Keep it Secret

by Olivia Snow

  “Really?” Gabriel sounded disappointed. “Can I…um at least—” He sheepishly looked up at me like he was embarrassed to ask Vanessa his next question

  “I gotta go anyway” I interrupted, I knew what was coming and I didn’t want to witness it, I nodded signaling Vanessa to slide out the booth to let me out. She looked confused but still moved out of the way.

  “Wait. Where are you going? Mother is picking us up.”

  “It’s okay. I’m just going to the track to run a couple of laps before I hit the gym. Besides, he’s trying to ask you for your number.” I might have said that a little bitchy. “I’ll just, see you later.” I said kissing the top of her head “thanks, for the invite lover boy.” I said to Gabriel, winking I turned away from them walking out as fast as I could without making it too obvious. My trip from the pizza parlor to the school was pretty short. Inside the girls locker room I changed into some black yoga pants and work out tank top, pulling my hair into a high ponytail I tightened my florescent yellow sneakers, strapped my iPhone to my armband, inserting the ear buds into my ears, I walked out towards the track thrilled to see it was empty.

  While I stretched on the grass next to the track, a male figure jogged up the bleachers and sat down. I couldn’t make out who he was. Strange, I thought, was he going to watch me run? Creeper. After loosening up my muscles, I was ready to run. Like fish in water, my legs naturally ran against the turf. I loved to run, really, anything that involved the outdoors; camping, hiking, rock climbing, basically anything physical. But running, running was liberating. Running was flying. Running detoxed the alcohol out of my body, if only for the briefest of moments. Listening to Zombie by The Cranberries, I begin to feel the somber numbness creep up. This time I didn’t push it away or lock it back into its mental box. Once in a while, I allowed myself to get sucked into the darkness as a form of punishment, punishing myself for the choices I’ve made. The pain was like a cancer once I let it live it spread throughout my entire body. The sturdy track suddenly disappeared. All of a sudden I was running through mud, thick heavy mud that pulled at my ankles dragging me down. I gasped for air as my throat closed or so it felt like it was, my vision blurred as sobs escape from my throat. I panicked frantically I looked around for a place to hide. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me like this. The bleachers weren’t far from where I was standing. That was a good enough place to hide.

  Running against the mud gasping for air I found my way to the bleachers, once I wasn’t visible I ripped off my armband and ear buds throwing them on the ground before sinking down to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest I cried. It’s true what they say the pain of losing a loved one never lessens; you just learn to deal with the gaping hole in your heart. Unfortunately for me, I haven’t learned how to live with it. Digging my nails into my arms, I hugged my knees trying to feel something, anything that didn’t involve alcohol, sex or the emotional pain of losing him. But it didn’t work. It never worked. I wasn’t aware that I was rocking back and forth until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I froze.

  “Ava, what’s wrong? What happened?” Gabriel asked his voice was disturbed and frightened. I shook my head not saying anything. He sat down next to me pulling me to his lap.

  “No,” my whisper was hoarse and small, I placed a hand on his chest trying to push myself off of him but he only tightened his hold.

  “Ssh, Ava, let me hold you.” His voice was determined but gentle. I didn’t have the energy to argue so I said nothing. After some time, I’m not really sure how long. Rose started calling my phone. I ignored her calls, until Vanessa’s name showed up. I quickly answered stumbling to my feet Gabriel held my hand for support. Balance that is.

  “Hello?”

  “Ava! Where are you? Are you all right?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine Van. Did Rose ask you to call me?” She hesitated before she answering. “Um, yeah?”

  “Let me talk to her.” I heard the phone graze Vanessa’s face as she handed over the phone.

  “Ava, honey where are you? Are—.” Before she could finish I cut her off.

  “Listen, Rose, just because our living situation has changed our relationship hasn’t. So please drop this caring mother act, we both know it doesn’t suit you. I will be home whenever I God damn feel like it!” I hung up on her gripping the phone until my knuckles turned white. Gabriel squeezed my hand reminding me I wasn’t alone. I was so angry I had completely forgot he was here.

  “Are you all right?” His eyes were full with confusion. I chuckled at the question because I was far from being all right.

  “Sure.” I snapped.

  “Annnd she’s back.” He replied letting go of my hand. He was frustrated and disappointed by my answer.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I frowned throwing my hands in there air. “You expect me to open myself up to you? Confess all my deep dark secrets is that it? You wouldn’t know what to do with the shit I’ve been through. Your biggest problem is what college you’re attending next year or what colored polo shirt you should wear this weekend. I don’t need you to save me rich boy. ” I was being a total bitch. Truly, I didn’t care. He’d seen too much already, Gabriel needed to get far away from me.

  His chest rose in anger. “You know what Ava? Fuck. You!” Gabriel turned around leaving me in the dark. Watching him walk away was painful, but I knew it was for the best. The best thing for Gabriel—for Vanessa—was he staying away from me.

  Chapter Twelve

  Vanessa

  I lay in bed reading over the syllabus for English class when I heard the shower turn on it was well past ten. Thank God, Ava was home. After the phone call between her and Aunt Rose, I was worried she wouldn’t return out of spite. Although staying out and worrying your mother was not nice, I envied that she was able to do so. Some day’s I’d daydream about how my college experience would be; not having to ask permission to go anywhere, choosing my own friends and not ones that would help my mother climb her social ladder, drink coffee whenever I wanted. All would be made without having to worry about what mother would say or do. My thoughts vanish as mother threw my door open. She always came into my room without knocking, like she wanted to catch me doing something mischievous or inappropriate.

  “Vanessa, Aunt Rose and I need to fly out to Florida for a week. Your Great Aunt Helen is in the hospital.” She informed me while walking to my bed. Mother has always been the type to get right to the point. She doesn't waste any time.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “She’s getting older. Things like this happen. We’re leaving tomorrow morning your father will be staying here with you girls. I expect you to be on your best behavior. Do not pull anything remotely close to what Ava did tonight. Do you understand?” She threatened.

  “Yes, of course, Mother, send Aunt Helen my love.” Mother smiled giving me a kiss on my head before walking away. I couldn’t help but be excited that Mother was leaving. It was horrible, but the truth. On the nightstand my phone lit up, alerting me of a text message.

  Hey Vanessa its Gabriel.

  Oh my God! I quickly saved his number in my contact list. After Ava left the pizza parlor Gabriel did ask for my number. I was already too excited and dumbfounded to ask for his in return.

  Me: Hey

  Gabriel: Im sorry is it too late to call?

  Call? He wanted to call me? Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod! My stomach had magically transformed into a pretzel.

  Me: I dont think so but like I said my mom is strict. Lets keep it to texting for tonight.

  Gabriel: Thats ok I understand. How is ur night so far.

  Me: Semi eventful. Mom is going out of town for a week.

  Gabriel: Really!?!?! Can I take advantage and take you out on a proper date?

  “Eep!” I squealed out loud. It’s embarrassing. I know.

  Me: I would hve to ask my dad but he wont have a problem with it

  Gabriel: Great! Sat. a 7?

  Me: k

  Gabr
iel: I’ll c u at school tomorrow, good nite beautiful.

  Me: Night

  Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I was going to vomit. My first date EVER was with Gabriel Mason. I jumped up running through the bathroom to Ava’s room but not without crashing into the infamous dresser knocking down my headless ballerina, again. Damn it! I completely forgot to glue her head back on. One crisis at a time, Vanessa. Opening the door, I surprised her as she suddenly turned around to face me. Ava gave me a smile as she pointed to the phone she was talking into. I mouthed I was sorry, she shook her head like to say it wasn’t a big deal

  “All right, Chris. I’ll see you Friday night.” She laughed seductively like this Chris had said something inappropriate or possibly something very appropriate depending on who you were asking.

  “Make it worth my time or I’ll have to find another gentleman who can.” She smiled although it seemed empty and played out. Adding to the list of personalities was Seductive Ava. This was a side I hadn't seen yet.

  “See ya.” As soon as she hung up her vacant smile disappeared flipping that switch again.

  “What’s up, Van?” She asked heading towards her nightstand grabbing a bottle of lotion she lathered some on her hands. The scent of wild flowers enclosed the room while she continued to rub the lotion on her skin. It rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again! Ha! I crack myself up.

  “Oh, um Gabriel, he asked my out on a date this Saturday.” I replied shyly biting the inside of my mouth.

  “Nice, Van! That’s awesome where are you guys going?” She sounded genuinely excited for me.

  “He didn’t say. It’s only Monday we still have time to figure out all the details, right?”

  “Absolutely, are you excited?”

  “Oh my God, Ava, you have no idea but I’m so nervous.”

  “Luckily, Cynthia won't be here to stop you.” I had already forgotten about Aunt Helen. Oh no, how could I? I’m an awful-awful person. Aunt Helen was lying on her deathbed while I was here speaking about a boy. Who gets excited about a date when their great aunt is dying? A woman I’ve only met twice in my entire life and have no form of relationship with, nonetheless.

  Ava saw the emotions play out on my face. “Van, don’t worry about it Aunt Helen is sick. She’s been sick for a while.” She said trying to reassure me.

  “Yeah,” was the only thing I said, Ava walked over and hugged me. Instantly, I felt better.

  “It’s late. Let's go to bed. You want to sleep in my bed tonight?” She asked stepping away from our hold.

  “Yeah, I’d like that.” See what I mean, she always had my back.

  Tuesday morning Mother and Aunt Rose were gone as expected. Both Ava and I left her bed to get ready for the day. Coming down the stairs to have breakfast, Ava was standing at the kitchen counter holding up a note. She was wearing black leather leggings, black booties, loose low cut black tee, and her black leather jacket. Today her hair was pulled up into a high ponytail. If anyone could pull off an all black ensemble it was she. Oddly enough, that was all she seemed to wear. Black.

  “Billy, doesn’t believe in text messages? He took off early leaving us the keys to your moms Mercedes…oh, sorry he left me the keys to the Mercedes. Sorry to disappoint you, we won’t be driving my baby to school.”

  “Awe, really? Why not?” I’m sincerely disappointed I’ve wanted to drive in her truck since she arrived.

  “The Headmistress hasn’t approved it to be parked at the school. I doubt she ever will, can you imagine anything but a Mercedes being seen in the student parking lot?” She gasped dramatically, placing her hand on her chest in mock disgust. I giggled.

  “When do you get your uniform?” I asked sipping my coffee. It felt good to break one of Mother’s rules even if it was just this little one.

  “It comes in today. I’ll have to pick it up from the front office at the end of the day.”

  “That’s good.” I continued to drink my coffee feeling the glorious caffeine buzz. Yeah! Today will be an awesome day! I love, love, love Tuesdays! Tuesday is the best day! That should be a song; Tuesday is the best da—

  “Ready to go?” Ava interrupted my mental song on Tuesday she spoke while looking into her bag before looking up at me. My toothy smile was plastered on my face, like a buzzed idiot.

  “Avanti.” I said motioning forward.

  “Is that all you know?” She snorted.

  “No, I still remember the bad words you taught me.” I smiled even wider.

  “All things truly wicked start from innocence.” Ava replied looking ahead into nothing, almost in a daze the words seemed to take her somewhere else.

  “Ooh, you saw that episode too?” I’m surprised to hear Ava watched Pretty Little Liars. Ava snapped out of her daze, jerking her head to look at me in a surprised look.

  “What? No. Seriously, Cynthia should fire that tutor of yours. How much does she pay him anyway— its Hemingway, Ernest Hemingway?” She said after seeing my confused face.

  Whoops.

  “Oh, right, I knew that.” Sweet Jesus, and I’m a runner-up for Valedictorian.

  “Come on let’s go educate you. And no more caffeine for you, you're all fidgety and shit.” She said pulling on my backpack.

  “Boo, you whore.” I replied. Ava laughed, she actually laughed.

  “You can quote Mean Girls but not Hemingway?” She said I shrugged because she was right. It’s a sad, sad world when the next Valedictorian from one of the most prestigious schools in Colorado can quote a teen comedy but not one of the father’s of American classic literature

  Entering the schools large corridor I spotted Gabriel right away.

  “I’ll meet you at lunch.” Ava said as Gabriel neared us. “Keep your head up, legs closed, eyes opened.” She said quickly, looking at Gabriel and then back at me.

  “Um, who said that?” I wondered what literary genius came up with that one.

  “Tupac.” She proclaimed straight faced. I waited looking at her in disbelief. Her composure cracked as the corners of her lips tugged into a grin. She did that on purpose; fooling me into thinking I should know that quote.

  “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I asked jokingly annoyed. Ava chuckled giving me a quick kiss on my forehead.

  “See ya later, sweets.” She said with a smile.

  “Ciao.” I waved good-bye. I saw her smile once again before she turned her back completely.

  “Hey.” Gabriel said. “What did I miss?”

  “Good morning” I replied. “Nothing, just Ava schooling me in the art of quoting.”

  “Who is she quoting?”

  “Oh, you know the greats; Tupac, Hemingway.”

  Gabriel laughed. “In that order?”

  “Depends on who you ask.” I said glancing up at his tranquil ocean blue eyes. Just with one look and I was made into mush. The hottest guy in school had chosen to spend time with me. Despite the fact that his attention did wonders to my self-esteem it also crushed it. Why had he chosen me?

  “Can I walk you to class?” He asked interrupting my thoughts. My mouth settled to the side in a nervous gesture, I somewhat nodded, finding the words to speak.

  “How gentlemanly of you.” I pointed out as he was taking my books.

  “Only when it comes to you.” Gabriel smiled wide as we walked.

  Sigh.

  Nearing the open doors to the cafeteria, Gabriel and Talon were waiting for me right outside just like he said he would. My brain turned to scrambled eggs by just looking at him, God forbid he’d expect a coherent conversation this very moment. The monstrous butterflies didn't help either, would this feeling ever waver or would I forever feel like regurgitating in his presence?

  That’s a visual; “Hey Gabriel, how’s it goin—” BLAH! Tossed cookies all over his shoes.

  How attractive.

  I swallowed slowly pushing that feeling down. I noticed him noticing me ogling at him.

  Oh, jeez.

  Adding insult
to injury my traitorous body decided at this very moment to turn my face into a lovely shade of beet red

  “Hello, Vanessa.” Talon said first with a teasing smile.

  “Back off.” Gabriel replied. I giggled shyly, my mouth shifted to the left as my nervous butterflies died down.

  “Have you guys seen Ava?” I was trying to change the conversation into something I was more comfortable with.

  “We didn’t see her go in, I haven’t seen her since fourth period.” Gabriel replied.

  “Maybe she’s already inside.” Talon said.

  Inside the cafeteria, I saw Ava sitting on a tabletop surrounded by four boys. Even from the back of their heads I knew exactly who they were. The tallest was Josh McDaniel, Eagle Academy’s talented Quarterback, Michael Weaver a swimmer, Dexter Holloway a wrestler and Johnny Gonzales a running back. When we reached her, the boys said their goodbyes making flirty comments as they took off. The foursome nodded “what’s up” to Talon and Gabriel, one even fist-bumped Talon.

  “Getting acquainted with the male population I see.” Talon said jealousy creeping in.

  “I tend to make better friends when penises are involved.” She casually said getting off the table standing in between Talon and I. Talon’s eyes widen with shock salivating at the mouth.

  “If that’s the case, my penis would love to become your best friend.” Talon leaned into Ava’s ear. My eyes enlarge looking between the two of them. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  Ava chuckled like it was nothing. “Sorry, doll, I don’t fuck high school boys.” She said dragging her index finger across Talon’s chest as she began to walk away.

  “Where are you going?” I asked struggling to wrap my head around what just took place in front of me.