I want.”
“Yes, and I’m sure you were intelligent enough to accept his proposal.”
Her mother picked up her cup. “As a matter of fact, I had to make him jealous in order for him to propose.”
“You did?”
“Your father was interested in me. He would come by and visit, and he always asked me to dance if he saw me at a ball. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get married right away or wait another year, so I pretended to have another suitor.”
“And this worked?”
“He proposed a week later. I acted as if I didn’t expect him to propose.”
Lilly’s eyes widened. “So deception worked?”
Her mother paused before she swallowed her tea. “Well, I don’t know if I’d say it was deception. I just gave your father a nudge.”
“No, you didn’t. You made him think you had another suitor who would take you from him.”
Her mother let out a dismissive chuckle. “One can hardly say it was anything serious. The other gentleman didn’t know me all that well.”
“It doesn’t matter what the situation between you and the other gentleman was. You wanted Father to think he was going to lose you if he didn’t hurry up and propose. That’s lying.”
“What does it matter? That was over twenty years ago. Your father and I married, and you and your sister were born. All turned out all right.”
“So, what you’re saying is that any action can be justified as long as the result is one in which everyone is happy.”
Her mother bit her lower lip, and Lilly could see she had succeeded in pointing out that her mother had a scandalous side to her, even if it wasn’t as glaringly obvious as Lilly’s was.
“It doesn’t matter to me how you got Father to propose,” Lilly finally said when it was apparent her mother was at a loss for words. “As you pointed out, my sister and I wouldn’t be here today if you hadn’t deceived him.”
Her mother sighed, and Lilly felt a smile tug at her lips. Lilly felt better knowing that her mother wasn’t as perfect as she’d made her and her sister believe all of their lives. Claire was perfect. Claire never did anything inappropriate. Sure, she’d been foolish to go onto the veranda without a chaperone, but she hadn’t been looking for a scandal. The scandal had just happened to her. Sometimes it was difficult t
o live in Claire’s perfect shadow. Her sister’s halo shined a little too bright at times. It was nice to know her mother was in the shadow with her.
Lilly smiled at her mother. “Maybe I can do something to make it so that Roger won’t always avoid me.”
Her mother frowned. “I didn’t tell you that story about your father to encourage you to pretend to take a lover.”
“I have no intention of doing that. The suitor idea worked for you in your situation. I need to find another way to make Roger think favorably about me again.”
“Just give him time.” Her mom patted Lilly’s knee. “I’m sure he’s just busy. When things aren’t so busy, he’ll spend time with you. He was one of your suitors for two years. I remember how attentive he was when you were at the same ball together, and he came by to visit a few times. No gentleman does all of that unless he’s in love. You just need to wait for him to come to you.”
At the rate things were going, Roger would never come to her. If she wanted him to talk to her, she was going to have to make the first move. Going to Christopher about getting into White’s as Mr. Squire was the best way to do that. She had yet to hear from Christopher, but she was sure it wouldn’t be much longer now. Claire had once told her that Christopher wasn’t one to waste his time. When he promised to do something, he was good about acting on his word as soon as possible.
Lilly glanced at her mother as the older lady continued to drink her tea. There was no way she was going to tell her mother her plans. The only people who were privy to the plan were Emilia, Kitty, Christopher, and Lord Edon. They were the only ones she trusted not to blab it all over London. Plus, they wouldn’t condemn her. As far as everyone else was concerned, she was going to spend all of her time in this townhouse like a good little wife. They would assume she’d learned her lesson and that she wouldn’t dare break any of the Ton’s rules.
She knew it was wicked, but she felt a smile tug at her lips as she lifted her cup. It just might be fun to break some more rules.
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