by Lauren Dane
“There’s not a damned thing wrong with me!”
“Dad, you run off in your pajamas with no shoes on. You start fights with the neighbors. Heck, with your friends. People you’ve known for decades. You forget what you’re saying halfway through a sentence. You say things…hateful, ugly things that I know you don’t mean. You threatened to burn the house down with Mom inside. You’re not that man. Sometimes your chemistry gets mixed up. It’s like dirty gasoline. It messes up everything, building up until things break down little by little. It’s not your fault. But you don’t have to keep suffering. There are things to help.”
“You don’t know anything about me. You left.”
Joe nodded. “I did. I know I was a crappy son. I know I kept you awake with worry lots of nights. I’m not that person anymore. I’m here to help. I made some calls. I know you don’t want to go to Atlanta. But there are some other places we can start that are closer to home. All we need to get started is you saying yes.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“Of course you’re not crazy. No one is saying that.”
“Then what are you saying?”
Joe sucked in a breath and hoped like hell he was going to do this right. “I’m saying that your behavior isn’t normal. Not for you. This stuff you’re doing, it’s getting worse. Your brain chemistry might be off. They have medication that can help. I’m saying I’d like you to make an appointment to see someone about it. Just a first step and we can go from there. You’re not crazy. There is help. If you’ll just take it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’ll think about it.” His dad got up and left the room.
Beside Joe, his mother let out a sigh. “You handled that well. Thank you. He doesn’t mean all that, you know. You weren’t a crappy son.”
“Yeah? If I wasn’t, why’d it take you so long to call to ask me for help?”
“Oh, honey. You have made something for yourself. You made us proud when you went into the army. Worried, of course, especially when you were in Iraq so long. But then you came back and you got a job and you built a life for yourself. I didn’t want to mess that up. You and your sister deserve lives away from here.”
He put an arm around her shoulders. “Petal’s not so bad. The garage is doing well. I just hired another mechanic and a part-timer.” And Beth, things were going well with her too. “My best friends live here. You and Dad are here. We’ll get through this. I’ve got to go make a run to the dump. You gonna be all right?”
She nodded. “He’ll hole up in the shed a few hours. When he erupts, he usually will be okay for a day or two until the next time.”
“I’ll be back later today to check in.”
He backed his truck up and filled it with the bags of garbage that had spilled into the driveway next door. Mr. Pierson watched him carefully for a while, but once he was assured Joe was dealing with it like he’d promised, he’d gone away.
The incidents were getting closer together.
There was no way around that. His father’s mental state was eroding. His anger was worse, and Joe was concerned that his father would end up hurting someone.
Where his dad had always had anger in him, he hadn’t been quick with his fists. That had been Joe’s thing. He’d gotten what he’d later thought of as rage hangovers. All that physical anger had washed through him until he couldn’t see straight or think right. The army had given him the discipline to divert that, to channel his energy so that he could deal with his shit without his fists. The last thing he wanted was for his father to wake up, fully cognizant of the mess he’d made, the things he’d done that were not something he could take back.
The years of drinking might have taken a toll on him. Certainly it had masked some of the symptoms as he self-medicated.
The woman at the mental-health-services line had given Joe a great list of resources. He’d read a lot on the internet as well. There were many things this could be. But none of it was anything they could treat unless and until he got in to see someone capable of diagnosing whatever it was.
So that was step one.
He was a better man than the shit-headed kid who’d signed up for the military because he’d been drunk and jingoistic. He’d learned a lot. Become a man. And he needed to show his father that he was someone worth leaning on.
Beth had her hands in the dirt. Digging and planting. Around her the kids played. Some of them helped. The little ones wandered off with the flowers and would bring them back occasionally.
It was a good day there in Tate’s front yard.
Tate sat nearby in a chair Matt had brought out for her. He’d even glowered at his wife until she’d sighed and sat. Then he’d put up an umbrella to shield her from the sun, and people had come by continually to freshen her lemonade or tea.
This pregnancy had been harder on her than the other two. The early months, she’d been fine with occasional evening nausea. But after she’d moved into the second trimester, she’d been so sick in the early parts of the day she’d actually lost weight.
The baby was fine. Growing well. So that was good. Tate was at the stage where she cried a lot, which was normal too. But Beth hated to see her sister in any sort of discomfort.
They all did.
Family had simply gathered around her in a protective knot. Of course that had driven Tate, who was used to being the one in charge, insane. Which was just too bad because people loved her too damned much to let her be any more uncomfortable than she had to be.
But it was nice having Tate all to herself for a bit. It’d been a while since they’d been able to really visit.
Tate must have felt the same. “So what’s going on with you lately? I feel like between the salon and me not being there every day and the pregnancy and your new man, that we don’t touch base enough. I’ve neglected you and I’m sorry.”
Beth rolled her eyes at her sister. “We talk every day. You’re busy. That’s how it works when you have two kids under five and another on the way. I’m busy because we’re taking up the slack. That’s also how it works. When I get married and have babies, you’ll do the same for me.”
Elizabeth or “Lil Beth” toddled over, handing her mother a clump of dirt, and then plopped down in Beth’s lap.
“Hi.”
Beth smiled, kissing the top of her head, in between two little pigtails of pale blonde hair just like her momma’s. “Hi there, lumpkin. You brought some dirt to momma?”
Lil Beth nodded with a grin.
“Did you by any chance eat some of that dirt too?”
She shook her head, but Matt loped over. “Mmm hmmm. What did daddy say about eating dirt?”
“No!” But that she said it as she kicked her feet and leaned back into Beth while laughing sort of spoiled the admonishment.
Tate grinned, shaking her head.
Beth stood, holding Lil Beth on her hip. “How about we go inside and wash faces and brush teeth?”
“I can do that.” Matt held his hands out but Lil Beth held on to her aunt tighter.
“We’ve got this one.” Beth smiled and gave a quick head jerk toward Tate who was looking green around the edges.
He held a hand out to his wife and looked at her with so much adoration that Beth squeezed the baby to her a little tighter as she took her inside. “All right you, come inside. Everything is done anyway. Jacob just ran to grab pizza, but there’s some rice left over if you’d rather have something plain. Maybe with some fruit? You need to eat, Venus.”
“Your daddy sure does love your momma. Which is good, because you have the best momma in the whole wide world. You know, I think maybe a bath might be good too. What do you think, stinkbug?”
Lil Beth, who was pretty much the happiest baby Beth had ever seen, just giggled and nodded.
Once inside, half the family set about getting food ready so she moved toward the girls’ bedroom at the back of the house and the bathroom to get some babies clean.
Beth set the baby down w
hile she got the water temp just right and began to fill the tub. Lil Beth started stripping down, making Beth laugh.
“Need some help there, stinkbug?”
She sat, her arms halfway out of her little shirt. “Yes!”
Beth helped her, tossing the dirty clothes in the nearby hamper.
“Meg, my darlin, you coming?” she called out, knowing how much these girls loved the bathtub.
“Here, Aunt Beth!” Meg bounded into the room naked as a jaybird.
“Want bubbles?”
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Can you help sissy choose a nightgown?”
Meg nodded and ran into the other room to help her sister find a nightgown to change into.
Nathan cruised past. “Everything okay? Can I help?”
“I’m just going to get the girls cleaned up and dressed for bed. Be sure Tate is sitting.”
“Matt’s on that.”
Meg streaked in, putting two nightgowns on the counter.
Nathan snorted. “Girl, you have no clothes on!” He covered his eyes with a hand and Meg thought that was hilarious. He was quick enough to grab a diaperless Lil Beth as she attempted to toddle past. He deposited her in the bathtub and Meg followed.
“I’m going to leave you to it. Mind your aunt, girls.”
By the time she’d finished, Beth had to change her shirt because she’d gotten soaked from two giggling girls. But there was something so sweet about freshly bathed babies in princess nightgowns she didn’t mind one bit.
Moments like this one, days like that day were Beth’s life now. So wonderful. Filled with so many people she loved.
They’d never had that growing up. Never had adults fighting over who got to take them for an overnight or who brought them bubbles to blow just because. Certainly never had pretty pink princess nightgowns.
That generation of Murphy kids had a damned good life. William’s kids, Tim’s kids, Tate’s kids—all loved, all being raised with a firm, guiding hand. They didn’t have to be what they came from. Just thinking about it that way loosened the knot of anxiety that lived in her belly that she had the seeds to be her mother inside her. Or worse, their father.
Her siblings had divested her of that fear on a rational level. She could see them as husbands and wives, as parents, and know they were so much more than those hellish years in that trailer could have made them.
“You all right?” Tate asked as Beth settled in with a big slice of pizza. The girls were at the table eating pizza and laughing like crazy with their dad and Uncle Nathan.
“This gonna bug you?” Beth indicated the pizza. It smelled heavenly to her, but she wasn’t pregnant.
“Nah, I’m all right. Matt went and got me some of that ginger-brew stuff. The real goods. I had one and I feel much better. Though I’m going to start burping like a sailor because of the carbonation. Thanks for getting the girls cleaned up.”
“No problem. You know I love to help, and they’re so freaking adorable it’s not a chore at all.”
“I’m biased, but honestly, two more adorable baby girls I have yet to see. Now, you’re going to tell me why you had that look on your face.”
“Nothing bad. I was just thinking about how these kids teach me that we’re more than what we came from. You’re an amazing mother. I mean, I know that because you’re basically my mother. But when Matt approaches, they don’t run away. They don’t flinch. They turn to him, little faces turned up to him expectantly. They run to him when he comes in from work. They make noise and caper around, and they aren’t afraid. They have things simply because those things make them happy. Not in an overabundance, you and Matt are smart about not spoiling them too much. You, William and Tim have created a new generation of Murphys who seem to have escaped any marks from what we were. It’s a good thing.”
Tate sat there, tears running down her face. “Everyone’s gonna ignore me because of course I cry at cotton commercials now. But what you just said? It’s the nicest, most wonderful thing. Thank you. I love you so much, Beth. I’m so glad you’re in my life. So glad you’re in my daughters’ lives too. How are things with Joe?”
Beth shrugged. “Good. I don’t see him a lot. Like once a week or so. Maybe twice. We text and email. He’s got something going on at home. I wager it’s about his father. I’ve heard stuff around town. But he hasn’t shared much.”
Beth got it. More than she wanted to really. She understood being closed up about stuff that happened at home. Understood shame. “I get it. I do. He’s not ready to share.”
“But you want him to. William told me there was trouble at home too, but he wasn’t saying much. I don’t think Joe has told him anything either.”
“It’s not like boys really do that sort of sharing anyway. I do hope, for his sake, that he’s got someone to talk to though. It’s hard to manage stuff alone.”
“There’s gossip. About Carl I mean. He’s been starting fights. Unusual.”
“I heard. I’m wary about bringing it up so I haven’t.”
“I think you’re probably right. Let me ask you this though. Is he worth it? I mean, sure he’s hesitant to share, but that’s what people who’re in a relationship do. They share their troubles and their triumphs too.”
“We’re dating. That’s all for now. He’s busy. I’m busy. We see each other when we get the chance. As long as he’s not seeing anyone else when he’s got the chance, we’re all right. I like him. A lot. He’s strong. He’s got a good heart. Love that dog of his. Man who’d treat a dog like that is a good man.”
Tate nodded. “I tend to agree. I just want you to be happy. I want him to be worthy of you.”
She grinned at her sister, putting her head on Tate’s shoulder a moment. “Me too. I want him to share. I want to earn his trust. For now, where we are is all right. I’m taking it one day at a time.”
“That’s fair.” Tate tipped her chin toward where Matt sat with his daughters. “I just want you to have that too.”
“Oh so do I. I wondered if I’d ever be ready for such a thing, and more and more lately I’m totally sure I am. I want a passel of babies and a husband. I want to plant flowers out in front of my house and I want my babies’ daddy to tease them about eating dirt.”
“You’ll have it. I know you will. Matt changed everything. I had no idea really. I never expected that sort of fidelity and constancy. It’s the most wonderful thing in the world to share this with him. I can’t wait for you to have that as well.”
“He’s only been back a few months. Things are going slow and that’s okay. For now.”
He missed her.
Joe glanced at the salon as he closed up the garage and headed home. It had been nearly a week since he’d seen her last. They’d spoken here and there, but he wanted to touch her. To hear her voice as she was right next to him instead of over a phone.
He’d convinced his father to go see someone. They’d had an appointment just two days before and were waiting to hear back. It gave him some measure of comfort, though waiting was tough now, with the promise of some relief just over the next rise. Maybe.
He paused in his driveway. Pulling his phone out to text her.
You around?
He waited a few moments until she replied.
I am. How are you?
There’s a distinct Beth-shaped spot in my life and it’s empty. Wanna fill it?
A pause.
Is this a booty call, Mr. Harris?
He snorted a laugh and Buck barked.
I was thinking about a slice of pie at the Sands first.
Pie? Why didn’t you say so? I’ll be waiting for you to pick me up.
Your wish is my command.
He got Buck out of the car and into the house. He needed to brush his teeth and his hair too.
His phone pinged one last time. A picture she’d taken of herself with one brow raised. The accompanying text said, Oh yeah? After pie. My commands will be a lot nicer then.
She was waiting for
him, her hair up in a high ponytail, face with only a trace of makeup. As they were moving toward fall, it was still warm in the evenings, but not stiflingly hot any longer. Gone were most of the shorts and tank tops women had worn so often. She wore a skirt though. He loved her legs, so he wasn’t complaining.
“Hello there, Mizz Murphy.”
She looked him up from his toes to his face. A smile on her lips. “My goodness you’re even better than pie.”
That deserved a kiss.
But when he pulled her close and brought his mouth to hers, it wasn’t a quick hello. He was drawn in to that sweetness of her lips. The lushness of her mouth. Her taste.
He’d been inside her. More than once. Had kissed all the best parts of her. And he still yearned for more.
He finally pulled away, nearly going back again when she licked her lips as if to get one last taste.
“Come on then. Before I forget about pie and ravish you right here on the doorstep.”
“Like that’s incentive to leave?”
He tugged her toward his truck. “I need to eat. The calories will help me do what I have planned for you.”
She laughed and let him help her up into the truck.
It wasn’t all that far to the Sands, and it was already eight so a parking space on Main was suitably quick to find as well. They grabbed a booth and sat.
“I want a cup of decaf and some peach cobbler, please.”
Joe ordered some chicken, potatoes, greens, a slice of pie and a salad.
“What have you been up to this week?”
“The shop has been crazy busy. Which is good.” And true because they weren’t sure just how much of his father’s treatment would be covered by the insurance he had, and Joe didn’t want his dad to hesitate because he was worried about cost.
“My car is running a lot smoother since you did whatever you did to it.”
He loved to watch her eat. Beth Murphy didn’t hide how much she enjoyed whatever it was she was doing. She ate her cobbler, loving each and every bite she took.