by Rebeca Seitz
The thought of how many stamp sets she could have bought with the money she’d spent on orange feathers made her mad all over again. Well, that was it. She had tried to get her husband to notice her, and it hadn’t worked. He was more interested in stats and scoreboards than what was going on under his own roof. Angry steps carried her past the scrapping studio and into the kitchen.
And she could learn to be okay with his disinterest. He was a good provider. He would never raise a hand to her. He would never leave her. There were a lot of women walking the planet who would be very grateful for what she had. And here she had to go and rock the boat. She should be happy with what she had. If she wanted more, then too bad.
The kitchen sink was stacked with dirty dishes. She sighed and began running a sink of water. The phone rang, and Lydia snatched up the cordless.
“Hello?”
“Hey, how’d the talk go?” Mari said.
“He asked me why women can’t be more like men and just ask for what they want.”
“You’re kidding me. Dale es un chico loco.”
“If you just said he’s crazy, you’ve got the wrong spouse. I had to be crazy to think that would work.”
“This is not your fault. Dale has marbles for a brain. Want me to have John talk with him?”
Lydia thought about the option for a second. Dale would get really offended that she had been discussing their bedroom life with another person.
“Not yet, but thank you.”
“You’re welcome. The offer is always there. So can I do anything to help?”
“Find a new brain for my husband?” Lydia laughed.
“I’m on it. I’m sure somebody’s selling at least one on eBay right now. I can find anything on eBay.”
Lydia laughed again. Mari was right, though. Buying things on the Internet auction powerhouse site was just too fun. Quite a few of her scrapbooking supplies had been purchased through eBay, along with her camera.
“Thanks. Let me know if you find a good deal.”
“Will do.”
Jane stretched as tall as possible and reached to the back corner of the shelf in the top of her closet. “I know you’re up here. Come on out.” Her fingers closed on a corner of hard leather. She grabbed it and tugged. Mittens and scarves fell down around her feet as her wedding album popped free.
“I knew I had put you up there.” She made her way to the bed and crawled to the middle of it. Opening the album, pictures of the day she pledged to love and cherish Bill Sandburg forever played out before her. There they were, saying their vows, cutting the cake, sharing a first dance. Feelings buried for a year came flooding back with each new layout. Bill was a comfortable kind of love. Never surprising or exciting like Jake. Bill was steady, dependable. Boring.
That wasn’t fair. Dependability and familiarity shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand. But how dependable is he if he cheats on you?
It was just the one time. Every marriage had hiccups, didn’t it? Perhaps Bill was right. They should have waited a while longer before calling it quits.
He cheated, Jane. That’s more than a hiccup.
And yet he seemed genuine at the mall. Did he deserve a second chance? No, that’s not the right question. Everybody deserves second chances. Was she willing to give him a second chance with her? That’s the right question.
Would she be more willing to consider it if Jake wasn’t in the picture? Well, it’d be easier if I didn’t lose my breath every time he came around. That never happened with Bill. Never happened with anyone. Shouldn’t that mean something?
Yeah, it meant she was letting her physical attraction to Jake outweigh her marital commitment to Bill. Not that I have a marital commitment to Bill anymore.
She turned the last page of the scrapbook and saw an 8x10 of Bill holding her close, their smiling faces turned to the camera, the wedding party surrounding them. Life was full of possibility and disappointment that day. Her constant friend through high school and college had become her husband. Her other constant friend had walked out the door as the ceremony began, convinced Bill Sandburg was a cheater.
Lydia was right then.
Jane grabbed the phone off her night table and punched in Lydia’s number.
“Hello?”
“Did I wake you up?”
“No. I’m in here looking at the Sisters, Ink site. What’s up?”
“Bill called me this week.”
“Did you hang up on him?”
Now, why didn’t I think of that? “No, I met him.”
“You what?!”
“He begged me, Lyd. Wanted to tell me how sorry he was, that he’d changed.”
“Couldn’t he tell you that over the phone?”
“That’s what I said, but he asked me for five minutes, and I thought, after all our history together, I could give him that.”
“I think you gave him more than enough.”
Jane sighed. Maybe she should have called Mac or Mari. “Do you want to hear this or not?”
“Sorry, sorry. So you went to meet him?”
“At Davis-Kidd. I stayed long enough to hear his apology and, um, his plea for a second chance.”
“Please tell me you turned him down cold. That’d serve the cheating—”
“I didn’t say anything. I walked away.”
“Well, that’s something.” There was silence for a minute. “Wait, don’t tell me you’re actually considering his request.”
“I’m not sure. I—”
“Jane Sandburg, you get your head outta your rear end right now. A tiger can’t change his stripes. It just is what it is.
That man cheated on you the night before your wedding and while he was married to you. What are you thinking? Why would you give it a moment’s thought?”
“You don’t think people can change?”
“I don’t think Bill Sandburg has changed. People, I’m not sure about.”
“But you didn’t see him, Lydia. I think he was genuine.”
“Good for him. Why isn’t he off being genuine with his new woman?”
Jane bit her lip. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”
“I’ll bet she left him.”
“That’d be rich.”
“Why else would he come running back to you?”
“Hey, I’d like to think he might just want me back.”
“Jane, you know I think you’re a gift for whatever man you end up with. But Bill Sandburg is a thoughtless idiot who couldn’t recognize a good thing when he had it. Forgive me if I don’t think he saw you at the store and suddenly realized what he’d lost.”
Jane sighed. “That’s how it happens in the movies.”
“Welcome back to reality, Sister.”
“Reality sucks.”
“Not yours. I seem to recall a gorgeous man making you a beautiful dinner. Has something happened?”
“No, we had dinner again tonight, and it was great.”
“Well, there you go. Why give that up for a man who betrayed you?”
“Jake’s not pure as the driven snow, you know. He told me tonight how he got Major Carter.” She relayed the story to Lydia.
“That doesn’t make him a cheater like Bill, Jane. That woman had left her husband and was living somewhere else for months before Jake got involved with her. Plus he was under the impression that she was in the process of getting a divorce. I don’t think that can be compared to Bill sitting in the study of the home he shared with you and sharing sleazy instant messages all night.”
“Ouch, okay, don’t remind me.”
“Somebody needs to, don’t you think? Before you decide to welcome it back into your life?”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“Good. Quit thinking of a cheating slimeball and focus in on Mr. Gorgeous across the hall. You coming to church tomorrow?”
“I think I’m going to Mac’s church tomorrow.”
“Be sure you wear comfortable shoes.”
Jane laughed. Mac’s p
astor wasn’t short-winded by a long shot. “I hear you. Thanks, Lyd.”
“You’re welcome, Sister. Anytime. See you at Mari’s house tomorrow, okay?”
“Yeah.” Jane hung up and looked at her wedding scrapbook again. Lydia was right in a lot of ways. Bill had cheated on her, and the magnitude of that shouldn’t be forgotten. But if she believed what they said in church, people could change. And that included Bill, whether Lydia wanted it to or not.
She ran her finger across the picture of their wedding party, wishing Lydia’s face was smiling among the rest. Maybe it was time to toss this scrapbook. She got up off the bed and padded into the kitchen in her houseshoes.
The lid of the trash can popped up when she stepped on its pedal. Inside were the remains of an orange, tea bags, and some old popcorn. Doesn’t seem right to put my wedding memories in there with all that messy garbage.
Outside Dumpster. She went back to her bedroom and exchanged house slippers for tennies. Not bothering to tie them, she carried the album out to the big metal container at the corner of her building.
Cold wind whipped her hair around her face as she stood by the Dumpster, willing her hands to do what needed done, what should have been done a year ago. She flipped through it again, the streetlight letting her see all the long hours of finding just the right paper and embellishments, the smiling faces frozen in time.
I’ll deal with it tomorrow. She hurried back to the apartment.
chapter 20
Jane shifted on the hard pew, hearing it creak, and wondering if that was a commentary on her weight. At least this time her shoes were comfy. Live and learn.
Between the caffeine at Jake’s house and memories of her wedding day flashing fresh through her dreams all night, sleep had been elusive. She shifted again and tried to focus on the sermon.
“You’ve got to watch out for the enemy,” the pastor thundered.
“Preach, brotha,” a man called from the back.
“He’ll weasel his way into your life with just a little lie. Maybe not even a big lie. Maybe you just don’t tell somebody the whole truth.”
“You know that’s right, preacher.”
Great. The pastor’s been spying on me, and the congregation’s out to get me.
“And before you know it”—he snapped his fingers— “you’re caught up in a web of deceit.” Sounds of amen sounded around the congregation. Jane slid down in her seat.
“But it’s not too late, sister.”
“No, sir!” yelled a woman in the front.
“It ain’t too late for you to turn around and tell that ol’ Satan where to go!” The pastor pointed his finger at the floor.
“Tell him where he belongs!”
“Go on.” A few in the crowd stood to their feet.
“Tell him he ain’t got no business up in your life. Can I get an amen somewhere from God’s people today?”
A lady in a white dress covered in big purple flowers stood.
“Amen, preacher. Tell it!”
There’s nothing like church with Mac. They keep it real.
“Come on, children of God! Tell the enemy where he can go when he tries to get you to lie.” He paced back and forth across a stage covered in red carpet. “His power over you is GONE, I say.” He wiped a handkerchief across a sweaty brow.
“GONE, Jesus says.” Tambourines shook, and the drummer beat a staccato rhythm.
“GONE in the precious blood of the Savior.” Robed choir members stood as one in a loft behind the stage, and the congregation started clapping.
“GONE under the power of the Cross.” The choir hummed, and a soprano “Hallelujah” floated out across the stage.
“GONE, nevermore to return! Sing your PRAISE to the God who SAVED you from the power of His enemy!!”
The choir burst out in song, and the congregation joined in. Jane looked around at faces wet with tears, shining with joy. Beside her, Mac was singing praises at the top of her lungs. Tabby hadn’t shown up, but Mac didn’t let that stop her own worship.
Jane thought about life with Bill. It would never be this full of emotion. Had never been. But was a lack of emotion, of passion, enough to tell him no? It hadn’t been three years ago when she stood at an altar and vowed only death would separate her from Bill.
But that was before she knew what she was saying no to. Jake. Her heart fluttered at the thought of his name. Sometimes in his presence she couldn’t breathe. He made her knees lock and her brain register feelings she didn’t know existed.
I know now. And I’m not sure I can—or even should—walk away from it.
“Church family, hear this truth.” The people quieted and sat down at the reverend’s hushed tone. “You ain’t never gonna know the powerful life He means for you to lead when you’re lettin’ the enemy hold sway over you. He’ll keep you down in a pit of lies or hold you back by denyin’ the richness of this life. Be aware, brothahs and sistahs. Be aware. The devil comes to destroy you. Jesus comes to save you. God tells us to be wise as the serpent, but gentle as the dove. Don’t you let that ol’ devil trick you into thinkin’ you gotta settle for somethin’ God don’t intend. You ask for direction, and then you listen when He gives it. Pray with me now.”
Jane stared straight ahead, certain this preacher had a camera in her apartment and a crew following her around. Would it be settling for something God didn’t intend if she gave Bill another chance? But wouldn’t the God of turn-the-other-cheek and second chances encourage her to try? She shook her head in confusion. The preacher was asking God to give them direction and, right then, that sounded like a good idea.
Two hours later, Jane, Lydia, Dale, Mac, Mari, and John all sat back from the dinner table. Empty bun wrappers and crumbs littered the table. All that was left on the hamburger and hotdog platter were bits of charred grease.
“That was one fantastic meal,” Mac said. “I don’t think I’ve eaten that much since Thanksgiving.”
“Ugh, me either.” Jane rubbed her stomach. “I feel like I’m going to pop. How are we supposed to move baby furniture now?”
Mari chuckled. “You’re right. We should’ve moved the furniture first. I wasn’t thinking.”
John stood up from the table and picked up the empty platter. “Maybe if we get rid of the evidence, we’ll feel better.”
Mari stood as well and began helping him clear the table.
“Good idea. How about y’all go on into the living room and let all that food settle? John and I’ll join you in just a few minutes, as soon as we’ve put the dishes and food away.”
“Here, let me help with that.” Lydia got up.
“That’s okay. We’ve got it. Go on to the living room. I’m going to need all that energy from you getting the baby furniture down.” Mari gathered up the bun wrappers, ketchup bottle, and jar of mayonnaise and nodded toward the hallway. “Go on.”
Slowly, they began moving and making their way out of the dining room. John came around the table and kissed Mari.
“I love you, you know,” Jane heard him say.
“I love you too. Now, let’s get this table cleared. We’ve got a roomful of adults willing to move furniture. Let’s not waste it.”
John laughed. “Right, I’m on it.”
Jane made her way into the living room with everyone else. Mac was already rocking Kesa in the recliner, the chair creaking with each backward motion.
“Did she wake up?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think she meant to.” Mac smiled and kissed Kesa’s curls. “I’ll just rock her on back to sleep.”
“Are the twins still asleep?” She looked over at Lydia.
“You bet.” Lydia looked at her watch. “We’ve probably got another hour or so before they wake up.”
“Okay.” Mari clapped her hands as she and John came into the room. “Then let’s get to it. Sisters, to the attic.”
Lydia and Jane stood and followed her up the stairs, Lydia grabbing her camera from the end table on the way.
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“So, Dale, you like sports?” Jane heard John ask as they left the room.
“Do we have a game plan?” She followed the Sisters up the stairs.
“Sí. I thought first we’d go to Emmy’s room and move her furniture. When we’ve made space, we’ll go get the things out of the attic that were hers as a bambina and move them into her room as well. Está bien?”
“Sure. What’d Emmy say when you told her?”
They stopped at the top of the landing and waited for her answer. “She was thrilled.”
“Oh, good,” Lydia said.
Mari nodded. “It was a huge relief. She was almost giddy, and she told everybody at church this morning how her baby sister is coming to live in her room. It was adorable.”
“I wonder how adorable she’ll think it is when Andrea’s up crying in the middle of the night,” Lydia said.
“Well, Andrea might be past that stage by the time we get her. We won’t know until she’s here. She’ll have been on a schedule at the orphanage. They have to so they can keep order with lots of babies and very few caregivers. Anyway, the attic is through here.” She pushed open a door in the middle of the hallway, and the women stepped through. “Be sure you only walk where there’s plywood. Wouldn’t want anyone poking their foot through the ceiling,” she joked.
“Which way to the baby aisle?” Jane said.
“Over there.” Mari pointed to the far corner of the attic, and all the women cooed over the white baby cradle there.
“That is so precious,” Lydia stepped over and around boxes as she made her way to the cradle.
“I remember when we brought Emmy home from the hospital and laid her in it. She seemed so tiny. We probably won’t need it for Andrea, though, since she’ll already be over that age by the time we get her.”
“How old will she be?” Jane said.
“She’s nine months old now, according to the file they sent, and it will be at least a couple of months before we get to her, so she’ll be about eleven months to a year old when we bring her home.”
“Wow, close to the first birthday.”
“Sí, sí.” Mari took a deep breath. “I hope we don’t have problems bonding, with her having spent all that time with the caregivers at the orphanage.”