Maria dropped the girls at her mum’s and knocked next door. A distraught Maureen told her the full story in five minutes flat.
‘What am I gonna do, Maria? Please talk to James for me. If he doesn’t forgive me, I’ll never be able to rest in peace.’
Maria was shocked by the whole thing. Maureen dying, Kenny being James’s dad; it was like a bad dream.
‘Don’t worry,’ she assured Maureen. ‘I’ll ring Freddie; he’ll find him and talk to him for you. James is obviously just in shock, Maur. Once he gets his head together, he’ll be fine, you’ll see. If Freddie has no joy, I’ll talk some sense into him meself.’
As her daughter-in-law was about to leave, Maureen called her back. ‘Just to let you know, Tommy’s gone away for good, as I promised. You’ll never see or hear from him again, Maria.’
Maria hugged her. ‘Thanks, Maur, thanks for everything.’
Freddie found James standing alone at the bar in the Horn of Plenty. ‘Maria rang me; I know what’s happened,’ he said as he stood opposite him.
James shook his head. ‘I can’t believe it, it’s as if my whole life has been one fucked-up lie. I don’t even know who I am any more. How can me mum not have told me before, Fred?’
Freddie shrugged. ‘It can’t have been easy for her, James. She probably hated carrying around a secret like that. Maybe she was afraid of ripping the family apart or something.’
James took a gulp of his lager and slammed the bottle on the bar. ‘Uncle Kenny, of all people. I mean, I like the geezer, but fuck me, what am I meant to do now? Go fishing with the cunt?’
Freddie smiled. Difficult situation or not, at least James had retained his sense of humour. ‘I don’t know how it’s gonna pan out with Kenny, but one thing I do know is you have to forgive your mum. She’s dying, James, and if you don’t sort things out with her, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.’
Aware of the tears in his eyes, James looked away. ‘Get us another beer, Fred. Maybe I’ll go and see her in the week, when I’ve calmed down a bit.’
Freddie got the beers in. ‘Drink that and go and see her now. She’s ill, you ain’t got time to waste. Your mum’s the bollocks, James. She’s been more of an influence in my life than me own mum. Please sort things out with her today, she’ll be worried sick about yer if yer don’t.’
James nodded. ‘All right, I’ll drink this and go straight round there.’
Physically and emotionally drained, Maureen flopped onto the sofa. It was getting dark now and all of a sudden she felt very tired. She hadn’t eaten properly for days and all the upset had finally taken its toll on her.
When the doorbell rang, hope helped her find the strength to leap up. Maybe James had come back to sort things out. As she opened the door, she was surprised to see Kenny. She hadn’t rung him back like he’d told her to.
‘All right, Maur. These are for you,’ he said, handing her the biggest bouquet of flowers she’d ever seen.
She thanked him, poured them a drink and sat down opposite him.
Kenny smiled. ‘I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to get angry; I was in a state of shock, I think.’
Maureen shook her head. ‘You’ve no need to be sorry, it’s me that should be apologising. I should never have kept it a secret for all these years.’
He forced a smile. ‘I told Wendy – she went ballistic. She’s leaving me, in fact, she’s packing her bags as we speak.’
Maureen felt terrible. ‘I’m so sorry, Ken.’
Kenny sipped his drink. ‘Don’t be, we haven’t got along for years and I’m sure I’ll be much happier without her.’
Maureen smiled. ‘You were always chalk and cheese, yous two.’
Kenny stood up; he needed a refill. ‘Did you speak to James?’
Maureen nodded. ‘He took it about as well as you – ran out the door, he did. Like father, like son, eh?’
Kenny sat back down opposite her. ‘Things could have been so different if you’d have told me, Maur. I’ve always loved you, you know.’
As Maureen felt her cheeks redden, she was saved from answering by the bell. Feeling like a teenager in the first throes of love, she ran to answer the door, her earlier tiredness forgotten.
‘James!’ she exclaimed.
‘I’ve had a chat with Freddie and I’m sorry for running off like that. Yer know I love yer and I wouldn’t hurt yer for the world, Mum.’
Maureen hugged him. ‘Kenny’s in the kitchen. I’m gonna pop over the road to see your nan while yous two have a little chat.’
James looked at her in horror. ‘Don’t leave me. I dunno what to say to him,’ he whispered.
She pushed him towards the kitchen. ‘You’ll be fine. I won’t be long.’
Leaving them to it was the best way, the only way.
As James looked at Kenny he felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights. ‘How yer doin’?’ he asked awkwardly.
Kenny handed him a beer. ‘I’ve had better days. How about you?’
James smiled at the joke, and decided to play it the same way himself. ‘What happens now, then? Do you take me football, fishing or what?’
Kenny laughed. ‘If you like. I’m just glad you’re too old for me to have to wipe your arse.’
With the ice well and truly thawed, the conversation evolved.
‘Are you gonna tell Wendy?’ James asked.
Kenny raised his eyebrows. ‘I’ve already had the pleasure of that. Flew at me like a tomcat, she did, and what she didn’t call me. Still, I suppose she had every right. To be honest, James, we haven’t been happy for years, and her leaving me is a godsend.’
‘Can I ask yer something personal, Kenny?’
‘Course you can.’
‘Did yer love my mum?’
Kenny nodded. ‘I’ve always loved her, James. She’s such a beautiful, strong woman. If she hadn’t have been with me brother, I’d have whisked her off her feet. When she met our Tommy, I was only a boy, so she wouldn’t have looked at me twice.’
Relieved that he’d been created out of love, rather than some sordid fling, James was about to ask some more, but was stopped from doing so by his mum and nan returning.
‘Let’s go for a beer, eh? And we can have a proper chat,’ he whispered to Kenny.
‘Everything all right?’ Maureen asked dubiously.
James hugged her. ‘Everything’s fine, Mum.’
Kenny smiled at her. ‘If it’s OK with you, I’m gonna take James out for a pint. We won’t be long. We’ll grab a takeaway while we’re out, and we can all have a bite to eat and a chat together later.’
‘Don’t get any of that foreign shit, will yer?’ Ethel shouted.
Maureen smiled as she ushered them towards the door. ‘Get her fish or chicken and chips or something, and I’ll just have a little bit of whatever you’re having.’
As she watched them walk away, Maureen felt so unbelievably proud. Her James and Kenny going out for their first ever pint as father and son. With the weight lifted off her shoulders, she did her best to tidy up the kitchen, and poured Ethel a Guinness. As she took it into the lounge, she had to smile. Ethel was fast asleep, and snoring like a miner.
Relieved to be able to sit in silence and mull over the day’s events, Maureen crept back into the kitchen and made herself a brew. The day she’d dreaded so much had been sad, but yet so happy. Everyone knew that she was dying now, even Johnny, who had been told by his father. She’d prearranged that by insisting that Royston take him home and explain things gently.
‘If I’m not gonna be around for him, he needs to be included and welcomed into your family,’ she told him.
Johnny had rung her earlier, crying his eyes out. ‘I love you so much, Nan. I wanted to drive straight home, but Dad said not to. He said you needed time on your own, as you had stuff to sort out. I’ll come back now, shall I?’
Maureen had been firm with him; it was the only way that she could cope.
‘Now listen
to me, Johnny, I want yer to stop all them tears and look forward to your future. You’ve got James, Ethel, your dad, your sisters. You’ll be fine: they’ll look after yer and I will always be watching down on yer. Promise me that you’ll be strong, ’cause if yer get all upset, then Nanny will too.’
She was glad that Royston had done the honours. Having brought Johnny up, she couldn’t face telling him herself. He was still so young, bless him. Alfie, she wasn’t so close to, but she still loved him. She’d rung Lucy earlier to explain the situation and Lucy had kindly offered to tell him for her.
‘Have you heard from Tommy?’ Lucy asked her.
‘Not a word,’ Maureen replied. She could tell how worried Lucy was, but she could hardly tell her the truth. Telling her son’s former partner that she’d organised a heavy mob to forcefully remove him from the area wasn’t the way she wanted to be remembered.
Thinking of Kenny, she felt her usual butterflies. He’d told her that he’d always loved her and that alone had made her so very happy. He’d make a wonderful dad for James and between them they’d take care of Ethel and Johnny, she was sure of that.
Dying didn’t seem quite so awful now. Her body was tired, worn out and felt almost ready to go, but she needed to hang on to see James’s new baby. One glance would tell her who the father was, and with that thought, she said her prayers.
‘Please God, to rest in peace I need to live long enough to see my unborn grandchild. Please God, make him belong to James, and if by any chance he belongs to Tommy, please take care of my sweet baby James for me.’
Maureen went to the kitchen cupboard and took out her memoirs. She picked up a box of matches and went into the garden. She’d remembered all she had to remember, said everything that needed to be said.
As the flames took hold, Maureen smiled. Her whole life in writing, going up in smoke.
How very apt was that?
EPILOGUE
That dreaded time has come now, and I’m desperate to hang on just a little bit longer. One minute I’m conscious, the next minute I’m not, but I know where I am, I’m aware.
Everybody’s here, the room is full. James, Kenny, Ethel, Johnny, Freddie, even Brenda and Sandra were here earlier.
There have been plenty of tears, but they try to hide them. I told them I didn’t want tears on my deathbed and I bloody well meant it.
I wake up once more. Maria had her baby this morning, a little boy, and I’m desperate to see the child, I need to know.
‘Go and find out where she is,’ I urge James. My voice sounds awful. It has that rattle that sounds like a chest infection, but really means death.
As James leaves the room, I look at Kenny. He smiles at me with that beautiful smile of his.
Ethel squeezes my lifeless hand. ‘I love you, Mum,’ I whisper.
As she starts to cry, I shut my eyes. I need to hold on – I have to.
I wake up once more and look at Freddie. No words are needed, he knows what the look means and so do I. Nobody else apart from Freddie knows about the phonecall, you see.
Tommy heard that I was dying and rang me up. ‘I’m sorry, Mum, and I love you,’ he said.
We had a little chat. ‘Promise me you’ll never come home,’ I asked him.
He paused. ‘I can’t promise you that, Mum. It all depends if that baby belongs to me.’
Fearfully, I dropped the phone with shock. That was the last I heard from him; he never had the guts to call back.
As my breathing becomes more laboured, I start to worry. Please hurry, James, I say to myself.
Finally, I’m aware of the door bursting open. As James pushes Maria towards me in the wheelchair, I try to sit up. But I can’t, I’m too ill, it’s impossible.
James lifts the baby up so I can see him, maybe give him a little kiss.
‘Mum. Meet Jack, your grandson.’
One look at the child tells me all I need to know. He has Tommy’s eyes, his mouth, his nose. I gasp. How can I rest in peace now?
Tears in my eyes, I whisper my final words, ‘God bless my sweet baby James.’
Table of Contents
Cover
Table of Contents
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgements
The Betrayer
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Epilogue
The Betrayer Page 37