by J. E. Cluney
I ground against him, his arousal jutting out of his undone jeans, struggling against the grey material of his briefs.
He growled softly as he moved back up to nip my neck, and a chill ran through me as I froze. My eyes shot open, but it did nothing to stop the sickening imagine of Richard raping me on the platform, forcing himself into my unprepared body painfully.
Ray instantly stopped, sensing my sudden change as my body locked up.
“What’s wrong?” he murmured as he caught my gaze.
I couldn’t form the words as I just stared at him, my lip trembling.
Realization rolled over his features and he softened as he gave me a sad look, his mouth set in a grim line.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he said gently as he wrapped his arms around me held me close.
The heat inside me had vanished, replaced by a numbness that consumed me.
It was like the shadows had reached up and enveloped me, dragging my mind into the dark pits and filling it with ugly, horrid thoughts. I wanted to scream and weep, to shout upon Richard’s dead body. The one thing I loved and enjoyed so much, destroyed for me.
I sobbed softly as Ray held me against him, the wretched tears tumbling down my cheeks despite my attempt to hold them back.
He whispered gentle words of comfort as he ran soft fingers down my back, soothing my body. But it was my mind that was broken.
My body had healed, but my mind was fractured.
“Hey, can I show you something. It was a song I found. Reggie had to make a town run and he took me with him. I heard it in the shop and was able to get my dad to download it onto my iPod next time he was out and could get some internet,” he murmured.
I sat on his lap sideways now, no longer straddling him.
“What’s it about?” I sniffled as I huddled against his warm chest, the cool night air nipping my bare skin.
“For me, it helped me get out of a bad place, got me into photography, something I was passionate about,” he said softly as he withdrew the tiny, ancient Nano iPod from his pocket. At least it wasn’t a pathetic shuffle one, this one had a screen.
He moved his thumb around the touch sensitive circle button until he found the song, then he offered me the white earphones.
I accepted them, sticking them in my ears as the song started.
It started off with a slow piano tune, then the lyrics started.
I relaxed as the music flowed, the words touching me.
‘What a mess, passionless, somewhere I lost the fire.’
I settled against Ray’s hard chest, focusing on the words that reached inside me.
‘I want to wake up, I want to restart, put the drumbeat back in my heart, I need to be revived, bring me back to life.’
I closed my eyes, the lyrics resonating with me, the chorus rocking me to my core. Ray had found the perfect song for someone like me. Someone broken and lost, someone numb.
‘It feels so good to be alive, it feels so goooood.’
When the song finally ended, I replayed it, needing to feel the uplifting beat once more thumping in my ears.
Afterwards, Ray played me more songs by the band, ‘Remedy Drive’. He chose songs from their ‘Daylight’ album, selecting out ‘Daylight’ and ‘Stand Up’ for me. ‘Stand Up’ stood out to me as well, capturing my feelings perfectly.
“You can borrow this if you’d like,” he offered when the song ended.
I looked at him, amazed at his offer of one of his most cherished possessions. I knew they didn’t have much with Richard’s reign, but he believed the music would help me.
I’d had an iPod when I was younger, and the music helped me through my minor issues.
“Thank you,” I murmured as I gave him a soft kiss on the lips. I could use the powerful lyrics when things got rough in my head. I knew the power of music was real, it helped so many. And now it was my turn.
“Don’t mention it,” he said sheepishly as he looked around for his shirt. “We should head back though.”
“Right,” I mumbled as I clambered off him and retrieved my bra and shirt.
I faced away from him shamefully as I dressed, then tucked the small iPod into my pocket. I’d cherish it, using the music to help me get past this.
“Ray?” I turned back just as he was doing up the last button on his shirt.
“Mm?” he glanced at me as he straightened his clothing.
“I want to do this with you, I just need time to… move past this. I honestly didn’t think it’d affect me so much,” I mumbled as I rubbed my arms, the chill seeping into me. But it wasn’t from the cold air.
“It’s okay, there’s no rush. I’ve never done it anyway, so… I guess… you know,” he shrugged as he shifted nervously. “It’ll just make it even better when we finally do,” he gave me a half-smile as he averted his eyes. “I’ve seen it happen to some of the others, after Richard… had them. It made them closed off and shut down. It took time and being with those they loved to help them. We had some women want to take the easy way out, to escape this life, but thankfully their families stopped them. And I’ll make sure you’re looked after. We can do other stuff, picnics, games, maybe runs in the woods? That’d be nice. We can just kiss and stuff, I’d like that,” he chewed his cheek as his ears reddened at the suggestion.
I just chuckled at him.
“We will have sex eventually, if you want to. And I think my boys won’t mind if I have you too. They accepted each other,” I said as I cocked my head at him. “Would you be okay with sharing me though?”
“Well, it’s not something I’m accustomed to, but it’s what you’ve chosen. Will I get jealous, I don’t know, I’ve never done anything like this,” he said as he fidgeted and played with the hem of his shirt. So innocent and sweet, it made me adore him more. I wanted to get to know him so much more, learn about all the things he loved and make him laugh and smile.
“Don’t worry, I won’t force it on you. I like you, I want to know that you can call it quits at any time. I just… can’t do other stuff right now,” I sighed, hating the way my mind twisted something I enjoyed so much. I needed to fix it, to be rid of the way it had been ruined.
Hopefully the program could help me too.
We started back to the gathering, and I took Ray’s hand to let him know I meant what I said. He just smiled softly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. He understood. He was more than willing to take things slow, to help me recover. It made me want him so much more, to be with him, to have him close to me.
“Taylor!”
My head shot up as Neema strode towards me briskly, a glowering look on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I instantly asked, my breath catching at the anger and uncertainty in her eyes. Something was horribly wrong.
“Chris was on the phone to Janet when they fell under attack. Lawrence is speaking to Lionel right now. It seems those still loyal to Richard who left went after the Pack while it was unguarded,” Neema explained, her eyes flashing yellow with anger.
“My God, is anyone hurt?” I asked, but Neema just shook her head in uncertainty.
“Lawrence is finding out now what’s happened, come.”
I took off after Neema with Ray in tow, clutching his hand tight as Neema led us back to the gathering.
The children had gone inside it seemed, and many couples had moved away from the marquee as they celebrated in a more adult way.
I felt none of it as I walked right over to my father and my old Pack mates.
“What’s going on?” I demanded answers as I stood before my father. He was still on his satellite phone, but the worry and distress marring his face shook me to my core.
I had to know if my family was safe, my people who I’d grown up with.
“How’s Janet?” I turned on my brother when my father made no sign of answering as he listened to someone on the other end of the line.
“She’s fine, she just heard the commotion and went to investigate with Jamie. They went
after those down by the river. Must have snuck in through the water, Keith herded her inside his home to hide with his mate while they dealt with the intruders,” Chris informed me.
So little Jamie and Janet were okay, that was a relief. But what about everyone else?
“All right,” my father said, drawing all of our attention instantly as he clicked the phone off. “It seems they came down through the river, using the water to hide themselves from the cameras there. They split up and targeted the cottages and cabins in the area. Keith, Carlos, Lionel, and Jace all went after them. They got Beth and Mary, and Jace’s mate Bianca. Jace’s boy, Cameron, was thankfully with Lionel’s family for the evening. Bianca was planning to pick him up once Jace and she had had some time alone together. Jace is pretty beaten up, tried to pursue them and took one of the men down. They’re holding him for questioning now. He’s injured, but Vanessa says he’ll be okay. Carlos, Keith and Lionel lost their scents up by a road past the river. We caught them on the cameras sneaking back out. All six men who bailed after you were made Alpha,” my father turned to me.
This was because of me. My friends had been taken, and my stomach dropped as I dropped my gaze to the ground.
I didn’t even notice Jaye and Nathan giving me a curious look while I held Ray’s hand. This was not the time.
“We will head back and find them. Surely they’ll make some demands,” my father growled in desperate frustration as he glared at us. His eyes flared yellow for a moment before he reined it in.
“What about this Pack? We can’t leave them unguarded,” Neema said, and I was able to drag my eyes up to look at her.
“This Pack is Tay’s responsibility, not ours. We will head home and tend to our people and find our stolen women,” my father said firmly.
“No, I’m coming too, they’re my Pack,” I argued, growling as he rounded on me with a soft growl.
“They’re not your Pack anymore. This is your Pack. And you need to be here for them,” he snapped, and I flinched at the fury in his voice. He was beyond pissed and worried for our women.
Hell, we all were.
But I could see the tinge of guilt in his eyes, the self-hate for leaving them with no Alpha to defend them. He was blaming himself for this.
“Some of us can go with you, we’ve got good fighters,” Ray spoke up.
“No, this is not your fight,” my father barked at him.
“They were our Pack, and they’ve betrayed us, it is our fight,” Ray stood his ground.
“No,” my father stated, his definite tone shutting Ray down.
“Neema, you stay with Taylor. They could come back to start a fight here too. We will head home and deal with this. Take care of her,” he said as he turned to my Aunt.
“Let’s go,” he snarled at my boys and brother.
Frank was nowhere to be seen, but he was not a warrior anyway, so I don’t think my father cared whether he went or not.
My three boys shot each other looks of desperation. Jaye stepped forward, his jaw set as he moved towards me.
“Now!” my father roared as he took off, ordering my men to follow. Nathan gave me a distressed look before shaking his head and turning away, knowing his family needed his help. Scott looked silently pissed and concerned, and he gave me a tight-lipped smile, not wanting to upset my father more by hugging me.
Jaye’s face dropped to hurt and struggle as he reached out to me. I lurched forward and drew him into a hug.
“Be careful,” I whispered in that brief moment. The strained half-smile he gave me was not enough to reassure me as he pulled away.
Then I watched in dismay as they all darted off into the darkness, struggling not to call out after my three men. They all gave me broken and forlorn looks over their shoulders as they followed after my father, bound by duty as his betas. Chris gave me a sad smile as he patted my shoulder and hurried after them.
I didn’t even get a proper goodbye with my boys.
I could only hope they’d be okay, and that they could get Beth, Mary, and Bianca home safe.
The only thing holding me back from roaring out, screaming after them in despair, was Ray’s grip on my hand.
I had a duty too now, to this Pack. And I’d promised to protect it at all costs.
It was time for me to Alpha up.
* * *
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