No, no, pause mode. I looked at Jayden, who seemed to be in a trance, shocked. It was the first time I saw something shake him like that. But it didn’t last long.
He came out of his trance, the surprise replaced by anger. “I’m not your brother.”
My blood froze in my veins. His sharp tone could have cut steel. His voice was deeper than a Harley-Davidson’s rumble.
“Look, I’m sorry. For everything,” Alice said.
Second shock for Jayden. The poor man was lost. Alice seemed to beat him without even touching him.
“I don’t want an apology!” Jayden lost his temper, and Alice frowned, looking confused. “What are they for? For having stood there doing nothing, so the monster who served us as a father turned my life into a living hell? It’ll take much more than an ‘I’m sorry’ for me to forgive you.”
This time it was Alice’s turn to be distressed. Jayden’s words seemed to burn her alive.
“You’re… siblings, like… pureblood?” I felt the anger soar in me even before Alice answered.
“Yes.”
“And why have you never told me anything?” I huffed, arms raised in the air, turning against Jayden.
“They never recognized me as such; I thought the information was lost forever. Anyway, to me, I’m not of a member of this family.”
“So why did you come?” Alice whispered as sadness rolled off her.
Jayden hesitated. “Even though I’m no longer a part of it, I’ve been part of it even during the nine months I spent in my mother’s womb and the other nine years I spent with you before you decided I didn’t deserve to live. Despite everything you’ve done, I once loved you. I was too young and naïve to see the obvious. And, unlike you, I’m not one to abandon those who matter to me or who have one day mattered.”
“Jayden, I—”
“Don’t do it,” Jayden cut in. “I’ll never let anyone attack you this way; I’ll help you defeat Craid then I’ll disappear forever.”
Jayden’s gaze rested upon me, and my heart sank, leaving an unpleasant burn in my chest. That was his plan from the beginning. He never told me that something could happen between us, but… He’d been caring and I let myself think that… I was naïve from the beginning.
I left the room so the family could talk. Both seemed to have a delightful time rehashing. Alice’s brother. I was attracted to Alice’s brother! I didn’t even know how she’d take it if she knew. And he didn’t tell me anything! I wanted to scream.
“Katy, wait,” I heard behind my back.
He grabbed my arm, but with a jerk, I forced him to let go. I turned to him with my arms folded. He hesitated to speak.
So I got ahead of him. “How could you hide something like that from me?” I chided. “Do you have other surprises like that? Tell me, Craid is your adopted brother, maybe?”
“No. I told you, I don’t consider myself a member of this family.”
“Yes, but Alice is my best friend and you…” I struggled to find words that wouldn’t spill the beans on how I felt about him. “I trusted you.”
Words were hard to get out. My throat was dry. I felt like cement had encased my heart. It was so heavy in my chest. I turned my back to leave, but he caught up with me and nudged me against the wall. He leaned against it with his hands on either side of my head.
“You don’t understand.” Heartbreaking anger was burning through his eyes.
“Let me go,” I replied with the same intensity.
“It took me years to tell Liam. We haven’t even known each other for a week.”
His words were like acid being splashed onto my face. He was right, I was nothing to him. We barely knew each other, and I hadn’t earned his trust enough for him to confide in me. I wanted to be alone and scream my sorrow. To yell at me because I thought I was stupid. What did I think?
“Let me go,” I said with less intensity.
My pain was etched into my voice, and I didn’t like it. There was no way he’d get to know my emotions.
He got closer until our bodies touched. My heart was beating like a drum against my rib cage.
“I know I’ve hidden the truth from you. And, frankly, I never wanted to hurt you. I just want you to understand me, to see things from my point of view,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes, hiding from his overwhelmed gaze. I tried to clear my mind. But with him so close to me, it was impossible to do that.
“Let me go,” I whispered.
To my surprise, he backed off. He looked at me from the bottom up then turned his back and left.
I sagged against the wall and placed my arms over my knees and my head against my arms. I tried to breathe, but every breath was painful, unusually long and difficult. I wanted to tear my heart out and put it next to me for a while until I could regain my light-mindedness. My emotions were fighting against one another; my brain was overheating trying to protect me from annihilation.
This simple lie by omission from Jayden and Alice was hard to swallow. Alice had never told me about any brother, and Jayden had precisely avoided mentioning his relationship with Alice.
Alice was one of the most important people in my life, she knew all about me. In recent days, Jayden had become a companion who had earned my absolute trust.
What a disappointment that these two relationships were one-sided. The taste of betrayal was bitter.
I also understood that I had been imagining things with Jayden. If he didn’t trust me, he couldn’t be interested in me either. My conscience kept telling me I knew it from the beginning; that I’d never envisaged something with him in the future because from the beginning I knew who he was. Rational thoughts danced in my mind. It’s just attraction. It’s not important. I have a lot on my plate already. He can leave if he wants, it’s nothing. This man is dangerous, he’s not for me.
While in one sentence, my heart smothered all these words. I had chosen him.
I got up and walked to the waterfall. Water was the element with which I felt the greatest connection. Its freedom, its strength, and its gentleness intoxicated me. I breathed the pure air of the nearby forest, listened to the sound of the waterfall, watched the stars shining in the sky, felt the protection and softness of the moon. I focused on myself, here and now. I appreciated the beauty of the surrounding environment. I felt my presence at this moment so peaceful and so calm. I calmed down and my thoughts calmed down too.
CHAPTER 29
When I got back, Jayden was lying on the porch. His legs were bent in front of him, his eyes closed. I lay down beside him silently so I wouldn’t wake him up. The cool night air swept his hair into a mess that fell across his forehead. He seemed younger, more normal. Not a supernatural capable of destroying an entire city without even blinking. Just as he could destroy an entire city, he could build one. But he’d never learned to do so.
“I never thought that seeing such pain, such anger toward me in your eyes would have affected me so much. I want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly.”
I started when I heard him speak, rushing out of my thoughts about him.
I turned to him, laying my head on my right arm. “I thought about it,” I said.
He opened his eyes and turned to me. I saw a side of him I didn’t know. As if a mask had just fallen, I saw the fatigue pronounced on his face, mixed with chagrin and deep sorrow. I was angry at me.
We all have secrets that are hard to admit because they remind us of dreadful memories, memories that mark us for life. It’s like a scar you’re ashamed of. We don’t show it because we’re afraid that others will make fun of it or won’t understand how important it is and all that it entails. We’re afraid of being misunderstood, of being criticized.
I was sure he wasn’t ready to show that scar that was still affecting him. He was always as strong mentally as he was physically. I pretended every day that I respected other people’s secrets, and now I was mad that he didn’t tell me anyth
ing.
But things had changed. My perception of him had changed. Secretly, I wanted more than just a partnership; I wanted him to trust me enough to open up to me. I wanted to know him.
“I’m sorry.”
He frowned, confused.
“I know that I’m nothing to you, and—”
He got up and sat, anger wrinkled into his face. “I forbid you to say that.”
“We just got to know each other and I understand that you don’t trust me enough or that it’s a subject that you don’t easily address. It wasn’t vital information anyway,” I said in a rush.
He stared at me, his gaze distant and his body tense. So I remained motionless, lying on my back in front of him, waiting for the slightest reaction from him. He blinked and his gaze bore into me.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
I wanted to tell him that he should see more women, so he would have seen a more beautiful one, but I let the compliment float in the air. I was having a terrible week; I could give myself the right to receive a compliment.
“Thank you.” I grinned. “You should go to sleep. You look awful.”
“I doubt that. How would you explain the drool in the corner of your mouth every time you set your eyes on me?”
My eyes widened, and a broad smile lit up his face. He brushed his thumb over the corner of my mouth and a tingling sensation flowed all over my body.
He tilted his head, and I looked up at the ceiling, ignoring my reaction at a simple touch.
I moved his hand away. “I don’t drool,” I said with little conviction.
His smile grew, and he opened his mouth, no doubt to bury me in the embarrassment grave he was digging in my name, but I cut him off.
“Jayden, we have to defeat Craid, we will fail if we’re exhausted.”
He lay on his back beside me, and the tiredness reappeared on his face. “What are we going to do once we find him? We tried craftiness. It failed.”
“We should contain him, lock him up somewhere.”
“You’ll confront him,” Alice declared. She came out of the house and sat next to us on the porch.
“Maurice thinks we mustn’t defeat fire with fire. He thinks a fight between Jayden and Craid could destroy the city.”
“We don’t know what Craid wants, he’s too dangerous. There will be no city anyway if he destroys it himself.”
I smiled, thinking back to the similar reasoning Jayden had used in response to The Reaper. Looking at them next to each other, I could notice some slight similarities, including their ferocious but sometimes gentle character. Over time, I could discover more.
“Collateral damage must still be avoided. It will be a tough fight, Craid masters his powers and he has those of Alice. Our numerical superiority only brings the odds back to equal,” I said.
“You have no idea how you limit yourself,” Alice said, staring at Jayden, who was glaring back at her. “I know you hate me. And I can understand that. So the least I can do is let you know part of the truth. But also know that I’ve always hidden it from you to protect you.” She took a deep breath. “Your birth killed our mother, the most powerful mage in history. Even she couldn’t contain your ethereal power.” She paused. After another lengthy breath, she went on. “She was never happy; she wasn’t satisfied with what she had accomplished on this earth. She always told me she was destined for something bigger. I will never forget the smile she had when you were born, when she heard your first cry…”
Alice’s emotion was unbearable and tears trickled down her cheeks. Jayden was a wall, I wasn’t even sure he was breathing. He looked at Alice, impassive.
“She smiled as she looked at me and said, ‘That’s it,’ her voice so weak but so soft as a new hope imbued her heart. It was pride. She was happy. Finally happy. She died with that smile on her face, that peace in her eyes. You stopped crying the very second she lost her life and Father lost his smile the very second he realized it, becoming your personal tyrant at that very moment. If we’d taught you how to harness your power, you’d be capable of things you can’t imagine yet.”
It was a lot to take in for me, and it wasn’t my situation, I had no idea how Jayden felt. He who still hadn’t moved.
“Even the weakest mages can cause far more damage than they think. We’ve established that if we informed the population of its magical potential, it would be even more dangerous and unpredictable. So we did everything to prevent supernaturals from knowing their genuine power. We’ve done everything we can to limit their knowledge and limit their use of their magic because the more we manipulate the better we get and we discover more facets of our power. We’re all constrained by our lack of self-confidence and our lack of imagination. A slanted mind is a weak mind.”
Alice’s intransigence gave me the most absurd idea. I heard myself asking without knowing I had ordered my mouth to form the words. “Alice, how far were you willing to go to keep this secret?”
“We were ready for anything,” she croaked. “Jayden may be the most dangerous supernatural on Earth, but the most dangerous weapon is information.”
An unpleasant shiver ran through my entire body. My friend, my best friend couldn’t be… She couldn’t be a murderer. Impossible. I couldn’t breathe, and my head was spinning.
“I don’t expect you to understand. You’re not a queen. You don’t know what it costs.”
“You are indeed your father’s daughter,” I heard suddenly.
These were Jayden’s first words and he’d spit them like a cobra spewing his venom.
He got up and held out his hand to me. I took it, and we went in, leaving Alice sitting on the porch. I ate; then Jayden and I slept in separate rooms. I was surprised my brain calmed down enough to give me the luxury of sleeping.
CHAPTER 30
The next day, I went out to enjoy once again this pure nature.
I lay down on the grass. The sun was burning my skin and forcing me to close my eyes. I had only one thing to say: what a mess!
I never thought my life would have changed that much. I was wondering if it could ever come back as before, but I already knew the answer inside of me. Of course not.
Alice had told us they’d do anything to keep the secret, a secret she had just shared with Jayden and me. When the Order learned about this, which clan would she be in? I felt like I was losing my best friend. Or, rather, I was getting to know her. The real Alice.
I looked at the waterfall. At the foot of it, a pool of clear water shone, surrounded by forest trees. I wouldn’t have said no to a little heavenly place, just to pretend that my life wasn’t falling apart like a house of cards.
I got up and went to look for that pool.
I followed the energy from the water stream and after a few minutes of walking through the forest, I heard the waterfall more strongly. My heart warmed. Natural beauties like waterfalls had this effect on me; they amazed me and soothed me no matter what.
I came close to the pool and it was as beautiful as I’d imagined. The waterfall was flowing at increasing speed into a turquoise pool. The foliage adorning the place was so bright green that the abundance of chlorophyll concealed the color of any other pigment that might be present in the leaves. Each of them emanated life, well-being, and freshness.
A noise caught my attention and I saw Jayden sitting at the edge of the pool, phone in hand.
“Yes, apparently, she died happily. No, Liam, it doesn’t change the fact that I killed her. I know… Yes.”
I smiled when I noticed Jayden had called Liam. At least there was a relationship indestructible in all this misery.
I left and gave him the privacy he needed.
On the way to the house, I noticed a flower that I liked to see when I was little. I stooped to admire it.
This flower reminded me of my parents, often on a mission for Alice. My mother said that this flower brought good luck, for its whiteness was the pu
rest on Earth. She always brought it to me when she came home from a mission. My parents escorted important personalities and protected them. It’s been one month since I last saw them, this was the longest mission they ever had, and I never had contact with them during their mission. I’d become accustomed to it, thanks to Alice filling the void I felt during their moment of absence.
At first, I was worried, then each time they came back with beaming smiles, and I understood that they were competent. Known by the entire supernatural community, everyone respected my parents. They were also compatible, full of compassion and radiant with kindness and generosity.
Because of my parents’ regular absence, I spent a lot of time with Alice. We became close friends as teenagers. Everything was more beautiful then. How ironic. We strive to know the truth, but it’s the truth that spoils everything. I was happy when I didn’t know my best friend was a murderer. I didn’t even know how I could digest this information.
“It’s a beautiful flower.”
A low foreign voice rumbled behind me, and I jumped backward. I fell on my butt and quickly got up, ready to repel any attack. I found myself in front of Jayden, leaning on a tree, arms folded.
“You scared me!”
I was so deep in my thoughts I hadn’t recognized Jayden’s voice. He didn’t answer and continued to look at me with his head cocked. His folded arms brought out his arms corded in thick muscle. This man was a delight to my eyes. And to my heart…
I wanted to know more about him, about what he thought, because every time something bad happened, he’d shut himself off. Liam was the only one who knew him.
“Would you like to come and swim with me?”
Surprised, the answer took a long time to come out of my mouth. The embarrassment made my cheeks blush. I looked down, biting my lip. I loved the water and the beauty of the waterfalls, but it was a one-sided love.
“Um… In fact… I can’t swim,” I stammered.
“I see. Come on,” he said on his way to the waterfall.
Hells Magic (The Armistice Book 1) Page 18