“I was out picking berries,” the girl explained, “and, and, and,”
her eyes filled with tears again, “and they chased me, and now I don’t know where I am or how to get home.”
“We’ll help you home,” smiled Chevalier. “We don’t need to rush back to Kinloch Kirk.”
“Kinloch Kirk?” the girl pricked up her ears.
“You have heard of it?” I asked, surprised.
“Kinloch Kirk burned down last week.”
A rush of ice seemed to flow through my body. Kinloch Kirk had burned? It had to be Luce. And Bryn had been heading back there with our baby… I could only hope she had not reached it before the fire broke out. And my queen… And the princess Emma…
I looked to Chevalier. “We have to get back. Now.”
“But…” the little Fae’s eyes welled up again. “You said you would take me home.”
This was not fair. I was not a bad person, but my love and my child were in danger. Taking this girl home would cost us time we did not have, and the Fae would find her own way home, would she not? Her people would be out looking for her. It was unfair I should have to make this decision.
Standing not far from us, in the center of the field was a rowan tree. Bryn had told me —it seemed so long ago now, but was only a matter of days—that rowans were protection against evil spirits.
What sort of father did I want to be?
There was nothing wrong with being a monster per se . There was nothing wrong with being that scary thing in the dark, it was what you did that mattered. I was the thing that had scared the people of Chester, but I was also the thing that had scared away the boggarts. If I thought the things I had done in the past
precluded me from being a good father, then perhaps I could make that right with the things I did in the present.
I held out my hand to the flower Fae. “We shall take you home.”
#
I will not say the slowness of the journey made me happy. Every step of the way seemed to take me further from Bryn and, in my head, I could not stop the images of Kinloch Kirk on fire and of Luce holding my child and laughing. But our new companion, whose name was Daisy (I imagine all their names are Daisy), made it easier. She skipped along, between us or used the gauzy wings on her back to flit this way and that, talking to the insects and asking for directions.
“Daisy!” A family of flower Fae flew out to meet us as we approached the stand of wild flowers they called home.
“Right,” I turned to Chevalier, “she is safe. We have to go.”
“Wait! Sinjin! Dureau!” Daisy came buzzing back. “My father wants to meet you.”
I was about to make our excuses, but Chevalier gave me a look and whispered, “He may be able to tell us more about Kinloch Kirk.”
He was, and was more than happy to tell us all he knew after we had brought his daughter back unharmed.
“It’s not just Queen Jolie and her folk who suffered ,” he explained. “An army of outlanders marched through Faery to get to Kinloch Kirk.”
“Luce,” I growled through grated teeth. “We need to be on our way.”
“As you please,” said Daisy’s father. “I wish you much success and I hope that gets them out of our realm… for good.”
“Thank you,” I said, and stood to go.
But Chevalier had been listening more closely than I. “Get them out of your realm? You mean they’re still here ?”
“Some of them,” the Fae replied. “Some went to Kinloch Kirk, the rest have made camp outside the portal of Kinloch Broch. I don’t know why the Seelie Court is allowing it. Scared I reckon.”
Chevalier looked up at me. “That’s where Jolie will be.”
“Then that i s where Bryn will have gone,” I said with certainty.
“Odran would have led them there.”
Chevalier nodded. “Kinloch Broch it is. Though I don’t know how we’ll get in.”
“Well,” Daisy’s father gave a shrug, “thanks again. If there’s anything we can do for you then you let us know. You’ve done more for us than we can ever thank you for. Flower Fae may not look like much, but we’re tough where it counts.”
Chevalier and I exchanged glances before I turned to our host.
“How many of you are there?”
TWENTY
BRYN
There were no words to describe what I felt on seeing Sinjin come through that portal, with Dureau beside him. But I would admit that it was something of a surprise to see them in such strange company, a handful of flower Fae flitting about their heads as they entered.
I ran towards him and threw myself into his arms. “You’re alright.” I couldn’t help the tears that streamed down my face.
I’d never felt such… relief before, such gratitude to the universe, such complete and total happiness.
Sinjin was alive! And he was here!
He kissed me. “Did you ever doubt it?”
“Of course not,” I lied as I clung to him, so happy to feel him, to smell that unique scent that was his alone. And then I remembered Dureau.
“Damek!” I called back to our efficient messenger boy. “Find Klassje.”
The young man nodded and ran off.
“Thank you,” said Dureau as he looked at me. I separated myself from Sinjin and took the steps that separated us, throwing my arms around my old friend. And for once, it seemed like Sinjin didn’t mind.
“Seems like Luce wanted to come at us from both sides,” said Jolie as she welcomed them both with hugs. “And when you broke through his force in Faery, then he called off the attack at the front.”
Kinloch Broch was not easy to attack, the fortress design bottle-necked the attackers so they could be easily picked off. Without his pincer movement, Luce had not felt confident he could take us.
“How did you do it?” Jolie asked.
Sinjin shrugged. “With a little help from our friends.”
“Flower Fae?” I asked in frank disbelief.
“Something wrong with flower Fae?” One of them was perched on the back of my chair.
“No, of course not,” I corrected hastily. “I just… I guess I never really would have seen you as warriors.”
The flower Fae raised an eyebrow as if it was used to dealing with this sort of prejudice and wasn’t happy with me at all.
“The flower Fae may not be big,” said Sinjin, tactfully, “and they may not be what you might call warriors in the strictest sense of the word. But they are numerous.”
I looked about the Mirror Cavern. “They don’t look it.”
“We left the bulk of their number outside to safeguard the portal,” replied Sinjin. “There are…” he paused. “In point of fact, I could not say exactly how many there are. I would consider hundreds to be a reasonable estimate.”
“Hundreds?” I gaped.
“It did occur to me,” Sinjin nodded, “that we went to the wrong place for help in Faery. Odran of course is used to dealing with the Court. But it is not as if the court has much real power—the power in Fae lies with the Fae themselves; good and bad.
Chevalier and I were fortunate to run into the good. And to have won their trust. I do not know that they would have helped us otherwise.”
“So they overwhelmed Luce’s army with numbers.”
“Think of them as wasps,” suggested Sinjin.
“Hey!”
“Sorry, Marigold. I meant wasps in the best possible sense.”
The flower Fae pouted and flew off.
“As I was saying,” Sinjin continued. “A single wasp is an irritant and it can sting you, but it is easily squashed. But when the swarm descends, then you run.”
“Were they armed?”
From his pocket, Sinjin produced a sword the length of a TV
remote and as slim as a needle. “They gave it to me in case I needed to defend myself.”
I touched the point and the weapon instantly drew blood. “Nasty.”
“Imagine a f
ew hundred of them bearing down on you. At first their commanders insisted they stay and fight or face the wrath of Luce—which I imagine to be quite a strong incentive. But Chevalier and I dealt with the commanders. With no one left to give orders, Luce’s people panicked and ran.”
“And when Luce found out that his attack in Faery had failed,” I continued the story, “he called off his front assault as well.”
Sinjin nodded, but his smile was wistful. “I wish I could believe that was it.”
Luce would not let the portal stay unmanned for long. “Do you think the Flower Fae can hold it?”
Sinjin sighed. “I do not want to ask them. We helped them, but they have already repaid that debt and I would not see one of them die to save us. We had the advantage of surprise on this occasion; Luce’s army was not expecting an attack from that direction, let alone one of this nature. They had no idea what was happening. When they return, they will be well-prepared for such an adversary and I fear the flower Fae will have no chance.
I have already made it clear to their leaders that they should abandon the portal if they come under such an attack.”
I nodded. Though it was useful to have such allies, we did n’t want to abuse their good nature. They had saved us, but more importantly, they’d restored Chevalier and Sinjin to us.
“What now?” I asked. It seemed to be the question we were always asking; each challenge met and surmounted only led to the next challenge.
“Now?” Sinjin smiled. “Now I would like to leave the decisions to your sister and her husband. Now, I would like to meet my daughter.”
#
Our baby was still with Mathilda, who looked up as we came in.
Her eyes sparkled with pleasure to see Sinjin, alive and unharmed.
“Sinjin, my dear.” She hugged him. “Word about the Broch has it that you saved us.”
“I played some small role,” Sinjin admitted.
“You are too modest.”
Sinjin laughed and shook his head. “You know me better than that.
If I say I played a small role, then it is because I did. If I had played a larger one, I would have been the first to sing my own, not insignificant, praises.”
“Well, it’s good to have you back, either way,” smiled Mathilda.
“Now I’ll leave you both in peace, I know it’s not me you’re here to see.”
She left us, closing the door behind her, and I started towards the bassinet by the wall. But Sinjin took my hand, holding me back. I felt my stomach drop as my heartbeat sped up.
He had been so odd, so out of character the last time we ’d been together—it seemed so long ago, but was only a matter of days.
Was it me he had grown tired of? Was the idea of a baby and of domesticity too much for him?
“I ha ve been a fool.” The first words out of his mouth calmed me.
“Yes,” I agreed. “But no more than usual and I’m pretty much used to it by now.”
“Just this once, could you let me speak without interruption?”
“I’ll try.”
“Thank you. I would like…”
“But I can’t promise anything.”
“Evidently. Bryn,” he sat on my bed and I sat beside him. “I have never told you about my past, because vampires do not do that, as a general rule. But just because we do not talk about it, does not mean we ever forget it. I live with a shadow on me, and these past weeks I have been deathly afraid of casting that shadow onto…” he shot a look at the bassinet, “…onto her. I have been worried that a man like me, with my past and my propensity for violence, could never be the father she deserves.”
I opened my mouth to speak but he raised his eyebrows and I shut it again.
“I thought that you would be better off with another man. I even wondered if you would be better off with Chevalier…”
“Dureau?!” I blurted out, shaking my head. Sometimes Sinjin could be really stupid.
“I knew you would not be able to just let me speak.”
“Yeah, but Dureau? He’s with Klassje.”
Sinjin looked irritated. “I did preface this by saying I had been a fool. I also mentioned I would prefer not to be interrupted so I am unsure how much you are actually listening to…”
“I’m listening.”
“What did I just say, Bryn?”
I clamped my lips shut and mimed zipping my mouth, locking it and throwing away the key.
“Thank you. I wonder now if all of those fears—though they came from a very real place—were just because I was scared of being a father. It is not something I had ever expected to have to deal with and is something for which I was wholly unprepared.”
“Doesn’t mean you’ll be bad at it.”
“Holy hell, Bryn!”
“Sorry.”
He continued. “The point is; I was trying to drive you away.
Perhaps I was even succeeding. My reasoning was that if I drove you into the arms of another, they would be the father I could never hope to be. My daughter could grow up with a parent without so much blood on his hands, without that roiling violence in his soul. Without so much darkness in his aspect. It seemed to me that was the least she deserved.” He paused a moment. “And, for the record, I still believe such is what she deserves. She deserves the best and I am not that. I never will be. But I have come to realize that what she deserves most is love. And no one will love her like I will. She deserves her father and while I may be an inadequate father with more faults than I have years, I am her father and I did not realize until I saw her what that meant, and how much being her father means to me. I am all those terrible things I mentioned. But thanks to you, I have grown. And I think I will continue to grow with the influence of two such wonderful women in my life. Perhaps I will never be what she deserves or what you deserve, but I will try my best. I will always be here for you both, I will never let you down.” He took my hands. “Okay, now you are allowed to speak.”
I didn’t have any words to say. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. “You are a fool. But you’re my fool. Our fool.
Now come and meet your daughter, properly, this time.”
Standing, I drew him up off the bed and, hand in hand, we walked across the room to the bassinet. I heard Sinjin draw in a breath as he laid eyes on her.
“She looks different, somehow.” He had seen her before of course, in Tor Clyd, though sadly only briefly. “She looks more…
natural.”
I smiled. “She’s home.” I looked around the rock walled cave.
“Sort of.”
Sinjin put an arm around me. “She is with us. That is home. Can I hold her?”
I laughed. “She’s your daughter, Sinjin, of course you can hold her.”
“My daughter…” The disbelief was sweet in his voice. From the look on his face, it was clear he still didn’t quite believe it.
“I knew we were having a baby. It never really occurred to me that she was actually… mine.”
I picked up our baby, who giggled slightly in that sweet way of hers, and passed her to Sinjin. “Support her head.”
Sinjin nodded. “I do hate it when people say that. It makes it sound as though if you do not, the child’s head might fall off.”
“To be honest,” I admitted. “I say it to everyone because that’s what everyone has said to me. I don’t actually know why or how essential it is. ‘Support the head’ is about the only bit of useful information I’ve gleaned about being a mom so far. I had all these books I was going to read, but there was always something else going on. You know; something trying to kill us or whatever.”
“We do not lead the most ideally parental of existences,” mused Sinjin. He seemed unable to tear his eyes away from the baby girl in his arms, and she stared back at him, just as intently.
“Happy, isn’t she.”
“Mostly,” I acknowledged. “I think we got lucky there. Although, when she cries, you know about it.”
&nbs
p; “Then I shall make sure you never have a reason to cry,” he whispered to the baby.
It was the most wonderful sight, and I felt quite emotional looking at them. My life had changed in an instant. Only now that Sinjin was here did I really feel like a mom.
He looked up shyly. “Can you show me how to change her?”
I sighed. “Honestly? I mean, I’ve been changing her, but I don’t think I’m doing it right.”
He smiled at me. “Then I guess we shall learn together.”
Those words were all I’d ever wanted to hear. And how I wished we could be left alone to enjoy this moment, these moments, these precious, unforgettable, irreplaceable early days of being a parent—exhausting and terrible and wonderful. But both of us knew this was not to be. The crisis hadn’t passed and all our lives were still at risk. But we had a moment yet, and there was one thing that had to be done before we went any further.
Clearly Sinjin’s thoughts were trending the same way. “Does she have a name?”
I thought I could hear the hope in his voice, hoping I would say no. He wanted to be part of that decision.
“No. I wanted to wait for you.”
The beaming smile that spread across his face was all the thanks I needed.
“I did have an idea.”
Maybe it was because he was with the baby, but his emotions were much more open at that moment than they usually were, and though I tried hard not to sense his mind, because I knew he didn’t like it, right now he was like a beacon.
“I think I might have the same idea.” I couldn’t be sure, but the shape of the name in his mind felt right to me.
“Really?”
“She turns bad to good.”
Sinjin grinned in fresh disbelief. “I believe we do have the same idea.”
“Rowan,” I said.
Sinjin smiled as he looked back down at his daughter. “Rowan.
Protection against bad spirits.”
She might not be able to protect us from the forces of evil that were currently trying to take us down, but little Rowan had certainly chased away the bad spirits that had haunted Sinjin and me.
I went to them, putting my arm around Sinjin and drawing him close with Rowan snuggled in between us both. Our family was complete, and in all the chaos it had taken to bring us here and all the chaos still surrounding us, we’d found a little ocean of calm on which to sit a while. I wished this moment could last forever, but we only had a few seconds before the sound of running feet intruded, heralding the arrival of Damek.
The Lost Child Page 18