by Mia Hoddell
“I’m still trying to get my head around the situation. I just want to be by myself for a bit so I was going to go out for a walk.” I wasn’t going to ask for permission as I didn’t want to be stopped, so instead I started heading towards the front door.
“How’s Mum doing?” I paused mid stride as my mind remembered the silence that was still on-going.
“She managed to cry herself to sleep about ten minutes ago, she’s in bed now and hopefully she’ll sleep until morning. I can’t even imagine what she is going through right now.”
I nodded and started walking towards the door.
“Be careful okay Serena? Your mum can’t handle much more right now so please be here when she wakes.”
I just nodded again, I didn’t want to upset Mum even more but I couldn’t promise how this evening was going to play out. I really needed to talk to someone and that person was Kai right at that moment in time.
“I’ll try but I really need to be on my own right now.” I lied. Now was not the time to bring up the subject of a new boyfriend who I had kept a secret for six months.
The night was mild as I stepped onto the street but still cold enough to need my hoodie. I shoved my hands into my pockets as I looked around. Circles of orange were lined up on the street, illuminated by the lights. I couldn’t see anyone to my left or ahead of me so I turned nervously to the right and began walking.
My steps faltered as I saw the dark figure leaning against what appeared to be a sports car, with his arms folded across a strong, broad chest. Suddenly my problems seemed irrelevant and the last thing on my mind. Oh my god I can’t believe I’m actually going to meet him finally. I could feel my heartbeat quickening with nerves and I was lost for breath as I drew nearer. He came into view under the dim street light and the first thing I noticed was the matte black Lamborghini Gallardo he was leaning against. That was probably due to the fact that I was too nervous to look at him though.
How the hell would a nineteen year old afford that car? Was the first thought that entered my head but as soon as I looked up I was distracted rapidly by the guy who stood there. His black t-shirt was stretched tight over his body, obviously highlighting his abs and bulging arms. He was wearing dark jeans as well and as my gaze wandered up his body I saw his strong, narrow jaw line that was emphasised by the shadows.
His deep brown eyes watched me as I stared at him. He had short, black hair which was spiked messily, but this only made him more attractive. As I stopped right in front of him he smiled gently, concern still showing intently in his eyes as he let his arms fall to his side.
“Do I pass the inspection?”
I blushed at his comment, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks at the fact I had been caught. I just laughed nervously in response to him, not being able to believe that Kai wanted me.
Before I could say something I felt his huge arms wind around my waist drawing me into a hug, his body feeling incredibly good against mine. His chin was resting on the top of my head as he held me close, reminding me of the way my dad used to hug me as a child. Almost instantly after I thought it, tears sprang to my eyes, causing me to bury my head into Kai even more.
I guessed he felt his shirt becoming wet from my tears as he pried me away from him slowly, holding me at arm’s length to see me better. Not wanting him to see I was crying I hung my head, but this only caused him to stoop so he could see my face.
“Rea what’s wrong? I’m not that bad am I?”
I loved him for the fact he was trying to cheer me up and I allowed myself a weak smile.
“No it’s not you. It’s my...my...It’s my dad. He was out in the woods when the fire started. The fire fighters found a body in the woods and we haven’t heard from him so you know...” I tailed off, refusing to admit to myself he really was gone, even though it was the only option that sounded plausible.
“Oh Rea I’m so sorry. I should have got there earlier.”
I smiled weakly to hide my confusion at his last comment. What difference would it make whether he got there earlier or not?
“No one could have done anything. Mum tried reaching him on his mobile but couldn’t get through. I didn’t even see him this morning.” I hung my head again, wishing I could see him once more. Kai pulled me back against his chest, his presence and body heat giving me a slight comfort that I could cling to while I cried.
I felt his hand move up to my head as he held me tighter, stroking my head in a calming gesture, soothing me. As my breathing returned to normal I pulled away to get a better look at him.
“Um why have you got black marks all over your face?” I hadn’t noticed as I was more interested in other parts of his body before my meltdown but I looked closer at him now. He had black smudges all over his face and what appeared to be mud or dust covering his shirt.
Self consciously he raised his hand to rub his cheek, trying to brush away the dirt. He looked slightly guilty and nervous as he did so.
“I was in the forest, near the fire.” He was holding his hand behind his neck as he spoke, not meeting my eyes. His gesture reminded me of what Ian did when he was nervous and I couldn’t help associate it with secrets.
“Do I want to know why you were there?” I asked incredulously, trying to figure out why he would go there when he knew I wasn’t there.
“Probably not but it’s linked to the stuff I promised to tell you so I’m guessing you’ll figure it out. Do you want to hear my explanations now? I understand if you don’t want to. I can wait around as long as you need if you’re not ready but I can’t talk here, there are too many people around.”
He had dropped his hand from his neck and had grabbed both of mine so he was holding them while looking at me. I really wanted to hear what he had to say but the slightest question of whether I could handle much more played on my mind, as what he had told me already was pretty strange.
“Yeah okay, if it gets too much though I’ll tell you.” He nodded and pressed off the car I was still stunned about him owning.
“How come you’ve got this car?”
He smiled over his shoulder as he turned to open the passenger door, gesturing for me to get in.
Too many people? Everyone is in their houses. I know I’ve known him for sixth months but getting in a car with him and going god knows where is taking things a step too far. Even if he has just driven all the way from Maveria I still have my doubts.
“It’ll all become clear when I explain, just be patient. I can’t talk here though, there are too many people.” He waved his arm at the passenger seat again, trying to get me in the car.
I really wanted to trust him enough to go with him and even if it wasn’t to hear what he said, I loved the car and have always wanted one. A thought which also nearly persuaded me to go.
“I can’t,” I found myself saying instead. “I promised my aunt I’d be back before my mum woke up, she’s not doing so great and if I’m not there she will go even more crazy. Can you meet me tomorrow in the day after I finish with college?” I took his hand again, needing reassurance.
“Yeah okay. I’ll pick you up there. It will save me a longer trip. Are you going to tell your mum about us finally?”
Under all the horrible circumstances he still managed to make me smile slightly.
“I don’t know. Maybe, it depends on how bad she is tomorrow.” I started to pull away as my eyes caught the time on his dashboard.
“Okay, I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze as I left and got in his car.
Well that wasn’t as awkward as I expected it to be. He’s so much better when not just on webcam.
Kai had managed to lift my mood slightly and even though I hadn’t found out what I wanted to know, it was great to have finally met him.
The happiness I felt was not to last though. As I walked into the ominously silent house my aunt walked out of her room. Wearing her dressing gown, it was obvious I had woken her up, so I whispered an apology and returned
to my room, the thought of seeing Kai again only making a slight impression on me. Most of my thoughts were directed to my dad and as I remembered all of the time we had spent together I slowly drifted off into a light, restless sleep.
CHAPTER NINE
My eyes were puffy and swollen when I woke up and I must have looked a mess but I refused to look in a mirror to see the damage caused by my crying. I knew Mum and Aunt Jen would try to talk me out of going to college but I had already made up my mind. I was going to go, not only to see Kai but because I didn’t want to act like anything was wrong. I still hadn’t fully accepted that it was my dad they found and until then I was clinging onto that fact like a lifeline even if everything pointed to that conclusion.
“Are you sure you want to do this Rea? You don’t have to you know, your mind needs time to come to terms with what has happened,” my aunt said as we sat around the kitchen table. She had made pancakes for breakfast but I couldn’t summon the appetite to eat so was just sipping a cup of coffee. Mum still had yet to appear in the kitchen but I was running late so as much as I wanted to stay and wait around to see her I couldn’t.
“I have to go or I’m going to be late. Thanks for the breakfast,” I said as I grabbed a jacket from the coat rack and picked up my bag from beside the table before she could make me feel worse.
“Can you tell mum that I’m staying with Chloe tonight and maybe tomorrow? She already knows but I guess she’s probably forgotten with all of this.” Running a brush over my shiny, brunette hair as I spoke I tried to untangle the last few knots.
“Do you think that’s a good idea, all things considering Rea?” She looked at me worriedly.
“I’ve had it planned for weeks, Chlo will know some thing’s wrong if I don’t go. Plus she needs my help with some photography stuff.” Okay so I was getting carried away with the lie, but it was partially true, Chloe did want my help, it was just next week. I grabbed my camera off the counter just to be sure as she nodded.
“I’ll phone mum later ’kay, just to check in,” I said as I left, feeling guilty about leaving and lying. I just didn’t want to face up to the loss yet and being around them would only enforce the message.
* * * *
College seemed to go on forever. All my friends had the initial reaction of asking me why I looked so terrible and if I was okay but I managed to convince them that I was just coming down with something. I planned to tell Chloe later so she could pass it on but I wasn’t ready to deal with everyone’s sympathy yet.
I spent every lesson thinking about my dad. My mind was slowly realising that it must have been him as he would have called or come home by now if he was still alive. A few times I got called upon by a teacher who was trying to get me to answer a question but I didn’t hear a word they said. The whole class’ attention focused on me caused my eyes to tear up a few times and in one lesson I had to run out, just making it to the toilets before I broke down.
That’s where Chloe found me at lunch. She had heard from a girl in my class about what had happened and came looking for me as soon as her class had finished.
She rushed to my side when she saw me huddled in the corner, head on my knees. “Rea what happened? Did Ian try something again?” she said as she knelt in front of me, her hand lightly trying to push my chin up so she could see me better. For once I wished I was having something as simple as guy problems.
“No I don’t see him until last lesson. This is so much worse but if I tell you, please can you not tell the others until the end of the day?”
She nodded in agreement so I continued.
“Okay, it’s my dad. There was a fire in the wood behind my house last night. I don’t know if was on the news or anything but Mum and me are now staying at my aunt’s. Dad never came home that morning though... He went out for a walk in the woods and the later that day someone...someone from the emergency services phoned saying they... had found a body and it was fitting his description.” Tears were flowing freely down my face as I finally got the words out.
“Oh my god Rea. I’m so sorry.” Her arms flew around my shoulders, embracing me tightly. “Do you really believe that it’s him?”
We were so alike, I could hear in her voice that she still believed there was a slight chance.
“I didn’t at first, but Chlo it’s been a day now, he only said he was going out for a few hours and he’s not answering his phone or anything. He should have found us by now, so I’m not holding out much hope anymore, no matter how much I want to believe it wasn’t him.”
She wrapped her arms around me as she moved to sit beside me. “I’m so sorry Rea,” she whispered as she held me and I cried on her shoulder.
A few people came into the toilets while we were there, but after taking one look at us they quickly left. We sat in silence until my tears finally dried.
“Do you want to eat something? I can go get you something if you don’t want to see anyone,” she asked eventually.
“No I’m not hungry, but thanks,” I said as I leaned my head back against the cool tiled wall, closing my eyes as I did.
“Chlo do you mind covering for me this weekend?” I knew it was an abrupt change of topic but I was all cried out and needed a distraction.
“Sure, but what are you doing and how long are you meant to be with me?”
“Um just until the end of the weekend, I’ll text you if it’s earlier,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t notice I had failed to answer her first question but of course she did.
“OK but what are you doing? And the fact you ignored that part makes me think it’s something I won’t like.” She folded her arms over her chest in a stubborn gesture but her eyes were full of worry.
“Yeah you’re right, but please don’t freak out. I was online with Kai when I saw the fire and when he heard about it he logged off instantly, saying he was coming here.”
She was just staring at me in surprise.
“I met him last night as I needed to get out of the house and we are meeting up again today so he can tell me everything.”
Chloe’s face changed into a stern line. “Um OK, but shouldn’t you be, like mourning your dad’s death or something, not meeting up with your boyfriend? I mean what about your mum?”
I frowned at her comments, she had just seen me balling my eyes out, how could she say I wasn’t mourning?
“I need a distraction Chlo, the more I think about it the more I end up like this and even though grieving is a natural process I don’t want to be like this everyday. He’s picking me up here at the end of the day, so you can interrogate him then if you want.”
She smiled a little at the thought of that but thankfully said nothing more on the subject.
“Lunch is almost over, we should probably get to class, I can’t afford another late.”
She held out her hand to pull me up.
“I’d splash some cold water on your face too, your eyes are still pretty red.”
Nodding, she left as I turned to look in the mirror for the first time today.
My eyes were red, swollen and had dark circles beneath them. I had a cut on my lip from where I had been chewing it absent mindedly and my hair was far away from its usual sleek, silky look. What I was wearing didn’t help either but I had gone for comfort today rather than looks; my oversized hoodie offering support when I snuggled into it. I decided I wasn’t going to be able to do anything to improve my looks and headed to history regrettably.
Ian was already sat down, as was most the class when I arrived. A few murmurs and curious glances looked my way as I walked to my seat but I ignored them, still deep in my own thoughts.
“I heard what happened last period, are you OK?” He looked so sincere as he spoke while I was sitting down next to him.
“Just a rough night.” I said nonchalantly, trying to brush off his questions and prying eyes but he knew me too well.
“I know you’re lying Rea. C’mon, you can tell me. Is it that ass Kai?”
I smi
led slightly, despite my best efforts to hide it. As soon as I realised I would have to tell him though my smile dropped instantly. The thought of having to reiterate everything was creating a lump in my throat that I couldn’t shift.
“No, as much as I wish it was guy problems it’s not. It’s my dad; he um... he died.” I whispered so quietly I’m not sure he heard. I was shocked by how bluntly the words had come out and as they did they rang with finality. It was the first time I had actually said the words out loud and for once I believed them, some gut feeling was telling me it was true.
I heard Ian gasp loudly besides me, interrupting my thoughts and then felt his strong arm as it wound around my shoulders; giving them a squeeze. He didn’t say anything for awhile, obviously in shock but soon his eyes found mine again.
“How?” Was the only word he said.
“Forest fire near the house. That’s all I want to say though OK? Because I seriously can’t handle much more right now and I don’t want to have to run out of another class because I’m about to cry.”
He gave my shoulder another squeeze as I found my head leaning into the familiar shape of his body.
“Miss Jackson, would you care to answer me?”
I snapped up at the sound of Mr Bait’s voice. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment as I peeled myself out of Ian’s arms.
“Sorry Mr Baits, I didn’t hear you,” I said guiltily.
“I can see that Serena. How about you Ian? You got the answer to my question?”
I hated Mr Baits for what he was doing. I felt like telling him why I hadn’t been listening and making him feel as embarrassed as I did, but that would have meant confessing my dad’s death to the whole class so I kept my mouth shut.
“Sorry Sir, I can’t help you,” Ian said with one of his cocky, laid back smiles that always seemed to get him off the hook.
Mr Baits muttered something under his breath before moving on to someone who was listening, giving Ian the chance to turn back to me. “I’m sorry Rea, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I’m here for you if you want okay?”