by Susan Stec
"No shit," Zaire mumbled. Resi shot her a warning look.
The man opened a little yellow book entitled, 'What Does The Bible Really Teach?'. Finding the page he was looking for, he faced it toward the girls and began to recite from memory, "The bible teaches that God will bring about these changes on the earth." The man's finger ran across colorful faces on a rich blue background as he quoted the scripture printed on the page, "He will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry for pain be anymore.'--Revelation 21:4."
"Well, umm that's true, I'm sure. But-" Resi started.
A rustle of leaves accompanied by loud screeches, hisses and chatter, caught their attention. All of them turned to witness three squirrels and an angry raccoon headed toward them at a frightening speed.
"Shit, it's the fucking raccoon from hell and he's brought friends," Zaire yelled.
All three Witnesses jumped. Not one of them smiled.
~~~~
JoAnn and I rounded the corner as Zaire let out a war-whoop. She pushed the gawking bible-thumpers aside and ran at neck-breaking speed in attack mode, her fangs slipping from her gums.
Resi was right behind her with a broom gripped in both hands raised over her head.
I headed for the squirrels. JoAnn ran inside the house, shoving the three mortals aside. The three messengers from God sprinted for their car, pamphlets scattering a trail behind them. A squirrel fell from the driver's window, carrying a set of car keys in its teeth. It stood boldly, its little arms folded across his chest. The three old humans hustled right toward it.
"Friggin' great! Now there are five of the little fuckers," Zaire announced, coming to a grinding halt in front of the ringleader. She leapt at the raccoon, sliding across the grass on her chest, grabbing a handful of dirt and the end of its tail. It wiggled away. "Damn it all to hell!"
JoAnn huddled on the porch with my .22 caliber Remington rifle, aiming at the raccoon. A shot rang out, missed the animal by a good five feet, and a puff of dirt exploded inches from Zaire's face.
Resi swung the broom, hit the squirrel with the keys hanging from its mouth and sent it flying in the air. It landed on the back of the old woman. She flung her arms to the sky.
"Oh God, save me, I've been hit!" She fell to the grass, rolled onto her back, her arms flying in the air in front of her face.
"Someone get the friggin' rifle out of the hands of the only one in this family who can't shoot a goddamned gun!" Zaire yelled, spitting dirt.
"JoAnn, put my rifle down!" I yelled from behind a tree.
Resi dropped the broom and headed for the three Witnesses quaking by the car. She helped the old woman up and turned, glaring at me. "I'll take care of the mind-push, thingy. You guys get the critters."
I chased the squirrels around a tree and turned abruptly toward the car when all three of them headed in that direction. "Grab one of them, Zaire!"
Six rapid shots had dirt flying everywhere.
Everyone yelled, "JoAnn, drop the damn gun!"
Zaire scrambled to her feet, leapt for one of the squirrels, and caught it in her hands. It immediately bit her. She screeched, tossing it at the car as Resi shut the door for the last smiling Jehovah's witness after cleansing their minds of the fiasco.
The squirrel landed on the front window, gore splashing across the windshield as the animal slid to the hood of the car. Another shot rang out. A bullet pinged off the car. All three of the bible-sporting Witnesses jumped from the car, knocking a box of pamphlets out, scattering them at their feet.
"Great! Okay, let's go over this again, shall we?" Resi said a bit too loud, angry eye on Zaire as she helped the threesome back into the car.
~~~~
Chapter Thirteen
~~~~
Mort the troll treaded water under the overpass on the other side of the lake. In between dives, he munched on the algae coating the support beams jutting into the lake. His big rock-like body resurfaced every ten or fifteen minutes to see if Warren had arrived.
He was about to make his fifth trip down to the bottom of the lake when he spotted Warren's white Ford F-10 pickup rumbling down the embankment toward the lake.
The hefty immortal got out, tucked his red plaid shirt into his jeans, pulled a hunting cap over his short brown hair and sauntered toward the shoreline. "You have any news for me, Mort?"
The troll lumbered closer, his big gray eyes blinking water droplets. "They have a fairy… living in the rock-garden… by the house. I… hate fairies. All they do is… bitch, bitch, um…and bitch. He buzzes around… all night… dusting the water… with red sparkles. I can't… relax. You didn't tell me… there was a fairy… on this, Warren."
"Don't worry about the fairy," Warren said, already annoyed with the slow-talking troll. "He's working for Paul. I'll talk to the wolf. He won't bother you again. What do you have to report? Dorius is waiting for a call."
"Not much. Four of the immortals… had an episode… with a few animals… um… and… um… three black mortals… ah… yesterday… before the fairy got there, but… nothing Dorius… would be interested in. One of the… um… immortal women… is very black… and… she acts like… she owns the place. Shame she… um… lives there. This is… well… um… a nice neighborhood." Mort ran a thick fingered hand over his hairless head.
"I'm not interested in what color they are, Troll. Just infractions. Did they drink from the three mortals?" Warren spit a wad of gum over his left shoulder and adjusted his hat.
"They're not… sucking on humans… as far… as I can see. They've…um… all been drinking…. from deer… on the property." Mort rolled in the water, bathing his back and shoulders slowly as he spoke. Waves of steam wafted off the lake as he sunk up to his eyes and peeked at Warren from just above water level.
"I'll let Dorius know. Keep watching. I'll meet you here again tomorrow, same time." Warren turned on his heel, pulled his cell phone out of his jeans, and headed for the truck.
The troll sunk under the water, looking like a large algae encrusted lump of mortar, and slowly began to make his way back across the lake.
~~~~
Gibbie the fairy spotted Paul leaning against a tree, staring out at the water mottled with color from the sunset. He flew over; landing on his shoulder with a flutter of iridescent wings, grabbed a handful of the wolf's black hair in a sparkle of purple dust and began to chatter. "The one they call Nanna, mother of Susan and JoAnn, grandmother of Resi and the mortal Jeni, is giving them trouble."
"Has she killed anyone?" Paul swatted at the fairy, getting another dusting for his effort. This time it was an angry red.
"I don't know. But she's very amusing, always talking about sex. I like her. She's feisty and full of the devil." Gibbie smiled mischievously as he hovered in front of Paul's face.
"Are any of them drinking from the mortal, Jeni?"
"Oh, hell no. That one has more brains then all of them put together. No one messes with her." His wings buzzed in a high-pitched whine.
"What happened yesterday? Dorius just called. The troll told Warren that there was a scuffle in the front yard."
"Not sure, I wasn't moved in until this morning—got held up doing a little recon for a friend. But I did hear them talking about immortal animals."
"I'm sure at this stage in the game they think all immortals are animals. I have a sneaking suspicion this was forced on them. Where are they getting blood?"
"The animals on the property, as far as I can see. I am not fond of JoAnn at all. She was out gardening half the day and has managed to pull out all the clover around my rocks. It's nice and shaded in the garden and she wears a big straw hat and lime green gloves. She can weed for hours. It pisses me off. I did, however, send her screaming for Benadryl and running for the house. Dusted her pretty little ass."
"Don't let them catch you, fairy. I want your arrival to remain unnoticed for the time being. And stay away from the troll."
"The slime ball is tearing up t
he silt around the cypress trees, making a real mess. I can't even see the fish swimming around, it's so murky. And he keeps waking me up during my noon nap. Who the hell sent him, anyway?" Gibbie asked, sounding like he took a hit off a helium balloon. He circled Paul's head, his wings all a flutter.
"Just leave him alone or you'll have Dorius to answer to."
"Can do boss." Gibbie blushed blue, took flight, and headed in the direction of the girl's house.
~~~~
I stood in the kitchen, ready to call it a night, but Mom was nowhere in sight. Again. She had been teetering on a tightrope over a cavernous hole with no safety net for the last two days. She left each night at twilight, alone, and didn't return until morning. And when I asked where she'd been, she simply said, "getting some" and then went promptly to bed.
Resi and Zaire were in bed. Jeni and JoAnn were headed out the back door to check on our boat tied up at the dock.
"Do either of you know where Mom is?" I asked, leaning over the kitchen sink, peeking out the pass-through.
"Mom, get off Nanna's back. She's just having a little fun with her new body," Jeni yelled over her shoulder. "And she can clean a mind as well as the rest of you."
"She better not be sucking on mortals!" I shouted back as they walked across the patio. Jeni wiggled her fingers behind her head and kept walking.
I heard a flutter of wings coming from the fireplace, momentarily taking my mind off my fanged-loose-and-fancy-free Mother.
I walked through the living room and leaned into the hearth, checking the flue. It was cracked open and I wondered if a bird had made a nest up in the chimney. I glanced down at the cold ashes and frowned. A sparkly red dust covered everything. I touched it and my fingers began to itch. I stood there for a minute shaking my head, wondering what the red powder was.
Stumped, I rubbed my hands on my jeans and headed for the garage for some gardening gloves and a broom so I could clean out the fireplace and then shut the flue.
After rummaging in the garage, I stepped into the kitchen with a broom in one hand, a dust pan in the other, and gloves stuffed in my back pocket. A tall, extremely attractive man sat at our dinning room table with my favorite coffee cup in his hand. He was scratching his naked chest, dressed in only a pair of worn jeans. His rumpled blond hair bounced on his shoulders.
"Do I know you?" I tried to stay calm.
"Your um…roommate? Um… brought me home with her last night and we…. I'll let her explain." The tousled young man looked a bit embarrassed.
Mom walked into the kitchen with one of Resi's silk robes hanging off one shoulder, her hair a bunch of white messy curls. Her eyes went from sable brown to a lively brindle with golden sparkles as she smiled at our guest.
"I see you've met Max," my mother said. "I found him at the bar across the highway last night. Cute isn't he?" My mother directed a seductive grin toward the man at the table.
"Maybe you could find the rest of his clothes. I think he should go now." I glared at her.
"I can do that," she giggled, running past me.
I walked toward the stairs, yelling, "And put some clothes on!"
Mom came out of her room a few minutes later, her arms full of shirt, shoes and jacket, still dressed in Resi's robe.
"Resi's gonna be pissed when she finds out you have her clothes on again."
Mom sidled by me. I stood at the top of the stairs, tapping my foot.
"Sorry about all of this," Mom said, shaking her ass across the kitchen. "I should have told you about my… um… roommates, but we had other things on our minds now didn't we?"
"We sure did darlin'."
I was sure as hell not handling this by myself. I took the stairs two at a time and hammered on Resi and Zaire's bedroom door as I planned my mother's demise.
Resi opened the door, her hair all-askew. "What the hell?"
I wickedly grinned at her. "I think you might want to come into the kitchen and see what your Nanna brought home last night."
"Great, just what I need. Where's Jeni?" She stumbled over to the dresser and picked up a pair of dirty jeans, smelled them, then pulled them on with a grimace, grabbing for an equally used T-shirt. "I just got to sleep, damn it. Close the friggin' door so we don't wake Zaire." She sauntered by, pulling the shirt over her head.
I shut the bedroom door with a big smile. Oh yeah, Mom really did it this time.
Resi hit the top of the stairs, her mouth popped open and her eyes went wide. "Oh my God!"
I leapt up the stairs to find my mother sitting on the kitchen counter with an undulating young man between her legs. His head was on her shoulder, his tongue licking her ear. Her incisors extended.
"And who might this be, Chickie?" Resi asked.
Mom's fangs retracted like a switchblade. She pulled Resi's silk kimono tight to cover breasts that were straining to jump into Max's hands. "This is Max. Max this is Resi." Mom's eyes danced whimsically.
God, I want to just wrap my hands around her… "Resi why don't you take yourself over there and shake hands with Max. That is if he can take them off Chickie's chest for one minute," I told her, my teeth clenched.
"My pleasure." Resi laughed, extending a hand to Max as he pulled up his pants. She tugged him from Mom and looked into his eyes for a moment. "Not much in there, is there?" she asked, continuing to stare at him. "But you two certainly had a lovely evening now didn't you?" She looked at my mother with a grin.
"But she was about to suck on-" Max’s voice trailed off.
"I got it Mom," Resi said.
Max picked up the rest of his cloths like a puppet and followed her to the front door.
"I could have handled him, Resi," Mom yelled after her.
Damn it, this is not going like I expected!
"Let's just take a little walk, you and me? Okay Max?" Resi gave me a wicked grin and closed the door.
I turned to my mother and sucked in half the air in the kitchen through flared nostrils. "Mother, what the hell were you thinking bringing that man home?"
I heard another flutter of wings in the living room and made a mental note to find the culprit as soon as I straightened out my mother. "Get down off the goddamned counter and get dressed. You look ridiculous sitting there."
"I think she looks kind of cute," Jeni said, followed by JoAnn as she stepped past the sliding glass doors into living room. "Nanna, you make me smile."
"You look like a trollop," JoAnn huffed, giving Mom a frown.
"And wait until you hear what she brought home last night," I hissed.
"Nanna! You didn't?" Jeni laughed.
A man's scream came from the front yard, followed by Resi yelling at the top of her lungs, "The friggin' raccoon is back!"
"I think you're about to meet him," I said with a big grin.
~~~~
Chapter Fourteen
~~~~
I yanked my mother off the counter and we all headed for the front door.
"I wouldn't open that if I were you!" Jeni shouted from the window.
My hand paused on the doorknob. "Why not?"
The door flew open and sent me back a few paces. Resi ran in, Max in tow, followed by three squirrels. The squirrels screeched and scurried down the hall and up the stairs.
A raccoon scampered across the porch. I managed to slam the door in its face, almost catching one of its paws. It growled and clawed at the other side of the door. I turned to follow the squirrels and Mom stopped me in mid-stride.
"Susabellaluna, I really think you should see this," Mom said, pointing at the front lawn. I cringed at the nickname. She knew I hated it and only used it to make me mad. She stood by Jeni with a big grin, Resi's robe hanging off both shoulders.
Before I could get my words out, loud scratching noises came from upstairs, followed by my sister's cries for help.
"OHMIGOD! THERE'S AN ANIMAL TRYING TO GET IN MY BEDROOM. IS IT THE RACCOON?"
I ignored JoAnn. "I hate that frigging name and you know it." I sneered a
t my mother, and headed for the window.
"SUSAN, CAN YOU HEAR ME? I THINK THE RACCOON IS AT MY DOOR!"
I sucked in a breath.
"Max is taking a nap." Resi stepped over the body sprawled on the living room floor.
Jeni stared at Max with a smile.
"Susabellaluna. It just rolls from my tongue." My mother, looking young enough to be my sister, grinned at me.
"One more time and I deck you."
"Can you two be civil for one minute? What are we going to do about that?" Jeni asked, pointing to the front yard.
I strutted up to the window.
On the front lawn, hissing, squawking, and growling, a motley crew marched in single file in front of the living room window, all of them staring at us. The raccoon with the split ear was leading, followed by three gray squirrels, a red fox, a large rat, and a six-foot gator. They looked like a small platoon. All of them had red eyes gleaming, fangs hanging, and the gator was swishing its long tail as it marched, nudging a rat in front of its nose.
"I think it's time to take care of these guys. Weapons anyone?" I suggested.
"I'll hit the safe." Resi announced at a run toward the garage where we kept the gun-safe.
A much louder, ear-piercing scream came from upstairs. "HELP! THE RACCOON IS TRYING TO KILL ME AGAIN!"
Every creature in the front yard jerked its eyes from us, straight up to my sister's second floor bedroom window. The raccoon let out an angry screech, its little paw pointing up, and the whole platoon headed for the wall under the window.
"NOT THE RACCOON, JOANN! IT'S JUST THREE SQUIRRELS! I sprinted through the living room, jumped over Max and headed for the kitchen, Mom and Jeni at my heels.
JoAnn banged on her bedroom door. "SUSAN! MOM! SOMEBODY! HE'S UP HERE! I NEED HELP!"
"Shouldn't we handle that?" Jeni pointed up at the ceiling.
"LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW, JO!" Mom yelled with an evil smile on her face.
"I think she can take care of three squirrels, Jeni," I growled. "I'm more concerned with you. Go lock yourself in the Jeep in the garage." She made no attempt to move.