by Erica Penrod
“I hope so too.” He smiled at her. “How about we take your mind off things and go find a Christmas tree?”
She nodded and wiped at her nose.
“And if that doesn’t work, maybe we can go shop for decorations.”
Her eyes widened. “On Black Friday?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Anything for you.”
Mandy bit her lip and her face brightened. “Boy, you must really like me.”
Blake shook his head. “If you only knew.”
Inside, something pricked at his heart, leaving him with a sense of foreboding. He’d been here before, to the place where Mandy was his whole world, and it hadn’t worked. Now the stakes were higher. But they were different people now. Mature adults who knew how much there was to lose. Blake looked into her eyes, and he pushed his fears aside and smiled. “Let’s go find the perfect tree.”
Chapter Nine
It was the first weekend in December, and the small town of Milwaukie dressed up for the occasion. Wreaths hung from every streetlight and window on Main Street. Christmas lights adorned the rooftops, and the anticipation of parties, delicious foods, and, of course, the arrival of Santa drifted like snowflakes in the air. The season had always been magical to Mandy, but this year, seeing the holidays through Kade’s eyes and holding Blake’s hand in hers, she couldn’t imagine anything better.
“Are you sure we don’t have too much stuff?” Blake carried sacks with lights and tree decorations in both arms.
They’d spent the last two hours lumbering through crowded stores gathering items for the tree they’d cut the night before. Kade got home from his father’s the day before, and she was relieved when Ted said everything went fine. But Kade had been clingy, which she’d anticipated since she’d never been apart from him for that many days, until the tree hunt. Blake packed Kade on his shoulders and spun him all over the hillside. He helped him touch the branches, and Kade ate up every second of it. Mandy was so grateful to Blake for making that happen. In her eyes, Blake was becoming a father figure, and while Kade lapped up the attention, she worried about whether or not Blake understood how much she and her son cared about him.
“I’m not sure. We’re may have to come back and get more.” Mandy grinned as she pushed the stroller out of the store and into the parking lot. The temperature bit at her cheeks, but Kade, with a candy cane, didn’t seem to notice the cold.
“You know, I’m not sure why I’m surprised by this anymore, since I work with Tori and Brianne, but yet I am.” He pressed one bag to his side as he opened the back door to his truck. “So much stuff.” Blake grinned. “Go ahead and put him in; I’ll load the stroller in the back.” Kade’s car seat was securely fastened inside, and she loved how easily Blake seemed to have transitioned into life with a two-year-old.
“You know my motto when it comes to Christmas, right?” She undid the strap across Kade’s lap and lifted him from the stroller. “More is more is more.” Mandy laughed as she sat Kade in his chair.
“I know, but your version of more and my version of more are two different things.”
She finished buckling Kade and shut the door. “It is, is it?” Mandy kissed his mouth. “What about when I do this?” She pressed her lips to his again. “Would you like your version or my version of more?”
“Yours, please.”
Mandy kissed him again until she had to stop to breathe. “We better get going. I don’t want Kade to fall to sleep before we put the lights on the tree.”
Blake swallowed. “Then stop kissing me.” He grinned, and her whole body warmed from her head to her toes. “But just until we get back to my place, and then I want more.”
“You got it.” She winked. “There’s more where that came from.”
* * *
“He almost made it.” Mandy handed Blake the last strand of lights. Kade was zonked out on the floor with plastic ornaments all around him. She’d tried to pick out decorations that coordinated through color and texture, but Blake and Kade had other ideas. Blake bought Kade a set of toy truck ornaments and a train set to go under the tree. Blake insisted he get the battery-operated singing fish, who gave a lovely rendition of “Jingle Bells,” and a silver tinsel garland that reminded him of his childhood. Mandy bought gold and silver balls and beautiful ribbon to add a finished feel to the tree.
Blake stood on the ladder to reach the top boughs. “He lasted longer than I thought he would.” He placed the lights. “How’s that?”
Mandy stood back. “It looks great.” She turned around and reached for the gold star she’d unboxed and sat on the couch. “Do you want this next, while you’re up there?”
He climbed down a step and took the star from her hand. “My family always puts the star on last.”
She looked up and smiled. “My family usually puts it on first, even before the lights, but maybe we can start our own tradition.”
The lights twinkled in his eyes. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He fastened the ornament to the top of the tree. “And next year, maybe Kade will be able to stay awake longer.”
Mandy sighed, relaxed to be talking about their future with Blake. They were so busy in the moments and wrapped up in the holiday magic that they hadn’t talked about where their relationship was headed, but she knew they were headed there together. She went back to the decorations and found the garland. “Should we put this on next?”
“Sure.” He got down and stood beside her. Blake wrapped his arm around her and gazed at the tree. “I think this will be the best tree I’ve ever had.” He leaned in and nuzzled her neck. “Make that the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”
Mandy closed her eyes and reveled in the feel of his lips on her skin. “I couldn’t agree more.”
* * *
Mandy’s stomach felt like sugarplum fairies had taken flight. This was her first official day at work, and she was meeting Jeremy at the B&B. The small office adjacent to the kitchen was complete, and he wanted to teach her about the software program they used for reservations and other bookkeeping. Her parents offered to keep Kade while she worked, and she looked forward to the little break from being mom and to using her adult brain.
Mandy parked in front of the B&B, which last she knew didn’t have an official name. Her heart pumped a little harder when she saw Blake’s truck in front of the house. The place was nearly finished, and next week Tori’s Taking Over would film their last episode. As scheduled, the B&B would be up and running the first of January.
She let herself in and was struck by the idea that this would soon be her home. Mandy imagined next year’s decorations and decided the Christmas tree would go in the far corner. She’d hit the after-Christmas sales to stock up, and the idea thrilled her. This was going to be her place to manage, and that was really a dream come true. She paused by the door until she heard someone laughing hysterically. Following the sound, she found Jeremy bent over with his hands on his knees and chortling.
“What’s going on in here?” Mandy put her purse down on the newly placed marble counter. Tori and Brianne both sat on the floor, giggling so hard they had tears running down their face. “What’s so funny? What did I miss?”
Jeremy managed to get a word out. “B-b-blake.” Then he started laughing all over again.
“What about Blake?” Mandy looked around and saw his camera, but no sign of him. “Where is he?”
“He’s in the bathroom.” Tori stood up and reached for Brianne’s hand. “Blake, Mandy’s here,” she called down the hallway. “Come out and let’s see how she really feels about you.”
“You have to see this.” Brianne touched Mandy’s arm.
“Fine, but you owe me more money.” Blake’s voice came from the bathroom. A second later, he stepped out into the hallway, and Mandy blinked twice before she burst out laughing.
“Go ahead and laugh, but I’m making big money off this.” Blake grinned and took a bow. He wore green-and-white-striped tights with red shorts and shoes, along with a w
hite button-down shirt covered in tiny flying reindeer and green suspenders with a pin that said, “Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.” A red hat covered his head and plastic tips were placed on his ears, but the best part was his cheeks and lips painted a rosy pink.
“We thought it would be fun to have an elf on the next episode since it’s Christmastime.” Tori wiped at her eyes.
Blake scowled. “No, you and Brianne thought it would be fun. I, for the record, did not think this was a great idea.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you can be easily bribed into about anything?” Jeremy leaned against the counter.
Blake’s brows furrowed, his eyes narrowed, and then he burst out laughing. “Yes, that’s about right.”
Mandy grinned. “That’s good to know for future reference.” Her phone vibrated in her purse. She swiped the screen and read the message from her mom. “Dang it,” she whispered to herself.
“What’s the matter?” Blake asked, but she couldn’t keep from chuckling when she looked up at him, despite her dilemma. “What?” Blake asked again.
She choked back her laughter. “My mom and dad forgot about an appointment they had in Portland at noon and they said they’re just going to take Kade with them, but I don’t want them to have to do that.”
“I’ll go get him.” He glanced at Tori and Brianne. “Since I’ve done my duty here for today and I was just going to go back to my place and work on editing some of the footage for the next episode.” Blake looked back at Mandy. “Kade can hang out with me, maybe play with his train set.”
“You’d do that? You don’t mind?” Mandy’s shoulders relaxed, and her eyes welled with happy tears, because she trusted Blake to take care of Kade. She’d seen the way he watched out for him and was attentive to his needs. He showered Kade with fishy crackers and attention, something Ted never seemed interested in. The kid had Blake wrapped around his little finger already.
“Of course not.” Blake pulled the hat from his head. “But I better change out of this, so I don’t scare the poor kid to death. It’s supposed to be Christmas, not Halloween.”
“Thank you so much.” Mandy wanted to wrap her arms around him and kiss him, pink lips and all, but she kept her hands and lips to herself.
“You’re welcome.” Blake smiled before he turned back towards the bathroom.
Mandy felt everyone’s eyes on her, and Brianne giggled. “I know what our little elf’s asking for Santa to put under his tree this year.”
Tori brushed her blonde hair behind her ear and grinned at Mandy. “But is he on the naughty or nice list?”
Mandy shook her head and felt her cheeks go a ruddy red. “Oh, he’s definitely on the nice list.”
Chapter Ten
Blake’s skates flew out from under his feet and he hit the ice with a thud. That would leave a mark, and not just on his pride. It was a week before Christmas Eve and Kade was with his father. Ted decided he wanted to follow the custody arrangements with the divorce and took Kade every other weekend. Mandy was still adjusting to Ted wanting to spend time with Kade, and Blake suggested ice-skating to cheer her up, a decision he sorely regretted at the moment. On the floor of the outdoor skating rink, Blake looked up at strands of twinkling lights, and his ears echoed with the sounds of Elvis’s “Blue Christmas” crooning over the speakers. Mandy stood over him like his own Christmas angel, taking his mind off his bruised backside.
“Are you okay?” Mandy reached for him and he took her hand.
“Yup.” He hopped up and winced. “At least I think so.” He dusted the ice shavings off his pants, and they started off again. “Ask me again tomorrow after the bruise is fully formed.”
Mandy tucked her arm beneath his and pulled him to her. “Stay close and I’ll keep you safe.”
He looked at her, and suddenly emotion caught in his chest. That was all he’d ever wanted from her and for her: to keep her close and to keep her safe. He’d known for a while now that he was all in. Ready to be everything she and Kade would ever need.
Blake swallowed and stared at his skates until he could speak. “How about we get some hot chocolate?”
A notch appeared between Mandy’s brows, and she studied his face. “Okay?”
Blake smiled, trying to reassure her, but he gazed down at his feet once more. He decided to save what he wanted to tell her for Christmas Eve. He drew in a breath and came up with a plan. A plan to tell this woman just how he felt about her.
* * *
Mandy sipped on her hot chocolate and watched Blake from the corner of her eye, loving the sight of him beside her. They sat on a bench next to the rink and soaked in the holiday magic. “This has been so nice to have you all to myself.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “This feels like Christmas morning.”
“That good, huh?” Blake lifted the lid on his cup. “Even with my meager skating skills?”
“Even then.” She raised her head and touched his cold cheek. “You are the best gift I’ve received in a long time.” Everything between them felt so right, but did that mean the same thing to him as it did to her? She wanted to talk about how he felt and know if he was ready to make plans for their future like she was.
He smiled. “And so are you.”
“Are you worried that this is too much, too soon?” Her heart pounded in her chest, but she had to know.
“No.” He glanced at her. “Do you?”
She shook her head. “No.” Mandy bit her lip. “But I know being with me is a lot. Maybe more than what you anticipated.”
Blake grinned. His dimple flashed, and she relaxed. “I’ve discovered—with the help of a beautiful woman—that I’m a big fan of more. More Christmas, more shopping, more decorations, and—most of all—more of you.”
The tender look on his face, his wide eyes and simple smile, pushed away the uncertainty. They snuggled closer. “Whoever she is, I’ll have to thank her.”
“I’ll be happy to take care of that for you.” Blake leaned in and kissed her. His lips softly pressed against hers; then he paused and gazed into her eyes. Her breath caught at the intensity and emotion staring back at her. Her body warmed as he tasted her again, and she knew that she couldn’t go on like this, not until they worked through the past. Even if he didn’t think they needed to talk about it, she did. The future could be theirs, they could paint the picture any way they wanted, but they’d already soiled the canvas by the regrets of long ago. Unless they brushed away the pain with complete forgiveness, the stains might one day seep onto their landscape once again.
Their breath rose in the air around them as they held each other beneath the winter moon, and Mandy hesitated to bring up anything that might dull the stars in the night sky, but she wanted this to be real. Something to last long after the holidays were over and for the rest of her life.
Mandy unwrapped herself from his embrace and looked into his eyes. A lump formed in her throat, knowing the chance she was about to take. “I think we need to talk.”
* * *
The keys fumbled in his hand as Blake unlocked the door to his place. Mandy was right, they needed to talk, but this wasn’t how he’d wanted this to go down, not before he’d had time to make sure what they had now would survive.
Mandy peeled off her coat, then walked over and turned on the tree lights. She smiled at him as the soft glow of the white bulbs warmed the room, despite that tension between them. Blake glanced down at the floor, sure he stood on the edge of a cliff, and then back up at the woman he loved. She could save him, pull him back into the paradise they’d shared this last month, or let him fall into the dark, to the place where Mandy wasn’t his.
“Do you want anything to drink?” He took off his jacket and hung it over a barstool. “Maybe something to eat?” He walked over towards the refrigerator. He opened the door and scanned the contents, but nothing appealed to him. He opened the cupboard with no idea of what he was searching for.
“No thank you.” She sat on the couch and
gave him a slanted glance. “Are you avoiding me?”
Blake stopped. “Maybe a conversation, but never you.”
She patted the seat beside her. “Come here.”
He drew in a breath and moved to her. Blake sat beside her, and Mandy entwined her fingers with his. “This doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
His chest tightened. “It was bad enough to break us up once before. That’s why I just don’t want to bring it up.” The years he’d tried to forget about her, to replace her with someone else, settled over him like a fog he couldn’t make his way through.
“I don’t know how much we have to say about what happened between us all those years ago, but I think you need to hear this. It wasn’t all your fault, and I forgave you a long time ago.”
Blake couldn’t see, blinded by the memory. The anger, frustration, and devastation of losing her when he’d loved her so much darkened his heart. What made him think that this time would be different, and how did she forgive him when he couldn’t seem to forgive himself? “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Her shoulders dropped. “I don’t know. I never gave you a chance to explain what happened, why you kissed someone else after we’d been together for so long.” She closed her eyes and tiny lines appeared along her forehead. “But I should have.” She massaged her temples. “A couple years later, I ran into Mark Watterson and he told me what happened that night, about the girl coming on to you and how you ended it quickly.”
“That doesn’t make it right. Nothing I can say will fix it. Believe me, I’ve spent years trying to.” He let go of her hand.
She glanced down at her empty palm. “We weren’t in a good place as a couple, and it makes sense that you were vulnerable. We both messed up. I pulled away from you because I didn’t know what I wanted.” Her eyes welled up. “I loved you, but I was scared. We were both so young and never really dated anyone else.”